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Receiving homophobic text messages - what to do?

  • 31-03-2020 11:27pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I've received some text messages containing homophobic abuse (calling me a f****t, etc). I know who is sending them, although they're using a new number. I had received similar messages from this person in the past, although nothing for almost two years until this evening.

    I rang what I thought was my local Garda station for advice and they told me to call into a different station and make a statement. However when I arrived at the station, they told me that I have to text the person to tell them to stop and that they can't do anything about it unless I receive "20 or 30 messages". I was also told that as the previous messages were sent over 6 months ago, that they wouldn't count.

    I did text the number back and said that the texts were unwanted and that I would make a complaint to the Gardai if they continued. I got a message back saying "they have no time for a f****t like you".

    I understand that the Gardai have other priorities at the moment, but it felt that they were fobbing me off. I know I can block the number, but this is the third number that this person has used to contact me (I blocked the previous two), and I want this to stop for good.

    Has anyone been in a similar situation and has any advice?


Comments

  • #2
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    They should have offered you the chance to make a statement, especially as you seem to know who it is. Are the messages threatening or just nasty?


  • #3
    antix80
    Registered Users Posts: 2,419 ✭✭✭antix80


    Your phone should have a feature to block the number for calls and texts. Block it on WhatsApp too. And block the person you suspect's other numbers/profiles too.
    If in 6 months they get a new number repeat the process.


  • #4
    December2012
    Registered Users Posts: 4,695 ✭✭✭December2012


    Ive no advice for you but I just wanted to sympathise because that sounds horrible. I hope you get something sorted.


  • #5
    Peregrinus
    Registered Users Posts: 26,021 ✭✭✭✭Peregrinus


    If you want this to stop for good, you're going to have to compile evidence that the guards will act on.

    It may be a pain, and a very distressing pain, but there is a bright side: if you do what they suggest, and compile a log of twenty or thirty of these messages over a sustained period, they will have the makings of a very strong case against the offender.

    So, if you want to go down this road, do not block. Log all the messages. Reply to at least some of them asking the offender to stop. Let your replies show that you are disturbed by these messages, and that they cause you alarm and distress. (A prosecution won't succeed unless the message do disturb you, cause you alarm, distress or harm, etc, and unless the offender must have realised this. So it's no harm to have evidence confirming that they did have that effect, and that he knew they did, and still kept texting you.)

    Keep it low-key. You do not want to be seen to goad the offender into texting more, and you do not want to respond in kind. So stick to asking him to stop, and telling him that his texts are upsetting and distressing.

    Taking this route does require resolve and emotional strength, and a determination to expose yourself to this disturbing, upsetting and offensive behaviour and not to respond in a way that might reduce the chances of a succesful prosecution (e.g. if you are seen to be simply trading insults). I wouldn't suggest it, except that you say that you want this to stop permanently, and I think this is the way to do it. It is much easier simply to block this creep, and forget about him; you have to decide for yourself which course is better for your own health and happiness.


  • #6
    The chan chan man
    Registered Users Posts: 824 ✭✭✭The chan chan man


    With their new number they probably think they’re totally unidentifiable. Respond using their name and see if that puts a stop to it - “I’ve already asked you to stop (insert name). I have passed your details onto the gardai over this homophobic abuse. Now fcuk off!” Then block the person.

    Sorry you’re experiencing this. What a bellend whoever they are! Why do they care so much about your life?!


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  • #7
    worded
    Registered Users Posts: 4,532 ✭✭✭worded


    If the person has half a brain it will be a phone and sim bought for cash and untraceable

    Block sender on what’s Ap (person will know messages not being read) and block on phone move on.


  • #8
    Panthro
    Registered Users Posts: 14,683 ✭✭✭✭Panthro


    Probably the completely wrong advice but I'd screenshot the message and number and post on Facebook or whatever "anyone know who's number this is? It's April and I've found a fool"

    But the correct way of doing things is keep a log and report.


  • #9
    Stormington
    Registered Users Posts: 521 ✭✭✭Stormington


    You have some solid advice here, OP re collecting info.

    Hopefully it stops, and try not to let it get to you (easier said than done).


  • #10
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Thanks all for the advice.

    I won't be blocking the messages, but going down the evidence collecting route as suggested. I'll keep you posted.


  • #11
    Rick_
    Registered Users Posts: 2,606 ✭✭✭Rick_


    Of course, the option also available is to change your number instead. Only give it to friends and family that you know and trust, and then if you start getting the messages again you know someone that you know and think you can trust is actually assisting this person.


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  • #12
    AllForIt
    Registered Users Posts: 8,265 ✭✭✭AllForIt


    worded wrote: »
    If the person has half a brain it will be a phone and sim bought for cash and untraceable

    Block sender on what’s Ap (person will know messages not being read) and block on phone move on.

    The OP knows the culprit. If this is true using an unregistered phone/sim won't make a jot of difference when the guards knock on his door and finds it on his possession, unless he's hid it well.
    Panthro wrote: »
    Probably the completely wrong advice but I'd screenshot the message and number and post on Facebook or whatever "anyone know who's number this is? It's April and I've found a fool"

    But the correct way of doing things is keep a log and report.

    That is the last thing you'd want to do if the OP want's him apprehend. The OP must not give the culprit any indication, like on social media, or in his correspondence with him, that he's planning on gathering evidence.
    anon_xyz wrote: »
    Thanks all for the advice.

    I won't be blocking the messages, but going down the evidence collecting route as suggested. I'll keep you posted.

    Just make sure you don't loose the messages that might take some time to compile. I'd use a backup text message app and take screenshots either by snapshot of screen or take pic on other device.
    PFMC84 wrote: »
    Of course, the option also available is to change your number instead. Only give it to friends and family that you know and trust, and then if you start getting the messages again you know someone that you know and think you can trust is actually assisting this person.

    But you'd get the same effect if you just blocked the number or completely ignored them. So I think that suggestion is too inconvenient.


    OP, I'd follow Peregrinus' advice to the letter if you wan't to have him brought to justice. He knows what he's talking about in respect of how this works legally. You've had valuable advice there.


  • #13
    Lmklad
    Registered Users Posts: 433 ✭✭Lmklad


    As has been said the more texts you have the better. You were sort of being fobbed off but there was also some truth. The 6 months limit doesn’t apply but you do need to have told the texter to stop. Make that message clear “I don’t want you contacting me in anyway whatsoever. Your messages are interfering with my privacy, peace of mind and causing me distress. I will be reporting any further contact to Gardai”

    While harassment can be caused recklessly it is a better prosecution if it can be proven to be intentional.

    When / if you do decide to make a complaint ask to be put in contact with the Garda Diversity Officer for that area. That Garda should be specifically trained and while they may not ultimately investigate the incident they will take the statement and forward for investigation.


  • #14
    J_E
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,734 ✭✭✭J_E


    Keep a network of support. Nothing is more constricting than facing something like this without people you can ask for help, support, reassurance. This may be family, it may be friends, it may be an online group. Nothing is more important than keeping your integrity and self-love intact through something like this.

    Is this individual personally known to people in your social circle? Can they be held accountable by others? I really don't know enough about your situation to know.


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