Why the Serious Fuss Over Weddings?

14-11-2019 12:26pm

LirW wrote: »

It's often also the immediate family that has ridiculous expectations and while some are fine with it other go along with it to not start an inter-family war. Families can be super opinionated and make your life miserable if they're full of themselves.

That and the constant bombarding that as a good bride you need X and Y and this is a new trend and hey it does look super nice, so why not have it?

what an excuse for a 30k party.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts · 14-11-2019 12:27pm

Trekker09 wrote: »

Why soft in the head? I didn't have any option! We're lucky enough to be able to afford it but I know some of the couples that went had to take out loans!

Yes you did. Staying over more than a night at a wedding anywhere on this small island is always a choice. And staying at an expensive venue is a choice too in most areas of the country. I’ve not attended the second day event at any wedding bar one, including my own sister’s. The one I did attend was because the wedding was in the UK in a city we wanted a few days in so we were there for the weekend anyway. If more people said no to the second day nonsense, they wouldn’t have taken off like they have.

Thelonious Monk · 14-11-2019 12:28pm

I've two at Xmas, ffs, and I haven't been to one in about 6 years. I believe people give 100e or so to the couple. Why do people think anyone gives a f*ck they're getting married? Just go to a registry office and have a meal with family and stfu.

LirW · 14-11-2019 12:35pm

[Deleted User] wrote: »

what an excuse for a 30k party.

If that's what people want and can afford, up to them really.
And if the family comprises of very interrupting busybodies and you're conditioned to obey, believe me, you'd gladly spend double that to shut everyone up. Family dynamics are difficult and individual.

That said, you'll always have eejits losing the run of themselves making unwise financial decisions because it'll look nice on the photos. But there's a good chance they'd make some pretty questionable decisions in general.

Salvation Tambourine · 14-11-2019 12:35pm

Thelonious Monk wrote: »

Why do people think anyone gives a f*ck they're getting married?

I tend to care if my friends or family are getting married. It's a big life event.

Are people in this thread trying to out-miserable each other?

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts · 14-11-2019 12:36pm

Stevieluvsye wrote: »

I never said that Tammy

My point would be either the bride or groom would be aware if a specific person/couple gave no gift at all

I only noted what everyone gave so that I could personalise the Thank You cards. Every gift, big and small, was much appreciated.

bigdaddymac · 14-11-2019 12:37pm

I have worked in a line a business directed at the wedding industry for sometime now. Most weddings are the same some bigger than others usually from rural Ireland have more guests as in 250 plus etc. most people just want a good time and what is the problem with that ? None really.

My issue with weddings is the whole “documentary” thing we have seen in recent years don’t tell the bride and a week to my wedding etc.

I knew a couple on one of those shows who broadcasted to the world how amazing they were had all these themes and flashmobs at their wedding real in your face tactless crap. Always stated to myself they just in it for the wedding nothing after. Fast forward a few years the groom openly cheated on the bride bottom line some just want the show others have the day to celebrate with family and friends two people making a commitment to each other (as it should be)

LirW · 14-11-2019 12:41pm

Nokotan wrote: »

I tend to care if my friends or family are getting married. It's a big life event.

Are people in this thread trying to out-miserable each other?

I think the bother is more that people often get the feeling they're invited because this is what you do and not because you're very close.
And then if people go there for the couple they get absolutely no interaction with them and are seated on a table, sometimes with strangers that they don't click with (happened to me once, it wasn't fun). You're expected to drink and look at the couple on the top table, they're often shielded away like some extraterrestrial entity.
To all weddings I went in Ireland I never got more than 3 minutes interaction with the couple because they're occupied with their bridal party, immediate family and the whole run of the day.
Many would prefer if they can actually celebrate this big life event with the couple, chattering away, drinking eating and laughing together.

If you invite guests you sort them out with all comforts but one: the actual genuine celebration of something so big by genuinely interacting with the people you really want to have there.
Maybe I see it that way because back home wedding parties are between 30 and 40 people in size and it is close, intimate and genuine in the sense that they aren't just a number.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts · 14-11-2019 12:43pm

salmocab wrote: »

One of my mates got married abroad years ago, as it happened he was one of the first weddings so very few had children at that stage so loads of us made it our summer holiday and it worked out great, for the stag he wanted a big trip abroad and the best man just shot it down straight away and said your not inviting people to a wedding away and also getting the lads to pay for another trip. People get caught up and probably need a reality check sometimes.

That’s what should have happened in the case of my husband’s friend. But the groomsmen encouraged it! A real “What’s the problem?” attitude, putting people in the awkward position of having to disclose that they can’t afford both if they only attend one or the other.

My friend wanted a five day hen holiday. It was my first wedding and I was fresh out of college. I was pretty blunt and said “That’s great but I’m afraid I won’t be there”. She changed to a more modest one. I was very green though and the maid-of-honour told me that the three bridesmaids (I was one) had to cover the bride’s whole hen trip which I now know not to be true. Two nights at a fairly swanky Galway hotel. I believe being a bridesmaid at that wedding set me back €1,000. Straight out of college. In a recession.

Hector Savage · 14-11-2019 12:48pm

These over the top weddings are for narcissistic arseholes.
In my single days I'd have steered well clear of women that wanted this princess day bull****.

My wife and myself had a small wedding at a city hall, followed by meal with close family only!
Was great, everything cost us less then €600.

Our savings went toward a really nice apartment we live in now.

Thelonious Monk · 14-11-2019 12:49pm

Hector Savage wrote: »

These over the top weddings are for narcissistic arseholes.
In my single days I'd have steered well clear of women that wanted this princess day bull****.

My wife and myself had a small wedding at a city hall, followed by meal with close family only!
Was great, everything cost us less then €600.

Our savings went toward a really nice apartment we live in now.

That's the way to do it instead of interfering in other people's lives and bank balances! Fair play.

Stevieluvsye · 14-11-2019 12:52pm

Hector Savage wrote: »

These over the top weddings are for narcissistic arseholes.
In my single days I'd have steered well clear of women that wanted this princess day bull****.

My wife and myself had a small wedding at a city hall, followed by meal with close family only!
Was great, everything cost us less then €600.

Our savings went toward a really nice apartment we live in now.

We purposely had ours abroad with immediate family as to not inconvenience potentially 140 people to spend cash they may not have had but felt obliged to attend

We only had 20

Salvation Tambourine · 14-11-2019 12:56pm

LirW wrote: »

I think the bother is more that people often get the feeling they're invited because this is what you do and not because you're very close.
And then if people go there for the couple they get absolutely no interaction with them and are seated on a table, sometimes with strangers that they don't click with (happened to me once, it wasn't fun). You're expected to drink and look at the couple on the top table, they're often shielded away like some extraterrestrial entity.
To all weddings I went in Ireland I never got more than 3 minutes interaction with the couple because they're occupied with their bridal party, immediate family and the whole run of the day.
Many would prefer if they can actually celebrate their big life event, chattering away, drinking eating and laughing together.

I do understand that once invited there is an apparent obligation to go but if you don't want to go because of money etc. then people should just be able to say that to the bride and/or groom.

There are some people that you know are possible no's and usually take that into consideration when doing up the invites. I got married this year and there were people I knew just weren't arsed to go so they didn't which I was fine with. You don't miss those people at your wedding.

I used to be against the second day of a wedding but I've been to a few now and they are brilliant when it's either close family or friends. That's when you tend to get more time with the bridge and groom really. More relaxed atmosphere compared to the craziness of a wedding.

ixoy · 14-11-2019 1:11pm

We got married earlier this year and kept it simple. 80 people invited and kept it in Dublin to allow a good chunk of the people to go to their own home rather than pay for a hotel. Weekend wedding meant time off work wasn't largely required.
Low fuss meant that it was more like a party than some big over the top event and people appreciated that. More relaxing for us too.

El_Duderino 09 · 14-11-2019 1:17pm

Feisar wrote: »

It does add up though:

Hotel Food
Rings
Wedding Dress
Brides Maids
Brides Maids Shoes
Groom
Grooms Men
Car
Photographer
Camera Man
Hair & Makeup
Church
Pre Wedding Crap
Priest
Alter Person
Flowers
Band
Invites
Stag
Hen
DJ
Rooms for wedding party
Honeymoon
Wedding Cake
Music in Church
Registration
Night Before Meal
BBQ After

True but most on that list is optional.

We spent £200 on clothes between us. Hers was an alteration to her Mam's dress from 35 years ago. Went to a local woman who cut a lovely modern style. No bride's maids it groom's men. No church, priest or any of that. No band - made a playlist ourselves. Herself bought flowers down the market the day before for total €80. Photographer buy no recording. Got a woman to do their hair on the morning for normal price (no extravagant up-styles because we're not travellers). No wedding cake. It all happened in the hotel so no car. Invites by Facebook. No DJ. No BBQ. Couldn't afford a honeymoon so did t have one. Back to work after the weekend.

It was a legal procedure and a party for our close family and friends. People are perfectly entitle to have any wedding they want. But when we thought about what we actually wanted it didn't include any of the nonsence that goes with weddings.

One thing that really makes me wonder is; why do people who never wear a suit, get an extravagant 3 piece suit for their wedding? Some people look, uncomfortable and have the tie undone like a naughty school child. Why not just wear something they actually want to wear and doesn't cost a load of money? I've reworn my wedding trousers and jacket loads of times. The trousers did fine for work.

Hardtochoose · 14-11-2019 1:18pm

Boards.ie must have the most miserable people in Ireland. It would depress you reading threads like this.

Bigbagofcans · 14-11-2019 1:19pm

More people seem to be having weddings on weekdays to keep costs down.
But they don't think of the guests who have to take annual leave from work to attend wedding.

Having said that I do love a good wedding, just when I have a maximum of 2 to go to in a year.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts · 14-11-2019 1:21pm

Bigbagofcans wrote: »

More people seem to be having weddings on weekdays to keep costs down.

But they don't think of the guests who have to take annual leave from work to attend wedding.

Having said that I do love a good wedding, just when I have a maximum two to go to a year.

I thought it was more because civil ceremonies are becoming more and more popular and can only happen on weekdays. Unless that has changed. But it used to be the case.

I like one or two weddings a year too.

PhilOssophy · 14-11-2019 1:25pm

I don't mind weddings, but the ones who think "Oh I'm having the wedding abroad, in spite of us both being from Offaly or wherever", can f off with themselves.

If I want to go overseas at the height of summer, I'm going on my terms, not because you want to shoehorn 150-200 people into this ar5e end of nowhere venue just so you can indulge yourselves and your stupid notions.

I don't mind a wedding abroad if one/both are from wherever and gladly go in that scenario, but I really detest people who expect you to pony up for 2 flights, accommodation, wedding present, etc.

AND I have to be honest, I have been to several such weddings and they are all memorable for being utterly crap weddings. Partly because of the cost, partly because of the location, and I heard plenty of people with the same view.

Make things easy for your guests, keep it simple and they'll thank you much more.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts · 14-11-2019 1:28pm

PhilOssophy wrote: »

I don't mind weddings, but the ones who think "Oh I'm having the wedding abroad, in spite of us both being from Offaly or wherever", can f off with themselves.

If I want to go overseas at the height of summer, I'm going on my terms, not because you want to shoehorn 150-200 people into this ar5e end of nowhere venue just so you can indulge yourselves and your stupid notions.

I don't mind a wedding abroad if one/both are from wherever and gladly go in that scenario, but I really detest people who expect you to pony up for 2 flights, accommodation, wedding present, etc.

AND I have to be honest, I have been to several such weddings and they are all memorable for being utterly crap weddings. Partly because of the cost, partly because of the location, and I heard plenty of people with the same view.

Make things easy for your guests, keep it simple and they'll thank you much more.

People do destination weddings because they are cheaper for the couple. But in reality it just transfers the costs onto the guest. Foreign weddings are always more expensive, no matter what anyone says.

LirW · 14-11-2019 1:33pm

Nokotan wrote: »

I used to be against the second day of a wedding but I've been to a few now and they are brilliant when it's either close family or friends. That's when you tend to get more time with the bridge and groom really. More relaxed atmosphere compared to the craziness of a wedding.

Just bears the question: why not doing it more relaxed in the first place? If people want a big fussy wedding that's fine, completely up to them.
Why inviting 250 people when you already know the 70 that most likely won't come anyway. To keep the peace? If they aren't missed, would they have been particularly welcome and integral to the guest list?
Exactly this creates the resentment people silently breed over weddings. They're big, stressful, often impersonal and if you aren't super close to the couple it can quickly feel like a summons because you're certainly not getting the intimate celebration out of it that you were supposedly invited for. And often the second day has limited numbers and is only for certain people, so chances are if you aren't really close you might not be invited.

I decided for myself to not attend weddings anymore of people I don't have a close relationship to, since, as you said, I won't be missed if I don't come (what a.... Nice thing to say about someone you invited to the most important day if your life, it's you who send the invites). If there is a close relationship I'm more than happy to go because I know there's an element of genuineness and I am indeed wanted there for who I am.

While the wedding is primarily about bride and groom, if they decide to invite guests why not pick them on the base on how much you really want to share the day with them? Personally, if I wouldn't miss them on the day if they declined, is a pretty good reason to axe them from the list since we aren't that close anyway.

I see sheep · 14-11-2019 1:36pm

Thelonious Monk wrote: »

I've two at Xmas, ffs, and I haven't been to one in about 6 years. I believe people give 100e or so to the couple. Why do people think anyone gives a f*ck they're getting married? Just go to a registry office and have a meal with family and stfu.

Just don't go! Why would you go if you didn't want to??

Each to their own, you could make the case for 99% things being a waste of money - cars/clothes/eating out/drinking/travelling/hobbies.

If the couple want to spend a lot I've no problem.

If you can't afford to go don't go.

I'd a fairly small wedding around Xmas, It was great but if anybody couldn't make it then grand, wouldn't bother me a bit.

topper75 · 14-11-2019 1:41pm

whisky_galore wrote: »

Lads want it too me bollox. All the lads have to do is show up, in a clean suit, mostly under duress.

Every wedding fair going is bride centric. A wedding is a woman's way of telling the world she's somehow made it.

How about we stamp out the sexism whereby we have a second special day focusing on the lad?
He can line out centre-forward for the county team in Croker and the opposition go handy on him, and his lady can cheer on as a WAG in the stand along with 200 others forking out €50 for tickets. Pics go in the album interspersed with the Disney princess ones.

Thelonious Monk · 14-11-2019 1:43pm

I see sheep wrote: »

Just don't go! Why would you go if you didn't want to??

Each to their own, you could make the case for 99% things being a waste of money - cars/clothes/eating out/drinking/travelling/hobbies.

If the couple want to spend a lot I've no problem.

If you can't afford to go don't go.

I'd a fairly small wedding around Xmas, It was great but if anybody couldn't make it then grand, wouldn't bother me a bit.

I'll go and I'll enjoy it but I still would like to complain about them.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts · 14-11-2019 1:43pm

I see sheep wrote: »

Just don't go! Why would you go if you didn't want to??

Each to their own, you could make the case for 99% things being a waste of money - cars/clothes/eating out/drinking/travelling/hobbies.

If the couple want to spend a lot I've no problem.

If you can't afford to go don't go.

I'd a fairly small wedding around Xmas, It was great but if anybody couldn't make it then grand, wouldn't bother me a bit.

I bet there were some guests that you would have been upset if they didn’t attend.

Thelonious Monk · 14-11-2019 1:45pm

They should also give out free cocaine to stop people getting messy, it's a long day of drankin

Salvation Tambourine · 14-11-2019 1:54pm

LirW wrote: »

Just bears the question: why not doing it more relaxed in the first place? If people want a big fussy wedding that's fine, completely up to them.
Why inviting 250 people when you already know the 70 that most likely won't come anyway. To keep the peace? If they aren't missed, would they have been particularly welcome and integral to the guest list?
Exactly this creates the resentment people silently breed over weddings. They're big, stressful, often impersonal and if you aren't super close to the couple it can quickly feel like a summons because you're certainly not getting the intimate celebration out of it that you were supposedly invited for. And often the second day has limited numbers and is only for certain people, so chances are if you aren't really close you might not be invited.

I decided for myself to not attend weddings anymore of people I don't have a close relationship to, since, as you said, I won't be missed if I don't come (what a.... Nice thing to say about someone you invited to the most important day if your life, it's you who send the invites). If there is a close relationship I'm more than happy to go because I know there's an element of genuineness and I am indeed wanted there for who I am.

While the wedding is primarily about bride and groom, if they decide to invite guests why not pick them on the base on how much you really want to share the day with them? Personally, if I wouldn't miss them on the day if they declined, is a pretty good reason to axe them from the list since we aren't that close anyway.

I love the mayhem of the actual wedding day so it's the best of both worlds for me.

In terms of not missing someone that you invited, there's enough going on and enough people that are there that it'd be foolish to be thinking about the person not arsed going. In my case I'm still friends with the lad, I was disappointed at the time that he declined but I got over it quickly, nothing I can do.

I see sheep · 14-11-2019 1:54pm

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts wrote: »

I bet there were some guests that you would have been upset if they didn’t attend.

Hmm maybe I suppose.

We made it fairly easy for people, it was my wife's hometown so for most of her people it was handy. We had the biggest journey, coming back from abroad.

It being Xmas there were a few of my friends home for that anyway and that's one of the reasons we chose that week.

My family/friends had to book for the night but there was no second day just a few pints with people then we headed off about lunchtime.

And only family invited to church (and even for them made it clear it was optional) so people didn't have to be getting up early.

I see sheep · 14-11-2019 1:55pm

Thelonious Monk wrote: »

I'll go and I'll enjoy it but I still would like to complain about them.

Yeah fair enough.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts · 14-11-2019 1:55pm

Thelonious Monk wrote: »

They should also give out free cocaine to stop people getting messy, it's a long day of drankin

Recreate the ‘Blinded By The Lights’ video - now, that’s a plan.

Why the Serious Fuss Over Weddings?

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