How to help somebody with depression

I don't know if I should post this in a new thread or in the Depression and Anxiety thread. Feel free to delete/move as appropriate.

About 3 years ago a family member (who lives in the UK) was diagnosed with clinical depression. He lived at home with his parents, sister and niece (but living at home was never, I'm pretty certain, a trigger/cause for his depression). A few months later, his Mum passed away suddenly, which obviously set him back. Thankfully, over time, the medication started to work, he began to return to his old way of life, and was able to return to work.

A year ago, his Dad passed away rather unexpectedly. He had progressed so far, I really hoped that this wouldn't set him back, but unfortunately it did. He was signed off work sick again and his medication was changed. A few months later, his company were looking for voluntary redundancies, which he took. At the time he applied, it seemed like he was definitely getting back on track. And although he felt a certain amount of uncertainty, it was no more than what any of us might feel with taking such a step.

Unfortunately he's had a few more set-backs since then, which, as far as I'm aware, are not really attributable to any particular event in his life. A few weeks ago, his medication was changed which seemed to be doing the trick, but in the past few days he told me that things have regressed yet again, so he needs to visit the doctor once more for another review.

Unfortunately I don't see him very often because of being in the UK, and I have responsibilities here which means I can't just go at the drop of a hat. However, I did see him at the weekend and it seems to me like he's spending alot of time in his room/on his own. I'm pretty sure infact that he could go an entire week without leaving the house. And while his personality is still the same as it always was, he's definitely going through phases of losing interest in things.

When he went through the first "episode" three years ago, we started to text each other quite alot. And we'd text each other nearly every day, or even multiple times a day. This time however, I can nearly tell when he's going through a bad phase because he doesn't even read my texts for days on end. Or if he does, I'll just get a very short response. And it wouldn't be any different if I were to ring.

He was always a regular mass goer but his local priest told me he hasn't seen him in months. He seemed pretty geared up at the weekend that we could go together Sunday, but when the time came, it didn't happen. I feel like he's spiraling further away from the person he used to be, and I don't know what to do.

He does have some aunts and uncles that visit regularly - I know for a fact that one of them just doesn't get it (he once told him "it's all in your head" :mad:). The other aunts I don't know very well, so I haven't discussed the situation with them (although I haven't ruled out getting their number and sussing things out with them).


Maybe I'm completely wrong, but I really feel like he needs somebody around regularly to give a gentle encouragement. To encourage him to get out of the house for a walk, to bring him to the Doctor when things are getting tough etc. He has always been the assertive/authoritative one in the family, so I think his sister is accustomed to that, or has just gotten used to how he's become. I know she helps out at home etc, but I don't think she encourages any of the above. If I ask her how he is, she says "he seems OK".

I'm really at a loss on what I should do here. I really really wish he were here, even for just a month. I did ask once before if he wanted to do that, but he said he didn't. And I can't say I blame him ... if I were having a bad day I'd probably want to be in my own bed too.

I feel like I need to do something to help him, but I don't know what. Do I just need to be patient with him and let him work through this in his own way, and in his own time ? Even when I do get to speak to him when he's having an "episode" (his term, not mine), he just seems like somebody who just has a bad headache. Is he just trying to hide the reality from me ?

Can anybody help me at all on what I should be doing to help him ? Apologies for such a long post. And thanks in advance.