Bridesmaid Roles

18-01-2021 8:01pm #1

A recent thread has me thinking. Myself and Fiancé have organised everything related to our wedding, so far. I enjoy planning and contacting vendors and pulling it all together. I have a good eye and am well able to pick colour schemes and do table plans etc.

My bridesmaids have nothing to do but what is there for them to do? I'm not having a hen because of Covid and 2 of them live in the UK. On the day itself I can't foresee things that they could do.

What are your thoughts? Do your bridesmaids have jobs?

woodchuck · 18-01-2021 8:26pm

I don't really expect my one bridesmaid to do much tbh! She's our official witness, so she'll sign the registry. She'll walk up the (very short) aisle just before me holding a bunch of flowers. I was happy to pay for a dress, but told her to pick whatever she wanted (not a bridesmaids dress, just a regular dress that she'd actually wear again on nights out). I didn't want her feeling uncomfortable and "looking" like a bridesmaid if you get me (it's not her style and she'd hate the attention).

Back before the pandemic, we were starting to plan a hen together. That's obviously gone out the window now, but if we do actually go ahead in May it might be nice if she could organise a virtual hen.

I'm not giving her any actual "jobs" in relation to the wedding though. When it comes to organising the wedding, I feel like that's my job (and well, technically my fiance's job too :rolleyes:)

18-01-2021 8:39pm

woodchuck wrote: »

I don't really expect my one bridesmaid to do much tbh! She's our official witness, so she'll sign the registry. She'll walk up the (very short) aisle just before me holding a bunch of flowers. I was happy to pay for a dress, but told her to pick whatever she wanted (not a bridesmaids dress, just a regular dress that she'd actually wear again on nights out). I didn't want her feeling uncomfortable and "looking" like a bridesmaid if you get me (it's not her style and she'd hate the attention).

Back before the pandemic, we were starting to plan a hen together. That's obviously gone out the window now, but if we do actually go ahead in May it might be nice if she could organise a virtual hen.

I'm not giving her any actual "jobs" in relation to the wedding though. When it comes to organising the wedding, I feel like that's my job (and well, technically my fiance's job too :rolleyes:)

A virtual hen is a nice idea. Are you tempted to just do everything? Even organising the hen? I'm conscious of coming across like Bridezilla so even though I enjoy the planning it feels easier to do it all myself.

My maid of honour will sign the registry, I hadn't even thought of that!

The auld fiances do tend to take a back seat, or so I've heard

Loveinapril · 18-01-2021 8:40pm

My bridesmaid picked up the bouquets on the day of the wedding as she was passing by the florist on the way to my house, other than that, she showed up in a lovely dress she picked. I went dress shopping with my mam because she wanted to do that as a bit of an experience. Myself
and my husband did our table plans etc. I think it would have been odd to have her around for all that so I didn't really involve her in any planning, other than when we both shopped for her bag and shoes. She was a great help at the actual wedding because I got really drunk so she took care of paying certain vendors, which I didn't realise until the next day ðŸ˜‚

18-01-2021 8:47pm

Loveinapril wrote: »

My bridesmaid picked up the bouquets on the day of the wedding as she was passing by the florist on the way to my house, other than that, she showed up in a lovely dress she picked. I went dress shopping with my mam because she wanted to do that as a bit of an experience. Myself
and my husband did our table plans etc. I think it would have been odd to have her around for all that so I didn't really involve her in any planning, other than when we both shopped for her bag and shoes. She was a great help at the actual wedding because I got really drunk so she took care of paying certain vendors, which I didn't realise until the next day &#55357;&#56834;

Your bridesmaid wasn't with you the morning of getting her hair and makeup done?

Loveinapril · 18-01-2021 8:51pm

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Your bridesmaid wasn't with you the morning of getting her hair and makeup done?

Yeah, she collected the bouquets on the way to my house to get hair and make up done!

lazygal · 18-01-2021 9:17pm

Had my sister as a bridesmaid but if I had my time over I wouldn't have bothered. We got married legally before our big wedding and had our mothers sign the register. I didn't want a hen party but if I had I'd probably have organised it myself.
I don't really get big bridal parties myself. Seems a bit pointless in terms of hassle and expense.

eviltwin · 18-01-2021 10:24pm

Like Lazygal I wouldn’t bother if I could do it over. All they did was stand there looking nice and cost me money. There was nothing for them to do and they weren’t needed besides looking nice in the pics.

witchgirl26 · 18-01-2021 10:40pm

I was bridesmaid at my sister's wedding along with our mutual friend (& they're both my bridesmaids). I did have some jobs the day of the wedding but nothing too much or too formal. As bridesmaids we were looking after my 2 nieces during the ceremony (they were quite little) & generally being on hand during the photos to help fix a veil or flowers etc when needed lol. Additionally my sister gave us each some of the payments to give the DJ, the bar staff tip etc. to save herself or her husband having to try to do it while also talking to all the guests. Oh & the most important job was to be her buddies on the dancefloor for most of the night

21-01-2021 2:39pm

I was thinking recently that I should have asked a close male friend of mine to part of the bridal party. He's brilliant and a million percent reliable.
I was also thinking, only half mind, of unasking the three of them and going without

One of them I haven't been speaking to properly in weeks.

Loveinapril · 21-01-2021 4:06pm

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I was thinking recently that I should have asked a close male friend of mine to part of the bridal party. He's brilliant and a million percent reliable.
I was also thinking, only half mind, of unasking the three of them and going without
One of them I haven't been speaking to properly in weeks.

Do it. Seriously! You only get married (for the first time!) once and if you have a gut feeling now, follow it. Often, the wants of the couple get lost in the planning of a wedding to keep the peace or not hurt the feelings of others. Follow your instinct.

22-01-2021 4:12pm

Loveinapril wrote: »

Do it. Seriously! You only get married (for the first time!) once and if you have a gut feeling now, follow it. Often, the wants of the couple get lost in the planning of a wedding to keep the peace or not hurt the feelings of others. Follow your instinct.

My gut feeling is one I won't share here but I will say that I have a slight concern about how things will go. It's a while away yet though.

lazygal · 23-01-2021 2:10pm

You'll be surprised at who you won't miss at the wedding.
I had a weird falling out with one of my closest friends at the time a few months before our wedding. I invited her and her partner to keep the peace in a larger circle of friends. I shouldn't have bothered. She turned up late, and was no addition on the day. I haven't seen her since another friend's wedding a few months later.

Bridesmaid Roles

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