What's the etiquette here??

Hotblack Desiato · 01-10-2019 5:21pm

He 'went over' what? A speed bump? I thought on this of all threads we wouldn't have to use twee euphemisms. Anyway. Your "bad boy" becomes a "she" on the next line Brendan, so a little more "polish" required... good effort nonetheless. I'd give that a solid Number 2 on the old stool chart.

Brendan Bendar · 01-10-2019 5:32pm

Hotblack Desiato wrote: »

He 'went over' what? A speed bump? I thought on this of all threads we wouldn't have to use twee euphemisms. Anyway. Your "bad boy" becomes a "she" on the next line Brendan, so a little more "polish" required... good effort nonetheless. I'd give that a solid Number 2 on the old stool chart.

Yes totally agree, not too good.

Just cobbled up on the spot, one thing though all ‘stuff’ in my book deserves the female nomenclature..

Like ‘ My cock was red raw, she didn’t calm down for a day or two’

Just me.. I know it’s not great reading...... soz.

Just sounds better, nothing sexist.

sligojoek · 01-10-2019 8:30pm

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Poor Dessie O Halloran went over today.... great guy

Had a great song with Sharon Shannon. ‘Say you love me’

Might throw a tribute here to the same tune

Just making it up as I go along... apologies.

I waaaaited all night
To have a big loose Shyte
I waaaaited all night an all the daaay

I drew down the jocks an tightened up the chocks
An bunted out that bad boy on his way

She flew out from me hoop
Like a pigeon from the coop
She spread out like a bucket full of whey
She covered all the ware, but of course I didn’t care
Me guts were fully cleared out for the day

Waiting for you, waiting for you.. say you love me say you love me..

Rip Dessie.

Top man Dessie.

I often had a pre gig glass of wine with him.

RIP.

padd b1975 · 03-10-2019 8:15pm

sligojoek wrote: »

Top man Dessie.

I often had a pre gig glass of wine with him.

RIP.

Any man that can tolerate that pain in the hole Mundy is a real man.

RIP.

NeinNeinNein · 04-10-2019 12:36pm

All quiet in here today, have you all changed your diets?

gerrybbadd · 04-10-2019 12:48pm

No.

I've been through the nine circles of hell the past few days, and it's all down to a 2 X Spicy packet of asian noodles. I've never experienced anything hotter in all my life, including Phall curry.

Liquid. My trap life has been liquid the past 3 days. We all got sent home due to "The storm" yesterday, and Zbigniew didn't make it in to clean up. I would hate to be him today, cos it's carnage in there. Even the little spider on the web seems to have moved out, i'm assuming, due to the smell

partyguinness · 04-10-2019 1:20pm

Running a marathon Sunday morning and looking forward to the thorough evacuations.

I'll be up at 4am. Have breakfast and walk around for an hour or so to let gravity caress and coax the midden into the birthing canal. I anticipate at least 3 payloads of diminishing intensity by the time I get to the start line.

I expect at least another 1 if not 2 more minor payloads (scuttering out baby eels) during the race as the body takes a ferocious pounding. Mental note of the cubicles along the route has been made.

I like to hold on for a little bit longer than necessary to enjoy the sensation of a thorough and complete cowpat. It is one of my few enjoyments in life.

The Sheriff's Badge will be red raw by the end as the combination of sweat and liquid midden will make the chaffing unbearable.

Of course I am having to eat more than usual this week to build up the reserves which I do not enjoy (the cous cous and pasty is being hit big time).

I expect to lose 3-4lbs in weight and it will be middle of next again before things have built up sufficiently to give birth again.

Admittedly there are easier way to reset the system such as going on a stout induced 3 day bender.

Bobblehats · 04-10-2019 1:29pm

gerrybbadd wrote: »

No.

I've been through the nine circles of hell the past few days, and it's all down to a 2 X Spicy packet of asian noodles. I've never experienced anything hotter in all my life, including Phall curry.

Liquid. My trap life has been liquid the past 3 days. We all got sent home due to "The storm" yesterday, and Zbigniew didn't make it in to clean up. I would hate to be him today, cos it's carnage in there. Even the little spider on the web seems to have moved out, i'm assuming, due to the smell

Not to steal emmetts bowel thunder there Gerry but a “storm” is indeed what it was. In fact my after the “railway style” curry I ate yesterday which left me gurning whilst riding it out and holding on to the “stabilising bar” I wisely installed for such circumstances my own residual habitat had looked more like a storm had ripped through it. But when all was calm and it eventually cleared I sized up the damage; set to work on clearing the drains and realised on the grander scale it really was just a storm in a teacup in comparison to what some of us have to endure. Sometimes on a daily basis

NeinNeinNein · 04-10-2019 3:07pm

That's got the show back on the road.

Ush1 · 04-10-2019 5:24pm

Incident there today.

Myself and another bloke observing etiquette by leaving the middle stall free. Just settling in, brown eye dilating nicely.

Suddenly some neanderthal bursts in and straight into the middle trap! He was in a fierce rush, I reckon the head gasket was fit to blow. Sounds of belts violently being unbuckled and then what I only describe as the sound of a long spring being twacked as he plonked himself pewterside. Went on for a good few seconds.

Now I was waiting for the bucket of eels noise to follow but..... nothing. And with that he got up and left. Not even a courtesy sweat wipe?

Now the rasper of a fart he let go may have sprayed a thin skeihn of midden and bum spatters over the back of the bowl but the whole thing left me confused and in some ways angry. Wanker whoever he was.

Pintman Paddy Losty · 04-10-2019 5:51pm

gerrybbadd wrote: »

No.

I've been through the nine circles of hell the past few days, and it's all down to a 2 X Spicy packet of asian noodles. I've never experienced anything hotter in all my life, including Phall curry.

Liquid. My trap life has been liquid the past 3 days. We all got sent home due to "The storm" yesterday, and Zbigniew didn't make it in to clean up. I would hate to be him today, cos it's carnage in there. Even the little spider on the web seems to have moved out, i'm assuming, due to the smell

Hotter than a phall Gerry! Jesus. I can imagine the tandoori borealis coming out your hole. A low orange hue of heat emanating from your arse crack!

Brendan Bendar · 04-10-2019 6:01pm

Ush1 wrote: »

Incident there today.

Myself and another bloke observing etiquette by leaving the middle stall free. Just settling in, brown eye dilating nicely.

Suddenly some neanderthal bursts in and straight into the middle trap! He was in a fierce rush, I reckon the head gasket was fit to blow. Sounds of belts violently being unbuckled and then what I only describe as the sound of a long spring being twacked as he plonked himself pewterside. Went on for a good few seconds.

Now I was waiting for the bucket of eels noise to follow but..... nothing. And with that he got up and left. Not even a courtesy sweat wipe?

Now the rasper of a fart he let go may have sprayed a thin skeihn of midden and bum spatters over the back of the bowl but the whole thing left me confused and in some ways angry. Wanker whoever he was.

You mean you didn’t check the scene after he left?

Tut tut.

Ush1 · 04-10-2019 6:10pm

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

You mean you didn’t check the scene after he left?

Tut tut.

Got the fluck out of dodge Brenner, what ever went down in that cubicle I wanted no part of.

Brendan Bendar · 04-10-2019 6:23pm

Ush1 wrote: »

Got the fluck out of dodge Brenner, what ever went down in that cubicle I wanted no part of.

Ok, point taken, always like to investigate myself if I hear a ‘commotion’ in an adjoining stall and a lack of flushing .

Found a ‘hippo’s hoof’ floating in a pan out in Mexico after the occupant made a lot of noise.

Whack of stale burrito and cheap mince wafted up.

Disasterville.

Ush1 · 04-10-2019 6:41pm

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Ok, point taken, always like to investigate myself if I hear a ‘commotion’ in an adjoining stall and a lack of flushing .

Found a ‘hippo’s hoof’ floating in a pan out in Mexico after the occupant made a lot of noise.

Whack of stale burrito and cheap mince wafted up.

Disasterville.

Yeah there was a faint smell of love juice actually.

I thought might have identified the culprit when taking a slash later on at the urinal. Fella next to me with a clear hygiene (and prostate issue). The bang of warm, stale smegma off him hit me full on as he dribbled away meekly. No hint of vadge emanating so I'd imagine the build up of 7 days worth of peddlers.

mfceiling · 04-10-2019 7:00pm

We had a terrible experience in work today. Workmate went in to the only "seated" trap (disabled bogs). There's a shower in there as well.
The drains have been giving serious trouble the past 2 weeks. Unfortunately today things came to a head and the shower tray started to push out loads of old arse gravy. It started to run over the tray and on to the floor. The smell was unnatural.... like a mix of pig dung, burnt dog hair and boiled bleach.
Poor cleaning company were coming in this evening as we were leaving.

God speed.

TomSweeney · 04-10-2019 9:53pm

^^ Jesus, sounds horrific!!

Lewis_Benson · 04-10-2019 10:12pm

Been eating very well for the past 7 months, eating plenty of salads etc.

Over the weekend myself and Mrs Benson spent the weekend in connemara for our wedding anniversary.
.plenty of porter and rich food, steaks, savage burgers, chicken, seafood etc.

The shyte over the past few days was horrible, pastey and thick, sticking on the way out....I need a suppository.

Sharp MZ700 · 04-10-2019 10:20pm

Is it fair to compare this place with something as vague as Alcoholics Anonymous or Gamblers Anonymous? Seems like this thread is a downstairs extractor fan where one throws a shìt only to walk outside and smell their own fumigations on the footpath, which reminds them of how good that shìte actually was...

Shìtters Anonymous plausible?

Hal3000 · 04-10-2019 10:40pm

Lads bit of a update. Mr tinned hake - frozen pie merchant - processed shyte eating security guard is ignoring the warnings from HR. Apparently he blitzed the facilities mid morning leaving a pungent bear cub sized load in the stalls. I wasn’t around, but have it from a decent skin who knows his smells that it smelt like cat crap mixed in with boiled turnips. He didn’t flush either in defiance. Myself and my friend agree this is some type of territorial stance. I would love to get some type of Olfactometer reading after he’s been in. There must be a threshold for Peggy Del’s in workplaces ? People can go home when the Peggy goes above a certain level etc...

DEFTLEFTHAND · 04-10-2019 11:15pm

I was in Oslo during the week for the wedding of a friend.

Arse is red raw after it , jax paper over there didn't suit my hole at all. Some sort of biodegradable green stuff.

EmmetSpiceland · 04-10-2019 11:17pm

DEFTLEFTHAND wrote: »

I was in Oslo during the week for the wedding of a friend.

Arse is red raw after it , jax paper over there didn't suit my hole at all. Some sort of biodegradable green stuff.

Did you “over-do” it on the lutefisk?

DEFTLEFTHAND · 04-10-2019 11:35pm

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Did you “over-do” it on the lutefisk?

Was drunk from the time the plane landed so was eating whatever was put in front of me. There was a selction from whale meat to pickled herring on the main course.

The solids I layed before my travel home were both weird in texture and colour.

Sharp MZ700 · 04-10-2019 11:42pm

DEFTLEFTHAND wrote: »

Was drunk from the time the plane landed so was eating whatever was put in front of me. There was a selction from whale meat to pickled herring on the main course.

The solids I layed before my travel home were both weird in texture and colour.

What about the ones before you boarded? Were they something could have been dragged from a toddler's emporium? Small scuttery pellets or long dragged out odours? These plates may have eluded you onto bigger things, promises..

NeinNeinNein · 04-10-2019 11:52pm

DEFTLEFTHAND wrote: »

I was in Oslo during the week for the wedding of a friend.

Arse is red raw after it , jax paper over there didn't suit my hole at all. Some sort of biodegradable green stuff.

Green before or after wiping?

DEFTLEFTHAND · 05-10-2019 1:30am

Never ****ed like it in fairness, was backing out full solid off colour loads with particles of whale in them.

The Jacks roll was like sandpaper. All these Scandi cnuts are fierce into their environment.

Hector Savage · 07-10-2019 10:24am

My timetable had been shifted forward a bit last week, could not go in the morning even after my coffee, would be going in afternoon instead - very offputting.

Thankfully my routine seems to have returned, deposited a nice heavy load of pasty midden after a nice coffee this morning.

Bliss, the jax doesn't have the spray at the moment, I think they ran out .... fent in there would stun a bull on steroids.

the beer revolu · 07-10-2019 10:47am

That fcuking shlt that insists on making its way out 10 minutes after your shower. Never before the shower!

EmmetSpiceland · 07-10-2019 10:53am

the beer revolu wrote: »

That fcuking shlt that insists on making its way out 10 minutes after your shower. Never before the shower!

A bittersweet experience.

I’d take the “bad karma” of re-housing the lad too quickly after a slash over that shít.

Utter Consternation · 07-10-2019 11:16am

My office is adjoined to another by a set of double doors in an old Victorian building in Dublin. The other day i thought my office and the adjacent ones were empty so let rip with a very thunderous, deep bass fart followed by a contented sigh.

Immediately after i heard a co-worker in the office next door shuffle some papers and do a fake cough.

Fcuk it.

What's the etiquette here??

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