Can women have any truly platonic male friends?

[Deleted User] · 28-01-2020 7:26pm

Davy05 wrote: »

In your experience is it possible for a woman to have any entirely platonic male friends?

Seems so to me at least. And I say that from three sides. I am the platonic male friend of some. I have platonic female friends myself. And I have platonic friends of varying genders and orientations around me.

I have seen quite a number of threads on this very topic over the years on a number of forums - and not one of them has offered a reason to suspect it not to be possible in fact.

Porklife · 28-01-2020 9:28pm

sbsquarepants wrote: »

Does that count as a platonic relationship?

If so i've had plenty of those.

I'm just not sure if "i would like to ride you, but i can't" counts.

I think it does count as platonic because he'll never know I find him attractive and it's really irrelevant. We get on great and make each other laugh a lot. He really brightens up my day and I consider him a good friend.
The fact that he's handsome doesn't come into my head most of the time. I've never met his fiance but I've no doubt she's as lovely as him and she's a lucky girl.
We are definitely just friends so I think it can work.

UI_Paddy · 28-01-2020 9:30pm

Deleted User wrote: »

Seems so to me at least. And I say that from three sides. I am the platonic male friend of some. I have platonic female friends myself. And I have platonic friends of varying genders and orientations around me.

I have seen quite a number of threads on this very topic over the years on a number of forums - and not one of them has offered a reason to suspect it not to be possible in fact.

It's most certainly possible to be attracted to a close opposite sex friend regardless of whether acting on it would or wouldn't be morally right. As has been said, that's just human nature. As long as you don't act on it, especially when your in a relationship there's no harm in it.

As for whether or not all men have ulterior motives in these scenarios - no. Sure some do, but I personally don't, and I know I'm not alone on that.

Porklife · 28-01-2020 9:31pm

sbsquarepants wrote: »

Does that count as a platonic relationship?

If so i've had plenty of those.

I'm just not sure if "i would like to ride you, but i can't" counts.

I think it does count as platonic because he'll never know I find him attractive and it's really irrelevant. We get on great and make each other laugh a lot. He really brightens up my day and I consider him a good friend.
The fact that he's handsome doesn't come into my head most of the time. I've never met his fiance but I've no doubt she's as lovely as him and she's a lucky girl.
We are definitely just friends so I think it can work.

Wibbs · 28-01-2020 9:52pm

I've never been sexually attracted to my women mates. If I were I couldn't do the friendship thing. It would be ride or walk away TBH. In the highly unlikely event of one of them coming onto me, I'd have to dial it right back. It would feel well bloody weird, not the same as a male mate doing same of course, because I'm straight so that would include more of the eeeeeuwwww factor, but similar enough.

wakka12 · 28-01-2020 9:57pm

What is even the point of these kind of discussions. Lots of men and women share platonic friendships, sometimes you just arent 'into' somebody even if they look decent and you get on well. There is more to wanting to be with somebody than those two traits, some people just dont click

And as another poster said, if it was true then bisexual people would have no mates. Which is obviously ridiculous, much like the premise of this thread

Quantum Erasure · 28-01-2020 10:13pm

NSAman wrote: »

That's called Dubbing..;)

urban dictionary, is like Joey from Friends

Urban Dictionary wrote:

dubbing
When a guy's frontal parts are pushing out onto a girl's butt in the act of dancing.
I was at the school dance when Jonah came up from behind and we started dubbing.

Let me tell you, the people I was dubbing with were really good!

cannotlogin · 28-01-2020 10:24pm

Lol at this thread, just spent the last ten minutes mentally scanning through my male friends and playing that yes/no/maybe game!

I can appreciate two of them are good looking & really fabulous people, but the attraction just isn't there. I'd fancy them if could but I just don't even though click in every other way. The rest are nice but no attraction.

There's no compensation for chemistry I guess.

Don't think any of them fancy me at all and any of them that hit on me where just horny rather than any genuine feelings/intention of a relationship. Thoughts of having sex with any of them does nothing for me.

Raconteuse · 29-01-2020 1:39am

Assetbacked wrote: »

No, they can't be good friends, certainly not from the men's side anyway. Men who claim otherwise are in denial. This is fairly non-controversial as
it is not crazy that there is a possibility for one party to want it to go further when they are both straight and are both excellent friends. That is a great base for something further to develop.

B.A._Baracus wrote: »

Can a man and women be 100% good/close friends without anything else? nope. not truly.

You'll often find out that people once hooked up... or at the very very least were gonna hook up at one point just before theother got into a relationship etc.
There's even people who "hook up" after years of being friends. Cause one half broke up. Like, we meant to believe there was no attraction (or even a bit of hanky panky on the side)

moritz1234 wrote: »

There's a lot of lads lying on here.
I've 100% no doubt that the women are telling the truth, but no way are the men telling the truth, no way.

More "what I think is what every man thinks". I mean yeah, with the sexes being wired differently, I can concede that platonic friendship not leading to something may be less appealing to men in general. But you're taking it to another level - stating that it's not possible for men to have platonic friendships with women, when 1. It demonstrably is, and 2. Men don't fancy every woman ever.

Of course it would be difficult just to be friends with someone stunning to you whom you're head over heels attracted to/in love with but that's equally as difficult for women. And there's a vast chasm of difference between that and someone whom you'd do once for the heck of it. And then there are those opposite sex friends whom you just don't fancy.

Genesis Melodic Thermos wrote: »

I would say I've plenty of platonic male friends. That's not to say that in every case idle thoughts have never been entertained by one party or another or even that someone hasn't had a wee crush on the other for a while.

The people who seem very invested in the idea that it's not possible seem to have very high standards for what they'll accept constitutes platonic, imo.

"Oh you've a loving relationship with your mother, really? Really? Never shouted at her or hated her, no? Yeah so that's not a loving relationship.'

"Oh you've a professional relationship with your boss? You're working for her every second of every day are you? Yeah that's what I THOUGHT."

Exactly this.

dd973 · 29-01-2020 1:45am

Yes, it's like that thing with female work colleagues you get on well with, some of them might be fanciable but you know in your head they'll never be into you or anythings going to happen.

sbsquarepants · 29-01-2020 8:47am

Xertz wrote: »

I speak French and it usually just reminds me of a Drogheda accent, but I mean there's nothing unsexy about County Louth.

Bonjour, je m'appelle Monique hay.

No, french is much sexier than louth:D......But nowhere near as sexy as liverpool or Australian

Porklife wrote: »

I think it does count as platonic because he'll never know I find him attractive and it's really irrelevant. We get on great and make each other laugh a lot. He really brightens up my day and I consider him a good friend.

I'd be very surprised if he doesn't know you fancy him!

It's very rarely a surprise to find out someone fancies you in my experience.

Assetbacked · 29-01-2020 11:12am

Raconteuse wrote: »

More "what I think is what every man thinks". I mean yeah, with the sexes being wired differently, I can concede that platonic friendship not leading to something may be less appealing to men in general. But you're taking it to another level - stating that it's not possible for men to have platonic friendships with women, when 1. It demonstrably is, and 2. Men don't fancy every woman ever.

Of course it would be difficult just to be friends with someone stunning to you whom you're head over heels attracted to/in love with but that's equally as difficult for women. And there's a vast chasm of difference between that and someone whom you'd do once for the heck of it. And then there are those opposite sex friends whom you just don't fancy.

Exactly this.

The point was made about being good friends, not just friends. You even acknowledge the reason why it would not work;

"I mean yeah, with the sexes being wired differently, I can concede that platonic friendship not leading to something may be less appealing to men in general".

In the vast majority of cases, if a straight man and woman were good friends and the circumstances were aligned for them to sleep together; if you asked the man if he would go through with it, he would. The very definition of platonic is "not sexual in nature" so I do not agree that this is a high standard to set for what a platonic relationship is.

KathleenGrant · 29-01-2020 11:24am

I have 4 platonic male friends. I had 5 but not any more.

cj maxx · 29-01-2020 12:05pm

It depends on the people involved I think. I had a friend ( girl ) who was very close to me but from my POV completely platonic. We really were best friends who told and listened to each other things I and she had never told anyone else.Not so platonic from her though . To the point where she was lying naked in bed uncovered she asked me to fcuk her and I declined because while she was attractive I didn't think of her like that. Something I regret now !!. I have also been on the other side . So I guess I'm saying I don't really know, I have examples of all sides so depends on the people

chrissb8 · 29-01-2020 12:19pm

sbsquarepants wrote: »

Does that count as a platonic relationship?

If so i've had plenty of those.

I'm just not sure if "i would like to ride you, but i can't" counts.

It is platonic because you can seperate emotions with logic and realise what's more important. Which is obviously the friendship.

What's not to get here? I hated my sibling when I was younger but still loved her.

I can find my best friend a huge annoyance but still think he's the best.

You can feel two things for the same person and focus on what is essential and relevant to that relationship i.e. you value them more as a friend and would not want to ruin that.

NIMAN · 29-01-2020 12:32pm

cjmc wrote: »

It depends on the people involved I think. I had a friend ( girl ) who was very close to me but from my POV completely platonic. We really were best friends who told and listened to each other things I and she had never told anyone else.Not so platonic from her though . To the point where she was lying naked in bed uncovered she asked me to fcuk her and I declined because while she was attractive I didn't think of her like that. Something I regret now !!. I have also been on the other side . So I guess I'm saying I don't really know, I have examples of all sides so depends on the people

I am reading contradiction in this post?

victor8600 · 29-01-2020 12:39pm

chrissb8 wrote: »

It is platonic because you can seperate emotions with logic and realise what's more important. Which is obviously the friendship.
...

Suppose you are straight and you have friends of your own gender. Then the sexual aspect of the relationship is minimal. No need to separate emotions. There is nothing sexual going on, nor anything is ever likely to happen.

But if you have a friend who you find sexually attractive, can your friendship be described as platonic? Even if you would never make a pass or show your feelings otherwise?

Porklife · 29-01-2020 12:52pm

sbsquarepants wrote: »

Bonjour, je m'appelle Monique hay.

No, french is much sexier than louth:D......But nowhere near as sexy as liverpool or Australian

I'd be very surprised if he doesn't know you fancy him!

It's very rarely a surprise to find out someone fancies you in my experience.

Yeah you are most likely right that he knows I fancy him because I also know that he fancies me (I mean, let's face it who wouldn't :pac:) and we harmlessly flirt with each other. The thing is, he is getting married soon and speaks about his wife to be so highly and I really respect that. They are childhood sweethearts and it's so lovely they are getting married. We are flirty in a playful way but it would never go further. It's not sexual flirting even, it's playful in nature.
If he ever hit on me drunkenly on a night out, I'd be shocked and really disappointed in him.
I'm an attractive girl and he's an attractive guy and whilst there's mild flirting, we are 100% just friends.

cj maxx · 29-01-2020 12:54pm

NIMAN wrote: »

I am reading contradiction in this post?

Yes. For me it was platonic, for her no . I've also wanted to ride friends so really NO you can't be platonic if one has notions

[Deleted User] · 29-01-2020 12:56pm

we are wired to reproduce, so as a male I am trying to think of any time where I have been friends or at least friendly with a girl/woman, when I haven't (even for a split second) had a vision of us engaging in an act of intimacy.

The answer is yes, I have friends of the opposite sex who not in a thousand years would I consider being more than just friends.

ITman88 · 29-01-2020 12:57pm

I can honestly say since I was a teenager I have had lots of different friends who were girls, and currently have female friends at work, and I would ride everyone of them if I got the chance!!

Naggdefy · 29-01-2020 12:59pm

Yes. Have a few platonic relationships with females.

Lux23 · 29-01-2020 12:59pm

Yes, I have a few close male friends and I don't fancy any of them.

Porklife · 29-01-2020 1:02pm

Lux23 wrote: »

Yes, I have a few close male friends and I don't fancy any of them.

But do they fancy you and picture shagging you and if the answer is yes then it's not truly platonic!

andekwarhola · 29-01-2020 1:18pm

People are ignoring the nuances involved, which isn't surprising given where we are.

While I suspect it's rarer (read: more rare, not impossible) for men, I'm sure it happens that there are purely platonic friendships. I myself have female friends that I have no romantic interest in, but platonic friendships are not always a cut and dried case of two people with zero feelings for each other, just like friendships elsewhere on the spectrum don't necessarily equate to one person counting down the minutes to pouncing on the other.

You can have a good friendship where one person might have romantic feelings (extremely latent or otherwise) but can suppress them and enjoy the friendship.

Likewise you can have two people that in other circumstances, like being single, might feel for each but can also easily look past that and remain good friends.

You might even have two single friends that end up together in an wholly unexpected once-off scenario and just forget about it and remain friends.

The problem with places like this is a lot of people don't see nuances, they just start blowing their own trumpet about their particular circumstance and extrapolate (and judge) from there.

Porklife · 29-01-2020 3:18pm

andekwarhola wrote: »

People are ignoring the nuances involved, which isn't surprising given where we are.

While I suspect it's rarer (read: more rare, not impossible) for men, I'm sure it happens that there are purely platonic friendships. I myself have female friends that I have no romantic interest in, but platonic friendships are not always a cut and dried case of two people with zero feelings for each other, just like friendships elsewhere on the spectrum don't necessarily equate to one person counting down the minutes to pouncing on the other.

You can have a good friendship where one person might have romantic feelings (extremely latent or otherwise) but can suppress them and enjoy the friendship.

Likewise you can have two people that in other circumstances, like being single, might feel for each but can also easily look past that and remain good friends.

You might even have two single friends that end up together in an wholly unexpected once-off scenario and just forget about it and remain friends.

The problem with places like this is a lot of people don't see nuances, they just start blowing their own trumpet about their particular circumstance and extrapolate (and judge) from there.

I agree entirely with this post!

Bobblehats · 29-01-2020 6:24pm

Lux23 wrote: »

Yes, I have a few close male friends and I don't fancy any of them.

Had a few female friends who were purring for it but no.

[Deleted User] · 29-01-2020 6:45pm

My close female friends were all ex-gf or past dating experiences that just fizzled on the romantic/intimate side.

I have a far number of female friends where there is no physical attraction on either side though. I think it becomes easier as you get older, and understand that sex isn't terribly important, whereas finding people you can trust is important.

KathleenGrant · 29-01-2020 7:07pm

[Deleted User] wrote: »

My close female friends were all ex-gf or past dating experiences that just fizzled on the romantic/intimate side.

I have a far number of female friends where there is no physical attraction on either side though. I think it becomes easier as you get older, and understand that sex isn't terribly important, whereas finding people you can trust is important.

Oh God ya. Finding people you can trust is everything actually

Fourier · 29-01-2020 8:03pm

There's two woman I'm very good friends with that I'm not attracted to at all. Like Wibbs said above it's like a sibling or something.

Can women have any truly platonic male friends?

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