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22-05-2019, 17:11   #1
WTFingF
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Confused

Hi

Before I begin this is in no way meant to be an insult to anyone, Ive lived my life with the live and let live philosophy. If my language offends anyone please let me assure you that is not my intention.

Im a straight guy in my mid 40s. Ive always been described as something of a ladies man.

Ive relocated to Asia for work recently. A few weeks ago I was wining and dining clients in a nice restaurant and as soon as I saw our server I was captivated. She is one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen.

As I paid the bill I asked her out on a date and she agreed. I was walking on air! We met the next day and had a great time and on our next date too. I invited her to my apartment for dinner which was when she told me that she is a 'ladyboy'

I was a bit taken aback. Coming from a generation and country of labels so while Im totally at ease with her I really started to criticise myself. I have never felt gay or had any gay tendencies and it really shook me up.


Anyway I did meet her at my place . I was as nervous as f**k. As soon as she walked in I knew I didn't care about labels and we had sex. Ive never experienced a connection like that before, it was the most romantic night of my life. We stayed up all night talking, it was all so relaxed. We have met many times since.

Now I don't know where Im at. As far as Im concerned she is a woman and an amazing one at that and Im straight. Ive never felt like this before and Im not a kid, I know what I feel. I want to be with her and she told me that she feels the same.

On the other hand this goes against everything I was taught growing up in Irish culture.

How do I tell my daughter? How do I tell my parents? Am I gay? Really confused. Help!
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22-05-2019, 17:36   #2
Heebie
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Maybe you should shed your own label and just enjoy that you've found someone to feel that way about?

The label shouldn't be more important than that human connection.

Enjoy!
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23-05-2019, 07:04   #3
Joeytheparrot
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If she is a trans woman that doesnt make either of you gay at all. Sexual orientation and gender identity are entirely separate.

She's a woman. You're a man. No big deal really. I dont know what you were taught about Irish culture but honestly not sure thats relevant to be honest. Theres no reason to let national cultural bigotry from the past hold you back.

Last edited by Joeytheparrot; 23-05-2019 at 07:08.
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23-05-2019, 17:35   #4
J_E
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Go with your feelings. It's something different and of course you have conflicts but look past the worries for now and see what could come of it. At the end of the day it's about how you feel with a person and the connection you have.

You don't need to tell anyone anything unless you feel like you want to. It's not like they would be asking you questions like that anyway.
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24-05-2019, 18:32   #5
 
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"Ladyboy" is an imperialist word used in the sex trade to denigrate and dehumanize trans woman - unfortunately, trans women in Asia are often so mistreated they accept it in their subservience.

It's gross. But apart from that, good luck to both of you.
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25-05-2019, 00:23   #6
wiggle16
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OP, as others have said, it doesn't matter. You're a man, she's a woman. If she ever meets your family they will know no different, her past and her circumstances are her private business - not that it matters what anyone else thinks of her, or of you in this context.

If it is that important to you, then you're a man who is attracted to a woman, and so nothing has changed for you in terms of being straight. But it doesn't matter.

Sounds like you've been swept off your feet. Best of luck
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25-05-2019, 01:41   #7
 
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Just to add this, as a trans woman who recently was dating a straight guy who couldn't get passed what it meant for him: it gets old fast; it's totally selfish and hurtful.
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25-05-2019, 02:02   #8
Plumbthedepths
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A lady boy in common parlance is a guy with tits. Sorry to be blunt but you were with a guy who was most likely fulfilling a commitment to family by the way of providing money.

Mod


2 day forum ban for unacceptable transphobic comment

Last edited by Joeytheparrot; 25-05-2019 at 03:37.
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25-05-2019, 03:05   #9
DesperateDan
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Plumbthedepths
A lady boy in common parlance is a guy with tits. Sorry to be blunt but you were with a guy who was most likely fulfilling a commitment to family by the way of providing money.
Found the racist homophobe fellas
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25-05-2019, 03:10   #10
 
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Found the racist homophobe fellas


Transphobe, actually... but okay...
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25-05-2019, 03:13   #11
wiggle16
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Just to add this, as a trans woman who recently was dating a straight guy who couldn't get passed what it meant for him: it gets old fast; it's totally selfish and hurtful.
I'm sure the OP will get to that in his own time. Posting here is a good step and a good start like. It isn't selfish or hurtful for a person to decide that a relationship isn't for them, it's their relationship too and if it turns out there is an aspect to that relationship they can't handle, they're right to end it.
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25-05-2019, 03:16   #12
 
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Originally Posted by wiggle16 View Post
I'm sure the OP will get to that in his own time. Posting here is a good step and a good start like. It isn't selfish or hurtful for a person to decide that a relationship isn't for them, it's their relationship too and if it turns out there is an aspect to that relationship they can't handle, they're right to end it.
If he is constantly bringing this issue up with his partner, then yeah, it can be hurtful to a trans woman to have to deal with that.

But, I was speaking more in generalities in that previous comment.
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25-05-2019, 03:24   #13
wiggle16
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If he is constantly bringing this issue up with his partner, then yeah, it can be hurtful to a trans woman to have to deal with that.
Of course it would be very hurtful. But the OP hasn't done anything like that, so presumably she's not having to deal with anything like that. Even if you are speaking generally, I don't see how it's relevant myself.

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Originally Posted by WTFingF View Post
Coming from a generation and country of labels so while Im totally at ease with her I really started to criticise myself.
The OP is concerned about his self-perception and also the attitude of his family, of which he is critical. His attitude to this lady doesn't leave anything wanting, I don't think.
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25-05-2019, 03:39   #14
Joeytheparrot
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Found the racist homophobe fellas
Quote:
Originally Posted by JackTaylorFan View Post
Transphobe, actually... but okay...
Mod

Agreed it was transphobic - lets leave it at at that. He or She has been given a 2 day forum ban.
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25-05-2019, 04:07   #15
 
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Originally Posted by wiggle16 View Post


The OP is concerned about his self-perception and also the attitude of his family, of which he is critical. His attitude to this lady doesn't leave anything wanting, I don't think.
Honestly, nothing about starting a thread like this, denotes OP is okay with any of this. More accurate to say still working through it.
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