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Do you appreciate being complimented on your appearance?

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    #32
    bitofabind
    Registered Users Posts: 939 ✭✭✭bitofabind


    If it's something along the lines of "you're really attractive / pretty / beautiful" and it's coming from a man, I'd assume he was hitting on me. It's not really the done thing, especially in Ireland and can't imagine it ever being received favourably. It's quite common in the States though but again, totally cringe!

    I like the specific compliments, your hair looks great, I love your dress, nice bag etc, regardless of who they're coming from.


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    #33
    Tammy!
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,149 ✭✭✭Tammy!


    bitofabind wrote: »
    If it's something along the lines of "you're really attractive / pretty / beautiful" and it's coming from a man, I'd assume he was hitting on me. It's not really the done thing, especially in Ireland and can't imagine it ever being received favourably.

    Honest to God, id rarely assume if a man compliments me that he's hitting on me. It's probably just because I'm with my oh since I was a late teen and have never been available and a lot of times I've got compliments in front of him.

    There are times when you can get backhanded compliments or in context are not appropriate so it's hard to respond to the op but who doesnt like to be complimented? It's often just someone trying to be nice. In general I think just take it at face value and don't let it go to your head.


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    #34
    Accepting Cookies
    Closed Accounts Posts: 65 ✭✭Accepting Cookies


    I also think it depends on the context. As a woman I have complimented other women on certain things such as 'I LOVE your shoes/dress/coat' etc and might ask where they got it, and the same has happened to me. I think it's really lovely for women to be so friendly and complimenting of other women. I wouldn't be offended or unappreciative of a compliment from a guy, but I suppose I would be wary he's going to follow it up by a come on of some sort, or further attention. That has happened more often than not. At work a few of the guys in my dept are quirky or good dressers, and I've offered up a 'that's an amazing shirt,' or 'love the socks' but they'd be used to that from everyone as those things are their trademarks if you get me and we're all like family with one another, so in short- context matters!


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    #35
    LazyClouds
    Registered Users Posts: 524 ✭✭✭LazyClouds


    I think, as a general rule, people should stay away from more romantic adjectives like beautiful, gorgeous, sexy, attractive, etc unless you're close to the person.

    There are a lot of other gender neutral adjectives you can use to compliment someone without making them uncomfortable:

    "Those glasses are deadly"
    "Cool shirt"
    "You've got mad typing skills"
    "Awesome socks"

    And I know these all make me sound like a 90s american cartoon but nobody will get offended by them. In fact, subbing any adjective you're thinking of using for "deadly" will probably work just fine.

    And don't ever try to compliment someone in their place of work, like in a shop or a bar. Because they are obliged to be nice back. If a shop assistant is wearing bright blue eyeliner and they're already talking to you you can say "your eyeliner is wicked, who's make is it?" Don't say "that eyeliner is so pretty on you, it brings out the beautiful colour of your eyes..."


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    #36
    bitofabind
    Registered Users Posts: 939 ✭✭✭bitofabind


    Tammy! wrote: »
    Honest to God, id rarely assume if a man compliments me that he's hitting on me. It's probably just because I'm with my oh since I was a late teen and have never been available and a lot of times I've got compliments in front of him.

    As another posted mentioned, context is everything. A man complimenting you in front of your partner is a fairly good indicator he's NOT hitting on you and is just being friendly and platonic, whereas sidling up to you on your own and calling you beautiful is a totally different thing.

    I'm single, so being called beautiful / gorgeous / stunning eyes or whatever by a guy usually doesn't happen platonically. Unless it's a random observation from someone clearly off the market and / or that I'm close to - the father of the bride at a wedding, a close male friend, etc.


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    #37
    Airyfairy12
    Registered Users Posts: 3,390 ✭✭✭Airyfairy12


    Theyre fine, depending on context.
    I have to say, I appreciate them more now that im getting older as im a bit more self conscious about my looks but again, context makes all the difference.


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    #38
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 17,381 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Guy here. I do what was said in the first reply.. Compliment specifics. I pretty much only do this in work with women I've known for years or get on with.

    I wear the same shlte to work and it takes me no time to get ready. Doesn't take any time either to tell someone their new dress is nice or I like their new hair. I always get a smile and a thanks so I guess I'm doing it right.

    The only time I'd ever give a general compliment telling a woman they look beautiful is on the special occasions where they wear an "ao dai" to work. Then it's definitely ok because it's about the dress, which is arguably the nicest dress style in the world.


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    #39
    Starfish25
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16 ✭Starfish25


    Airyfairy12 wrote: »
    Theyre fine, depending on context..

    I agree.
    Compliments are nice but it depends on the context. Last year I lost weight and worked on my appearance.
    It was something personal I decided to improve on, eat less - move more and get fitter.
    It was something I would only discuss with my family/close friends really. I wasn’t openly discussing it, just tipping away myself and reaping the rewards.

    After a few months, the weight loss was obvious but not extreme.
    Work was a nightmare for a few weeks. I was getting so many comments or “compliments” from other women and the odd man about how much weight I lost, how great I looked, who was I trying to impress etc etc and whilst one would interpret all these comments as a positive or a compliment about my achievement, it got to the point where it became embarrassing and uncomfortable. But most of all - overwhelming.
    For a short time, It made me more self conscious about how I looked and how I looked beforehand.

    So depends on the context. Some people should understand there is a time and place... I’m sure some of them meant well.

    IMO it is highly inappropriate to comment, negatively or positively on someone’s body unless it is invited by the person themselves.

    Obviously there are worse things in this world but while we are on the subject of compliments etc said I’d give my 2cents :)


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    #40
    Segotias
    Registered Users Posts: 232 ✭✭Segotias


    Starfish25 wrote: »
    For a short time, It made me more self conscious about how I looked and how I looked beforehand.

    I find this an issue too. You start think how bad did I look before that people are commenting so much now


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    #41
    Airyfairy12
    Registered Users Posts: 3,390 ✭✭✭Airyfairy12


    Segotias wrote: »
    I find this an issue too. You start think how bad did I look before that people are commenting so much now

    And when they dont comment you can start feeling like youre not as attractive anymore. For me anyway, I used to put my self worth in it.


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    #42
    Segotias
    Registered Users Posts: 232 ✭✭Segotias


    Airyfairy12 wrote: »
    And when they dont comment you can start feeling like youre not as attractive anymore. For me anyway, I used to put my self worth in it.

    That can be hard as you say if you were putting self worth with the compliments. Hopefully as you've said "used" you know that's not the case

    I don't feel attractive in general but definitely makes me wonder about how I was seen before


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    #43
    MissDisaster
    Registered Users Posts: 49 ✭MissDisaster


    My partner....yes. Other girls who arnt hitting on me...also yes.

    Random dudes whom I dont know? Hell no.


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    #44
    woodchuck
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 15,409 Mod ✭✭✭✭woodchuck


    Starfish25 wrote: »
    I agree.
    Compliments are nice but it depends on the context. Last year I lost weight and worked on my appearance.
    It was something personal I decided to improve on, eat less - move more and get fitter.
    It was something I would only discuss with my family/close friends really. I wasn’t openly discussing it, just tipping away myself and reaping the rewards.

    After a few months, the weight loss was obvious but not extreme.
    Work was a nightmare for a few weeks. I was getting so many comments or “compliments” from other women and the odd man about how much weight I lost, how great I looked, who was I trying to impress etc etc and whilst one would interpret all these comments as a positive or a compliment about my achievement, it got to the point where it became embarrassing and uncomfortable. But most of all - overwhelming.
    For a short time, It made me more self conscious about how I looked and how I looked beforehand.

    So depends on the context. Some people should understand there is a time and place... I’m sure some of them meant well.

    IMO it is highly inappropriate to comment, negatively or positively on someone’s body unless it is invited by the person themselves.

    Obviously there are worse things in this world but while we are on the subject of compliments etc said I’d give my 2cents :)

    I had a very similar experience. Decided to put a lot of work into losing weight and ended up getting a lot of comments about the weight loss at work - I loved it though! I was delighted that the results were so obvious. They were all phrased as compliments though "you're looking really well, you've lost a lot of weight" etc, nothing inappropriate. And these were colleagues I'd chat to daily, not randomers in the canteen or anything like that.

    Although it did make me start to think how I must have looked before when some people mentioned that I'd lost LOADS of weight :o


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