Stingiest things thread(op for R&R access)

An ex-friend of mine who I posted about in the old thread called around to my house the other day. Haven't spoke to him in a number of months a d last time it was nothing more than a quick hello when I saw him in the pub. He showed up at my door unannounced at around 11 am and from his help you'd swear we were best of friends.

Not wanting to be a dick and curious as to what exactly he wanted I told him to come in. I had hoped that he'd finally realised what a dick he'd been to myself and a number of others and wanted to say sorry. Offered him a cup of tea and started chatting about what we were up to in life. He spoke about how tough times were and how he was putting all his money into a play he wanted to stage. Informed me that it "was spectacular and numerous play writes had called it exceptional" having read his past work I knew that he was lieing as his work is generally a rip off of a dozen really famous works. He asked me if I was interested in donating some money to help get the pay up and running, "anything, even a fiver would be appreciate". Told him I wasn't interested and he made that face kids do when told they can't have something.

He tried to give me a poorly done pitch about why it was an investment but all I wanted was for him to leave. I told him that I had to shower and get ready as I'd plans and he suggested he make himself a sandwich while I went to shower. A polite but firm "no" put that to an end and I hurried him out of the house. As he was leaving he asked where all the stuff he'd left was and could he collect it. I reminded him that he'd asked that before a few months back and I got rid of all his stuff. "Oh I know, I mean my other stuff".

I asked what stuff he meant and his answer made my week. "I left food in the fridge". I was a bit taken aback and asked what food. He looked at me and with a straight face said "a jar of mayonnaise, cheese slices, some sausages and pasta sauce. If its bit there and you used it you can pay me back. It's only fair". I assumed he was joking but after about 30 seconds of him explaining how legally it was his property and he was entitled to it I realised that he was serious and fully expected to be given his food back.

I honestly had no idea if I should laugh or cry though his angry demands for his property back has me in stitches. He kept repeating, "my food or the money". He just stood there repeating it so I told him to hang on and went into my room and emptied a few dozen 1cent coins from the bottle I have full of them. Went back to him and showed him the money asking was it enough. He said it would have to do and as he did i flung them into the air before closing the door on him. For almost 2 hours he was on his hands and knees searching through the grass for every last cent he could find. It was the most pathetic thing I have ever seen and when I told a few mutual friends they told me that his "begging" was a weekly occurance and the night before he'd told a friend that they owed him a can if Dutch Gold as he'd left two half cans at theirs on two seperate occasions.