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Separation and finances- anyone gone through it?
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28-10-2020 6:28pm#1I did a bad thing to my wife and committed adultery. I am hoping there could be a chance for us but it is not looking good at this point and I have no idea what to do and I have to prepare myself I guess for what may be ahead.
She has kicked me into the street, changed the locks and so I have no way of accessing the house and if I did there would be a hell of a scene, I have told her that I know I could enter the house but I respect her wishes, I see the kids pretty much every day so there is not really any 'desertion'. I have made it clear that I would like to try again and I don't want to move in with anyone else for what its worth.
Wife doesn't work at all and I have always paid for everything, having asked around it looks like a separation agreement might be best. I would offer to pay the mortgage, contribute to bills and also give some maintenance- 500 per month- I could just about afford to do that plus find somewhere to live myself so I'm not destitute, there would be zilch spare for me after.
She has been told that she can have way more than this and if need be I will have to get more than one job or borrow heavily to pay, the plan is to take me to the cleaners.
Anyone been through something similar? What happened? Do the circumstances of the split get taken into account?Tagged:0
Comments
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Wife doesn't work at all and I have always paid for everything
You need to get out of that mindset. If you have children she was a stay at home mother and you have benefitted financially (career wise) by having someone at home to mind the house and children as you have progressed in your career. Depending on her age and qualifications the court may order spousal maintenance for X amount of time to help her get back into the jobs market or retrain. Your assests are 50:50 starting point, no matter who put in what. I would play nice as she could end up with 60:40 due to time lost to raising a family. Your pension is also a shared asset. You will also have to pay child maintenance for your children if they are living with their mother full time,until they have reached 18 or left full time education - this one is non-negotiable and is your legal duty as a parent.
You need to start mediation. If that doesn't work you need to speak to a solicitor. Your wife probably already has and knows what she's entitled to. Commiserations on the breakdown of your marriage.0 -
I did a bad thing to my wife and committed adultery. I am hoping there could be a chance for us but it is not looking good at this point and I have no idea what to do and I have to prepare myself I guess for what may be ahead.
She has kicked me into the street, changed the locks and so I have no way of accessing the house and if I did there would be a hell of a scene, I have told her that I know I could enter the house but I respect her wishes, I see the kids pretty much every day so there is not really any 'desertion'. I have made it clear that I would like to try again and I don't want to move in with anyone else for what its worth.
Wife doesn't work at all and I have always paid for everything, having asked around it looks like a separation agreement might be best. I would offer to pay the mortgage, contribute to bills and also give some maintenance- 500 per month- I could just about afford to do that plus find somewhere to live myself so I'm not destitute, there would be zilch spare for me after.
She has been told that she can have way more than this and if need be I will have to get more than one job or borrow heavily to pay, the plan is to take me to the cleaners.
Don't beat yourself up! You are only human. Something was clearly lacking in your marriage otherwise you would not look around.
You made a big mistake when you allowed her to be a kept woman but that's not here nor there, learn from your past.
She contributed 0 towards your assets but unfortunately the law in this messy country allows her to stay in your house until the youngest turns 18 however, she can't kick you out and change the locks. Keep your cool and go back to your house.
The only way she can force you out is with a restraining/protection order in hand and she won't get one simply by lying saying she is afraid of you - afraid of what?! She will need to prove what she is saying.
Don't go offering xx amount in maintenance, that's down to the judge decides. More often than not you might end up paying less than what the leach asked for (1st hand experience).
Your obligation is to provide for your children, not her. She will quickly find a way to earn an income otherwise, find a sugar daddy to support her lazy ways.0 -
Don't beat yourself up! You are only human. Something was clearly lacking in your marriage otherwise you would not look around.
You made a big mistake when you allowed her to be a kept woman but that's not here nor there, learn from your past.
She contributed 0 towards your assets but unfortunately the law in this messy country allows her to stay in your house until the youngest turns 18 however, she can't kick you out and change the locks. Keep your cool and go back to your house.
The only way she can force you out is with a restraining/protection order in hand and she won't get one simply by lying saying she is afraid of you - afraid of what?! She will need to prove what she is saying.
Don't go offering xx amount in maintenance, that's down to the judge decides. More often than not you might end up paying less than what the leach asked for (1st hand experience).
Your obligation is to provide for your children, not her. She will quickly find a way to earn an income otherwise, find a sugar daddy to support her lazy ways.
OP please ignore all of this, particularly as you hope to patch things up with your wife.
Would your wife consider going to couples therapy to see if you can both work on the infidelity and the hurt you've caused her. You didn't state in your original post whether it was a once off mistake or an ongoing affair. Personally I think this detail is very important if you are to have any chance of reconciling.
I suspect she is feeling very hurt and resentful at you for causing her so much pain and as a result is wanting to hurt you back by stating she wants to take you to the cleaners. You need to show her kindness and compassion right now and show her you are willing to give her space and time to come to terms with what has happened. I wish you the best of luck and hope it works out okay for you whatever that may entail.0 -
It seems like this is a very recent event. Couple of things to bear in mind:
- You both have an obligation to provide for your children.
- There is noting in law that states 50/50.
- Each case is unique and judged on it's own merits, so no precedent is set, plus it's all in camera anyway.
- You will need to support your children up to 18, or 23 if in full time education, and providing none have special needs.
- Never, ever, agree to any settlement in haste. Renting is expensive. Be sure you have enough to live on, and not have to worry if you can afford the petrol to get to work.
- The courts are generally very cognisant of both parties needing a life and to be in a position to move on, but your lifestyle will be hugely altered, financially, especially if your spouse is not in paid employment. But, their primary concern, correctly, is the welfare of the children.
- You will not be penalised for your adultery, the separation / divorce is now based on No fault, No blame.
- Be prepared for it to turn nasty. Especially under the circumstances of what happened.
Take your time, and do not rush into anything. See an experienced solicitor, but always remember, you instruct the solicitor, not the other way around. If it does end up in court, do not depend on the solicitor to prepare everything, you have that done, in particular your financials, as that is what it eventually boils down to. Keep record of EVERYTHING. Keep pay slips, receipts, bills etc.
Best of luck, maybe you can work it out, maybe not. Keep your dignity, try not to get angry, and most of all, think of what is best for your children.0 -
cookiemonster80 wrote: »OP please ignore all of this, particularly as you hope to patch things up with your wife.
Would your wife consider going to couples therapy to see if you can both work on the infidelity and the hurt you've caused her. You didn't state in your original post whether it was a once off mistake or an ongoing affair. Personally I think this detail is very important if you are to have any chance of reconciling.
I suspect she is feeling very hurt and resentful at you for causing her so much pain and as a result is wanting to hurt you back by stating she wants to take you to the cleaners. You need to show her kindness and compassion right now and show her you are willing to give her space and time to come to terms with what has happened. I wish you the best of luck and hope it works out okay for you whatever that may entail.
Listen to this and try absolutely if that is what you ultimately want, however at the start of my separation i was too forgiving and agreeable and it could have cost me dearly, you set your own precedent from the very start ie money given etc eventually i realized i needed to protect myself without affecting our chances of reconciliation, get a good solicitor and protect yourselfIt seems like this is a very recent event. Couple of things to bear in mind:- You both have an obligation to provide for your children.
- There is noting in law that states 50/50.
- Each case is unique and judged on it's own merits, so no precedent is set, plus it's all in camera anyway.
- You will need to support your children up to 18, or 23 if in full time education, and providing none have special needs.
- Never, ever, agree to any settlement in haste. Renting is expensive. Be sure you have enough to live on, and not have to worry if you can afford the petrol to get to work.
- The courts are generally very cognisant of both parties needing a life and to be in a position to move on, but your lifestyle will be hugely altered, financially, especially if your spouse is not in paid employment. But, their primary concern, correctly, is the welfare of the children.
- You will not be penalised for your adultery, the separation / divorce is now based on No fault, No blame.
- Be prepared for it to turn nasty. Especially under the circumstances of what happened.
Take your time, and do not rush into anything. See an experienced solicitor, but always remember, you instruct the solicitor, not the other way around. If it does end up in court, do not depend on the solicitor to prepare everything, you have that done, in particular your financials, as that is what it eventually boils down to. Keep record of EVERYTHING. Keep pay slips, receipts, bills etc.
Best of luck, maybe you can work it out, maybe not. Keep your dignity, try not to get angry, and most of all, think of what is best for your children.
Listen to this, again protect yourself and document everything
this is a really Sh1t time and its very tough, be ready you will need everything you have inside you to battle through this, by the end you will question if you ever knew her at all, im only in the middle and im at that stage now. Best of luck mate.0 -
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It's important to correct you here. Anyone can get a Protection order by lying. They are given out like tissue paper. Do not be fooled that it's hard to get one.Don't beat yourself up! You are only human. Something was clearly lacking in your marriage otherwise you would not look around.
You made a big mistake when you allowed her to be a kept woman but that's not here nor there, learn from your past.
She contributed 0 towards your assets but unfortunately the law in this messy country allows her to stay in your house until the youngest turns 18 however, she can't kick you out and change the locks. Keep your cool and go back to your house.
The only way she can force you out is with a restraining/protection order in hand and she won't get one simply by lying saying she is afraid of you - afraid of what?! She will need to prove what she is saying.
Don't go offering xx amount in maintenance, that's down to the judge decides. More often than not you might end up paying less than what the leach asked for (1st hand experience).
Your obligation is to provide for your children, not her. She will quickly find a way to earn an income otherwise, find a sugar daddy to support her lazy ways.0
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