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Rural coming out

  • 30-06-2019 11:36pm
    #1
    Registered Users Posts: 9


    Hi all,

    I'm living in a very rural part of West cork (aka small village). After a number of years I'm finally comfortable to come out; Currently I've told a couple of friends and close family members.

    My parents and brothers and sister have yet to be told but I really want to tell them

    However, I'm genuinely scared to tell most people as I think they won't be okay with me. I understand a lot of people will say "screw them, their loss" but I don't feel that way.

    Long story short I'm involved in a number of local clubs and afraid I'll be excluded from there. Plus my parents are older and I don't want to ruin the relationship I've built up with them.

    I spose what I'm really wondering is: What's the best way to approach family and tell them that you're gay?


Comments

  • Registered Users Posts: 2,021 ✭✭✭Miike


    My approach was to make it clear that I'm still the same person I've always been, I'm still a brother, a son, an uncle. I do the same things I've always done and I think the same way I always have. The ONLY thing that has changed about me, for them, is their perception of what I do between the sheets and who I do it with - which to be fair is none of their business either way. I did it fairly straight forward and just explained that I feel like I'm entitled to be as happy in life as anyone else and if this is how I go about it, then I shouldn't feel the need to hide behind it.

    I gave them time to mull over it (I went away for a couple of days after doing it). It all went fine and they were very supportive.

    I hope things go okay for you what ever you decide :)


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,419 ✭✭✭antix80


    You don't actually have to tell everyone, or anyone. Best thing you can do is live your own life and not worry what people think of you. It's unlikely you'll be excluded from clubs but if it's a risk weigh it up whether it's worth it.
    A handy enough way to "come out" is to have a boyfriend. Until then it's moot.


  • Registered Users Posts: 223 ✭✭pinktoe


    Did you ever have a gf? If not most may already know. In my group of friends you knew who were gay (we actually pretended to be surprised but they seen right through it lol)

    Even if your parents don't take it well they will probably be ok again in a few days.

    How did the people you tell react?


  • Registered Users Posts: 12,077 ✭✭✭✭Gael23


    antix80 wrote: »
    A handy enough way to "come out" is to have a boyfriend. Until then it's moot.

    Does this work? It’s something I had thought about.
    Just say me and X are more than friends or something along those lines


  • Moderators, Category Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 21,933 CMod ✭✭✭✭Ten of Swords


    Not uncommon to have someone with you when coming out to family, if you're comfortable with that. For others its a private thing ie one on one.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 2,021 ✭✭✭Miike


    Gael23 wrote: »
    Does this work? It’s something I had thought about.
    Just say me and X are more than friends or something along those lines

    It made it easier for me to have the conversation when I approached it like this. It kind of gave me an open where I felt I couldn't find one before.


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,377 ✭✭✭NSAman


    Oh for Gawds Sake.... you are all that matters in this whole state of affairs.

    I know Mum and Dad are important, but even if they are old school what does it matter? You can have the quiet conversation one on one and say it to them. Will they be surprised? Probably not.

    There is the alternative. You dress up as Lily Savage and swish down "main" street.

    Whatever you do, you are who you are. People will not exclude you, and even if they do, that IS their loss.

    Forget about what people think about you, live your life and be who you are and happy. That is what we all want in this world.


  • Registered Users Posts: 9 annoyed_grunt


    Hi all,

    Just want to say a big thanks to everyone who responded. Have told a couple of friends and family. So far all responses have been positive. Still putting off telling my parents but in the long run I'm feeling much better than have been in the past.


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