Marriage: is it worth it?

Stan27 · 12-01-2021 2:03pm #1

Is it worth it anymore?
Looking at it from mans point of view, but is there any real benefit for it, which is essentially an expensive party.
I know if things go bad and divorce happens, the men seem to get the bad end of the stick.
Obviously there are are a good lot of great marriages out there so it still suits a lot of people.

Just curious of people’s opinions ?

Castlecomer · 12-01-2021 2:06pm

There's no right or wrong answer to this question. It's a matter of individual preference.
You're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't.

Cienciano · 12-01-2021 2:08pm

It's only as expensive as you make it. Worth it to shut her up about getting married

ThewhiteJesus · 12-01-2021 2:10pm

For a man there’s no point imo

Church on Tuesday · 12-01-2021 2:12pm

Stan27 wrote: »

Is it worth it anymore?
Looking at it from mans point of view, but is there any real benefit for it, which is essentially an expensive party.
I know if things go bad and divorce happens, the men seem to get the bad end of the stick.
Obviously there are are a good lot of great marriages out there so it still suits a lot of people.

Just curious of people’s opinions ?

This is why you get a pre nup.

The chan chan man · 12-01-2021 2:12pm

I’ve been happily married for about 2 years.

We’ve been married for the past 8.

listermint · 12-01-2021 2:12pm

Marriage isn't for people who ask marriage advice on after hours of boards.

Best off with the single life OP

topdecko · 12-01-2021 2:15pm

Definitely worth it financially and especially if you have kids together.
Massive ballache trying to organise anything and multiple issues re: CGT/ deposits etc if you are trying to buy house together.
Ireland is very pro marriage in terms of tax setup.

Is still an important institution i think.

Hodors Appletart · 12-01-2021 2:15pm

Cienciano wrote: »

It's only as expensive as you make it.

This

We got married, has a meal for 40 people and a party for 150, for less than five large.

It was an immense day

We had no religious overtones, just a legal marriage in a building not a registry office, then had the meal and party there.

Felt good to affirm my commitment to my wife in front on friends and family, and for her to do the same thing.

Making those promises in front of everyone had a profound effect on me, and on my view of my relationship with my wife. We already lived together and we were already trying for a child (2 x miscarriages before the wedding), but it definitely felt more solid.

Will that be the same for everyone - absolutely not. But that's my experience.

Stan27 · 12-01-2021 2:17pm

Are they any good in Ireland (pre nups)

SouthWesterly · 12-01-2021 2:18pm

Church on Tuesday wrote: »

This is why you get a pre nup.

They are as valuable as the paper written on

the purple tin · 12-01-2021 2:18pm

Church on Tuesday wrote: »

This is why you get a pre nup.

Not in this country you don't.

eviltwin · 12-01-2021 2:21pm

My wedding cost less than a grand including honeymoon so it doesn’t have to be expensive.

Personally I could have taken or left it. I don’t see a point on it beyond individual preferences and some people are religious so that might play a part. We did it for legal reasons mainly inheritance tax purposes so from that point of view it was well worth it. Mind you I’m in a happy relationship so it’s easy to think that. I don’t think I could afford to get divorced.

feelings · 12-01-2021 2:21pm

If things ever go tits up in your marriage, the law here still favours women. Especially if there are kids involved. Husbands/fathers always appear to get a raw deal.

eviltwin · 12-01-2021 2:23pm

feelings wrote: »

If things ever go tits up in your marriage, the law here still favours women. Especially if there are kids involved. Husbands/fathers always appear to get a raw deal.

Is that really down to the marriage though? Presumably if you settle down with someone and have a family but don’t marry you are in a worse off position.

One eyed Jack · 12-01-2021 2:23pm

Stan27 wrote: »

Is it worth it anymore?
Looking at it from mans point of view, but is there any real benefit for it, which is essentially an expensive party.
I know if things go bad and divorce happens, the men seem to get the bad end of the stick.
Obviously there are are a good lot of great marriages out there so it still suits a lot of people.

Just curious of people’s opinions ?

An expensive party? You sure that’s not the wedding you’re referring to? Marriage is the relationship that happens afterwards, and divorce is what happens when that relationship ends. In between there are all sorts of good reasons for marriage such as the fact that it provides protection for the family in Irish law which isn’t afforded to unmarried couples, and if a couple decides to have children, marriage provides legal protection for them too that it doesn’t provide for the children of unmarried couples. ALL parties involved get the bad end of the stick in a divorce, there are no winners in that scenario, but you asked about the benefits of marriage, not the disadvantages of divorce.

Citing divorce as a reason against marriage is silly, it’s like arguing that because death is an unavoidable inevitability, people shouldn’t bother making a life for themselves.

Church on Tuesday · 12-01-2021 2:24pm

SouthWesterly wrote: »

They are as valuable as the paper written on

Still better than nothing, in any event you'd want to try to get your particulars sorted in the likely event the marriage may fail down the line or better yet, just don't get married at all until much much further down the line.

It's a long life, what's the rush?

topdecko · 12-01-2021 3:08pm

It all depends on the context. If there are kids involved i would say it is a given that marriage is important due to the protections it confers on the family and the much easier path re: inheritance tax/CGT it creates regarding financial decisions etc. Also it is a commitment to your better half and this should not be trivialised.
If it is 2 adults who are not bothered and don't need the hassle then there seems little point in the endeavour.

martinedwards · 12-01-2021 3:20pm

Married 28 years and still loving every second!

thomasm · 12-01-2021 3:21pm

From a tax perspective, absolutely

Cienciano · 12-01-2021 3:28pm

feelings wrote: »

If things ever go tits up in your marriage, the law here still favours women. Especially if there are kids involved. Husbands/fathers always appear to get a raw deal.

If you're not married you have even less rights in regards to kids.

12-01-2021 3:32pm

No kids and neither of us were bothered but the spouse element of our respective pensions made it a thing

We were married in twenty minutes, took the other two attendees (because you need witnesses) to lunch then hit the airport for a long weekend

tbh i dont understand the question and i dont understand anyone- man or woman- who confuses marriage with yknow making a relationship work

seamus · 12-01-2021 3:42pm

If you're worrying about what happens when you break up, then you shouldn't be getting married IMO. It's something you do when you've already built a life with this person that you don't intend on leaving. It's not the starting point of building that life.

Same as pre-nups. I'll never really understand why people go to the trouble of getting a pre-nup. Just don't get married. Getting a pre-nup is in essence dooming the marriage to failure.

Aside from the implicit internal comfort from legally acknowledging my wife as my direct next-of-kin and family, marriage gives me the comfort that in the event something were to happen to me, there is zero legal red tape for my wife to have to try and unravel. Insurance companies aren't going to screw her over based on a technicality, the bank will not freeze our accounts, and Revenue are never going to come chasing her for a huge CAT bill.

Day-to-day being able to do joint tax returns is helpful and there are lots of other really small things where marriage greases the wheels. Like car insurance, schools, hospitals, kids passports, etc.

Church on Tuesday · 12-01-2021 3:50pm

Cienciano wrote: »

If you're not married you have even less rights in regards to kids.

You have no rights as a father full stop.

Thelonious Monk · 12-01-2021 3:58pm

seamus wrote: »

If you're worrying about what happens when you break up, then you shouldn't be getting married IMO.

You have to be realistic, perfect marriages can turn to sh*t over time, it happens.

FintanMcluskey · 12-01-2021 4:00pm

Thelonious Monk wrote: »

You have to be realistic, perfect marriages can turn to sh*t over time, it happens.

People change drastically over the course of marriages.

Also getting a mortgage is a massive amount of stress for most couples

Often heard it said, when debt comes in the door, love flies out the window

seamus · 12-01-2021 4:01pm

Thelonious Monk wrote: »

You have to be realistic, perfect marriages can turn to sh*t over time, it happens.

Sure, but trying to be prepared for it, or even worrying about it, suggests that it's so likely that you may as well not get married.

I'm not under the illusion that nothing could ever break my marriage, but I consider it such an outside possibility that I spend no time worrying about it.

lawred2 · 12-01-2021 4:02pm

Stan27 wrote: »

Is it worth it anymore?
Looking at it from mans point of view, but is there any real benefit for it, which is essentially an expensive party.
I know if things go bad and divorce happens, the men seem to get the bad end of the stick.
Obviously there are are a good lot of great marriages out there so it still suits a lot of people.

Just curious of people’s opinions ?

with the right people it is...

most definitely

with the wrong people...

obviously not

lawred2 · 12-01-2021 4:04pm

FintanMcluskey wrote: »

People change drastically over the course of marriages.

Also getting a mortgage is a massive amount of stress for most couples

Often heard it said, when debt comes in the door, love flies out the window

nonsense

debt is an unavoidable fact of life... unmanaged debt is a different story and can put a weak relationship to the test.

Marlay · 12-01-2021 4:08pm

If the relationship survives organising a wedding it is definitely a good sign.

Antares35 · 12-01-2021 4:09pm

seamus wrote: »

Sure, but trying to be prepared for it, or even worrying about it, suggests that it's so likely that you may as well not get married.

I'm not under the illusion that nothing could ever break my marriage, but I consider it such an outside possibility that I spend no time worrying about it.

Being prepared for something doesn't mean you want or expect it to happen. Do you have life insurance? People put that in place to protect their loved ones should something happen. Doesn't mean they plan or want to die.

Marriage: is it worth it?

Is marriage worth it? 283 votes

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