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Should I help my sister despite not being in the bridal party?

  • 08-05-2015 9:33pm
    #1
    didntgotoplan
    Registered Users Posts: 236 ✭✭


    My sister is getting married next year and there is 8 siblings between both families, including myself.

    My sister recently announced during a family dinner that every sibling, except me, will be in the bridal party. Except my sister wants me to plan all the stuff a MOH does so I can "be involved in the wedding" because her MOH (the future sister in law) is living abroad.

    My mom is very upset over me not being in the bridal party but I don't really care about not being part of it - I'm awkward and like to blend in with the crowd. However I want to refuse to help her because I don't want to do all of that hassle for nothing (i.e. she is treating all her bridal party to everything being paid for them)

    My sister used to be a really good friend and we used to do everything together but since she began having children, I get the feeling that she feels ashamed of me being her sister. We stopped hanging out and talking every day but she always comes around to mine when its one of their family's birthdays or another holiday with gifts. I always get the feeling she uses me and whenever I refuse to babysit her children or something like that, I'm ignored for months on end until someone else in our family annoys her and she needs my help. She even blocked me from seeing my niece and nephew when she ignores me. At this moment, I'm being ignored by her except during family gatherings.

    Am I right to refuse her or should I just help her this once since it's her day?


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Comments

  • #2
    mountai
    Registered Users Posts: 950 ✭✭✭mountai


    Fcuk the B***h


  • #3
    CaraMay
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 4,652 ✭✭✭CaraMay


    No, don't let her use you. She made her bed now let her lie in it.


  • #4
    rainbowtrout
    Registered Users Posts: 15,381 ✭✭✭✭rainbowtrout


    Your sister sounds like a right wagon. Leave her to organise her own wedding. That's what her bridal party are for.


  • #5
    zl1whqvjs75cdy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,042 ✭✭✭zl1whqvjs75cdy


    **** her.


  • #6
    Faith
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 30,654 Mod ✭✭✭✭Faith


    What's her rationale for leaving you out? Awareness of you being awkward and worrying that you might not be comfortable being in the bridal party, or is she just being a thoughtless/cruel bitch?


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  • #7
    MrWalsh
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,664 ✭✭✭MrWalsh


    What's an MOH?


  • #8
    CaraMay
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 4,652 ✭✭✭CaraMay


    MrWalsh wrote: »
    What's an MOH?

    Maid of honour


  • #9
    MrWalsh
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,664 ✭✭✭MrWalsh


    CaraMay wrote: »
    Maid of honour

    What does a maid of honour plan?

    Just tell her to feck off and plan her own stuff?


  • #10
    CaraMay
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 4,652 ✭✭✭CaraMay


    MrWalsh wrote: »
    What does a maid of honour plan?

    God only knows.


  • #11
    acuriouscat
    Registered Users Posts: 122 ✭✭acuriouscat


    Do not help her,how dare she leave one family member out,that's bad form,let her find another skivvy !


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  • #12
    retro:electro
    Registered Users Posts: 21,039 ✭✭✭✭retro:electro


    Just be like "I'd rather not have the responsibility of doing that thanks, why don't you ask one of the other seven?"
    She sounds like a pain.


  • #13
    Oryx
    Subscribers Posts: 19,425 ✭✭✭✭Oryx


    Good god no. Shes using you. Let her go find another donkey to do her donkey work.


  • #14
    2Mad2BeMad
    Registered Users Posts: 2,790 ✭✭✭2Mad2BeMad


    she singles you out? really? don't even consider helping her.

    Unless of course the bridal party has only a certain amount aloud in it (tradition of you're family or something) and you happen to be the youngest well then maybe thats fair in some cases if shes real traditional, but this doesnt seem the case
    and I'm no expert but shes not only fallen out with you, she seems to be treating you like a dog.

    Tell her you won't help, theirs nothing worse then family turning their back on you or treating you like ****e.
    Treat her the same way, wedding or not, shes not a fu*king princess and can't treat you that way.

    Oh sure you help her sort out the entire wedding, but at the end it goes back to normal.
    By the sounds of it, you'd be lucky to get a thanks for you're help.

    Don't bother, I wouldn't even attend the wedding if one of my family members done that to me. I'd be more inclined to give them a box for thinking I'm a fool who wants to run around after them while they left me out of such an occasion.


  • #15
    littlenubbin85
    Registered Users Posts: 90 ✭✭littlenubbin85


    You have absolutely no obligation to help her out if you're not a member of the bridal party.


  • #16
    groovyg
    Registered Users Posts: 1,049 ✭✭✭groovyg


    didntgotoplan wrote: »
    At this moment, I'm being ignored by her except during family gatherings.

    Am I right to refuse her or should I just help her this once since it's her day?

    So she is going to have 7 in her bridal party as it is, why does she need a maid of honour?
    You should politely decline, and just go along and enjoy the day if you are still invited. As for her not allowing you to see the niece and nephew well that's not your fault they are the ones missing out as a result of her selfish behaviour. She comes across as very self absorbed. Don't be a walkover ..stand up for yourself.


  • #17
    Wabbit Ears
    Registered Users Posts: 3,042 ✭✭✭Wabbit Ears


    I 'd just nod and agree but simply do nothing. Don't be proactive with anything and if asked to do something specific just do it really badly so you don't get asked to do it again. You know,act like a bloke.

    It really is a win win. Being useless so you don't really have to actually do anything while avoiding a fight you can't be arsed having.


  • #18
    gavdolfini
    Closed Accounts Posts: 81 ✭✭gavdolfini


    Snakey c*nt...


  • #19
    didntgotoplan
    Registered Users Posts: 236 ✭✭didntgotoplan


    Sorry if it seems like a stupid question guys and I just worry that she will exclude me even more if I say no. Its also because my other sister got married and she didn't have any bridal party and I helped her with a lot of things in the planning as I quite enjoyed doing all that for her.

    I just think it might be fair to help her as I did it for my other sister.

    Faith - I didn't ask as I didn't want to cause drama, but she does gets on with my other sister and brothers more than me at the moment and she kept going on budget restricting the amount of people.

    MrWalsh - she wanted me to plan her hen party and be there when she picked out her dress and the bridesmaid dresses, organise different things such as flowers and invitations etc. like I did for my other sister. Not sure if these are normal MOH things though.

    2Mad2beMad - I'm the oldest girl in our family, only a year between us, no tradition either. I'm worried if I don't help that I won't be invited and all of our family will be there.

    groovyg - Yeah 7 in the party - 2 Girls and 5 Guys.


  • #20
    mg1982
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,772 ✭✭✭mg1982


    After the way she treated you. No fuking way. Wash your hands of her.


  • #21
    Flood
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 560 ✭✭✭Flood


    She is family, help her out its her big day.


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  • #22
    Mrs OBumble
    Registered Users Posts: 25,666 ✭✭✭✭Mrs OBumble


    didntgotoplan wrote: »
    I just think it might be fair to help her as I did it for my other sister.

    I'm worried if I don't help that I won't be invited and all of our family will be there.


    If she's really such a bitch that she would not invite you, but invite the rest of the family - when I wouldn't help at all. How's it going to look when you tell your mother "No, I won't be there 'cos <<sisName>> hasn't invited me". It's not you who are going to look bad, provided you're honest about things.

    However there's another alternative: help put, but actively do it badly. I have no idea what a MOH organises ... but if it's flowers, choose ugly ones, if it's make-up, choose stuff that doesn't suit her skin tone etc. Now - this does require being quite bitchy yourself (and may backfire), so it's not what I'd recommend. But is an option to keep in mind if you get an opportunity to carry it out. Revenge, as they say, is sweet.


  • #23
    Smartguy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 214 ✭✭Smartguy


    Mrs OBumble wrote: »
    If she's really such a bitch that she would not invite you, but invite the rest of the family - when I wouldn't help at all. How's it going to look when you tell your mother "No, I won't be there 'cos <<sisName>> hasn't invited me". It's not you who are going to look bad, provided you're honest about things.

    However there's another alternative: help put, but actively do it badly. I have no idea what a MOH organises ... but if it's flowers, choose ugly ones, if it's make-up, choose stuff that doesn't suit her skin tone etc. Now - this does require being quite bitchy yourself (and may backfire), so it's not what I'd recommend. But is an option to keep in mind if you get an opportunity to carry it out. Revenge, as they say, is sweet.
    Actively sabotaging your sisters wedding is scumbag behaviour.
    People need to get some perspective here. The op is entitled to be a bit peeved but no more than that.


  • #24
    Heckler
    Registered Users Posts: 3,322 ✭✭✭Heckler


    From your opening post your sister sounds like a right cow. Sometimes people have a brain spasm for some reason after having kids. If you think someone is ashamed of you for any reason they are not worth your time.


  • #25
    CaraMay
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 4,652 ✭✭✭CaraMay


    Op she treats you as badly as she does because you let her and if you allow her use you again now then you are just continuing to feed the monster. Does your other sister treat you badly?


  • #26
    Oryx
    Subscribers Posts: 19,425 ✭✭✭✭Oryx


    I know you say you want to help, and you're a nice person to want to. But I think you already know youre going to be taken for a mug, which is why youre posting here. And the fact that you feel there is a threat of no invitation hanging over you shows how little trust and affection there is between you two sisters. She has stung you before and justifiably you dont want it to happen again.

    Have you spoken to anyone else in the family about this? Do you think there is any point being honest with your sister? Telling her you feel lke you are being used and you are hurt at not being part of the bridal party? (All 5 others being included is not 'cutting down a budget' btw)


  • #27
    Faith
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 30,654 Mod ✭✭✭✭Faith


    Mrs OBumble wrote: »
    If she's really such a bitch that she would not invite you, but invite the rest of the family - when I wouldn't help at all. How's it going to look when you tell your mother "No, I won't be there 'cos <<sisName>> hasn't invited me". It's not you who are going to look bad, provided you're honest about things.

    However there's another alternative: help put, but actively do it badly. I have no idea what a MOH organises ... but if it's flowers, choose ugly ones, if it's make-up, choose stuff that doesn't suit her skin tone etc. Now - this does require being quite bitchy yourself (and may backfire), so it's not what I'd recommend. But is an option to keep in mind if you get an opportunity to carry it out. Revenge, as they say, is sweet.

    Wow. That's all sorts of fûcked up.


  • #28
    timetogo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 990 ✭✭✭timetogo


    Id just tell them its the job of the bridal party to do the work. She seems to want them to have the benefit of the fun aspects and leave the work to you.
    Yes she's your sister but with 7 in the bridal party 1 extra would have made no difference and shows a lack of giving a **** about you.


  • #29
    Penny Tration
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,687 ✭✭✭✭Penny Tration


    Please op, do NOT deliberately sabotage it.

    Do not do these things for her. She's refused to include you in the bridal party and is now trying to use you as a free wedding planner!

    If she uninvited you - so what? She is the one who will look bad -"oh I didn't allow Sarah to be here because she wouldn't organise the wedding for me." She'll look like the a cow she is and no doubt your family will be ashamed of her.

    Seems like you're only concerned about invites and helping her because you want a relationship with her. I think that you need to accept that she does not want a relationship with you.


  • #30
    Del2005
    Registered Users Posts: 18,871 ✭✭✭✭Del2005


    didntgotoplan wrote: »
    Sorry if it seems like a stupid question guys and I just worry that she will exclude me even more if I say no. Its also because my other sister got married and she didn't have any bridal party and I helped her with a lot of things in the planning as I quite enjoyed doing all that for her.

    I just think it might be fair to help her as I did it for my other sister.

    Sounds like you want to help her out so work away, but make sure she knows that this is your wedding gift to her and that's all she'll be getting from you her wedding as she expects you to do all the donkey work for the bridal party but not get the benefit.


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  • #31
    Heckler
    Registered Users Posts: 3,322 ✭✭✭Heckler


    What is it about weddings ?! I have a huge extended family and the usual caper was invite at least all the aunts and uncles. When I got married we just invited immediate family and close friends. Every aunt and uncle sent us very generous gifts despite not being invited.

    Occasions like this bring out the worst in people.


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