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What's the etiquette here??

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Comments

  • #152
    JohnnyFlash
    Registered Users Posts: 7,055 ✭✭✭JohnnyFlash


    touts wrote: »
    So let me get this clear. You want to fire him. The reason is the poor fecker comes in on his day off. You are skiving off on your phone in the toilet. He holds it as long as he physically can waiting for you to finish up on various boards threads before he can't hold it in any more and has to use the toilet to shock HORROR go to the toilet (rather than surf the net).

    Best of luck in the work place relations hearing.

    I'm not going to fire the lad. I cooled down over the weekend, and just brought him aside on Monday morning and had a word with him. I asked him had he needed to go so badly that he decided to enter the two cubicle facility at the same time as me - were the first two inches cold and touching cloth kind of urgent?

    He said he needed to lay some cable for sure, but could have waited. Told him that might be ok in Lithuania, but here in Ireland the polite thing to do in a situation like that is to wait for your colleague to exit the dunny, before you decide to march into the cubicle beside them to 'snip some spine'.

    He's a good lad, and took the advice without any backchat or lip. Won't happen again as I put a lock on the outside door so it can only be used by one person at a time.


  • #153
    John DoeReMi
    Registered Users Posts: 102 ✭✭John DoeReMi


    Brendan Bendar wrote: »
    Believe that was true.... lad working in, Finance...I think, was waiting for a free trap at the 1030 evacuation, when in rolls an Executive Officer and claims ‘privelege’.

    Lad says he blew out a load like a bolt of otters going off a riverbank, and left the pan like the Derby Co. goalmouth in the 1960s.

    Fcuking whack of stale salmon and peanuts was vile the lad said.

    Like a bears den after a winter hibernation.....fcuking rank.

    I'm enjoying this thread enormously and am reluctant to spoil the party, but as a Civil Servant of 35 + years I do feel duty bound to mention that even the Irish Civil Service has never had such a rule.


  • #154
    partyguinness
    Registered Users Posts: 8,204 ✭✭✭partyguinness


    Knex. wrote: »
    It always seems to be the older fellas in work that ignite the brown brass band, an avalanche of farts, grunts, rumbles and groans to mix in with the turgid stench.

    Is this the future? Are all men consigned to this fate, or is there a path to follow? A path of enlightenment, with green food choices and morning probiotics.

    It's a beautiful thing to cocoon a **** out in 1 go, and hear the solitary splash like an Olympic Diver with a perfect score. At what age does the 6 get removed from your dice and this is no longer a possibility? Knowing you once had perfection, but here, yet again, age shall cripple your abilities.


    It is indeed beautiful. There is also a sweet spot where you can let it simmer away and then go at the right time. Leave it too late and it turns to mush. Like cooking a souffle.

    I am blessed like that most of the time- in and out in one go and clean as a whistle. I would put a F1 pit crew to the test. In and out of the jacks in 30 seconds and including a hand wash.

    Nothing worse than half a job and you know you will be back later in the day.

    Old lads probably do not have the best of diets.


  • #155
    partyguinness
    Registered Users Posts: 8,204 ✭✭✭partyguinness


    JohnnyFlash wrote: »
    I'm not going to fire the lad. I cooled down over the weekend, and just brought him aside on Monday morning and had a word with him. I asked him had he needed to go so badly that he decided to enter the two cubicle facility at the same time as me - were the first two inches cold and touching cloth kind of urgent?

    He said he needed to lay some cable for sure, but could have waited. Told him that might be ok in Lithuania, but here in Ireland the polite thing to do in a situation like that is to wait for your colleague to exit the dunny, before you decide to march into the cubicle beside them to 'snip some spine'.

    He's a good lad, and took the advice without any backchat or lip. Won't happen again as I put a lock on the outside door so it can only be used by one person at a time.


    I cannot believe I have read this. All he did was use the toilet- if it is that much of a big deal then why do you have two cubicles...close one off...!!


  • #156
    EmmetSpiceland
    Registered Users Posts: 10,519 ✭✭✭✭EmmetSpiceland


    partyguinness wrote: »
    I cannot believe I have read this. All he did was use the toilet- if it is that much of a big deal then why do you have two cubicles...close one off...!!

    I don’t think he should close one off but maybe, as the boss, he could be the only key holder, aside from the cleaner, and he could ensure no repeats of the definite breach of toilet etiquette.

    The tide is turning…



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  • #157
    JohnnyFlash
    Registered Users Posts: 7,055 ✭✭✭JohnnyFlash


    Knex. wrote: »
    It always seems to be the older fellas in work that ignite the brown brass band, an avalanche of farts, grunts, rumbles and groans to mix in with the turgid stench.

    Is this the future? Are all men consigned to this fate, or is there a path to follow? A path of enlightenment, with green food choices and morning probiotics.

    It's a beautiful thing to cocoon a **** out in 1 go, and hear the solitary splash like an Olympic Diver with a perfect score. At what age does the 6 get removed from your dice and this is no longer a possibility? Knowing you once had perfection, but here, yet again, age shall cripple your abilities.

    As fine a treatise on the subject of ageing as I've come across on this site. Instead of 'the older the fiddle, the sweeter the tune', it should be ' the older the shítter, the fouler the stench'.
    partyguinness wrote: »
    I cannot believe I have read this. All he did was use the toilet- if it is that much of a big deal then why do you have two cubicles...close one off...!!

    That's what I've done. There's still two cubicles, but the lock is now on the outside so only one cubicle is in use at a time. It's a fair compromise.


  • #158
    Ray Bloody Purchase
    Closed Accounts Posts: 689 ✭✭✭Ray Bloody Purchase


    JohnnyFlash wrote: »

    That's what I've done. There's still two cubicles, but the lock is now on the outside so only one cubicle is in use at a time. It's a fair compromise.

    Sounds like an equitable solution for all the stakeholders.


  • #159
    Hal3000
    Closed Accounts Posts: 818 ✭✭✭Hal3000


    I had a quite word with the cleaners in here yesterday. Basically I asked if they could flush the jax after they lace it with toilet duck. I was caught cold on a decent one last week and got the rivet burned off me from splash back.


  • #160
    partyguinness
    Registered Users Posts: 8,204 ✭✭✭partyguinness


    I dunno lads maybe Ireland has changed since I moved away 10 years ago but lads have gone very precious indeed. Fair enough a nice relaxing dump without fear or favour is enshrined in law as an immutable right of all man. I get it. I really do. I have listened but hauling an employee in for taking dump next to you is just The Office or Alan Partridge territory.

    I know talking at the urinal is a universal breach of etiquette that has by and large escaped Ireland. Lads striking up full blown conversations with their cocks in their hand.


  • #161
    Deebles McBeebles
    Registered Users Posts: 5,745 ✭✭✭Deebles McBeebles


    What's the etiquette on unravelling the bog roll a bit, wiping your arse with it and then rolling it back up?


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  • #162
    EmmetSpiceland
    Registered Users Posts: 10,519 ✭✭✭✭EmmetSpiceland


    partyguinness wrote: »
    I know talking at the urinal is a universal breach of etiquette that has by and large escaped Ireland. Lads striking up full blown conversations with their cocks in their hand.

    At a urinal, a nod is all the conversation you need.

    The tide is turning…



  • #163
    Hector Savage
    Registered Users Posts: 8,810 ✭✭✭Hector Savage


    I think JohnnyFlash is spoofing about talking to the lad...


  • #164
    JohnnyFlash
    Registered Users Posts: 7,055 ✭✭✭JohnnyFlash


    Deebles McBeebles wrote: »
    What's the etiquette on unravelling the bog roll a bit, wiping your arse with it and then rolling it back up?

    Why would you do that????

    Jesus Christ.


  • #165
    EmmetSpiceland
    Registered Users Posts: 10,519 ✭✭✭✭EmmetSpiceland


    Deebles McBeebles wrote: »
    What's the etiquette on unravelling the bog roll a bit, wiping your arse with it and then rolling it back up?

    Monster!

    The tide is turning…



  • #166
    Deebles McBeebles
    Registered Users Posts: 5,745 ✭✭✭Deebles McBeebles


    JohnnyFlash wrote: »
    Why would you do that????

    Jesus Christ.

    Well, if my boss had called me up over dropping the kids off at the pool in the next cubicle, it might be something I'd consider.


  • #167
    Deebles McBeebles
    Registered Users Posts: 5,745 ✭✭✭Deebles McBeebles


    EmmetSpiceland wrote: »
    At a urinal, a nod is all the conversation you need.

    Maybe a quick "nice cock, mate" but that's as far as it should go.


  • #168
    Knex*
    Registered Users Posts: 22,477 ✭✭✭✭Knex*


    I think the most galling part about Johnny's story is the fact there's just two of them working side by side. One gets up for a shit, the other need not follow. This is not a synchronised sport. Etiquette demands a sequential process.

    Personally, I can feel his horror, and I'm ashamed that the good people of boards have been found lacking in empathy.


  • #169
    Ush1
    Registered Users Posts: 11,461 ✭✭✭✭Ush1


    Deebles McBeebles wrote: »
    What's the etiquette on unravelling the bog roll a bit, wiping your arse with it and then rolling it back up?

    Ah here, have a word with yourself mate...


  • #170
    JohnnyFlash
    Registered Users Posts: 7,055 ✭✭✭JohnnyFlash


    Hector Savage wrote: »
    I think JohnnyFlash is spoofing about talking to the lad...

    This wasn't a formal meeting with HR or anything - don't run that sort of business. I just called him aside as he was finishing loading one of the vans. I asked him about his weekend and all that, before asking him did he remember what happened on Saturday morning. He didn't, but had noticed that I was acting a bit funny.

    I just told him straight out that it's considered manners to wait in that scenario, just as its considered manners to leave a cubicle between each shítter if at all possible, don't wait outside the door for someone else to finish taking a shít; don't make small talk with someone in the next cubicle, don't roar out 'be gone with you oh Shít Demon of Dinners Past!" as you open the bomb doors, or don't top deck just because you are unhappy with the service in a pub or restaurant.

    Basic stuff really.


  • #171
    Ray Bloody Purchase
    Closed Accounts Posts: 689 ✭✭✭Ray Bloody Purchase


    Hal3000 wrote: »
    I had a quite word with the cleaners in here yesterday. Basically I asked if they could flush the jax after they lace it with toilet duck. I was caught cold on a decent one last week and got the rivet burned off me from splash back.

    My missus has a habit of putting bleach on the seat of the throne. I'd a rash on the back of my legs and arse cheeks after unsuspectingly sitting down to 'deposit the goods' one evening.


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  • #172
    EmmetSpiceland
    Registered Users Posts: 10,519 ✭✭✭✭EmmetSpiceland


    Deebles McBeebles wrote: »
    Maybe a quick "nice cock, mate" but that's as far as it should go.

    Only if it is, in fact, nice. I’m not throwing out laudations willy-nilly.

    The tide is turning…



  • #173
    Ray Bloody Purchase
    Closed Accounts Posts: 689 ✭✭✭Ray Bloody Purchase


    If it came down to it, i'd rather take a dump with a complete stranger than a work colleague. In the first instance i'd be less self conscious and secondly i'd rather not be the talk of the company if a colleague walked in whilst i'm white knuckle riding a massive Guinness sh1t out of me post weekend celebrations.


  • #174
    Deebles McBeebles
    Registered Users Posts: 5,745 ✭✭✭Deebles McBeebles


    Ush1 wrote: »
    Ah here, have a word with yourself mate...

    I'm not getting positive responses here so I guess its....browned upon?


  • #175
    JohnnyFlash
    Registered Users Posts: 7,055 ✭✭✭JohnnyFlash


    Ray Bloody Purchase wrote: »
    If it came down to it, i'd rather take a dump with a complete stranger than a work colleague. In the first instance i'd be less self conscious and secondly i'd rather not be the talk of the company if a colleague walked in whilst i'm white knuckle riding a massive Guinness sh1t out of me post weekend celebrations.

    That’s the point I’m trying to make. I don’t really care if it’s a row of 8 cubicles in an airport - go in there and blow the guts out with gusto no problem. It’s when you know who the person is sitting 3 feet away from you - the silence, the grunts, the sound of the stool losing its fight against gravity and plopping into the water, the sigh, the sound of 4 foot of toilet roll being wrapped around a hand for a first pass movement.


  • #176
    Ray Bloody Purchase
    Closed Accounts Posts: 689 ✭✭✭Ray Bloody Purchase


    JohnnyFlash wrote: »
    That’s the point I’m trying to make. I don’t really care if it’s a row of 8 cubicles in an airport - go in there and blow the guts out with gusto no problem. It’s when you know who the person is sitting 3 feet away from you - the silence, the grunts, the sound of the stool losing its fight against gravity and plopping into the water, the sigh, the sound of 4 foot of toilet roll being wrapped around a hand for a first pass movement.

    Absolutely. In todays hectic world, it's nice to take a timeout on the bog, unload a sleeve of sh1te and pause to reflect or meditate and check the betting on the golf.

    Is it too much to ask for your personal space not to be invaded during these precious, fleeting moments??? :(


  • #177
    partyguinness
    Registered Users Posts: 8,204 ✭✭✭partyguinness


    JohnnyFlash wrote: »
    This wasn't a formal meeting with HR or anything - don't run that sort of business. I just called him aside as he was finishing loading one of the vans. I asked him about his weekend and all that, before asking him did he remember what happened on Saturday morning. He didn't, but had noticed that I was acting a bit funny.

    I just told him straight out that it's considered manners to wait in that scenario, just as its considered manners to leave a cubicle between each shítter if at all possible, don't wait outside the door for someone else to finish taking a shít; don't make small talk with someone in the next cubicle, don't roar out 'be gone with you oh Shít Demon of Dinners Past!" as you open the bomb doors, or don't top deck just because you are unhappy with the service in a pub or restaurant.

    Basic stuff really.




    Here, he is telling all his Lithuanian buddies what a complete weirdo his boss is. You will be the butt of their jokes for years to come.


  • #178
    Ray Bloody Purchase
    Closed Accounts Posts: 689 ✭✭✭Ray Bloody Purchase


    partyguinness wrote: »
    Here, he is telling all his Lithuanian buddies what a complete weirdo his boss is. You will be the butt of their jokes for years to come.

    They'll think he's locking himself in there and fleecing the bollocks off himself.

    And they'll probably be right.


  • #179
    TomasMacR
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 262 ✭✭TomasMacR


    Knex. wrote: »
    It's a beautiful thing to cocoon a **** out in 1 go, and hear the solitary splash like an Olympic Diver with a perfect score. At what age does the 6 get removed from your dice and this is no longer a possibility? Knowing you once had perfection, but here, yet again, age shall cripple your abilities.

    You’re talking about a ‘ghostie’ there. Rare enough, have only experienced it 2 or 3 times max when I was eating healthily and off the sauce. Slips out of your hole with zero effort, disappears up the jacks pipe like a torpedo so you’ll never even see it and then jacks roll hasn’t a trace of shįte on it after the wipe. The ghostie is as rare as a set of hens teeth in my experience.


  • #180
    JohnnyFlash
    Registered Users Posts: 7,055 ✭✭✭JohnnyFlash


    partyguinness wrote: »
    Here, he is telling all his Lithuanian buddies what a complete weirdo his boss is. You will be the butt of their jokes for years to come.

    Don’t give a shîte, pal. I’m well on course to have my most profitable year ever, and they do all the manual work. They can say what they want.


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  • #181
    partyguinness
    Registered Users Posts: 8,204 ✭✭✭partyguinness


    JohnnyFlash wrote: »
    That’s the point I’m trying to make. I don’t really care if it’s a row of 8 cubicles in an airport - go in there and blow the guts out with gusto no problem. It’s when you know who the person is sitting 3 feet away from you - the silence, the grunts, the sound of the stool losing its fight against gravity and plopping into the water, the sigh, the sound of 4 foot of toilet roll being wrapped around a hand for a first pass movement.


    You're up there with Wilde and Yeats for elegance in prose..:D


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