What's the etiquette here??

Gael23 · 14-05-2021 9:45am

Does the toilet waste from the house make it’s way into the slurry pit to be spread on the farm? Then your neighbours can share the delights of your production

[Deleted User] · 14-05-2021 9:53am

Gael23 wrote: »

Does the toilet waste from the house make it’s way into the slurry pit to be spread on the farm? Then your neighbours can share the delights of your production

Oh no, there's strictly no mingling of animal and human waste. The EU is very strict about containing effluent. You might take the odd piss in a slatted shed, but that's different.

That reminds me, it's a bit embarrassing when the man comes to empty the (human) septic tank, and he has to dress up in the mask for his own protection. That's borderline offensive, but I wouldn't say anything, it really does stink. I mean the clue is in the name, "septic"

Aglomerado · 14-05-2021 9:55am

I have a farmer friend who drops the odd log in his slatted shed. He likes to describe the 'Splash'.

EmmetSpiceland · 14-05-2021 10:19am

A Lamb Named Miltiades! wrote: »

I grabbed a book of poetry from the shelf, she was already "crowning". I must have known this would be a quick delivery.

Which poet, if you don’t mind me asking, ATNM? Are we talking Tennyson? Goldsmith? Mangan? Or would you be going for Kinsella? A ‘Mirror in February’ type thing, you know.

Or would you be lugging the ‘Norton Anthology of Poetry’, (4th edition), in with you? A hefty tome to transport.

The “art” of reading the printed word on the pot is dying out. I, myself, try to have some literature in there with me a couple of times a week. I feel it helps to keep both brain and mental health fresh.

A lot of these angry men you encounter these days, mostly online, would do well to read some “erotic” literature, or poetry, in the privy instead of consuming, and using, vast quantities of extreme, hardcore, gonzo pornography.

People forget that the brain is the biggest erogenous zone. It’s good to “exercise” it every now and then.

[Deleted User] · 14-05-2021 10:25am

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Which poet, if you don’t mind me asking, ATNM? Are we talking Tennyson? Goldsmith? Mangan? Or would you be going for Kinsella? A ‘Mirror in February’ type thing, you know.

Or would you be lugging the ‘Norton Anthology of Poetry’, (4th edition), in with you? A hefty tome to transport.

Hopkins, Emmet. I go in for his "sprung thythm" in a big way, when I'm on the loo.

It takes my mind off puerile things, it's good to think about the majesty of God, the wreck of the Deutschland, windhovers Inverness, etc. instead of the murky business at hand.

Wouldn't be keen on anything morbid, or too modern. You should read something uplifting, even hum a little tune as a pleasant distraction.

partyguinness · 14-05-2021 10:34am

While I wouldnt be a great reader of poetry myself, but Kavanagh would seem apt.

Wilde and the old Victorian romantics now wouldnt be up to the task. No fancy flowery sweeping prose.

When you have rough business at hand- a gritty miserable Cavan (or was it Monaghan) man of the soil ticks a lot of boxes. You need an angry chip on the shoulder for the little extra edge.

[Deleted User] · 14-05-2021 10:45am

These lads are trying to come across as Bernard Shaw types,Guinness. Reading Ovid while sluicing one out. Please.

The reality is far more likely to be a copy of the Racing Post or the latest Viz Annual.

Hotblack Desiato · 14-05-2021 10:47am

I've read some "shít poetry" all right though not in that sense.

EmmetSpiceland · 14-05-2021 11:00am

A Lamb Named Miltiades! wrote: »

Hopkins, Emmet. I go in for his "sprung thythm" in a big way, when I'm on the loo.

It takes my mind off puerile things, it's good to think about the majesty of God, the wreck of the Deutschland, windhovers Inverness, etc. instead of the murky business at hand.

Wouldn't be keen on anything morbid, or too modern. You should read something uplifting, even hum a little tune as a pleasant distraction.

Ah yes No Worst there is None, gash gold-vermillion and all that. Very good but I, myself, got into the poetry “game” late.

In school, I had more fun channelling my inner Joe Orton, defacing my copy of ‘Soundings’ and changing titles of works like Donne’s ‘Batter my Heart’ to ‘Batter my Fart’. Childish, I know but whatever gets you through the class, right?

It wasn’t until I discovered people Bukowski, Brian Patten and, even, Gregory Corso that I was able to go back and “appreciate” the old masters, if you will.

But you are right, you don’t want to be reading some of the “works” of Christina Rossetti, Poe or Walter De La Mare while riding the porcelain on a dark, stormy, winter’s night, or day, even. Relaxation really is key.

EmmetSpiceland · 14-05-2021 11:12am

Abominable Dr. Phibes wrote: »

These lads are trying to come across as Bernard Shaw types,Guinness. Reading Ovid while sluicing one out. Please.

The reality is far more likely to be a copy of the Racing Post or the latest Viz Annual.

Nothing wrong with a bit of ‘Viz’, ADP. Wouldn’t be seen near the ‘Racing Post’, though, not into “the nags”.

Don’t worry, that Pygmalion “link” wasn’t lost on me, Doc. Very droll. But I, myself, was never too keen on Shaw, it’s nothing personal just not for me. Fair play to the guy, a noble prize and an Oscar to his name so it just goes to show you never can tell.

Gael23 · 14-05-2021 2:10pm

A Lamb Named Miltiades! wrote: »

Oh no, there's strictly no mingling of animal and human waste. The EU is very strict about containing effluent. You might take the odd piss in a slatted shed, but that's different.

That reminds me, it's a bit embarrassing when the man comes to empty the (human) septic tank, and he has to dress up in the mask for his own protection. That's borderline offensive, but I wouldn't say anything, it really does stink. I mean the clue is in the name, "septic"

Is shít not shït no matter what species back end it emerges from?

Brendan Bendar · 14-05-2021 4:54pm

A Lamb Named Miltiades! wrote: »

Hopkins, Emmet. I go in for his "sprung thythm" in a big way, when I'm on the loo.

It takes my mind off puerile things, it's good to think about the majesty of God, the wreck of the Deutschland, windhovers Inverness, etc. instead of the murky business at hand.

Wouldn't be keen on anything morbid, or too modern. You should read something uplifting, even hum a little tune as a pleasant distraction.

What the fuhherke are you doing on a thread like this Tyrant.

I think your account has been hacked, like the HSE guys.

I’d shut down all devices.

Lot of anger around…….

TomSweeney · 14-05-2021 5:47pm

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

I had to produce a stool sample some time ago and took great pleasure in opening up the page with Gene Kerrigans mug on it.

Squared the fcuker up under the muzzle, plastic bag under the page ,and discharged a violent burst of very sour loose midden into his mush.

Needed a slotted spoon to transfer the cargo into the sample unit, took the ‘two hour heavily soiled’ program in the Dishwasher to bring the spoon back into regular use.

Everything good, just a note on the report to cut down on the ‘Gubbeen Chorizo”.

No problem says Bren when he checked the Fcukking price.

Excellent stuff though………

ahhh ... ummm ... eh ? what ?

Just chuck the spoon out ??

[Deleted User] · 14-05-2021 6:13pm

Gael23 wrote: »

Is shít not shït no matter what species back end it emerges from?

No. If you spread human slurry on the land, you're not allowed graze the land for 6 months.

I believe the Local Authorities actually sell human slurry (as sludge) to farmers, but I don't know what kind of farmer would go in for that.

Can you imagine the toxic state of the human waste produced by some of this thread's contributors? Nothing would survive such putrid exposure, the land would be spoiled.

I'm feeling queasy just thinking of it. Can we change the subject please?

EmmetSpiceland · 14-05-2021 6:18pm

A Lamb Named Miltiades! wrote: »

No. If you spread human slurry on the land, you're not allowed graze the land for 6 months.

I believe the Local Authorities actually sell human slurry (as sludge) to farmers, but I don't know what kind of farmer would go in for that.

Can you imagine the toxic state of the human waste produced by some of this thread's contributors? Nothing would survive such putrid exposure, the land would be spoiled.

I'm feeling queasy just thinking of it. Can we change the subject please?

I once saw a guy “chug” a whole jar of Parson’s Pickled Cockles.

Brendan Bendar · 14-05-2021 6:27pm

Abominable Dr. Phibes wrote: »

These lads are trying to come across as Bernard Shaw types,Guinness. Reading Ovid while sluicing one out. Please.

The reality is far more likely to be a copy of the Racing Post or the latest Viz Annual.

Believe there’s a few copies of the Debenhams Lingerie Catalogue in your thunder box Dr.

[Deleted User] · 14-05-2021 6:49pm

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Believe there’s a few copies of the Debenhams Lingerie Catalogue in your thunder box Dr.

Just had a look:

Best of Viz 2016: The Otters Pocket
Best of Viz 2019: The Trumpeter's Lips
Match of the Day Quiz Book: 1996 edition.
Allen Carr: Stop Smoking NOW
The Shiit Workout: Get fit while you shít
Sunday World Christmas TV Guide - 2018

Brendan Bendar · 14-05-2021 11:25pm

Abominable Dr. Phibes wrote: »

Just had a look:

Best of Viz 2016: The Otters Pocket
Best of Viz 2019: The Trumpeter's Lips
Match of the Day Quiz Book: 1996 edition.
Allen Carr: Stop Smoking NOW
The Shiit Workout: Get fit while you shít
Sunday World Christmas TV Guide - 2018

I think the 2017 Viz ‘The Dogs Bollox’ was the best issue.

[Deleted User] · 14-05-2021 11:49pm

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

I think the 2017 Viz ‘The Dogs Bollox’ was the best issue.

The Bookies Pencil? An affliction close to the heart of Brendan D. Bendar I would have imagined?

Hotblack Desiato · 15-05-2021 12:00am

TomSweeney wrote: »

ahhh ... ummm ... eh ? what ?

Just chuck the spoon out ??

Wire brush and Dettol and it'll be good as new.

Gael23 · 16-05-2021 12:11pm

A Lamb Named Miltiades! wrote: »

No. If you spread human slurry on the land, you're not allowed graze the land for 6 months.

I believe the Local Authorities actually sell human slurry (as sludge) to farmers, but I don't know what kind of farmer would go in for that.

Can you imagine the toxic state of the human waste produced by some of this thread's contributors? Nothing would survive such putrid exposure, the land would be spoiled.

I'm feeling queasy just thinking of it. Can we change the subject please?

There are plenty of country people that get a farmer to empty their septic tank and couldn’t care less where it goes

Lewis_Benson · 16-05-2021 12:18pm

A heavy weekend of eating has resulted in a serious exit right now.

Had Barry John's Spice bag sausages for breakfast on Friday.
Followed by a quarter pounder for dinner that evening.

Bratwurst for lunch yesterday. Followed by bbq pork chops, wedges and coleslaw for dinner, washed down with a few cans.

Barry John's Spice a sausages for breakfast this morning.

The hoop is burning.....

Ubbquittious · 17-05-2021 5:04pm

A Lamb Named Miltiades! wrote: »

No. If you spread human slurry on the land, you're not allowed graze the land for 6 months.

I believe the Local Authorities actually sell human slurry (as sludge) to farmers, but I don't know what kind of farmer would go in for that.

Can you imagine the toxic state of the human waste produced by some of this thread's contributors? Nothing would survive such putrid exposure, the land would be spoiled.

I'm feeling queasy just thinking of it. Can we change the subject please?

They installed a big system in Letterkenny to heat up human sh1t with daysul and turn it into pellets to sell as fertiliser. Not sure what became of it, the process appeared very fuel-intensive and not very PC in todays carbon-footprint-obsessed world.

Brendan Bendar · 17-05-2021 5:53pm

Just sat down atter a hard days work, spread the cheeks and discharged a load of loose midden, like a bucket of herrings on a tiled floor.

Relief was great, good wide footprint of foul smelling sludge.

Needed a little assistance to leave the casa.

Gave the leather eight spoker a good ‘burnishing’ till she shone like a new €2 Euro coin.

Good start to the evening, I’ll have to say

How was your evening…?

Slideways · 18-05-2021 2:23pm

Had some fried chicken in a local eating house yesterday. Woke up this morning with a bad taste in me gob and boxers billowing with arse gas as I took my morning piss.

Then it started. Scour flowed out of me like Mary Lou on Morning Ireland. And just as vile.

Put a damp tea towel in the freezer and jammed in into the meat cheerio, it appears to have eased the throbbing

[Deleted User] · 18-05-2021 2:31pm

Slideways wrote: »

...........

Then it started. Scour flowed out of me like Mary Lou on Morning Ireland. And just as vile.

....................

Brilliant, hopefully her fans won't take offence :pac:

EmmetSpiceland · 18-05-2021 2:41pm

Meat cheerio!!

Hotblack Desiato · 18-05-2021 3:34pm

So basically you stuck a tea towel in the tea towel holder

BlaktainPicard · 18-05-2021 3:52pm

Went to a friends house on saturday, he was having a barbeque, had lots of chicken wings with generous helpings of tobasco sauce.

Followed by plenty of sausage, and steak (more spicy sauces added ...) all lashed down with about a half gallon of porter.

Woke up around 8am on Sunday needing to sh*te, was a bit worried as I made my way to the jacks, but just deposited a heavy solid load that left no burning on the sheriffs badge, was delighted, thought I got away with it ... not so lucky, later on around 11 was back on the jacks and squirting hot foul arse gravy on to the pan, burning the arse off me too..

Went about 3 times like this before lunch, hole was burning me all day, and I had run out of ointments from the last time I roasted my arsehole.

Poor thing was looking like a Japanese flag.

Brendan Bendar · 18-05-2021 4:30pm

BlaktainPicard wrote: »

Went to a friends house on saturday, he was having a barbeque, had lots of chicken wings with generous helpings of tobasco sauce.

Followed by plenty of sausage, and steak (more spicy sauces added ...) all lashed down with about a half gallon of porter.

Woke up around 8am on Sunday needing to sh*te, was a bit worried as I made my way to the jacks, but just deposited a heavy solid load that left no burning on the sheriffs badge, was delighted, thought I got away with it ... not so lucky, later on around 11 was back on the jacks and squirting hot foul arse gravy on to the pan, burning the arse off me too..

Went about 3 times like this before lunch, hole was burning me all day, and I had run out of ointments from the last time I roasted my arsehole.

Poor thing was looking like a Japanese flag.

Did you mirror the bint???

What's the etiquette here??

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