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06-08-2019, 20:24   #1
dogsarewalked
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Poem for my Nan

My nan died three weeks ago and I am devestated. None of my family are talking about her and it fustrates me. So I decided to write a poem about her as an outlet.

Just abit of a background. My nan was born and raised in a cottage up in a forest. The ruins are still there and it is on the banks of a little stream. Just wondering if the meaning makes sense.



The ruins of the cottage are standing strong,
the stream ripples as it flows along,
The trees whisper of what once they knew,
towering over where the roses grew.

The fairy fort and the money tree,
the smoke and fog you do not see,
she walks the path towards the light,
there is no longer sound or sight.

The forest once young and full of life
has seen its pain, its hurt, its strife,
Time does not heed to its plea
for immortal years - it cannot see.

those golden paths now lead nowhere
falling leaves - the trees now bare.
The skies of night now loom above
a place that was once so full of love.

And like a gift from higher powers,
her presence still lingers in the flowers,
the wild animals now weep and grieve,
but no in their hearts she will never leave.

honest opinions would be really appreciated. Thanks guys.
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06-08-2019, 20:29   #2
No longer eat meat
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I'm not an expert in poetry or creative writing or anything really but your poem has obviously been written from your heart and that's all your Nan would want , so sorry for your loss but it is at least good that you can express your feelings in something. To me It is very nice .
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06-08-2019, 20:49   #3
FrancieBrady
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Agree that the sentiment is lovely and a fitting tribute. 'The' and a few other unnecessary phrases jar. How I would do it, less is more and all that.


Ruin of cottage standing strong,
stream ripples as it flows along,
trees whisper what once they knew,
towering over where the roses grew.

Fairy fort and money tree,
smoke and fog you do not see,
she walks the path towards the light,
there is no longer sound or sight.

The forest once young and full of life
has seen its pain, its hurt, its strife,
Time does not heed its plea
for immortal years - it cannot see.

those golden paths now lead nowhere
falling leaves - the trees now bare.
skies of night now loom above
a place once so full of love.

And like a gift from higher powers,
her presence lingers in the flowers,
wild animals now weep and grieve,
but know in their hearts
she will never leave.
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06-08-2019, 21:45   #4
dogsarewalked
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Quote:
Originally Posted by No longer eat meat View Post
I'm not an expert in poetry or creative writing or anything really but your poem has obviously been written from your heart and that's all your Nan would want , so sorry for your loss but it is at least good that you can express your feelings in something. To me It is very nice .
Thank you for your kind sentiments. It was indeed written from the heart.
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06-08-2019, 21:46   #5
dogsarewalked
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FrancieBrady View Post
Agree that the sentiment is lovely and a fitting tribute. 'The' and a few other unnecessary phrases jar. How I would do it, less is more and all that.


Ruin of cottage standing strong,
stream ripples as it flows along,
trees whisper what once they knew,
towering over where the roses grew.

Fairy fort and money tree,
smoke and fog you do not see,
she walks the path towards the light,
there is no longer sound or sight.

The forest once young and full of life
has seen its pain, its hurt, its strife,
Time does not heed its plea
for immortal years - it cannot see.

those golden paths now lead nowhere
falling leaves - the trees now bare.
skies of night now loom above
a place once so full of love.

And like a gift from higher powers,
her presence lingers in the flowers,
wild animals now weep and grieve,
but know in their hearts
she will never leave.
ah that makes it flow much nicer. thank you.
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10-08-2019, 16:46   #6
Sheridan81
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Originally Posted by dogsarewalked View Post
honest opinions would be really appreciated. Thanks guys.
It's trite and sappy and wouldn't be regarded as serious poetry.
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10-08-2019, 16:47   #7
dogsarewalked
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Originally Posted by Sheridan81 View Post
It's trite and sappy and wouldn't be regarded as serious poetry.
good job im not a serious poet then! but at least you were honest!
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11-08-2019, 10:59   #8
lustig2014
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dogsarewalked View Post
My nan died three weeks ago and I am devestated. None of my family are talking about her and it fustrates me. So I decided to write a poem about her as an outlet.

Just abit of a background. My nan was born and raised in a cottage up in a forest. The ruins are still there and it is on the banks of a little stream. Just wondering if the meaning makes sense.

The ruins of the cottage are standing strong,
the stream ripples as it flows along,
The trees whisper of what once they knew,
towering over where the roses grew.

The fairy fort and the money tree,
the smoke and fog you do not see,
she walks the path towards the light,
there is no longer sound or sight.

The forest once young and full of life
has seen its pain, its hurt, its strife,
Time does not heed to its plea
for immortal years - it cannot see.

those golden paths now lead nowhere
falling leaves - the trees now bare.
The skies of night now loom above
a place that was once so full of love.

And like a gift from higher powers,
her presence still lingers in the flowers,
the wild animals now weep and grieve,
but no in their hearts she will never leave.

honest opinions would be really appreciated. Thanks guys.

Really, really enjoyed this. Well done!
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