I cant get any girls to like me

completedit · 23-01-2019 6:51pm #1

Not even platonically. I notice girls are more comfortable with other guys. I’ve got told I’m handsome but doesnt’t seem to manifest itself in girls taking a genuine liking to me. It makes me really insecure because if my looks are good then my personality must suck but I am a proper friendly guy, just girls I like seem sort of standoffish with me. My theory is they’re shy around me but I’m not that attractive, at best I am probably decently good looking.

GingerLily · 23-01-2019 7:00pm

It sounds like you make them uncomfortable, it probably doesn't have much to do with looks at all.

Have you ever had many female friends?

What age are you?

completedit · 23-01-2019 7:03pm

30 and never had any female friends, at least not close ones.

I’m not a creepy guy at all though tbh, it’s not that they’re not nice to me but it’s a distant nice, like they’’l give me a nice smile when I see them but I dunno, whenever I try to build a rapport with a girl it just doesn’t go anywhere.

eviltwin · 23-01-2019 7:05pm

How do you get on with men and people you meet in your day to day life?

GingerLily · 23-01-2019 7:08pm

completedit wrote: »

30 and never had any female friends, at least not close ones.

I’m not a creepy guy at all though tbh, it’s not that they’re not nice to me but it’s a distant nice, like they’’l give me a nice smile when I see them but I dunno, whenever I try to build a rapport with a girl it just doesn’t go anywhere.

Well to be fair, you don't know if you're creepy or not, you could be making these women (I presume you mean women and not actual girls) uncomfortable around you.

completedit · 23-01-2019 7:11pm

No I mean I just amn’t creepy at all. It just wouldn’t be a trait that would be thrown at me at all. Passive, too nice, pushover, dumb, unconfident but not creepy.

Muckka · 23-01-2019 7:14pm

completedit wrote: »

Not even platonically. I notice girls are more comfortable with other guys. I’ve got told I’m handsome but doesnt’t seem to manifest itself in girls taking a genuine liking to me. It makes me really insecure because if my looks are good then my personality must suck but I am a proper friendly guy, just girls I like seem sort of standoffish with me. My theory is they’re shy around me but I’m not that attractive, at best I am probably decently good looking.

I wouldn't worry about it.
You're doing nothing wrong.
It's just you haven't met the right one yet.

Either have I looking at some of my post's on board's I probably know why.

You could be an extremely attractive guy and sometimes thats a curse rather than a blessing.
I don't approach women unless they're a friend, work colleague or family member.

Why ?

Because I don't want to or need to.

Once you're happy enough on your own two feet, and don't depend on another.
Then the right situation will present itself.

Anyhow relationship s are a lot of work, I don't like to have to go out of my way to be someone I'm not.

Be yourself....
It's not you

It's them.

GingerLily · 23-01-2019 7:16pm

completedit wrote: »

No I mean I just amn’t creepy at all. It just wouldn’t be a trait that would be thrown at me at all. Passive, too nice, pushover, dumb, unconfident but not creepy.

Its very hard it see ourselves objectively!

What are you actively doing to try form friendships with women?

Do you work with/interact with many women?

Muckka · 23-01-2019 7:16pm

GingerLily wrote: »

Well to be fair, you don't know if you're creepy or not, you could be making these women (I presume you mean women and not actual girls) uncomfortable around you.

That's not a particularly nice thing to say or presume about the OP.

Nobody makes anyone uncomfortable, it's up to an individual to define their own comfort zone.

ceadaoin. · 23-01-2019 7:19pm

Just because you are nice to someone and smile at them etc doesn't mean they owe it to you to like you as anything more than friends. Is every interaction with the opposite sex based on finding a date/shag for you? That's very off putting and I can almost guarantee you are coming off as either creepy or desperate. You can't "make" someone fancy you. Why not just get to know people without any expectations of romance? Do you ever try to make friends with girls that you dont find attractive?

completedit · 23-01-2019 7:25pm

TBH, I just want to feel normal, it’s not about sex for me, I just would like to be able to build a rapport with someone I like and watch it build from there. I haven’t a breeze what I’m doing wrong wrong.

completedit · 23-01-2019 7:36pm

ceadaoin. wrote: »

Just because you are nice to someone and smile at them etc doesn't mean they owe it to you to like you as anything more than friends. Is every interaction with the opposite sex based on finding a date/shag for you? That's very off putting and I can almost guarantee you are coming off as either creepy or desperate. You can't "make" someone fancy you. Why not just get to know people without any expectations of romance? Do you ever try to make friends with girls that you dont find attractive?

The second part is interesting. I like girls for their personality I think. I really like a girl right now, I think she is so attractive but I liked her for her personality. It will never happen with her but I still want to be friends despite that. It seems girls don’t want to be friends with guys they aren’t attracted to.

GingerLily · 23-01-2019 7:41pm

completedit wrote: »

TBH, I just want to feel normal, it’s not about sex for me, I just would like to be able to build a rapport with someone I like and watch it build from there. I haven’t a breeze what I’m doing wrong wrong.

Where do you generally try meet women?Do you see many women in your day to day life?

You need to focus on making female friends. Can you join a club/hobby group?

Other women who know you are probably the best and telling you what your doing wrong.

GingerLily · 23-01-2019 7:43pm

completedit wrote: »

It seems girls don’t want to be friends with guys they aren’t attracted to.

I doubt this, it's more likely they know you like them and don't want to garner false hope.

completedit · 23-01-2019 7:46pm

I’m doing a masters at the moment. I’m in a small class so that’s my main way of meeting girls. They all(including girl I like I have to say) all have boyfriends though. I’m on Tinder, I’m photogenic so get matches like crazy but it just isn’t the same really. It’s all about looks on there and I prefer the feeling of finding a girl attractive in real life. The girl I like now I may not even swipe right to her on Tinder. TBH, I’ve had the biggest crush on her for like 5 months now even though I know I shouldn’t and it will never happen. I didn’t see her for a month over Xmas and while I thought about her a lot it was like in a distant way but then I walked into class the other day and when she smiled at me when I walked in, the feelings came right back

Renegade Mechanic · 23-01-2019 7:46pm

completedit wrote: »

No I mean I just amn’t creepy at all. It just wouldn’t be a trait that would be thrown at me at all. Passive, too nice, pushover, dumb, unconfident but not creepy.

There are more women who see that and look the other way than there are grains of sand in the Sahara. Its not a collection of traits people go for. Only advice I can give is to work on them without going to the other extreme but obviously that's easier said than done..

completedit · 23-01-2019 7:47pm

GingerLily wrote: »

I doubt this, it's more likely they know you like them and don't want to garner false hope.

Definitely this.

GingerLily · 23-01-2019 7:50pm

Do you ever try make friends with women you aren't attracted to?

ceadaoin. · 23-01-2019 7:50pm

completedit wrote: »

The second part is interesting. I like girls for their personality I think. I really like a girl right now, I think she is so attractive but I liked her for her personality. It will never happen with her but I still want to be friends despite that. It seems girls don’t want to be friends with guys they aren’t attracted to.

Well that's not true at all. But if they sense that a guy likes them or if he makes it obvious and they aren't interested, they may feel uncomfortable in case he feels like she is leading him on or that he takes it as interest or whatever. That's just from my own perspective.

completedit · 23-01-2019 7:52pm

That’s a hard question. I suppose I do. I’m 30 you know, having friends at this age is a little different, I’m open to all types of people though in terms of who I will give me time to including ones I ain’t romantically attracted to.

Bigmac1euro · 23-01-2019 7:57pm

Do you drink ? Unfortunately in Ireland most hookups happen when on the sauce with people they already know.

Do you go to college outings ? It made me more relaxed been tipsy when I was single to meet women or have a laugh I am genuinely funnier when I’m drunk but there’s a fine line when I become annoying. It helped with confidence.

Also if it’s Irish people your chasing try changing because Irish women are notoriously picky imo. I’ve dated Irish English french Finnish German Argentinian. The foreign women were easier to kind of figure out if that makes sense. As Irish people we can be quite awkward.

cannotlogin · 23-01-2019 7:58pm

Do you have sisters by any chance? Could you ask them about this as you'll probably get more accurate feedback from them than your male mates.

It's very hard to know what the issue is without knowing you. There may not even be an issue, if may just be your perception.

completedit · 23-01-2019 10:57pm

My sister just says you have the type of looks that girls would think you are a dickhead and you’re not, says I’d turn girls off though with my aspects of my personality. No idea what she means though, I don’t think she can judge me accurately though.

Ursus Horribilis · 23-01-2019 11:01pm

Your subject line is a bit odd "I can't get any girls to like me". It's almost like pick up artist speak, thinking that there's something you can say or do that'll magically make women like you. Are you sure you're not coming across as a bit creepy or desperate? That'll set women running in the opposite direction.

LegacyUser · 23-01-2019 11:06pm

completedit wrote: »

My sister just says you have the type of looks that girls would think you are a dickhead and you’re not, says I’d turn girls off though with my aspects of my personality. No idea what she means though, I don’t think she can judge me accurately though.

OP, I would agree with your sister 're personality being off putting and that's just from reading your posts throughout boards. You come across as a bit almost entitled or resentful that women don't like you. Women aren't obligated to like you. You could be the nicest person in the world but if your personality in real life is anything like what comes across here then I can understand why women would be put off.

Don't treat women like they're another species and don't expect anything for being a decent human being. Just try being normal and treat women like you would anyone. Chill out a bit.

Metroid diorteM · 23-01-2019 11:06pm

I recommend becoming familiar with women before trying to initiate an intimate relationship.

To do this I would recommend broadening your hobbies. Trampolining, drama, badminton, art classes.

Chances are you will end up in a relationship with a woman who is a friend of a woman you befriend.

So pretend the women you meet in social situations (attractive or otherwise) are men and just chat and hang out until you’ve built a circle or friends that includes both genders.

italodisco · 23-01-2019 11:07pm

As ridiculous as this sounds, it's time to drop the passive nice guy thing.

Be assertive, cocky and energetic. You'll see a huge difference.

I have a friend who looks like the back of a bus yet he has women on tap due to the above, guy has no fear of rejection and goes for it every time. Works well for him!!

completedit · 23-01-2019 11:09pm

For **** sake, I just want a girl that I like to find me attractive and want to get to know me and like me for who I am. I’ve lived throughout my 20’s without really getting to the latter stage especially.

EdgeCase · 23-01-2019 11:10pm

My tip would be to go do stuff that isn't related to trying to go out with someone.

Meet some people and broaden your circle of friends and just socialise with more women. There's loads of fun things to get involved in.

Everyone I've ever gone out with has been a total accidental meeting. I've never deliberately gone out with a view to find someone.

I think that's pretty much how it happens. You just need to relax, start socialising with more women and eventually you'll find someone you click with.

Also to be quite honest and and I say this as a bisexual male (we're uniquely qualified to comment on this) the differences between men and women are not huge. Just have some chats, talk and get to know people and if you get on, it may lead somewhere.

If you're interested flirt a bit and see if there's any response. If there's is, just ask her if she wants to meet up for lunch of a coffee or something. It takes a bit of a brass neck, but sure what's the worst she can say? No.
If she does just move in and try someone else.

My view is it is you're out with the aim of finding Mrs right, you'll just get stressed out. Don't build it up. Just be yourself and get to know people.

You'll make plenty of friends that way too.

leggo · 24-01-2019 12:17am

I think some people are being a bit harsh, guys you've no idea if the OP is coming across creepy. As someone said, it's just as likely to be in his head. How many people have you known, women in particular because they'd get it more overtly, who say "I never get any attention" and then you're out with them and they're getting attention left and right but are totally oblivious to it because they've obviously got confidence issues?

From what you've given us OP, which isn't a lot to be fair though what else can you say also, you seem a bit goal orientated. That can come across. If someone is chatting to you with the sole purpose of being into you and wanting to advance it, it can be quite intense and off-putting without even meaning to be. What you could do when chatting to someone is approach it from the mindframe of "I'm a good person with a lot to offer and this person should be into me, so we're just having a conversation to see if we click and if I'm into her too." It takes a lot of the edge off, if you truly believe that mindframe then the confidence will radiate off you and get a good reaction, then you'll likely find yourself in a much better situation. But make sure you get to the point of genuinely feeling that way about yourself first. So if that means focusing on the positives about you instead of negatives (or other people's perceived viewpoints of you), and if need be do stuff non-dating related and fill up your life so you get that stage naturally.

LillySV · 24-01-2019 12:40am

italodisco wrote: »

As ridiculous as this sounds, it's time to drop the passive nice guy thing.

Be assertive, cocky and energetic. You'll see a huge difference.

I have a friend who looks like the back of a bus yet he has women on tap due to the above, guy has no fear of rejection and goes for it every time. Works well for him!!

As above, u need confidence and arrogance more so than anything else... girls love it ... ignore the other soft chat from some of the others here

I cant get any girls to like me

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