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We met here, now we've broken up, what happens next

  • 03-06-2021 8:27pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Myself and my ex-girlfriend met in a running club and went out with each other for 5.5 years before breaking up 3 months ago. It ended badly and she was very angry with me and told me she'd never go back to the club. The club has now resumed running evenings and weekends after lockdown. I haven't been in contact with her since breakup and I haven't yet resumed running with them but want to but am feeling really uncomfortable about her leaving. What should I do?


Comments

  • #2
    Big Bag of Chips
    Administrators Posts: 13,746 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    I assume you are both adults. She makes her own decisions. Whether or not she returns to the club is not your responsibility. Unless you cheated on her with another club member and you and she are flaunting your relationship?


  • #3
    YellowLead
    Registered Users Posts: 7,654 ✭✭✭YellowLead


    So she said she would never go back? Therefore why are you hesitant? Unlikely she will be there. And if she is, sure it may be a little awkward but if there are enough numbers there it will be grand.


  • #4
    Hannibal_Smith
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 6,909 Mod ✭✭✭✭Hannibal_Smith


    Is it not the case with running clubs that different groups go out on different days? And even at that when a group does go out, different pace groups end up sticking together? So if you go back, what are the chances of you seeing each other?

    Just go back and enjoy running with company again. It maybe a bit awkward initially, but that'll soon wear off when you get going


  • #5
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Why do you feel uncomfortable about her leaving?

    Is the issue that you associate the running club with her and the relationship you had (as you met there) and you're uncomfortable about going back to something with all the associated memories?

    Maybe as it was a bad break up she might have disclosed her side of the story to others in the club?

    Maybe you're not looking forward to having to tell people you and her are no longer together and don't want to have people asking why, etc.

    Do you think people will blame you for her no longer coming?

    It's difficult to comment really without knowing more about why you're uncomfortable about going back. On the face of it, being uncomfortable because she's not going to be there doesn't entirely make sense as it would be fair to assume that it would surely be far more uncomfortable for you if she was going to be present.

    Running is a great activity and if you want to go back you should just go. Look, it might be a story at first, some people will sympathise, some will look for more information, but before long (and not that long) it will be old news and people will have moved on to other matters. So I'd say just go back, it will do you more good overall despite any baggage at first.


  • #6
    ztoical
    Registered Users Posts: 4,788 ✭✭✭ztoical


    Did she found the running club? Are most of the people in the club long time friends of hers before you guys met? Otherwise I can't see why it would bother you. If you think others in the club might make it uncomfortable for you then go look for a new running club but its her choice to return to the club post break up, you didn't ask her not to or force other members to shun her. She made her choice, you can either opt to return to the club or not yourself.


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  • #7
    Rubberchikken
    Registered Users Posts: 5,083 ✭✭✭Rubberchikken


    Maybe her anger has subsided.
    If you want to rejoin then do.


  • #8
    leggo
    Registered Users Posts: 9,061 ✭✭✭leggo


    OP if you’re asking “What should I do?” more info is needed. Do you think you should let her go back? Do you actually want to go back? Is there context regarding the running club that makes it difficult for you to go back? What is it you want to do?

    It’s so vague that asking “what should I do?” without any context is essentially just going to lead to us just telling you how we’d generally think in a situation similar but not exactly like yours because we don’t have a lot of info...and we’re completely different people to you so what we’d do ourselves is irrelevant.


  • #9
    Zebrag
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 158 ✭✭Zebrag


    Hi OP

    To be fair, you're both grown adults (I would presume) and have the choice to say and do as your please, angry or not. If your Ex is refusing to return, she's throwing that on herself not you. If she's angry and upset for reasons you don't have to explain to us poster's then, again, that's her choice. I would presume this is a hobby you enjoy and I suggest continuing with this.

    If there's other running clubs around or various group meet ups on other days then I guess you could change to those ones but to stress yourself whether going back doing something you enjoy because an ex isn't impressed over a recent breakup, then that's on her. She could have made the decision to go somewhere else for all you know (if you haven't spoken to her).

    I wouldn't worry too much about it to be honest. If she has told people her version of the breakup and others have formed opinions and you're worried about that, I wouldn't let it detear you. People lose interest after a while and before you know it it'll be someone else they'll talk about. If she's hell bent on making your hobby a misery, I would suggest that you keep your cool and head leveled and focus on what you enjoy doing, she'll get bored (and over herself) when she realises that no one actually cares (unless the break up was serious and was a cause for concern then I would suggest telling people it's a personal matter and you would rather not speak about it, again, her one opinion on the situation and people will soon see this as attention seeking)

    If you really want too go the extra mile then you could contact your ex and tell her yourself in a calm manner that this is something you enjoyed before you met her and will continue to enjoy and that anything that has happened is done and over with and would appreciate that she can be adult about the situation and let sleeping dogs lie. That's an idealiaic solution but it's you pretty much saying, you're not going to stop going something and she can have a fit all she wants.

    Good luck OP


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