View Poll Results: Is marriage worth it?
Yes 155 45.32%
No 187 54.68%
Voters: 342. You may not vote on this poll

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13-01-2021, 22:11   #121
pgj2015
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Originally Posted by Wilbury Twist View Post
I think a good prerequisite for both parties to the marriage is that both are financially independent prior to signing on the dotted line. They wouldn't admit it of course but the free meal ticket element of deciding to marry is a real factor involved for many, not exclusively on the woman's side of things but more so than the other way around based on what I've seen in my social circle.

When money comes in the front door love can often run out the back door to the divorce courts for a nice financial package nest egg.

For men especially it's a case of Caveat Emptor in order to avoid buyers remorse and not being able to hand the receipt back in for a refund!


The last few women who have asked me out have been gold diggers, one asked me straight out did people in my profession make much money lol some of them cant hide it but its the ones who can that would worry you.

I always let on that I havent a penny, 99% of the time you never hear from them again.
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13-01-2021, 22:13   #122
completedit
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The romantic in me says yes, the realist says no. It's everything terrible about relationships(loss of freedom, nagging, uncertainty) without any of the good stuff(b utterflies, getting to know someone on a deep level)
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13-01-2021, 22:13   #123
pgj2015
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I'd be in a similar boat here. I'm 37 and have had 2 x 7 year relationships since I was 16ish. Both were great until we moved in together and slowly things started going downhill (imo). First one ended up shifting another lad, and while I tried to make it work after that, the trust was gone so we ended it less than a year later. Second one I ended because she wanted kids and I didn't.

But in both those situations, I thought I really knew these women before we moved in together. It's when you're living together that the truth comes out. Not saying I'm an angel, but I don't think I did anything wrong, other than be myself. As someone else said, add in kids, a mortgage, probably a pet... things get messy easily.

My parents are married 50 years this March. 50. I can't even fathom liking someone that long, let alone loving them! But, my mother will say that if it was modern Ireland, she wouldn't have lasted 50 years. She can think of 3 very specific times when she was close to ending the relationship, and only stayed because of the stigma (one of those times I was brought on a "holiday" with her, little did I know at the time that was the closest she was to leaving. Should have sussed something was up when there was no definite "go home" day, but she bought me Point Blank and the G-Con for the PS1 before leaving so I didn't care). But that was their time, marriage was a necessity to "get along" in older Ireland.

Nowadays, marriage is a great concept, but the law needs to be dramatically changed so people can get the exact same benefits (ie: tax, etc) as a married couple without actually getting married. I believe steps have been made on that regard, but I'm not 100% on it.

Most people I know who are married are not exactly happy, but most are not sad either. They all realise they're caught in this limbo, and if anything goes wrong they know it's going to be hell to deal with. My best friend is married over 10 years (in a relationship 18) and has 2 kids. When they got married, neither wanted kids. Then she got broody, he said ok just to keep her happy and believed her when she said it would be great. After the second kid he got the snip, and I'm forever hearing about all the negatives, the drop in sex, the constant arguing, the lack of time for oneself, the fact that 80% of the money he works hard for is gone before he can go near it, and lives on a few hundred a month for himself.

Maybe I'm just lucky to be surrounded by people who not only agree with my way of life (single, couldn't be arsed trying, tis great really), but actively encourage me to keep it. Even my parents are coming round to my way of thinking, having being involved in all the issues with my siblings and their partners (one of which is "happily" divorced).

But again, the law is lacking in every regard when it comes to marriage. It needs to be updated asap to reflect modern living and not the catholic controlled version that's still in play here. Marriage was a necessity once, but no more.


Being single is the way to go if it suits you. not answerable to anyone. some people cant live like that though, they are too needy.
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13-01-2021, 22:19   #124
pgj2015
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[/QUOTE]

Put that on your Tinder blurb.

And if we go for dinner, its you who is paying, have you got that?

Last edited by pgj2015; 13-01-2021 at 22:43.
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13-01-2021, 22:23   #125
Potential-Monke
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Being single is the way to go if it suits you. not answerable to anyone. some people cant live like that though, they are too needy.
I agree. It took me a while to realise it myself, and plenty of depressed nights alone. Took a complete change in outlook and life to come to the realisation that it's better (for now anyway).
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13-01-2021, 22:33   #126
Ludikrus
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Loneliness is a killer.
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13-01-2021, 22:36   #127
FintanMcluskey
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Loneliness is a killer.
Ironically, marriage is as much a cause as a cure of loneliness
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13-01-2021, 22:41   #128
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Thing about boards is that its very hard to know much about the people throwing out their advice

I mean, if i wanted advice on being happily married id ask someone who knew how to go about that

I wouldnt be asking yknow some of the lads here who lets be honest are not going to be troubled by a long term relationship any time soon, sorry lads no offence and tell us again what ye read about women.
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13-01-2021, 22:46   #129
pgj2015
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Loneliness is a killer.


not as much of a killer as living in a flat while your ex wife has the mansion that you once lived in. or still in the mansion with your wife but sleeping in different rooms, hating each other and fighting 24/7 in front of your kids.
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13-01-2021, 22:56   #130
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If you are going to get married just make sure it is for the right reasons and to the right person, not just the next logical step in your life.
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13-01-2021, 23:02   #131
and in the morning Diamonds of Frost
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Ironically, marriage is as much a cause as a cure of loneliness
Unfortunately relationships don't necessarily help with loneliness and can cause it. There's nothing quote like that feeling when you are supposed to be sharing your life with another but yet you might as well be alone.
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13-01-2021, 23:04   #132
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Great craic here, not!

Get out there and live your life, who knows, it might be good, you might enjoy it!
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13-01-2021, 23:12   #133
completedit
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not as much of a killer as living in a flat while your ex wife has the mansion that you once lived in. or still in the mansion with your wife but sleeping in different rooms, hating each other and fighting 24/7 in front of your kids.
Were you married to Anna Nicole Smith?
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13-01-2021, 23:23   #134
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Were you married to Anna Nicole Smith?



Yes, she wouldnt even oil my wheelchair wheels.
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13-01-2021, 23:25   #135
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Agree with all that Potential-Monke. My parents are happy together (albeit my mother definitely got the better deal), but they've both admitted that a big push for getting married was that their home lives with their parents were so shít, that marriage was also an escape for them. My mother quit work as soon as the kids came along and never went back. Dad had to shoulder all the financial burdens while she was a woman of leisure. I think it's desperately unfair and you can see now that he's aged so much more than her. But, he didn't see anything wrong with it at the time. I could imagine my fiance's reaction if I told him I was giving up work and expected him to support me!
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