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A true story about me. (Memories)

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  • Registered Users Posts: 8,551 ✭✭✭Rubecula


    Was the man Rube? He probably just wanted a hand casting off his boat. You young people are so paranoid.


    :eek::eek::eek::eek:

    me in a boat!


  • Registered Users Posts: 8,551 ✭✭✭Rubecula


    It suddenly struck me today that I never told you how I got my present car.:o

    Well it happened this way. :P

    I was getting fed up with my car, a Vauxhall Vectra, some years ago. always causing trouble,to the point where the AA were charging me extra to keep my membership. One mechanic even suggested I join the RAC. :(

    Then luckily for me, a lad in work wanted a van to transport his motorbike in, (he raced them so driving them on the road was illegal) so needed to get rid of his old 1998 VW Passat. I have always liked VW cars and this one was particularly nice with wood trim and two tone velvet interior. I tried a test drive and the engine ran as sweet as a nut. Age be blowed, I liked the car. I bought it on the spot, mates rates. It cost me £300, so I was very very pleased.



    Bear in mind this was in 2008, so it happened a few tears ago. Had a clutch fail in 2010 but otherwise the car was brilliant. Then, I was ill. as many know I was seriously ill in hospital and very nearly died. :o

    When I got home I found the car was a problem, things began to go wrong with the electrics and I found it a nightmare to get in and out of as it was too low. So I did what anyone sensible would have done, I sold it (For £450) and bought a taller car...... Another VW though. this was a Sharan. I didn't need the seven seats but the height was ideal and the privacy glass made it possible to carry a portaloo in the back. I had a need for this on longer journeys as I found out:eek:

    One day about a month after I had bought the Sharan I was tootling in to work after dinner break, following a smaller car. Suddenly the smaller car swerved.

    Coming the other way was a Ford Transit, and it was towing a trailer. On this trailer were boats. And one of these boats had broken free of its ties. As it approached the small car the loose boat swung out it bounced off the road and the back end went right over the top of the car. "You lucky so and so" I thought. "JAYSUS" The bouncing boat was now coming right at me in my somewhat bigger Sharan. :eek:

    It clipped the front of my car...... Then rebounded and bounced again hitting my Sharan a second time in the side.

    I had to get out and check the front of the car. Small broken bit of plastic... phew!

    The Transit driver had stopped and came running over. "Are you ok ? " Yes I was and said so. "Only when I saw my boat go through the side of your car I thought you might be hurt." WHAT? :eek:

    The side of my lovely shiny Sharan was totally destroyed. :mad:

    The driver was an RAF officer and in fact was the RAF Health and Safety officer.

    The RAF accepted the blame, but sadly the damage to the car was too severe to repair. Insurance would only pay me some money. And even then wanted me to accept some of the blame. However I stuck to not saying any of it was my fault. They tried to find out how my car was written off by a boat and it was not my fault :confused:

    The arguing went on for months, but in time I got my money. The insurance company did not replace the car and left it for me to do. GITS


    One of the lads in work was asking me about this lastweek and another lad piped up that he had been driving the little car. When he saw what had happened to me after it had nearly hit him he said something rude and drove in to work. I only found out it was him last week two years after the event.

    No other car locally for sale to match it so I went out and bought a ........ VW Passat. And that is how I got my car. I still find them lovely cars, but sadly I still find them a tad low to get in and out of. One thing though is that it is no longer a diesel it is a petrol engine and goes like it's pants are on fire. :D


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,624 ✭✭✭Alice1


    You are a super storyteller Rube.


  • Registered Users Posts: 8,551 ✭✭✭Rubecula


    Alice1 wrote: »
    You are a super storyteller Rube.

    And you are a born flatterer XXX


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,624 ✭✭✭Alice1


    Rubecula wrote: »
    And you are a born flatterer XXX
    Actually I was sincere, Rube!

    I was reading your post aloud to the childer (in what I fondly imagine was an IOA accent) and the childer were fascinated and asked if it was really true.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 8,551 ✭✭✭Rubecula


    Alice1 wrote: »
    Actually I was sincere, Rube!

    I was reading your post aloud to the childer (in what I fondly imagine was an IOA accent) and the childer were fascinated and asked if it was really true.

    Aww Alice thank you so much. I feel so big headed now xxx


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 7,108 ✭✭✭Jellybaby1


    I remember that accident Rube. Often wondered what happened afterwards. Hope you and your Passat are very happy together, and remember, keep away from boats!


  • Registered Users Posts: 8,551 ✭✭✭Rubecula


    Really miss that Sharan to be truthful. What a great car it turned out to be...... for a month


  • Registered Users Posts: 8,551 ✭✭✭Rubecula


    Many years ago, back when I was a young man, my best friend and I decided to go on a break. He had been married a few months and the girls had decided to go to Majorca for a belated hen party or something. Dave, my friend, came round and proposed we did a tour of the South of England to see the sights.

    On the day we were leaving he turned up in his pride and joy.... an old Morris Mini Minor (Mini)

    Me: "Will we be ok in this?"
    Him: "Oh yes I have packed a picnic basket with essentials."

    Hmmmm What could possibly go wrong.

    He had taken a seat out of the car to fit the picnic basket in. Jaysus riding along in a mini sitting sometimes on a picnic basket, sometimes on the back seat scrunched up by the picnic basket in the front. It was not comfortable at all.

    THREE days we were in that bloody car. In the end I could take no more. (To be honest neither could he) getting through London with all the traffic and potholes nearly finished me off. "Tonight I am not sleeping in this four wheeled coffin" or words to that effect I screamed into his demonic face.

    He just nodded in agreement and we went to Cirencester to get a cheaper sleep than in London.

    We found a hotel with a sign outside . The sign was a Michelin one so it might have been a good one apart fom one thing that worried me a tad. The stars had been painted over one at a time the last one had a thin emulsion over it, and the first one had a few thivk layers on. However it was a bed, that was enough for me.

    We took our stuff up to our rooms, mine smelled a bit damp and musty sort of odour. I couldn't get the window to close as it had swelled up a bit. I didn't really care.


    The following morning I was woken by bird song..... Well not exactly bird song ....

    OK it was a flock of feral pigeons that had roosted in the room while I slept having I presume taken advantage of the window that was stuck open.

    They had used me as a toilet while I slept. Dave nearly died laughing. We were the only guests, (I wonder why) Breakfast was a hash up of stale tasting mush.

    "Dave I wanna go home"

    "So do I mate no idea why I let you talk me into these stupid things."

    Amazingly we are still friends despite the distance apart.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 7,108 ✭✭✭Jellybaby1


    How on earth did you sleep through all that cooo cooo cooo-ing in your room? Well it could have been worse, it could have been RATS! :D


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  • Registered Users Posts: 8,551 ✭✭✭Rubecula


    How did I sleep? Jaysus JB three days and nights wrapped around myself in a mini? I would have slept through a terrorist attack in the room let alone a group of incontinent pigeons. :D


  • Registered Users Posts: 8,551 ✭✭✭Rubecula


    Further to the whelk story previously mentioned, this weekend I was visiting my current girlfriend in Liverpool and I took the little car rather than the Passat, bearing in mind I had an awful cold last week.

    Anyway got there on Friday night and settled in to being molly coddled Yesterday (Saturday morning) we realised that we needed some groceries, so I volunteered that I would go for them, she said she would come too.

    I opened the car door for her (perfect gentleman I thought.) but she stopped halfway in and got out again sniffing the air.

    "Have you been eating fish in the car?"

    "No hon," said I.

    I got in and sniffed, sure enough it was a smell of fish.

    Odd I thought, anyway I opened the sunroof and said it was probably outside somewhere.

    We went shopping around the corner only using the car for the huge amount we bought. (gotta love Aldi some times)

    Went get in the car to come home and "Gawd almighty what a stench" I opened the sunroof and the windows and drove back gasping ..... She kept her breathing shallow and through her mouth.

    Got back to her place and she told me to sort the smell out as it was vile. I had to agree.

    After she opened thr front door I passed the bags of shopping in, but instead of walking around the car for the last bag I leaned across the back seat, my foot slipped and down I went like a sack of bricks, headfirst onto a plastic bag that I never knew was there, The smell suddenly got that bad I nearly saw my breakfast again.

    The bag reeked so bad I didn' move for a second as I was in shock.

    Inside the bag was a packet of prawns and when I fell over the pack had burst... Dear heaven it was vileness personified. I hooked the bag at arms length with one finger in the handles and passed it in through the doorof the house, to much squealing from my lovely friend. and she ran out the back with it.


    The smell got worse and worse the more the bag jiggled about so she went to throw it in the bin from a distance and it stuck to her hand a bit, it went over the wall......... luckily it went over the end wall and not into next door. Unluckily the back gate is seized shut. On the bright side she likes cats which I cleverly pointed out..... ?Hmmmmm.


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,624 ✭✭✭Alice1


    Eww, can't abide the smell of fish.


  • Registered Users Posts: 27,902 ✭✭✭✭looksee


    Just had fish for my dinner, very nice.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 7,108 ✭✭✭Jellybaby1


    Flippin' hell Rube! That sounds revolting!


  • Registered Users Posts: 8,551 ✭✭✭Rubecula


    Jellybaby1 wrote: »
    Flippin' hell Rube! That sounds revolting!


    It smelled worse than it sounded :(


  • Registered Users Posts: 8,551 ✭✭✭Rubecula


    So I decided to go shopping today, which was to be my first day out if the house in ages. Obviously I can not use my car just yet, but a shopping trolley and a bus would do for a nice little adventure, at least that was the general idea.

    Off to town I went all excited about being out on my own again. Tesco was the obvious place for me to go. I bought a load of groceries and got the bus home. then I went to get off the bus, some youngsters were trying to get on at the same time, so I moved the trolley out of the way, and a bloody wheel broke off it. I ended up dragging the said trolley down the road sideways .... not happy at all.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 7,108 ✭✭✭Jellybaby1


    Every day is a (mis)adventure!


  • Registered Users Posts: 12,631 ✭✭✭✭OldGoat


    UniTrolly. How very hipster of you Rubes.

    I'm older than Minecraft goats.



  • Registered Users Posts: 8,551 ✭✭✭Rubecula


    good mews is that the working wheel fitted nicely on to another trolley :)

    err yes another trolley with a broken wheel ... LOL


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 32,688 ✭✭✭✭ Eddie Young Videodisc


    You should write a book Rubes, but your editor will probably want some of the tales rowed back a bit to seem believable to the reader. You're what my mother used to refer to as a "walking disaster area".

    Keep it coming.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 7,108 ✭✭✭Jellybaby1


    ....Keep it coming.

    Loike, todally! :)


  • Registered Users Posts: 8,551 ✭✭✭Rubecula


    You should write a book Rubes, but your editor will probably want some of the tales rowed back a bit to seem believable to the reader. You're what my mother used to refer to as a "walking disaster area".

    Keep it coming.

    said many times that I couldn't write a book on just a few anecdotes ,,, but thank you for the kind comments.


  • Registered Users Posts: 32,634 ✭✭✭✭Graces7


    speechless!


  • Registered Users Posts: 71,799 ✭✭✭✭Ted_YNWA


    **makes note not to accept a lift from Rubes.**


  • Registered Users Posts: 32,634 ✭✭✭✭Graces7


    Ted_YNWA wrote: »
    **makes note not to accept a lift from Rubes.**

    Adds note to stay clear of anywhere he is driving etc.
    Maybe warning sirens? Like air raids!


  • Registered Users Posts: 32,634 ✭✭✭✭Graces7


    Young man; I was just dropping off to sleep when I remembered what your style reminds me of and my memory being fragile had to get up etc...

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zZUJLO6lMhI

    It was known as "the bricklayer's letter to his employer."


  • Registered Users Posts: 8,551 ✭✭✭Rubecula


    Graces7 wrote: »
    Young man; I was just dropping off to sleep when I remembered what your style reminds me of and my memory being fragile had to get up etc...

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zZUJLO6lMhI

    It was known as "the bricklayer's letter to his employer."

    never laid a brick in my life lol lol:D


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 32,688 ✭✭✭✭ Eddie Young Videodisc


    Rubecula wrote: »
    never laid a brick in my life lol lol:D

    I'm now imaging the results if you had. Ladders, bricks, rope/pully, wet cement, high walls versus high winds.....


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  • Registered Users Posts: 71,799 ✭✭✭✭Ted_YNWA


    I think Rubes could have been the inspiration for Some Mothers Do 'Ave them

    :P


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