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Struggle to find words in conversation

  • 10-11-2020 4:16pm
    #1
    completedit
    Registered Users Posts: 2,639 ✭✭✭


    Has anyone ever encountered this problem? For as long as I can remember I always had this inner feeling of words running away from me when I am speaking. It's hard to explain but it's as if when I am communicating, I have no general framework of what I want to say. It doesn't make that much sense to me as, if you use an analogy of inputs and outputs; in terms of inputs, I have a rich source of material from which to work with. I read quite a bit, have a few hobbies(although perhaps nothing that I'm extremely passionate about), watch TV and films, have thoughts about the world etc., but it's like this doesn't manifest itself in outputs. I'm not silent but I have struggles with articulating my thoughts or even sometimes establishing my thoughts. I always feel in conversations as if I am reacting rather than instigating conversation. I also have this tendency to feel I must get quickly to the end of what I am saying. I am not patient with myself and feel I should hurry through whatever it is I am saying.

    Is there anything I can do to remedy this quirk?
    1. To bring my day to day activities to life. I am not great at being like 'Oh, check this out what I read/saw/did/happened today.' It's like I assume disinterest.

    2.How do I go about rectifying this and not have this spitfire way of speaking? I always have this simultaneous thought that there is something better/more informed/funny I should be saying even as I am speaking.

    It's not a hugely important thing but I associate it with passivity. In my view, expression gives you control and because I lack it, I always feel on the backfoot.


Comments

  • #2
    Thelonious Monk
    Registered Users Posts: 13,690 ✭✭✭✭Thelonious Monk


    haven't you posted about this loads of times already? did you follow previous advice?


  • #3
    Tork
    Registered Users Posts: 3,247 ✭✭✭Tork


    Thelonious Monk wrote: »
    haven't you posted about this loads of times already? did you follow previous advice?

    You have been repeatedly advised to seek out therapy. That advice still stands.


  • #4
    eleventh
    Closed Accounts Posts: 436 ✭✭eleventh


    OP, does it happen with everyone and every situation, or only some people and situations?

    I think it's fine to not join in, if you don't have something definite to add. I mean there are situations where I'll be in a room and conversation goes to something I don't have interest in, or don't have much of a view on, or maybe not the right people/place/time to express my view. So I just let them talk and wait for the subject to change.


  • #5
    ILoveYourVibes
    Registered Users Posts: 15,176 ✭✭✭✭ILoveYourVibes


    practice monologueing?

    I am not so certain that advice deserves to be taken seriously tbh. Although you could try improv classes ..or your own improve class with covid.

    When you connect with someone ....what do you want them to know?


  • #6
    completedit
    Registered Users Posts: 2,639 ✭✭✭completedit


    ILoveYourVibes wrote: »
    practice monologueing?

    I am not so certain that advice deserves to be taken seriously tbh. Although you could try improv classes ..or your own improve class with covid.

    When you connect with someone ....what do you want them to know?

    It's a great question. All I can say is that in many conversations I have, it feels as if I know what am saying is rediculous and that I know with a click of a button there would be a much more apt and succinct yet elaborate way of putting what I want to say. It is as if I don't have enough wisdom, ideas, thoughts to really have great conversation. I don't know if it's me or if I just expect too much from myself and others and that day to day conversation leaves me flat.


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  • #7
    ILoveYourVibes
    Registered Users Posts: 15,176 ✭✭✭✭ILoveYourVibes


    completedit wrote: »
    It's a great question. All I can say is that in many conversations I have, it feels as if I know what am saying is rediculous and that I know with a click of a button there would be a much more apt and succinct yet elaborate way of putting what I want to say. It is as if I don't have enough wisdom, ideas, thoughts to really have great conversation. I don't know if it's me or if I just expect too much from myself and others and that day to day conversation leaves me flat.
    People don't expect wisdom etc ....either they like you or they don't.

    Day to day conversation with some often leaves me flat ..you need to find the right people in this case.

    Or better yet ..people whose company you can enjoy in silence.

    Its not a beauty comp where you are showing off your personality.


  • #8
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭[Deleted User]


    completedit wrote: »
    Has anyone ever encountered this problem? For as long as I can remember I always had this inner feeling of words running away from me when I am speaking. It's hard to explain but it's as if when I am communicating, I have no general framework of what I want to say. It doesn't make that much sense to me as, if you use an analogy of inputs and outputs; in terms of inputs, I have a rich source of material from which to work with. I read quite a bit, have a few hobbies(although perhaps nothing that I'm extremely passionate about), watch TV and films, have thoughts about the world etc., but it's like this doesn't manifest itself in outputs. I'm not silent but I have struggles with articulating my thoughts or even sometimes establishing my thoughts. I always feel in conversations as if I am reacting rather than instigating conversation. I also have this tendency to feel I must get quickly to the end of what I am saying. I am not patient with myself and feel I should hurry through whatever it is I am saying.

    Is there anything I can do to remedy this quirk?
    1. To bring my day to day activities to life. I am not great at being like 'Oh, check this out what I read/saw/did/happened today.' It's like I assume disinterest.

    2.How do I go about rectifying this and not have this spitfire way of speaking? I always have this simultaneous thought that there is something better/more informed/funny I should be saying even as I am speaking.

    It's not a hugely important thing but I associate it with passivity. In my view, expression gives you control and because I lack it, I always feel on the backfoot.

    This is something I suffer with too. Have searched for but can't find the other post with advice. Can somebody help me find it?


  • #9
    ExMachina1000
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,748 ✭✭✭ExMachina1000


    completedit wrote: »
    Has anyone ever encountered this problem? For as long as I can remember I always had this inner feeling of words running away from me when I am speaking. It's hard to explain but it's as if when I am communicating, I have no general framework of what I want to say. It doesn't make that much sense to me as, if you use an analogy of inputs and outputs; in terms of inputs, I have a rich source of material from which to work with. I read quite a bit, have a few hobbies(although perhaps nothing that I'm extremely passionate about), watch TV and films, have thoughts about the world etc., but it's like this doesn't manifest itself in outputs. I'm not silent but I have struggles with articulating my thoughts or even sometimes establishing my thoughts. I always feel in conversations as if I am reacting rather than instigating conversation. I also have this tendency to feel I must get quickly to the end of what I am saying. I am not patient with myself and feel I should hurry through whatever it is I am saying.

    Is there anything I can do to remedy this quirk?
    1. To bring my day to day activities to life. I am not great at being like 'Oh, check this out what I read/saw/did/happened today.' It's like I assume disinterest.

    2.How do I go about rectifying this and not have this spitfire way of speaking? I always have this simultaneous thought that there is something better/more informed/funny I should be saying even as I am speaking.

    It's not a hugely important thing but I associate it with passivity. In my view, expression gives you control and because I lack it, I always feel on the backfoot.

    Generally many people are that far up their own back side that the only thing you need to practice is asking them questions which gives them an excuse to keep talking.
    Once you master this and are comfortable you will begin to respond to their answers rather than having to keep asking more questions.
    Eventually you will quickly learn to figure people out and might even begin to control conversations.

    Start with the questions on whatever topic is being talked about ie a sports result, covid restrictions, the weather etc etc
    The topic is irrelevant.

    Aim for 3 to get you going. Itl become habit


  • #10
    Rubberchikken
    Registered Users Posts: 5,083 ✭✭✭Rubberchikken


    As above. A lot of people love talking about themselves.
    Ask what they did at weekend, what they think of virus , Christmas etc. And listen.
    Once you do it a few times it gets easier and even enjoyable.


  • #11
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭[Deleted User]


    Rubberchikken wrote: »
    As above. A lot of people love talking about themselves.
    Ask what they did at weekend, what they think of virus , Christmas etc. And listen.
    Once you do it a few times it gets easier and even enjoyable.

    His issue isn't around knowing what to talk about but about doing his own thinking and then articulating his own thoughts to others.

    This is probably a self confidence issue and the OP could probably benefit from doing meditation to help declutter the mind.


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