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11-07-2019, 15:04   #61
sullivlo
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From when I was a teenager I knew I wanted to have kids.

Now I'm 33 and I don't have kids and I laugh at teenage me.
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11-07-2019, 15:06   #62
Micky 32
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Risky at 35? My ass.
A cousin of mine is 3 months pregnant and is 50 years old
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11-07-2019, 15:16   #63
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Kids are like farts: your own are just about tolerable
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11-07-2019, 15:17   #64
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I'm with Zaph on this. I'm now 36 and luckily, everyone who had the gall to ask me (or worse, try to make me feel bad) if I'm having kids has been made aware of my stance, which is that too many people are having them without thinking, and I dislike children quite a lot. I was in 2 minds in my 20s, even doing the whole naming the kids thing with the then missus. But the older I get, the more solid I am in my stance that I don't want them.

They smell. They're loud. They require constant attention up until a certain age. They literally **** themselves (special shout out to you ***** who post the ****e covered baby pictures on t'internet, literally no one wants to see this). They cost a crap load of money. They take the majority of your spare time. They cost even more money in their teens. If you have a boy, you've only to worry about 1 mickey, but if you have a girl you have to worry about all the mickeys.

Load on top of that the amount of people using gaming/tv to distract their children for a few minutes and then blame said game/tv because they won't stop playing/watching. Parents are getting worse at parenting, and your own child can sue you for stupid **** now. And you can't smack them anymore - yes, I'm pro-smacking, get over it.

On top of all of this, I have quite a few friends and family who are married. My best friend, married 12 years (in a relationship 17 years). When they initially got together and when they got married, neither wanted kids, but her clock started ticking when her sister had a kid, so after a lot of back and forth he agreed to try 1. They now have 2, he's gotten the snip and is a constant reminder to me to not have kids (his own words). The relationship is stressed since the kids came along and if he could go back he would. Same with my sister and at least 1 brother (if not 2 of 3). Other people I know report similar situations, and most seem to have had kids because "that's just what you do" - mortgage, kids, pets. Crazy.

I'm getting more and more people who are dead set against them, like myself. And it's great to see that having kids is no longer a priority in life for a lot of people, as it should be. And I'll leave ye with this:

Is it better to not have kids and regret it, or have kids and regret it?
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11-07-2019, 15:19   #65
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A cousin of mine is 3 months pregnant and is 50 years old
There's hope for me yet so!

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11-07-2019, 15:23   #66
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So I'm 42 and I've counted this up...

Out of a circle of friends of 28, 7 don't have a partner or children (4 guys, 3 girls), 1 has a fairly serious girlfriend which could either end up in marriage and kids or could equally implode any second, knowing his history. Two couples are married but have chosen not to have children. The rest are married either with kids or trying for them. 1 is divorced with children.

As to the 7, I can't exactly say whether they are single because they refused to compromise and settle for a partner, or whether they've genuinely never met anyone that they felt they could even hope to have a happy life with. Definitely two out of the three girls would like to have had children. One just never wanted them. None of the 7 seem particularly unhappy with their lot - at least, no more or less happy than those who have married with children. The unhappiest seems to be those that do want kids but can't have them, or those who really wanted kids and settled in their choice of partner in order to have them. If I'm being honest, the happiest seem to be the couples without kids. They have jobs they love and are the kind of jobs that give back to society. They travel a lot, have a lot of hobbies and are healthier. I dunno, maybe the couples with kids are genuinely happier and more fulfilled - it's just harder to show it under the layers of tiny sacrifices and frustrations and years of lack of sleep.

So in my unscientific, based on what's happened to me, opinion, it's rare for someone who wants a relationship and is willing to compromise to actually not find someone, but it does happen. No one I know has rejected a relationship or the prospect of having children for their career - they might have limited the number of children, that's all. The scale of happiness goes like this:

Married couples who never wanted kids (and therefore probably married their soulmate) > Couples who married their soulmate and had kids > Single people who are agnostic about kids > married people who settled and had kids > Married couples who wanted kids and couldn't > single people who wanted kids but never met the right person.
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11-07-2019, 15:26   #67
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lol OP goes on dates feels bad about others not finding love or having kids
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11-07-2019, 15:26   #68
ChippingSodbury
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Originally Posted by Potential-Monke View Post
I'm with Zaph on this. I'm now 36 and luckily, everyone who had the gall to ask me (or worse, try to make me feel bad) if I'm having kids has been made aware of my stance, which is that too many people are having them without thinking, and I dislike children quite a lot. I was in 2 minds in my 20s, even doing the whole naming the kids thing with the then missus. But the older I get, the more solid I am in my stance that I don't want them.

They smell. They're loud. They require constant attention up until a certain age. They literally **** themselves (special shout out to you ***** who post the ****e covered baby pictures on t'internet, literally no one wants to see this). They cost a crap load of money. They take the majority of your spare time. They cost even more money in their teens. If you have a boy, you've only to worry about 1 mickey, but if you have a girl you have to worry about all the mickeys.

Load on top of that the amount of people using gaming/tv to distract their children for a few minutes and then blame said game/tv because they won't stop playing/watching. Parents are getting worse at parenting, and your own child can sue you for stupid **** now. And you can't smack them anymore - yes, I'm pro-smacking, get over it.

On top of all of this, I have quite a few friends and family who are married. My best friend, married 12 years (in a relationship 17 years). When they initially got together and when they got married, neither wanted kids, but her clock started ticking when her sister had a kid, so after a lot of back and forth he agreed to try 1. They now have 2, he's gotten the snip and is a constant reminder to me to not have kids (his own words). The relationship is stressed since the kids came along and if he could go back he would. Same with my sister and at least 1 brother (if not 2 of 3). Other people I know report similar situations, and most seem to have had kids because "that's just what you do" - mortgage, kids, pets. Crazy.

I'm getting more and more people who are dead set against them, like myself. And it's great to see that having kids is no longer a priority in life for a lot of people, as it should be. And I'll leave ye with this:

Is it better to not have kids and regret it, or have kids and regret it?
If your Mam & Dad are still around, I hope you'll be especially nice to them the next time you speak to them!
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11-07-2019, 15:28   #69
TuringBot47
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Originally Posted by Potential-Monke View Post
it's great to see that having kids is no longer a priority in life for a lot of people, as it should be.
It's not for everyone.
You need to be emotionally mature, responsible, patient, able to share, compromise, support others and a whole lot of other adult soft skills that definitely develop your personality positively.

It's only dropping in priority as the housing crisis delays younger couples until they have a stable home. Also women tend to want to have fun, travel etc in their 20's before the settle into family life, so they delay it longer than previous generations.
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11-07-2019, 15:30   #70
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@The potential monke..
I honestly don't think I've ever heard of anyone regretting having children..

At this stage tbh it's probably not looking too likely that I'll have them, and it makes me quite sad really..

Like, it's the one thing every lifeform everywhere strives to do..

People going "yeah, I don't care, live for me, travel etc" strikes me as fairly grim really..
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11-07-2019, 15:31   #71
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And yeah, children are probably a struggle..

But their children repay you for that struggle..
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11-07-2019, 15:35   #72
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@The potential monke..
I honestly don't think I've ever heard of anyone regretting having children..

At this stage tbh it's probably not looking too likely that I'll have them, and it makes me quite sad really..

Like, it's the one thing every lifeform everywhere strives to do..

People going "yeah, I don't care, live for me, travel etc" strikes me as fairly grim really..
You wouldn't hear about it because it wouldn't be received well. How would you react if one of your friends genuinely told you they regretted their children and wished they never had them?

But people neglect their children all the time due to disinterest, people abandon their children, some even murder their children. And some just live a quiet miserable existance alone with their feelings of regret.

It's not like they are in the majority, but it is naive to think they don't exist.
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11-07-2019, 15:40   #73
anewme
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@The potential monke..
I honestly don't think I've ever heard of anyone regretting having children..

At this stage tbh it's probably not looking too likely that I'll have them, and it makes me quite sad really..

Like, it's the one thing every lifeform everywhere strives to do..

People going "yeah, I don't care, live for me, travel etc" strikes me as fairly grim really..
That's why it's different strokes for different folks.

Having the freedom to do what you want, when you want is not grim. Its great and I would not have it any other way.

I also know a few people who regret having children.

They love them now they are here and of course would not change them, but feel they signed up to something they may not have been best suited towards.

There's really no such thing as normal.

There's your normal and my normal, they can be both different and that's fine.
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11-07-2019, 15:43   #74
Sir Guy who smiles
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Nonsense.

People want kids because they like kids and want their own kids, just like people want pets because they love dogs/cats and want them. People also don't want kids for plenty of reasons (I'm sort of torn, myself) and that's fine too.

Why does one side or the other have to be better? It seems people without kids can't accept that having kids can be a really good thing, and likewise people with kids seem to often look down on those without them. There's no wrong decision, either way.

Let people do whatever the f*ck they want and stop making sweeping generalizations, basically.
I think this sums it up.
Each to their own.
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11-07-2019, 15:49   #75
DingDongDitch
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They smell. They're loud. They require constant attention up until a certain age. They literally **** themselves (special shout out to you ***** who post the ****e covered baby pictures on t'internet, literally no one wants to see this). They cost a crap load of money. They take the majority of your spare time. They cost even more money in their teens. If you have a boy, you've only to worry about 1 mickey, but if you have a girl you have to worry about all the mickeys.

I accept most of the points in your post but the above is either a strikingly immature attitude for a 36 year old or some kind of mental gymnastics you've used to validate your decision not to have children.
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