Biggest scandal in your workplace (Mod Note in OP)

Worked in a place for a few summers while in secondary school - there was a fella there who was forever trying to groom young Tacitus, promises of a big cold bag of cans and fresh box of fags if I would only call up to play cards. He would then be asking if I'd ever had sex, and if i liked boys as well as girls etc. Etc.
(14/15 year old me)

Nah, says I, fùck off with yourself ya creep (was a street smart chap who hung around with a rough enough crowd so was never in any danger)

He went straight upstairs and reported me for being abusive.. I told snr management* my side of the story and was told to behave myself and stop antagonising the poor man because he's a bit simple.

3 or four years pass and low and behold he gets jail for an aggravated sexual assault on a very young chap in the local town.

Bumped into him a few years ago, looked shook after his stint in prison, he looked even more shook after I told him to make sure to watch out for me if he's ever crossing the road.


*manager was a very close relation. I'm still pissed at their lack of action in siding with the obvious paedo and his obvious grooming attempts.

So I work for a multinational and an engineer had problems with his laptop. He left it in with the IT guys and low and behold the dirty bastard had plenty of pics of guys in the loo.
He took pictures form under and over the stalls. He was made resign and It was all Swept under the carpet as such.

Again as many posters have mentioned had phantom ****ters. One was lwft under a mat for a few days and the others were mainly in the toilet. Toilet bowl just riddles with ****e.
We always have to check the toilet roll too before tolling it out incase there is ****e on it as one lad went to take some and there was some on the roll. He came out of the toilet as if he saw a ghost. He was pretty disturbed by it.

Had a good few instances of married men and women having affairs. Couple have gotten caught either on the roof or in store rooms etc.

One of the mods already has me in handcuffs but for other reasons.....eh, science reasons, lets say.

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »

Plot twist.

Guys, what does a phantom shítter crave more than anything? That's right, notoriety.

So a thread appears about outrageous workplace incidents, what's the phantom shítter gonna do? He's gonna boast about his obnoxious, puerile little feats. He won't be able to help himself!

Yes! Emmet, Deebles, Irish_goat and all the others, to you I say, J'accuse !

You are the phantom shítters.

Mods! Arrest these scurrilous rogues forthwith!

Drops monocle.

"Militiades , now is your moment to seize power. "

So uh do these phantom ****ters wipe after?

Somedaythefire wrote: »

So uh do these phantom ****ters wipe after?

The angry ones or the mental ones? I have theories on both.

shannonman81 wrote: »

In my last job we had a phantom sh###er... But strangely it was in the women's toilets.

Mine was of the fairer sex too :eek:

whatlliwear wrote: »

A new temp member of staff mistakenly sent an email that was intended for her boyfriend to the entire Nationwide company. The email was a long explicit one. Basically, saying that she never wanted to move to this new job or location but did so for him and his new job. That she feels like his sex slave/ cook as that's all she feels she is to him. I forget the specifics but it was deeply personal and explicit. The poor girl had to show her face the next day .. as far as I can remember she didn't show up the next day

I remember this. Everyone felt dreadful for her.
Could never figure out how she managed to do it.

My ****ter was not a phantom at all.
I had a pub with another friend as 50:50 partners. There was this old guy who used came right after postman delivered his pension and was able to spend it within few hours. I did not allow him inside (after incident which I describe shortly) as he was smelling so bad that as soon as he walked in most of other patrons walked out and I was about to faint. Wooden chair outside and his buddies ferrying drinks for him for a fee... That guy could be used as a biological weapon for clearing out buildings from enemy combatants - everyone would run for their life type of a smell...

My partner on the other hand loved to see him as he was like money in the bank. Couple drinks and then he was buying rounds for everyone. To me it looked bad so we always fought about it. My main problem with that patron was that everytime when he got drunk he simply relieved himself right on a pub chair which were upholstered and quite difficult to clean. I snapped when we had about 20 chairs in a back room waiting to be cleaned. That day he was sitting drunk on a wooden chair as I banned him from upholstered ones he did a number 2 in his pants. It was pretty obvious so I decided that it is a time for him to leave. As I was dragging him out as he was unable to stand on his own, ***te started to come out from the bottom of his trousers on both sides. Literally kilos of the stuff. I had to close down for a day.

patnor1011 wrote: »

My ****ter was not a phantom at all.
I had a pub with another friend as 50:50 partners. There was this old guy who used came right after postman delivered his pension and was able to spend it within few hours. I did not allow him inside (after incident which I describe shortly) as he was smelling so bad that as soon as he walked in most of other patrons walked out and I was about to faint. Wooden chair outside and his buddies ferrying drinks for him for a fee... That guy could be used as a biological weapon for clearing out buildings from enemy combatants - everyone would run for their life type of a smell...

My partner on the other hand loved to see him as he was like money in the bank. Couple drinks and then he was buying rounds for everyone. To me it looked bad so we always fought about it. My main problem with that patron was that everytime when he got drunk he simply relieved himself right on a pub chair which were upholstered and quite difficult to clean. I snapped when we had about 20 chairs in a back room waiting to be cleaned. That day he was sitting drunk on a wooden chair as I banned him from upholstered ones he did a number 2 in his pants. It was pretty obvious so I decided that it is a time for him to leave. As I was dragging him out as he was unable to stand on his own, ***te started to come out from the bottom of his trousers on both sides. Literally kilos of the stuff. I had to close down for a day.

That’s publicans for you, well some of em..

They always have their favorites and it’s usually whomever is filling their pockets fastest and more regularly. In the case I remember there was one absolute pîsshead around 70 who’d after a few too many would ramble around the pub try to ingratiate himself with people and into company and would usually end up in the mood for trouble when they asked to be left alone... happened to us one night, he nearly sent me flying from a slap on the back and me having said nothing to him. On getting up from my seat I jokingly said “Jesus, no more drink for the karate kid here” and that set him off, he went for me, barmen over, sat him down, one of them sat with him for a few minutes...I was asked what I’d done to ‘upset’ him..

I related what happened and was told all be it from a supervisor who is somewhat of a cretin to mind my mouth, to which I replied I’ll mind where I spend my cash in future and left... following day a phone call from the owner who heard what happened, an apology and yer man barred for a couple of days...

I can guarantee had my demeanor and method of departure not fueled worry of a slightly lighter till and threats from buddies to do the same I doubt my phone was ringing..

Atlantic Dawn wrote: »

Did he ever arrive back in your place again after that incident?

Yep. Every day after he got his money. I never let him inside though. Not worth it as most of other people just left when he came in. He was a totally lost case he wanted his drink. He probably wanted a bit of chat too but even that I felt sorry for him I stood my ground and he was barred from coming in.
At that point I paid off my partner and he could not got in since my partner was not working anymore. Anyway, there were quite a few of people who loved to be around him (simmilar types) as he was paying for their drinks too. They took a chair outside for him and came in with orders.

After some time he stopped coming and I learned that he died. He used to get few bottles of beer to where he was living. Official version of his death was that he drank from a beer bottle where there was some paint thinner instead of beer, his place was littered with bottles and stuff. He was sort of a hoarder too. Unofficial grapevine version was that someone from a family who wanted his house and get rid of him planted that bottle there for him.
I have no idea if that was true probably not, pub talk after few hours is worth nothing anyway and after working in a pub for few years I can say I heard it all.
Working in a pub was not for me so after few years I just gave up. Work like that is too much to take in as you see people losing money, family and mind as the time go and you are somehow contributing to that. I had numerous conflicts with alcohol addicted people when I tried to help them - you cant reason with someone who is hell bent to have his way.
It has been good 20 years since my "publican days" and even now I do not drink and cant stand to be around drunk people. I am not against drinking - alcohol just lost its "magic" for me.

Deleted User wrote: »

from call centre through supemarket through factory through civil service, every place had had phantom ****ters and the vast majority in the womens loos

even the supermarket customer loos were noticeably more prone to being filth in general as well as specifically targeted for crapbombing

fairer sex how are ya

I used to work as a toilet cleaner in a supermarket a few years ago - womens toilets were always foul. Not to mention the occassional "mummy you didn't wash your hands" that I would hear from the kids on leaving the bathroom. Lads bathrooms > womens bathrooms.

AlphabetCards wrote: »

I used to work as a toilet cleaner in a supermarket a few years ago - womens toilets were always foul. Not to mention the occassional "mummy you didn't wash your hands" that I would hear from the kids on leaving the bathroom. Lads bathrooms > womens bathrooms.

Slightly off topic but I worked as a cleaner all through college and agree with you, but the worse was when I worked in a big DIY store as a cleaner and was being asked on a regular basis to clean out the display toilets that some scumbag had allowed their child take a sh1t in. This happened all the time And each and every time I refused as we were contracted to clean the floors They then always made some poor young lad from the warehouse lift the brown trout out of the toilet and put it in a bag for disposal.

Oh man....this happened a few minutes ago.

I just sent an email to a Mr Whitely and I wrote 'Dear Mr ****ely'....bloody fat fingers.

Replace 'W' with 'S'

partyguinness wrote: »

Oh man....this happened a few minutes ago.

I just sent an email to a Mr Whitely and I wrote 'Dear Mr ****ely'....bloody fat fingers.

Replace 'W' with 'S'

This reminds me of a typo I had before typing a t instead of a g. It wasn’t in work but in a college report.

I meant to say somebody was regarded as...

Instead I wrote he was retarded as....