Poor Our Dracula

Just as the Count was about to pounce on van Helsing, the door to the library was flung open.

Incontinently, a host of furious villagers stormed into the library, waving blazing torches and voicing dire threats.

The Count turned to leap on them, then reeled back, repelled at the reek of garlic that wafted from them like a solid thing.

"Count Dracula!" cried the burgomaster, a solid citizen of some fifty years, but looking older, as though wracked by years of grief.

"For your many crimes against the people, we have come to bring you judgement!"

The dread vampire lord gave a low, mocking laugh.

"Buffoon!" he snorted, "there is nothing you can or dare do to me!"

"You are wrong," declared the burgomaster calmly.

"We have prepared well -- aided by the wise advice of our honoured visitor -- and it is you who will find there is nothing you can do.

We have garlic, mirrors, the Holy Crucifix, the Host, the holy water... and we have a specially large axe prepared for you.

Seize him!"



At once the Count was seized by the brawny arms of half a dozen of the townsfolk, while the crowd parted to reveal a particularly burly man, his head shrouded in a hood of black velvet, and a massive headsman's axe firmly in his two knotted hands.

Screaming in rage, the Count was swiftly pinioned with his head on the block, and the burgomaster leaned forward, his face creased in pain and fury.

"Your time is come, monster!

Only one thing can save you now -- the location of all the treasure you have plundered from our town over the centuries!"

Dracula laughed anew, despite the indignity of his perilous position.

"So we come to the true purpose of this charade -- pure naked greed.

You will get no treasure from me!"

"Then your head shall be cut off on the count of three," vowed the burgomaster.

"Headsman, raise your axe, and prepare to strike."

"You are bluffing!" sneered the Count.

"The treasure is where you will never find it!"

"One"

"Cut my head off and the treasure is lost for ever!"

"Two"

"I defy you, burgomaster! I defy you!"

"Three!"

"Wait! It is in the --"

Even as the vampire's nerve broke, the heavy axe was swinging down and could not be halted, and with one clean strike the headsman took off Count Dracula's head.

There was a gasp from the crowd at the realization that in another second they would have known where the treasure was, but the burgomaster drew himself up.

"Have no fear," he said,

"we have ample leisure to search, and we are sure to find the treasure with care and patience."

He could not, however, suppress a slight flicker of apprehension at the thought that the Count might have told the truth...

And so it proved when, a month later, he was reluctantly forced to admit that they had turned over every stone in Castle Dracula, with never a sign of the treasure.

Van Helsing nodded philosophically.

"I feared it would be so," said the Dutchman. "You see, you should...

"never hatchet your Count before he chickens."