Sh*te your co-workers say

red petal · 13-03-2019 1:09pm

Minute by minute updates on their child's day. Especially when it's repeated in the child's voice "..... go pee pee". Seriously!

13-03-2019 1:20pm

"I'll revert to you."

Lackey · 13-03-2019 1:21pm

mayo londoner wrote: »

It's more the phrases that people use in work such as 'touch base'. The one that really bugs the **** outta me is referring to the company as 'we' every time, it's your boss/director that's getting the profits you idiot, not you.

‘Let’s run this up the flagpole and see if it flies’

Eh you are moving stock around to try get it to sell...let’s call it what it is.

‘I’m eating aldesco’

Just fu£k off especially the ‘our profits are up/down’ they aren’t ‘ours’ love.

Knex* · 13-03-2019 1:21pm

Deleted User wrote: »

"I'll revert to you."

I ****ing hate that one with a passion.

"We must bottom that one out" is another one that grates.

Hotblack Desiato · 13-03-2019 1:24pm

Canyon86 wrote: »

Co-workers making personal phonecalls within earshot of everybody else is a pet hate of mine,

i.e ringing up about an ESB Bill, or ringing spouse

Sooner or later though you'll get their credit card number, expiry date and security code

Your Face · 13-03-2019 1:25pm

I see you're on a healthy eating kick, everyone has, you've told us all.
Now how about some exercise, you triple necked land ship.

Giveaway · 13-03-2019 1:26pm

"TIME for tea" every 15 mins and "we did a great days work today". Both in the same job in uk. Same job in ireland would do 3 times the work with half the staff, but a much nicer work environment in Ireland

the_pen_turner · 13-03-2019 1:27pm

It's the women talking about their kids, pets and clothes, and men about gaa and football or the I was so pissed at the weekend stories

Hotblack Desiato · 13-03-2019 1:31pm

binana wrote: »

So much diet talk! "Being good", slimming world, how many "sins" or calories are in what, comments on healthfulness of each others' lunches.

Then two weeks later they're bringing in cake and insisting everyone has some. I hate cake so just look like an ungrateful bastard.

canonball5 · 13-03-2019 1:32pm

I worked with a bell end that had to give up his business because he was "too good" at what he did and was "too busy" to keep up with the amount of work he had to do!!! What a knob!

mayo londoner · 13-03-2019 1:34pm

Have another severe pain in the hole who CC's directors into pointless emails at 6.30 in the morning just to let them know that she's in early. She's in at that time every morning of the week (she doesn't be long telling you), doesn't get time in lieu, bonus or any perks for that matter and yet still does it, the mind boggles.........

Same individual is the loudest and noisiest person I've ever encountered, has the whole floor irritated the whole time, always feels the need to run everywhere around the building for reasons unknown. Her name is Crona and feels the need to sign off every email as 'Regards C' as if she's some ****ing superstar.

LouD2016 · 13-03-2019 1:42pm

"I'll go put the kettle on....but it might not fit''

*eye twitch

KaneToad · 13-03-2019 1:43pm

Note to colleagues: "Good morning, how are you" is a greeting, not a question. The appropriate response is "Grand, yourself". Nicities over.

frosty123 · 13-03-2019 1:50pm

fryup wrote: »

does anyone have the workplace bragger/know it all??

yep, i worked with a guy a right pain in the arse..one of those cool dudes-thinks he knows everything everyone else is a fool....he had an opinion on everything and i mean everything, everything he said was to be taken as FACT you wouldn't dare question him...i went out of my way to avoid him, really got on my tits *prick

razorblunt · 13-03-2019 1:52pm

"Half day is it?"

As I leave at 4:30 having been in since 7:15 (my choice).

"Good afternoon"

As I come get to my desk at 9:10 having been in a meeting since 8am on another floor.

He's been put back in his place on that but he just moves on to another person who wouldn't tell him to take a long walk off a short pier.

facehugger99 · 13-03-2019 1:59pm

"Leaving early today?"

No, actually I'm leaving on time, I was at my desk at 7.30am not that you would have noticed as you got in around 9.30am.

I'm sure you can leave 30mins later than me and still feel like an office hero through.

Cock!

amcalester · 13-03-2019 2:02pm

frosty123 wrote: »

yep, i worked with a guy a right pain in the arse..he had an opinion on everything and i mean everything, everything he said was to be taken as FACT you wouldn't dare question him...i went out of my to avoid him, really got on my tits

I work with a guy who is an even bigger pain in the arse.

Ush1 · 13-03-2019 2:05pm

"Cya tomorrow"

"Actually I'm off tomorrow"

"Jaysus isn't it well for some!"

Not really, we both have the same annual leave allocation per year.

sbsquarepants · 13-03-2019 2:05pm

KaneToad wrote: »

Note to colleagues: "Good morning, how are you" is a greeting, not a question. The appropriate response is "Grand, yourself". Nicities over.

Note to foreign colleagues: English grammar works slightly differently in Ireland. The following phrases just mean hello

How are you?
How are you keeping?
How's tricks?
How are you getting on?

The answer to all these questions is "grand, yourself?" Although phrased as a question, this will not be answered, so don't think it rude when the person just walks on without further interaction.

The exception to this is if you're hot - then you may feel free to answer in as much detail as you see fit and end with "yourself?" which will be treated as an actual question, and answered with a stream of self promotion / mild lechery.

Aglomerado · 13-03-2019 2:21pm

This time last year ...also in the civil service;
Endless chit chat about cakes, lotto, euromillions, tea breaks, Eastenders.
And they wondered why I blared loud music into my aural canals every day.
And they couldn't hand each other anything in the office, they had to throw it and it would invariably land on my desk scaring the **** out of me.

And when I left at 4: "half day again?" that was funny the first time, not the 75th time.

Nothing like that where I am now.

as we have enough work to do. And I'm the boss so I can tell people to shut up

Aglomerado · 13-03-2019 2:24pm

Your Face wrote: »

you triple necked land ship.

:D:D:D

ThunderCat · 13-03-2019 2:29pm

The people in my place only do a lotto syndicate when the euromillions creeps above 80 million. And then they spend the whole time before the draw saying it's too much money, that they would only want 300k and they wouldn't know what to do with it all.

magic_murph · 13-03-2019 3:04pm

SOOO MANY

whistling in the office

The 'salad brigade' ladies who all talk a good healthy game (Starving yourself is not healthy) but all will be at the vending machine come 3 bells mauling into the chocolate.

The guy the tells the same story, word for word, to anybody he can even through the 50 people withing ear shot have heard the story, numerous time.

The gang of girls that are 'up the walls' but think nothing of spending 30 minutes gathering around a computer looking / sneering / judging peoples photos on facebook or similar

People that microwave fish for lunch. Just stop.

Anybody that tries to be full of cheer at 8:50 on a monday morning. Just stop

The people that are involved (Volunteered) in every aspect of the company - sports and social, internal projects etc yet when speaking to them all they can do is bad mouth the company and give out that they do too much.

The noisy desk eaters and drinkers.

The list could go on but i'm getting a cloud of rage coming over me just thinking about the above fools

sbsquarepants · 13-03-2019 3:21pm

canonball5 wrote: »

I worked with a bell end that had to give up his business because he was "too good" at what he did and was "too busy" to keep up with the amount of work he had to do!!! What a knob!

Used to work with a bloke who left to go working for himself, fitting windows and doors, he came back about 5 years later (looking about 25 years older). Said the reason he had to give it up was much the same as your buddy - he had too much work on (a million plus apparently) but he was too much of a perfectionist, he just couldn't cut corners and get through it, or leave it to someone else to do (I've seen his work - it looked like Stevie Wonder did it!)

Toss pot must have thought no one had heard the stories of his drink and gambling addictions, taking deposits and blowing them in the pub or the bookies or forgot that numerous people had ran into him legless drunk causing trouble in pubs and so on!

Yea, I believe you have rocked up asking for your old job back, looking like a hobo, just so you can dodge that million quids worth of orders, course I do!

murpho999 · 13-03-2019 3:23pm

I had a colleague the other day talking about the Michael Jackson abuse documentary.

She said she was shocked by the talk of the abuse and she found it upsetting. Fair enough.

She then went on in all seriousness to say that she found the parts talking about blow jobs uncomfortable viewing and difficult to swallow.

She was genuinely perplexed when a gang of us just burst out laughing.

orourkeda1977 · 13-03-2019 3:35pm

Thy ask me to do some work.

Imagine that. The cheek of them.

completedit · 13-03-2019 3:54pm

I love most things about Ireland but the how are you and grand response is the worst. It's only good to make fun of

major bill · 13-03-2019 4:18pm

Work in an open plan with a very loud and dramatic American!!

The stapler has nearly been launched a few times in the American persons direction!!

DaeryssaOne · 13-03-2019 4:19pm

The whistler / singer of the first line of a song - every 60 seconds or so. The song more than likely won't change during those 8 hours but by the next day he'll have a brand new one ready to ruin and irritate the absolute s**t out of you so you can never listen to it again. In five years the man has ruined a lot of songs for me.

The show off - think that just because they stay later than you that you are shown up to be a lazy sod, no I just have a life so don't hang around for appearances sake you loser, I get my work done in the time I'm paid for it.

The idiot - just pure and utter frustrating ignorance of everything that goes on around them, couldn't tell you the name of the Irish president and absolutely does not know a single place in Dublin despite living here 30+ years apart from their route to work. It's pretty sad but the unbelievable narrow-mindedness does put me into a rage!

yourdeadwright · 13-03-2019 4:19pm

One girl who goes over board with everything.

For instance

Once a week there's white van seen kidnapping children in her area , always a white van

Everyone is out to spike you if your a girl ,

Black gangs blamed for every teen kid who gets in a scuffle , like it hasn't been happing to kids since time began with white kids,

Major work problem daily , that in reality can be resolved by one mail

Momo or whatever that stupid thing was would lead to thousand of kids killing themselves in Dublin

Its endless,

Sh*te your co-workers say

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