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25-05-2019, 16:46   #2731
milltown
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A guy comes home one evening to find his wife in the bedroom packing a suitcase.
"Where are you going?" he asks.
She replies "I'm moving to New York. I heard there's women there getting paid $400 a time for what I do for you for free."
He pulls out his suitcase and begins to throw his stuff in.
"Where are you going?" she asks.
"I'm coming with you" he says,"I want to see how you survive on $800 a year!"
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25-05-2019, 23:22   #2732
Capt'n Midnight
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People walked out of the Spice Girls concert last night because of dreadful sound problems.

A sound engineer has been sacked for causing the issues.




He left the Mic's on.
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27-05-2019, 19:00   #2733
byrner88
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My wife told me she was leaving me because I was too clingy.

"Ok," I said, "I'll come with you."
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27-05-2019, 19:11   #2734
TheBody
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I just bought a beehive that had no exits in it. Unbelievable....
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27-05-2019, 19:45   #2735
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Me - I'm scared of The Backstreet Boys

Therapist - tell me why...

Me - *screams*
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28-05-2019, 17:05   #2736
dilallio
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I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of jail,

but apparently you can't end a sentence with a proposition.
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29-05-2019, 01:08   #2737
byrner88
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"Paddy, I've noticed you pushing your bike to work the last two days?"

"I know, the chain's snapped but I've got my sandwiches and flask in the basket!"

"Why don't you just carry them?"

"Don't be stupid, how could I push me bike then?"
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29-05-2019, 01:15   #2738
 
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A lot of people say to me, "Hey you, what are you doing in my garden?" - Michael Redmond.
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29-05-2019, 07:37   #2739
Bob Harris
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A man goes into a pub one evening, sits on a bar stool and orders a drink.

As he is sipping his beer, he looks around and spots an attractive lady sitting at the opposite end of the bar, taking dainty sips of a cocktail.

Suddenly - she sneezes, and in the process her glass eye pops out of her head and rolls slowly down the top of the bar surface in the direction of the man.

He instinctively puts his hand out and grabs it. He is so proud, and in an act of chivalry, he walks up to the other end of the bar and returns the glass eye to the lady.
She is well impressed .

They proceed to spend the rest of the evening chatting, laughing, and getting to know each other.

At the end of the evening, when the bar closes, the lady says “Why don’t you come back for a nightcap?” and they both taxi to her apartment.
Then follows a night of fabulous passion !

In the morning, the man has to leave for an appointment, but before he goes, he snuggles up to the lady and says “Do you do this with every man you meet in the bar?”

She replied “No... only with those who catch my eye”
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03-06-2019, 07:57   #2740
Bob Harris
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I’ve recently been dating a homeless woman.

Things are getting serious.

she wants me to move out with her.
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03-06-2019, 19:06   #2741
M.T. Cranium
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You'll camp under that bridge when you come to it.
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03-06-2019, 21:54   #2742
Bob Harris
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Another thing to consider is that I'll be eating out every night.
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03-06-2019, 21:57   #2743
blade1
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And she can never kick you out!
Starting to sound like a great idea already!
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03-06-2019, 22:49   #2744
Capt'n Midnight
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What's the Local Property Tax like ?
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03-06-2019, 22:54   #2745
Bob Harris
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Capt'n Midnight View Post
What's the Local Property Tax like ?
It used to the through the roof but now it's sky high.
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