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17-10-2019, 22:15   #1
TomTree
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To stag or not to stag

Hi.

I am getting married next year, medium size wedding. I have been invited to a Stag of a school friend, whos wedding and stag are before mine next year.

My numbers don't allow me to extend an invitation to that circle of friends for my own wedding.

Should I:

Decline the invite knowing I cant return it.

or

Accept the invite and not return the invite to my own.

Love to hear gentleman’s opinion on this?

Cheers
Tom
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17-10-2019, 22:19   #2
 
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Go to his stag - wedding and then just avoid him for the rest of your life. That way you won’t ever have to explain to him why you didn’t invite him to your wedding.
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17-10-2019, 22:22   #3
L1011
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People get invited to stags who end up never having one at all; either due to not marrying or simply not having one - was on one two weeks ago where two of the four already married on it just didn't have one. I don't see the need for it to be reciprocal

You're probably covering all your own costs and possibly even some of theirs if there's some splitting going on so its not like a wedding where you could end up costing someone.

As goes the rest of that circle - they're completely irrelevant.
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17-10-2019, 22:58   #4
noby
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If he's invited you, and you want to go, then go.

But, do not feel obliged to invite anyone to your own wedding/stag.

If it were me I would even say this straight out - explain that yours is a low key affair. I don't think anyone would take offence.

I've been to stags with friends, then not invited to the wedding when the same friends have. After going through my own wedding I understand 100% why people make these decisions.
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18-10-2019, 10:21   #5
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I've been to all my mates stags and weddings.

For my own wedding we had immediate family only. 16 + the priest. I had no stag.

My mates got over it!


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18-10-2019, 10:50   #6
TomTree
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Quote:
Originally Posted by noby View Post
If he's invited you, and you want to go, then go.

But, do not feel obliged to invite anyone to your own wedding/stag.

If it were me I would even say this straight out - explain that yours is a low key affair. I don't think anyone would take offence.

I've been to stags with friends, then not invited to the wedding when the same friends have. After going through my own wedding I understand 100% why people make these decisions.
To be honest I don’t feel I know him well enough anymore to have that conversation . I bolted out of the gate when the WhatsApp went around and said I would go as it will be good craic but now thinking of the possible political fallout as our stags looks like they will be three week apart.
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20-10-2019, 10:15   #7
D'Agger
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TomTree View Post
To be honest I don’t feel I know him well enough anymore to have that conversation .
Those conversations are always difficult to have, particularly when you're talking to somebody you're not seeing all the time or as frequently as before etc. That said, you should be free to have a word on a stag over a pint, there'll be plenty of opportunities on a stag anyway so I wouldn't be anxious about it & tying yourself up in knots about how it will be received.


Quote:
I bolted out of the gate when the WhatsApp went around and said I would go as it will be good craic but now thinking of the possible political fallout as our stags looks like they will be three week apart.
Just to clarify, you can't invite this guy to your wedding and stag? Is that part of the issue? Your original query is that you can't invite them to your wedding which is grand, but is your stag 3 weeks later and you're conscious that you haven't invited him to that?
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25-10-2019, 11:54   #8
TomTree
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Those conversations are always difficult to have, particularly when you're talking to somebody you're not seeing all the time or as frequently as before etc. That said, you should be free to have a word on a stag over a pint, there'll be plenty of opportunities on a stag anyway so I wouldn't be anxious about it & tying yourself up in knots about how it will be received.




Just to clarify, you can't invite this guy to your wedding and stag? Is that part of the issue? Your original query is that you can't invite them to your wedding which is grand, but is your stag 3 weeks later and you're conscious that you haven't invited him to that?

I cant invite him to the wedding therefore I wouldn't invite him to the stag as I would personally think its all or nothing in the instance, maybe I am wrong. Y a my stag is 3 weeks after his but my wedding is before his. He is very organised. His has been arranged for months.
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25-10-2019, 12:00   #9
D'Agger
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TomTree View Post
I cant invite him to the wedding therefore I wouldn't invite him to the stag as I would personally think its all or nothing in the instance, maybe I am wrong. Y a my stag is 3 weeks after his but my wedding is before his. He is very organised. His has been arranged for months.
I'd explain the numbers and invite him to the stag from there it's his choice. By not inviting him, you're making the choice for him so I'm sure he'd appreciate being given the option to choose himself - that's just my take on it, I don't know the chap so if you think he'll take it differently then go with your gut on it.
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26-10-2019, 19:50   #10
beertons
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I had a few extra go to my stag, that weren't going to the wedding. I think you're over thinking it.
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26-10-2019, 19:51   #11
listermint
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Frogeye View Post
I've been to all my mates stags and weddings.

For my own wedding we had immediate family only. 16 + the priest. I had no stag.

My mates got over it!


Frogeye
That's not exactly usual though.... Tbf
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