Therapist isn’t responding

LegacyUser · 13-01-2021 1:49pm #1

I’ve been seeing my therapist for a little over a year now, used to be face to face before the pandemic but then just became virtual ever since. We have a decent relationship (I think) and usually speak once a week however last time we spoke was the week before Christmas. Since then I have only spoken to her once to arrange an appointment last week, which she subsequently cancelled by text (very uncommon for her).

Since then I haven’t gotten a response from her as to her availability, I’ve followed up with a message today as I could really do with a session but I’m starting to wonder whether I should look elsewhere rather than bother here further? It might sound irrational but I’m starting to feel as if she might be avoiding me and it’s making me feel a bit worse about everything, any advice is most appreciated.

Hannibal_Smith · 13-01-2021 2:42pm

Is there a reason why you think she would be avoiding you?

Maybe she has children or circumstances at home that are making things a bit up in the air at the moment?

She could of course communicate something to you so you're not worried. Maybe wait and see what she says to you after today's message?

Lux23 · 13-01-2021 2:58pm

Maybe she is sick? I doubt her lack of response is in any way related to you.

JeffKenna · 13-01-2021 2:59pm

Could be something in her personal life. Although she should really text and just say that unless she's ill.

Xterminator · 13-01-2021 3:08pm

Hi Op

there is a raging pandemic. you seem to be taking the unavailability of the therapist as a personal slight. But it would seem both self centered, and unhelpful to be making that assumption.

Hard as it is, i suspect you will just have to wait until you hear back before you will get any answer's. Don't cut your nose off to spite you face here, and give them the benefit of the doubt. you can discuss when a session is arranged, if you feel the need to bring it up.

YellowLead · 13-01-2021 3:24pm

Hi OP,

I would echo what others have said, there’s a pandemic on the go and your therapist might be busy with other clients/life and if you give her a bit more time no doubt she will respond to your query.

I have to ask - is there something more in the relationship that you see/seek beyond patient/therapist? Is that why you are taking it personally?

eviltwin · 13-01-2021 3:28pm

I wouldn’t worry about the cancellation of the appointment being anything personal to you. As others have said there could be many reasons why she had to drop out. Not communicating with you to follow up is poor form though, there should have been some attempt to explain why she is unable to reschedule. That kind of thing would put me off a therapist, trust is important in the process. I’d give her another chance to respond as you seem to work well with her but if it’s continuing silence find someone else.

Jimmy Bottlehead · 13-01-2021 3:32pm

I've also heard of relatively young people dying suddenly with a diagnosis of Covid-19, so hopefully your therapist is actually, y'know, alive and alright, as well as their loved ones. They are a real human at the end of the day with their own health, life, family and friends.

Mystery Egg · 19-01-2021 11:12am

The most likely thing to have happened is that your therapist has been impacted by illness or bereavement. It 100% will have nothing to do with you.

I would wait another week or two before trying to make contact again.

If you need to speak to somebody, you could get a session or two elsewhere to hold you until then.

LegacyUser · 19-01-2021 6:09pm

Mystery Egg wrote: »

The most likely thing to have happened is that your therapist has been impacted by illness or bereavement. It 100% will have nothing to do with you.

I would wait another week or two before trying to make contact again.

If you need to speak to somebody, you could get a session or two elsewhere to hold you until then.

Thanks for your response, yes I figured this is likely the case and of course don’t want to add any additional pressure to her situation, I’m just really surprised there was no communication or indication she would be away for some time and might have referred me elsewhere. It’s been a good few weeks now since I had a session and I’m feeling it.

Thanks again for all replies.

Faith · 19-01-2021 8:36pm

HHS91 wrote: »

Thanks for your response, yes I figured this is likely the case and of course don’t want to add any additional pressure to her situation, I’m just really surprised there was no communication or indication she would be away for some time and might have referred me elsewhere. It’s been a good few weeks now since I had a session and I’m feeling it.

Thanks again for all replies.

Are they in independent practice with no other staff or colleagues, or is there someone else you can contact to enquire about her availability?

It would be unspeakably unprofessional for her to “ghost” you, not to mention hugely clinically risky and it could land her in serious hot water professionally, so one would have to assume something serious has happened.

That being said, short of being dead, presumably she could have gotten an email out to her clients to say “I’m unwell/whatever and can’t work for the next X number of weeks”, or similar. You’re surely not her only patient so I imagine others are experiencing the same thing, which is unfair on you all.

LegacyUser · 20-01-2021 4:11pm

Faith wrote: »

Are they in independent practice with no other staff or colleagues, or is there someone else you can contact to enquire about her availability?

It would be unspeakably unprofessional for her to “ghost” you, not to mention hugely clinically risky and it could land her in serious hot water professionally, so one would have to assume something serious has happened.

That being said, short of being dead, presumably she could have gotten an email out to her clients to say “I’m unwell/whatever and can’t work for the next X number of weeks”, or similar. You’re surely not her only patient so I imagine others are experiencing the same thing, which is unfair on you all.

Hi, apologies for the late reply, didn’t see this post until now.

Yes she’s an independent practitioner and usually very reliable with contact between sessions. If she had told me she would be MIA for some time then I could have and would have made alternative arrangements to seek another therapist for this month.

I’m reluctant to draw a line under her as we did make great progress and I confided a lot of things no one knows about me, hence the difficulty in cutting my losses and moving on.

YellowLead · 20-01-2021 4:56pm

Have to tried to phone her? Or was it just text. Try calling and if no answer then leave a voicemail letting her know that you are really in need of a session and if she can’t fit you in soon to please let you know so you can make alternative arrangements. If nothing back (which would be unprofessional) you’ve no choice unfortunately but to seek an alternative.
Had you discussed a programme of sessions with her? A path forward? As in - was she expecting your therapy was finished or were you in the middle.

Big Bag of Chips · 20-01-2021 5:34pm

HHS91 wrote: »

If she had told me she would be MIA for some time then I could have and would have made alternative arrangements to seek another therapist for this month.

Surely then the assumption would be that she is unexpectedly MIA?

It is incredibly likely that she is unintentionally caught up with something else. Family bereavement, family illness, her own illness. A man local to me was dropped to the local A&E by his wife a couple of weeks ago after becoming very unwell with Covid. She told him she'd see him in a few days.

He was buried last week.

There are many and various reasons why she may not be available or be in contact with you. The least likely reason of all is that it's something to do with you.

Faith · 20-01-2021 8:10pm

Have you googled their name? Just in case they've died or something? Hopefully that won't be the case, of course.

In an ideal world, therapists should have a 'therapy will', where an executor can contact all of the therapist's patients to alert them to the therapist's death, illness or incapacitation. It's not a requirement though, so most won't have this.

I'd try googling and phoning. If that doesn't yield anything, I think you'll need to move on to a new therapist. Either something serious has happened, which means you'll probably need a new therapist anyway, or the therapist hasn't lived up to their professional responsibilities and duty of care to you, which doesn't bode well for your therapeutic relationship either.

LegacyUser · 21-01-2021 1:27am

Thanks everyone for your replies, I think I’m just going to have to try find an alternative for the time being until I hear back soon from her that all is ok, again thanks,

Mods I think you can close this thread, thanks.

wiggle16 · 21-01-2021 3:35am

Thread locked at OP's request.

Thanks all who posted.

Best of luck OP - take care of yourself.

Therapist isn’t responding

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