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Ambivalent about babies

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  • Registered Users Posts: 138 ✭✭Gaeilgeoir


    I do occasionally worry about my ability to love, as you say I have no experience of it. So sometimes I wonder if I would be able to show my child the love they deserve. It's not even so much that I worry about not loving them, more that I wouldn't know how to express it, so that they might not feel as loved as they would be.

    I am very curious about what it must feel like to be loved, though to be honest I think I might actually be very uncomfortable with it. The few times a guy has expressed an interest in me I have sprinted in the other direction, as I found the flattery off-putting and the affection made me nervous. I guess I'd hope it would be different if the feelings were mutual, unfortunately any guy I have liked has had no interest in me, so I haven't been able to test this theory!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 612 ✭✭✭KevinCavan


    At work I’m constantly shown pics of babies that other people have had and don’t know how to respond to them.


  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 30,653 Mod ✭✭✭✭Faith


    My job for the next few months involves working closely with death, dying and bereavement. I had to mentally prepare a lot for it, which for me has meant talking about those topics. Seems this triggered a bit of an existential crisis for Mr Faith along the lines of "Who'll remember me when I'm dead?". I told him that he can reopen the conversation about children at any stage and I'll discuss it with him, but I kept waking up during the night last night thinking about having children. Each time, I ultimately landed on "Nope, not for me". I don't even know why I'm posting this, other than a gut feeling that Mr Faith will decide he does want a child and that fills me with terror :eek:.


  • Administrators, Politics Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,947 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Neyite


    KevinCavan wrote: »
    At work I’m constantly shown pics of babies that other people have had and don’t know how to respond to them.


    I'm hopeless at 'seeing' who a baby looks like. All babies look like a cheerful potato to me. So my stock response is "aww he/she's so cute!"



    I thought my own was the most gorgeous baby I'd ever laid eyes on and now I look back on pictures of him then, yup -cheerful spud. :pac:


  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 15,409 Mod ✭✭✭✭woodchuck


    90% of babies all look the same to me.
    5% are exceptionally beautiful.
    5% are exceptionally ugly.

    So when the pictures go around, most of the time I just give a cursory glance and do the expected "ah aren't they lovely" response. If I spend a lot longer looking at the picture, it's because falls into the one of the other two categories... probably obvious from my facial reaction which one :P


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 8,474 ✭✭✭Obvious Desperate Breakfasts


    Faith wrote: »
    My job for the next few months involves working closely with death, dying and bereavement. I had to mentally prepare a lot for it, which for me has meant talking about those topics. Seems this triggered a bit of an existential crisis for Mr Faith along the lines of "Who'll remember me when I'm dead?". I told him that he can reopen the conversation about children at any stage and I'll discuss it with him, but I kept waking up during the night last night thinking about having children. Each time, I ultimately landed on "Nope, not for me". I don't even know why I'm posting this, other than a gut feeling that Mr Faith will decide he does want a child and that fills me with terror :eek:.

    Well, my friend put it bluntly to me a few years ago: who will remember any of us when we’re gone once a few generations have passed? Hell, many of my friends don’t know a thing about some of their grandparents, the ones that died when they were young or before they were born.

    Apart from a select few who achieve fame in their lifetime, none of us will be remembered in a relatively quick amount of time. Hell even some famous-in-their-lifetime people are quickly forgotten.

    So, it’s definitely not a reason to have kids. Tell Mr. Faith that! :D


  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 30,653 Mod ✭✭✭✭Faith


    Well, my friend put it bluntly to me a few years ago: who will remember any of us when were gone once a few generations have passed? Hell, many of my friends don’t know a thing about some of their grandparents, the ones that died when they were young or before they were born.

    Apart from a select few who achieve fame in their lifetime, none of us will be remembered in a relatively quick amount of time. Hell even some famous-in-their-lifetime people are quickly forgotten.

    So, it’s definitely not a reason to have kids. Tell Mr. Faith that! :D

    That’s simultaneously depressing and reassuring :D


  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 30,653 Mod ✭✭✭✭Faith


    I was interested to bump this thread, to see whether anyone’s attitudes have changed over time?

    I’m 33 now, and I have a group of 3 friends from school that I’d talk with the most. Of them, 1 has a toddler and has just announced her second pregnancy, one has a toddler and has had a couple of miscarriages recently, and one just had a baby.

    I’ve still never, ever felt the DESIRE to have a child, but I find I pretty regularly feel left out (in my head only, my friends are wonderful and certainly would never make me feel left out). I also regularly wonder if I’m abnormal for not wanting kids.

    I even came off hormonal contraception for the past year to see if that elicited a desire to have kids, but all it did was make me have periods again and be more moody. I have an appointment for a Mirena fitting in a couple of weeks!

    In terms of life experiences and progress, mine has been very different to my friends. Their lives have been quite settled, with only minor changes along the way, while my life has never been the same one year to the next! I do wonder if, once I’ve bought my own house in the next 12 months or so, if anything might change in terms of having kids.

    Really interested to hear the experiences of others who are or were ambivalent or definitively child free?


  • Registered Users Posts: 9,991 ✭✭✭Caranica


    I've never wanted kids. Early 40s now and still don't. The closest I've come to feeling maternal is my twin nephews who I adore. I have other niblings but there's something special about this pair. All the same I'm not one for changing nappies or the responsibility and couldn't see myself ever having a child of my own. I don't feel I'm missing out.

    My circle of close friends goes from 20 something to 60s so there's a real mix of life stages. I've always been closer to guys than girls so don't have a close group who've been mothers at the same time other than my sisters. And seeing their lives, no thanks!


  • Registered Users Posts: 15 Baby Ambivalence


    Im the one who started this thread. At the risk of outing myself as a hypocrite...since starting it, I had a baby!

    I was on the fence for so long waiting for a desire to kick in but it wasn't so we just took a leap of faith and hoped for the best. Thankfully we have no regrets.

    I'm enjoying parenthood far more than I expected to. I was never one for cooing over babies but now every baby I see reminds me of mine and I can't help but go "aww". 😄


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  • Registered Users Posts: 138 ✭✭Gaeilgeoir


    Im the one who started this thread. At the risk of outing myself as a hypocrite...since starting it, I had a baby!

    I was on the fence for so long waiting for a desire to kick in but it wasn't so we just took a leap of faith and hoped for the best. Thankfully we have no regrets.

    I'm enjoying parenthood far more than I expected to. I was never one for cooing over babies but now every baby I see reminds me of mine and I can't help but go "aww". ��

    Well congratulations :)

    Since my previous posts, I did go through fertility treatment and currently have 16 frozen embryos waiting for me after IVF. So I'm still at the stage where I could chicken out :P All my fears still remain, particularly regarding having a child with a mental disability who would require lifelong care. Oh and I'm also terrified of being pregnant and giving birth!

    The only thing driving me on is the thought of looking back at my life at 60 or 70 years old and asking myself what kind of life I want to have lived. I have still never been in a relationship and am not optimistic that it's something I can hope for. My job doesn't really fulfill me and I don't envision finding a magical career that will give my life the meaning I feel it so desperately needs.

    So yes, it looks like I'm treading that well worn path of having a child to give my life purpose. So I still don't feel particularly maternal and still have zero interest in other people's children. However, I do very often find myself thinking of how I'll talk to my child about certain things or how I'll introduce them to all the things I love.

    I guess ultimately I feel like I live my life in a holding pattern and I don't want to spend the rest of my life just existing, keeping myself going by sprinkling a few events throughout the year that I live for (I travel abroad to badminton tournaments, well I did before Coronavirus!). I want something more from my life and so, if I don't get last-minute cold feet, I'll be doing an embryo transfer in the next few months.

    There's still a reasonable chance of me giving up on the whole thing though, it is very scary :P


  • Registered Users Posts: 15 Baby Ambivalence


    Gaeilgeoir wrote: »
    Well congratulations :)
    Since my previous posts, I did go through fertility treatment and currently have 16 frozen embryos waiting for me after IVF. So I'm still at the stage where I could chicken out :P All my fears still remain, particularly regarding having a child with a mental disability who would require lifelong care. Oh and I'm also terrified of being pregnant and giving birth.

    Best of luck with the IVF! Having a kid with a disability was my great fear too. Thank god ours is healthy.
    Being pregnant was a bit of a pain in the last trimester. Giving birth wasn't a pleasant experience but it wasn't as traumatising as I'd expected and it's true that you instantly forget it as soon as the baby arrives, and I mean, you aren't even that bothered by being sliced and stitched. Those labour hormones are better than valium!


  • Registered Users Posts: 11,624 ✭✭✭✭meeeeh


    I don't mean this in judgemental way at all but I do wonder if anyone started thinking having kids is more attractive once Covid hit and there was very little to do. A lot of things that make child free life attractive just aren't there. While for me the main social difference was I didn't have to bring them to activities and there was no school gate chat (in fairness that could be just sad reflection of my life). That being said a few weeks of homeschooling is enough to put you off of having more kids.

    Anyway congratulations for the baby. :D


  • Registered Users Posts: 138 ✭✭Gaeilgeoir


    meeeeh wrote: »
    I don't mean this in judgemental way at all but I do wonder if anyone started thinking having kids is more attractive once Covid hit and there was very little to do. A lot of things that make child free life attractive just aren't there. While for me the main social difference was I didn't have to bring them to activities and there was no school gate chat (in fairness that could be just sad reflection of my life). That being said a few weeks of homeschooling is enough to put you off of having more kids.

    Anyway congratulations for the baby. :D

    Personally, the Coronavirus situation made me question again my intention to have children as I couldn't imagine being a parent during all this! I have considerable concern about my capacity to both find my child entertaining and to entertain them in return :P


  • Registered Users Posts: 15 Baby Ambivalence


    meeeeh wrote: »
    I don't mean this in judgemental way at all but I do wonder if anyone started thinking having kids is more attractive once Covid hit and there was very little to do. A lot of things that make child free life attractive just aren't there. While for me the main social difference was I didn't have to bring them to activities and there was no school gate chat (in fairness that could be just sad reflection of my life). That being said a few weeks of homeschooling is enough to put you off of having more kids.

    Anyway congratulations for the baby. :D

    We won't know the answer to that until next year when the covid babies arrive.


  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 30,653 Mod ✭✭✭✭Faith


    Congrats, OP! Interesting to hear you just decided to go for it in the end.
    meeeeh wrote: »
    I don't mean this in judgemental way at all but I do wonder if anyone started thinking having kids is more attractive once Covid hit and there was very little to do. A lot of things that make child free life attractive just aren't there. While for me the main social difference was I didn't have to bring them to activities and there was no school gate chat (in fairness that could be just sad reflection of my life). That being said a few weeks of homeschooling is enough to put you off of having more kids.

    Anyway congratulations for the baby. :D

    Absolutely 100% the opposite for me. Seeing my friends and colleagues struggling to entertain and home-school kids this whole time has never made me more glad to not have children. As bored as I was, I was eternally grateful I only had myself and my husband to worry about!


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,323 ✭✭✭Loveinapril


    meeeeh wrote: »
    I don't mean this in judgemental way at all but I do wonder if anyone started thinking having kids is more attractive once Covid hit and there was very little to do. A lot of things that make child free life attractive just aren't there. While for me the main social difference was I didn't have to bring them to activities and there was no school gate chat (in fairness that could be just sad reflection of my life). That being said a few weeks of homeschooling is enough to put you off of having more kids.

    Anyway congratulations for the baby. :D

    I have a one year old and a 2.5 year old and a few times a week I had fantasies of what lockdown would be like without kids! I would have managed to fill my time wisely with hangovers and lie ins. I wonder if it would have been different pre-babies and would I have been bored but I remember a good friend telling me before I had my eldest to really "feel" when I was alone, to really pay attention and appreciate it. I tried but only now know what she meant. Once you have kids, even if you are physically apart, your mind is really never your own anymore.


  • Registered Users Posts: 11,624 ✭✭✭✭meeeeh


    The reason I am asking is because the research points that mental health of millennials was most affected during lockdown. There are probably multiple factors for that but I suspect they are the generation who felt the loneliness the most. At the same it's generation which was most likely stuck at home with small kids. So it could go either way. The other factor is the new found enthusiasm for having a dog. Kids are probably more demanding but they don't chew off parts of back door when bored (you'd think ours would come to her senses after two years but no she just moved from rose brushes to furniture.)


  • Registered Users Posts: 614 ✭✭✭notsoyoungwan


    Hi Faith.

    I’m surprised to see I hadn’t posted on this thread first time round, as usually it’s the sort of discussion I get into. Anyway, I’m 41 and childfree and will definitely stay that way. I have never ever felt a desire to have a child. Not once. Not even an idle curiosity as to what it’d be like. Similar to how I’ve never wanted to be a nightclub promotor or own a zoo or sail across the Atlantic. It has simply never been something I’d like to do. When I think further about it, logically I see no reason to go ahead and do it anyway. My ‘pro’ list would be very very short and my ‘con’ list interminable!

    I’ve recently gotten a sterilisation, as hormonal contraception just doesn’t suit me. The relief of this is immense. I have no regrets.

    What I find irritating is the judgement from (some) others. The bolloX about not knowing real love, having proper meaning and fulfilment to your life etc. And don’t get me started on the narcissism of wanting to ‘leave something behind’ or ‘to be remembered after death’ or worse ‘I wanted someone that was half me and half my partner’. Added to that is what people think is the trump card of ‘who’ll look after you when you’re old?’, ignoring the fact that it’s a spectacularly selfish reason to have children, and also that there’s no guarantee those children will actually look after you when you’re old.

    So, what I’d say to you is not to bow to societal or peer pressure or expectations. Be damn sure you want to have a kid before having one. Because having a child and regretting it must be a horrendous place to be.


  • Registered Users Posts: 614 ✭✭✭notsoyoungwan


    Sorry Faith, meant to add in response to your question that I’m very settled in my life. I’ve owned my own home since 2012, have a steady, permanent, well-paid job , so being settled hasn’t changed my opinion about having kids.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 601 ✭✭✭zedhead


    I grew up always wanting kids. I wanted to be a primary school teacher for junior and senior infants when I was in school (so glad now that my irish was not good enough to go into primary teaching, it would definitely not have been the right career choice for me. When I met my partner almost 10 years ago, he told me very early on he didn't think he wanted kids. It was a passing remark when I was cooing over a cute child in the zoo and while it worried me, at the time I thought there is no guarantee this will last so we'll just see how it goes. As we got more serious he said he would have kids with me when the time came and that was that we moved on.

    The thing is, as I got older and started to think about when we might have kids it started to look less appealing to me. We both have good jobs with decent salarys but I could not understand how people afford children - child care particularly. It just seemed like this huge insurmountable thing. I also suffer very badly from anxiety and always thing something bad is going to happen to someone I love. I never turn my ringtone off at night in case i get a call about a family member. I regularly worry my partner is just going to stop breathing in the night. I worry the world is going to end, that my house is going to fall down, that I will lose my job. All of this did not feel compatible with having kids and I know they bring forward a whole new set of anxietys that I would be worried I would not be able to cope with. and the more i thought about it the more I guessed that having kids maybe was just something I assumed I'd do.

    So over the past few years I have gone back and forth I don't know how many times. SOmetimes I really want one, but as soon as i think of everything it entails I go back to not wanting one. Recently we got a dog, and I still worry so much something is going to happen to him. For the first month every morning I would open the kitchen door terrified that he would have died or been injured overnight (that feeling has not fully gone away even after 2 months). So if I am like this with a dog what would I be like with a child. I also see even how limiting having a dog is - everything has to be so much better planned now because its not just the 2 of us. But then I also feel so much love for this little thing, and my nieces and nephews and friends kids. Plus I have seen a side to my partner in the way he interacts with the dog I never knew about.

    So yes its incredibly difficult to know what the right thing to do is. We are running out of time to make the decision, and at the moment I am more leaning towards wanting one child, but i think I would need to be sure before going for it.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 572 ✭✭✭Errashareesh


    I've never been interested in having children. But I think most women are - and from a young age. As a young girl I assumed an interest would develop when I was an adult. As a young adult, I assumed it would develop later. It never did. I wondered whether there was something wrong with me. And finally I made peace with it. It's just not for me. I do think about when I'll be old with no children, but the journey to become old with children is not a journey for me.

    I'm not one of those people who dislikes kids at all - I think they're adorable (when not behaving badly!) and I'm crazy about my brother's three children. I don't mind when people say there's no love like it. I've no doubt there isn't. I don't get any insensitive comments about not having children either. Well once ever - and I could tell she felt bad, it was just blurted out off the cuff. Didn't bother me - she's otherwise a lovely woman.

    But there are very tough aspects from baby years to college years and those are not worth it to me personally. And I'm not trying to fool myself - I think some are when they keep going on about how great it is not to have children. Neither choice is better than the other. I've seen online comments like "Must be such an unhappy lonely life" - gas like. Because someone would prefer a different path to them, they simply MUST be unhappy and lonely. The obvious rebuttal is "Must be exhausted, stressed, no time for yourself".

    There's a fashion now - part of rightwing online misogyny - to denigrate childless women aged 30s and over (apart from Gemma O'Doherty and Anne Coulter of course - they're OK ;)). Jibes about "empty egg carton" and so on. A delight in women hitting "the wall" etc - as if it's a character flaw; how we have lost "value" and so forth. This is not from well adjusted men/women though.

    It's as bad to me however as "women feel forced to conform and become a mother". Might be true in some cases but most mothers want to become mothers. Many find it harder than they expected though. A woman who does not want to have children is in the minority but it's not an insignificant minority - it's just more acceptable to voice that view/put it into practice now.

    The people whom I do feel sad for are those who long for a child and it doesn't happen (whatever the reason may be). That's heartbreaking, and the small coterie that delights in looking down on childless women would do well to take them into consideration.


  • Registered Users Posts: 728 ✭✭✭bertiebomber


    As an older woman who never wanted children i was well before my time, and suffered great criticism for my views even from my own mother. When i was of child bearing age all women had children regardless of happiness or security they just pushed them out. I stuck to my guns and i dont regret it at all.

    I dont despise them but I also dont feel any draw to children . Its fine to not have them and in older years you can fill your life with lots of things. I often think having children robs women of good years that they will never get back and in the selfish society we live in even those precious children abandon their loving parents into nursing homes. Do, do what is best for you not for the GDP of the country & the workers market as in truth that is all you are doing is providing worker bees to keep the money flowing. Have a child because you wan to create a good human and nurture it do it only for the right reasons and if you are not sure DONT


  • Registered Users Posts: 35 arex93


    My mother raised me alone and I haven’t grown up with siblings. I want to have children because I want a family, I want the experience of raising a human being. My mother gave me so much love and I want to do the same for someone. But honestly, I would like to not have this desire about having kids, because it makes me fell under pressure. I will turn 28 this year, I'm married and my husband wants kids but not now. He has a good job, and I don't even have a job. I am studying and looking for it, but I don’t know when it will happen. And I have just one ovary which makes things a little bit difficult. I have the feeling that I won't get pregnant naturally, but I also don’t want to do any expensive treatment with no guarantee of success. I consider adoption in the future. I think if I won't have kids I will regret it.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 12,449 ✭✭✭✭pwurple


    arex93 wrote: »
    My mother raised me alone and I haven’t grown up with siblings. I want to have children because I want a family, I want the experience of raising a human being. My mother gave me so much love and I want to do the same for someone. But honestly, I would like to not have this desire about having kids, because it makes me fell under pressure. I will turn 28 this year, I'm married and my husband wants kids but not now. He has a good job, and I don't even have a job. I am studying and looking for it, but I don’t know when it will happen. And I have just one ovary which makes things a little bit difficult. I have the feeling that I won't get pregnant naturally, but I also don’t want to do any expensive treatment with no guarantee of success. I consider adoption in the future. I think if I won't have kids I will regret it.

    Your husband needs a little gentle education if that's his plan. Sometimes it's straightforward, sometimes it can take years. We started 'trying' at 28, and I was 33 by the time I had my eldest after a bunch of medical investigations. Also, if adoption is something you want to do, you would be well advised to start that process now also, again, takes 5+ years and there's a cutoff at 35.


  • Registered Users Posts: 35 arex93


    pwurple wrote: »
    Your husband needs a little gentle education if that's his plan. Sometimes it's straightforward, sometimes it can take years. We started 'trying' at 28, and I was 33 by the time I had my eldest after a bunch of medical investigations. Also, if adoption is something you want to do, you would be well advised to start that process now also, again, takes 5+ years and there's a cutoff at 35.

    I know some couples with a story like yours... they spent a time until having their first child... and they haven't started trying to conceive late, the age was not the problem.

    I'm already talking with my husband about this matter, he says that I'm too pessimist, that it won't be difficult to conceive, but if I'm worried about it I should do some fertility check... so I called a clinic to test my ovarian reserve, I wanted to know if I can wait more before trying, but they are not accepting new patients because of covid.

    I didn't know about the cutoff for adoption, thank you for sharing.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 12,449 ✭✭✭✭pwurple


    arex93 wrote: »
    I'm already talking with my husband about this matter, he says that I'm too pessimist, that it won't be difficult to conceive, but if I'm worried about it I should do some fertility check... so I called a clinic to test my ovarian reserve, I wanted to know if I can wait more before trying, but they are not accepting new patients because of covid.

    Do you have an understanding on when his "not yet" becomes "now? Is it based on a certain age, or things like... you have a job, he has a certain salary, you have travelled to somewhere. What is it he wants to have checked off the list before starting a family?

    Because, I've also seen people waiting for the entirety of their reproductive years for someone's mind to change when it's not defined.

    It can genuinely be someone who is waiting to feel like they want children, and that feeling just never arrives.


  • Registered Users Posts: 35 arex93


    pwurple wrote: »
    Do you have an understanding on when his "not yet" becomes "now? Is it based on a certain age, or things like... you have a job, he has a certain salary, you have travelled to somewhere. What is it he wants to have checked off the list before starting a family?

    That’s the point. We came to Ireland in 2019 with only our savings. He is an IT professional, so he got a good job. But I started from zero as I was not happy in my previous career. He wants to see me working, he likes an independent woman.

    And travelling is another point. We haven’t travelled so much, he wants travelling a lot before having a child. And I do want all these things as well, but I'm aware I can't wait too long for kids. We can travel and I can study/work until the day we die.

    If I could choose between having children now or in 5 years, I would choose in 5 years. But we can not control the nature. For that reason, I would like at least to stop avoiding a pregnancy next year, with a good job or not.


  • Registered Users Posts: 939 ✭✭✭bitofabind


    Really interesting thread. And interesting to read the OP update that despite ambivalence, she went ahead and couldn't be happier. I feel like this represents the journey of a lot of women, but we just don't talk about it. Instead we're sold this message of having this primal yearning from deep inside our wombs, that we were born to bear children.

    I'm in my mid-30s and have gone from the same ambivalence most of my life to "yes, but not now". Which is a tricky one considering my age. My life has also changed meaningfully in the last year or so, having met my partner, and about to move countries and jobs too. Life has been travel, living abroad, high flying careers since I graduated from college and thinking about having children in that environment was like thinking about flying to the moon. Like, what? Uhhhh, yeah I mean maybe but not for yearrrrrs.

    Now I'm embarking on some major life changes again and am torn between enjoying the journey and letting the dust settle where it will, to the worry about my fertility, what if I wait too long? I'll be 36 in April. I did a fertility MOT a few months ago, all in working order but don't wait too long, was the general picture. And yet it's hard with all the uncertainty ahead to see myself with a baby. To not be the footloose and fancy-free career-chasing busybody I've been for the last decade. Am I ready? Are we ready? What does "ready" look like?


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  • Registered Users Posts: 9,960 ✭✭✭cena


    bitofabind wrote: »
    Really interesting thread. And interesting to read the OP update that despite ambivalence, she went ahead and couldn't be happier. I feel like this represents the journey of a lot of women, but we just don't talk about it. Instead we're sold this message of having this primal yearning from deep inside our wombs, that we were born to bear children.

    I'm in my mid-30s and have gone from the same ambivalence most of my life to "yes, but not now". Which is a tricky one considering my age. My life has also changed meaningfully in the last year or so, having met my partner, and about to move countries and jobs too. Life has been travel, living abroad, high flying careers since I graduated from college and thinking about having children in that environment was like thinking about flying to the moon. Like, what? Uhhhh, yeah I mean maybe but not for yearrrrrs.

    Now I'm embarking on some major life changes again and am torn between enjoying the journey and letting the dust settle where it will, to the worry about my fertility, what if I wait too long? I'll be 36 in April. I did a fertility MOT a few months ago, all in working order but don't wait too long, was the general picture. And yet it's hard with all the uncertainty ahead to see myself with a baby. To not be the footloose and fancy-free career-chasing busybody I've been for the last decade. Am I ready? Are we ready? What does "ready" look like?

    I have just turned 36. No kids or partner/wife yet. I would love to have at least one or two by now. I would make a great dad.

    Their is always fostering or adoption


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