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Dating during Covid

  • 30-11-2020 12:47pm
    #1
    Registered Users Posts: 12,076 ✭✭✭✭


    Has anyone done this the last few months?
    Not ready to go fully on the dating scene but I hope to in the next few months before all this is over. If and when pubs closed you can’t mix and mingle like you used to so I’m interested to know how gay dating has been working for people


Comments

  • Registered Users Posts: 28 shameless liberal


    It's a tricky one alright. Can be a bit dry meeting for tea and a walk outdoors, but I guess it does mean you have a proper chat sans alcohol. If neither of you lives alone and depending on the stage of lockdown, invariably progressing things means operating outside of the guidelines, so it all depends on how comfortable you are with that. Pain in the ass!


  • Registered Users Posts: 12,076 ✭✭✭✭Gael23


    It's a tricky one alright. Can be a bit dry meeting for tea and a walk outdoors, but I guess it does mean you have a proper chat sans alcohol. If neither of you lives alone and depending on the stage of lockdown, invariably progressing things means operating outside of the guidelines, so it all depends on how comfortable you are with that. Pain in the ass!

    I’d be happy to do something like that for a first date, particularly if it happened to be with a lad I met in Tinder or something, just to meet somewhere neutral first. But beyond that is where the difficulty lies.

    Even in terms of going out alcohol isn’t a big deal p, I’m in medication that means I’ve to be really easy on alcohol so a glass of wine to sip away on for ages does me fine. It’s more just in terms of actually mixing with lads to find that someone special. There’s no LGBT Groups meeting, no mingling in pubs so how are you supposed to find a boyfriend


  • Registered Users Posts: 363 ✭✭Tig98


    Gael23 wrote: »
    I’d be happy to do something like that for a first date, particularly if it happened to be with a lad I met in Tinder or something, just to meet somewhere neutral first. But beyond that is where the difficulty lies.

    Even in terms of going out alcohol isn’t a big deal p, I’m in medication that means I’ve to be really easy on alcohol so a glass of wine to sip away on for ages does me fine. It’s more just in terms of actually mixing with lads to find that someone special. There’s no LGBT Groups meeting, no mingling in pubs so how are you supposed to find a boyfriend

    I wouldn't worry about finding a boyfriend to be honest, I don't think anyone should be. If its gonna happen its gonna happen. Im very good friends with a gay man in his early 40s who only met his partner 8 years ago, he always reminds me that a relationship isn't the end all and be all, everyone should be relatively content single, its good time to better yourself and pursue your own goals.

    I do feel its a bit of a strain though. The brick wall Im hitting is what to do with a really nice and quiet boy I've gone on a few dates with. The people I rent with strictly abide regulations and have no guests over so neither can I, he lives with his parents. Parks and the likes are fine but to really get to know someone you need to see them in different settings and how they interact with other people. In a way it is good, because it forces you to bond with people rather than just quick shags.

    Nothing wrong with quick shags though..


  • Registered Users Posts: 12,076 ✭✭✭✭Gael23


    Tig98 wrote: »
    I wouldn't worry about finding a boyfriend to be honest, I don't think anyone should be. If its gonna happen its gonna happen. Im very good friends with a gay man in his early 40s who only met his partner 8 years ago, he always reminds me that a relationship isn't the end all and be all, everyone should be relatively content single, its good time to better yourself and pursue your own goals.

    I do feel its a bit of a strain though. The brick wall Im hitting is what to do with a really nice and quiet boy I've gone on a few dates with. The people I rent with strictly abide regulations and have no guests over so neither can I, he lives with his parents. Parks and the likes are fine but to really get to know someone you need to see them in different settings and how they interact with other people. In a way it is good, because it forces you to bond with people rather than just quick shags.

    Nothing wrong with quick shags though..

    That’s true, a boyfriend is not a necessity but I’m coming a point where I’m developing a desire to share my life with someone I guess. But then that can easily be a friends with benefits sort of thing


  • Registered Users Posts: 28 shameless liberal


    Tig98 wrote: »
    I wouldn't worry about finding a boyfriend to be honest, I don't think anyone should be. If its gonna happen its gonna happen. Im very good friends with a gay man in his early 40s who only met his partner 8 years ago, he always reminds me that a relationship isn't the end all and be all, everyone should be relatively content single, its good time to better yourself and pursue your own goals.

    I do feel its a bit of a strain though. The brick wall Im hitting is what to do with a really nice and quiet boy I've gone on a few dates with. The people I rent with strictly abide regulations and have no guests over so neither can I, he lives with his parents. Parks and the likes are fine but to really get to know someone you need to see them in different settings and how they interact with other people. In a way it is good, because it forces you to bond with people rather than just quick shags.

    Nothing wrong with quick shags though..

    This is a tough situation. Successfully dating but can't take the next step due to pandemic. And in my opinion, if the sexual chemistry isn't there (can only find out with a test drive), then the romance doesn't develop (unless asexual in which case fair play).

    Is it an option to get a hotel for a night? Housemates being so strictly adherent, if young, is pretty unusual right now! Thankfully, bf and I (though only 4 months in) both live alone, so things have been able to progress, but would be fierce tough otherwise.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 363 ✭✭Tig98


    This is a tough situation. Successfully dating but can't take the next step due to pandemic. And in my opinion, if the sexual chemistry isn't there (can only find out with a test drive), then the romance doesn't develop (unless asexual in which case fair play).

    Is it an option to get a hotel for a night? Housemates being so strictly adherent, if young, is pretty unusual right now! Thankfully, bf and I (though only 4 months in) both live alone, so things have been able to progress, but would be fierce tough otherwise.

    I wouldnt say we're dating, but I do think in normal times we would be by now. We're both fairly busy with college but have still found the time to meet up, snapping every few days, etc. I get the impression that sex is a big deal to him and he wouldnt be as adventurous or overt as most guys. I think if I suggest a hotel he'd just baulk, and if I try start something in the car or at a park I'd come off in a bad light because he's rather sexually conservative/inexperienced (at least to me, or at least very shy). I reckon it'll be a waiting game until I can bring him over in a more wholesome way. Maybe over Christmas if my house mates head home.

    Yeah, my apartment situation is a bit odd. We're all young and healthy but relative strangers to each other, if we were a bit closer I think it would be easier to bend the rules. To be fair at least they're consistent, even a girl's boyfriend isn't allowed over. My friends in other houses have had the double standard of "no people over except boyfriends/girlfriends", which is rather unfair on those who are single.

    Ah it's nice youve got someone, especially at this time of year. Winter is a graet time to be in a relationship, its so cold that cuddles are mandatory, and theres no overheating :pac: I dont miss the awkward Christmas present guessing game though


  • Registered Users Posts: 532 ✭✭✭Mr rebel


    Yeah I’ve just long resigned myself to the fact that my dating life has been on indefinite hold since March and God knows when it can resume again.
    It’s very tough as being celibate for so long is challenging and I am a little envious of my friends lucky enough to already be in relationships.
    But yeah this is life now and so be it.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 412 ✭✭Alejandro68


    I recently organized a dinner date over Zoom that went well. We also chat during the weekends. But I do miss the physical side of dating.


  • Registered Users Posts: 12,076 ✭✭✭✭Gael23


    Slightly on the subject of dating.

    I fancy a lad I play football with. How do you find out of the feeling is mutual, or even if he’s interested?


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,248 ✭✭✭bikeman1


    Gael23 wrote: »
    Slightly on the subject of dating.

    I fancy a lad I play football with. How do you find out of the feeling is mutual, or even if he’s interested?

    Do you know if he is gay?


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  • Moderators, Category Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 21,934 CMod ✭✭✭✭Ten of Swords


    How well acquainted with him are you? Do you spend any time with him outside of football?


  • Registered Users Posts: 12,076 ✭✭✭✭Gael23


    bikeman1 wrote: »
    Do you know if he is gay?
    He’s as gay as they come😂
    How well acquainted with him are you? Do you spend any time with him outside of football?

    Not highly acquainted to be honest. Most Saturdays a few of us go for lunch after football but that’s about all. A few of us do a Zoom chat everyday now and then too.


  • Registered Users Posts: 12,076 ✭✭✭✭Gael23


    Slightly off topic but I’m kind of into a guy I play football with.
    How do you judge if he has any interest in you and not make yourself look like a prick for making a move.

    Or even how do you make that first move?


  • Registered Users Posts: 363 ✭✭Tig98


    Gael23 wrote: »
    Slightly off topic but I’m kind of into a guy I play football with.
    How do you judge if he has any interest in you and not make yourself look like a prick for making a move.

    Or even how do you make that first move?

    I presume you're no debutante, so just be direct about it. If you guys already talk regularly ask him if he'd like to come over for a drink and a movie. That depends on your situation though, if you're living with anyone who might not like having people over. If you're just looking for sex then I wouldn't bother, don't **** where you eat, and if something sexual would have happened it probably would have happened before now.

    Something small that makes a huge difference is making it known he can sleep in a spare bedroom or you can take the couch and he can sleep in your room. This was something a guy did for me before and I've always repeated it, even if you both know you're gonna ride its a very thoughtful gesture that you want their company and not just sex. There's no pressure on them to put out.


  • Registered Users Posts: 12,076 ✭✭✭✭Gael23


    Tig98 wrote: »
    I presume you're no debutante, so just be direct about it. If you guys already talk regularly ask him if he'd like to come over for a drink and a movie. That depends on your situation though, if you're living with anyone who might not like having people over. If you're just looking for sex then I wouldn't bother, don't **** where you eat, and if something sexual would have happened it probably would have happened before now.

    Something small that makes a huge difference is making it known he can sleep in a spare bedroom or you can take the couch and he can sleep in your room. This was something a guy did for me before and I've always repeated it, even if you both know you're gonna ride its a very thoughtful gesture that you want their company and not just sex. There's no pressure on them to put out.

    No I’m not just looking for sex, if it happens that’s great but I just fancy him and he’s a nice guy.
    What do you mean by debutante?


  • Moderators, Category Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 21,934 CMod ✭✭✭✭Ten of Swords


    Gael23 wrote: »
    What do you mean by debutante?

    First time


  • Registered Users Posts: 12,076 ✭✭✭✭Gael23


    First time

    That makes sense!
    I am kind of new to something proper, had my share of hookups but never had a proper boyfriend. It’s just not knowing if he has any interest in me and if he doesn’t I’d still like to be mutual friends without awkwardness.
    My housemates have their GFs over occasionally so doubt that’s a big issue


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