How do I stop being so tight with money?

Thrifty = not paying over the odds for things you can get cheaper.
Tight = not wanting to pay for anything.

I would classify someone as tight if they don't ever buy new clothes, don't take holidays, don't buy rounds at the bar, don't ever pay for dinner, etc. People who literally try and stash away every penny they have. I often wonder what enjoyment they possibly gain from life, and what exactly are they stashing it for - what's the endgame? I've seen plenty go into old age with same mindset, constantly stashing it away but never actually then using it for anything. They can't take that big pot with them at the end. Of course, saving some money is sensible but like everything in life, some do it to extremes.

Looking for a better deal is just being sensible financially. I earn a good wage too but I also buy multipacks, what's the sense in paying 90p for a tin of Coke in the machine at work when it works out at 29p in the Multipack? I have an older iPhone which my work supplied for free - 6 of 7 of my close circle of friends all have iPhone 8s at least, if not the X - which cost a fortune. Asides from some improvements in performance and display, my phone does pretty much everything theirs do and meets all my requirements.

You've obviously sensible enough to have saved over 100k. If you're concerned that you could be bordering on being tight, I'd suggest that you're probably in a safe enough position to set aside a certain amount per week (doesn't have to be huge) which you can use for socialising or just for fun or whatever. Call it expendable money and write it off mentally as soon as you take it out of the bank. And use that for those occasions when you just want to not care about what you're spending it on.

camel12 wrote: »

My problem is that I am a miser. I hate spending money on things that are overvalued.

TBH op that's not miserliness, that's just common sense. Like others have said, looking for value is different from penny-pinching. If you were a true 'miser' you would have bought a banger rather than a Skoda. Or no car at all, and just depended on buses etc.

There's always a 'tipping point' in the price of goods, where the increased cost doesn't equal better value or usability. Everyone's 'tipping point' will be different, and so long as you stay on the right side of your individual tipping point I don't see the problem. If you can get the things you want and need at that 'sweet spot' of price vs value then you're laughing.

Now, if you're living a miserable life with no enjoyment and refusing to ever have nice things or treat friends and family because they cost money, then yeah, I'd look at addressing why it's an issue, but like, you don't seem to have an issue spending money for things you need. You just seem to have, to me, a sensible attitude to money and budgeting. It seems unusual in this day and age, but it was how previous generations lived, and how a lot of people (myself included) are trying or should get back to.

camel12 wrote:

How do I stop being so tight?

Don't!

Spend money on things you want. Don't spend on things you don't want. I wish I was like you

We live in a throwaway consumer era full of waste. Your attitude to money sounds fine, you are careful but not tight. I’d be the same. Once you are not ducking out of paying your way for things I don’t see the issue.

I think everyone else has said it, you are not tight. I would say you are prudent which is not a bad thing.

If you are doing things that make you feel unhappy or dissatisfied (ie buying something to eat or drink that tastes crap because it is cheaper than the superior brand even though you can more than comfortably afford the more expensive brand than that is being miserly). A Skoda and prior model smart phone does not compromise your requirements so you are not being miserly there. If you were shivering in your sitting room in winter because you didn't want to turn on the heat even though you could well afford it - that would be miserly too - plenty of people with money actually do this and are miserly but again it sounds like you wouldn't?

If you try to avoid rounds in bars or avoid treating friends or families to coffees/meals/treats etc that you know you can easily afford, that would be mean to others as well as miserly. It sounds like you would not do this.

Why are you bothered about being sensible and prudent with money? Has someone called you up on it? Now that you realize you are not miserly (a very negative word that most people would not want to be labelled), does this make you feel you do not have as much of a dilemma?

Is there a charity or cause that means something special to you or where you would like to contribute to? Perhaps you can give a monthly subscription of 10 euro or more to them? That would be one way to reassure yourself that you are not miserly. Misers certainly would not give to charities!

i think that the question you have to ask yourself is, how does it affect your personal life? your relationships? your health/well being? e.g. would you rather wait for the dvd to come out than go to the movies with a loved one? would you rather eat at home than go to a restaurant with family/loved ones? ie do you compromise your relationships due to your "tightness?'..

this will help you to gauge whether or not you actually have a problem..

You read like you’re wise with money as opposed to miserly.
I wish I was wise with money!
What are you saving for?

I would be kind of like you OP. I spend money on the things that matter to me but am sensible with money too. I have relaxed my spending over the last few years influenced by my husband. He’s a bit more “free” with spending money (but by no means mad) and he gives me a reality check when I’m being over the top sensible. In turn I reign him in.

I don’t see it as being miserly, just using a bit of thoughtfulness with money. As a result I have savings to be able to buy a new car, pay off some of our mortgage, don’t have to stress about our kids going to college etc.

sporina wrote: »

would be nice to hear back from you OP.. there are a lot of replies since your post

Amazing how often that happens. A particular topic gets a lot of traction except the OP never participates beyond their OP.

Becomes frustrating when you seem them active on other threads but not engaging on the one they started. (Not referring to this OP in this case but have seen it regularly with others)

woodchuck wrote: »

Mod note:

Please be aware that the OP is under no obligation to provide updates and it is against the charter to ask.

apologies - didn't know that it was against charter to ask

camel12 wrote: »

I'm reading your replies!

Thanks for the input.

The question over whether my decisions are based on money are hard to answer. I don't socialise a whole lot because I don't have the opportunity to.

I went to the cinema recently with some friends, I didn't care about the ticket. I didn't buy any popcorn or sweets because I view that as a waste of money. If they were like reasonable prices I would have got some but paying 3+ euro for a coke, and other stuff is a waste.

I had got a comment before from a family member. We were discussing someone (there were 3 or 4 of us) and I can't remember what was said but the family member jokingly said that "they spend their money.. not like you". It was like a banter comment rather than a praise of my spending.

What would you do in my situation? I have got a nice savings number but my way of living isn't that high. I've never gotten used to living a lavish lifestyle so I don't feel like I'm missing out. You don't miss what you never had.

I would pay attention to the comment by the family member as those closest to us often see behaviour which we do not see ourselves.

That being said, I wouldn't go throwing money away and trying to spend to please or impress others.

Maybe ask the family member to discuss it. They might just see you as prudent also (which still means holding on to money) but it is different than being seen as tight.

Or, maybe try what the really wise individual above said about trying to spend €10/week on stuff you wouldn't ordinarily do just to open your mind to using money for trivial things at times rather than just necessities.

You sound like you're doing ok OP. I think the main difference between miserliness and thriftiness is that miserly behaviour does impact on others. Not always (the example of not using the heating to save money is a good one). If you think the junk food on offer at the cinema is too expensive then that's fine, you don't have purchase and lots of people don't. On the other hand if you are inside with your family or friends and scrounging off them after refusing to buy anything, then that is miserly.


There's nothing wrong with being prudent with your finances, but do you spend any money on yourself that you would consider a treat? It doesn't have to be large amounts of money (iPhone, Audi etc) but simple stuff like tea and a bun in a coffee shop.... it's cheaper to buy it in the supermarket and eat it at home, but sitting down and having it served up to you is part of the treat.

I suspect that the comment by a family member is from long term observance and noticing that you possibly don't spend any money when you are out anywhere in their company. It doesn't impact on their life (if it doesn't involve anything like rounds in a pub etc) but they view it as miserly as they think you never spend any money.