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New Jesus

  • 15-12-2016 6:14pm
    #1
    Glenster
    Registered Users Posts: 2,626 ✭✭✭Glenster


    Say if someone thought they might be Jesus.

    Has performed a few feats (miracles if you will) in the past, Looks great in robes and sandals, Has spoken to the deity that is their biological father, all that sort of stuff.

    How would they know if they are new Jesus or are just mad?

    There would be a whole lot of egg on their face if they announced it and then suddenly it became apparent that they were just delusional.

    I'm asking for a friend.


«13

Comments

  • #2
    everlast75
    Registered Users Posts: 18,955 ✭✭✭✭everlast75


    *hands over 2 barrels of water*


    "Merlot, please!"


  • #3
    Birneybau
    Registered Users Posts: 10,215 ✭✭✭✭Birneybau


    I'd prefer Gandalf myself.


  • #4
    tupenny
    Registered Users Posts: 1,439 ✭✭✭tupenny


    Jurgen Klopp has a great beard and owns sandals. Lets give him a robe


  • #5
    Colser
    Registered Users Posts: 5,572 ✭✭✭Colser


    Has he socks on with the sandals?


  • #6
    Cortina_MK_IV
    Registered Users Posts: 2,350 ✭✭✭Cortina_MK_IV


    I'm asking for a friend.

    Is your friend 33ish wears Jerusalem Docs, have long hair and a beard and never got his hole?


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  • #7
    me_right_one
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 2,043 ✭✭✭me_right_one


    If they were Jesus, then they'd have holes in their hands and feet and a big gash on their ribs. No holes? Not Jesus.


  • #8
    ScumLord
    Registered Users Posts: 28,789 ✭✭✭✭ScumLord


    If they can perform miracles under scientific conditions.

    If they can instantly cure a cancer patient in a hospital for example, where an exam has just been done to prove the cancer isn't in remission and the patient hasn't done a load of cancer treatment. They do their miracle and the person is cured.

    That would go a long way.


  • #9
    Glenster
    Registered Users Posts: 2,626 ✭✭✭Glenster


    ScumLord wrote: »
    If they can perform miracles under scientific conditions.

    If they can instantly cure a cancer patient in a hospital for example, where an exam has just been done to prove the cancer isn't in remission and the patient hasn't done a load of cancer treatment. They do their miracle and the person is cured.

    That would go a long way.

    Well obviously he cant do it when unbelievers are watching.


  • #10
    ScumLord
    Registered Users Posts: 28,789 ✭✭✭✭ScumLord


    Glenster wrote: »
    Well obviously he cant do it when unbelievers are watching.
    If he can't change the minds of unbelievers using his magic then he's not Jesus.


  • #11
    Glenster
    Registered Users Posts: 2,626 ✭✭✭Glenster


    ScumLord wrote: »
    If he can't change the minds of unbelievers using his magic then he's not Jesus.

    He could but his dad gave them free will so his hands are tied.


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  • #12
    DEFTLEFTHAND
    Registered Users Posts: 16,500 ✭✭✭✭DEFTLEFTHAND


    tupenny wrote: »
    Jurgen Klopp has a great beard and owns sandals. Lets give him a robe

    And he's a devout Christian.

    Maybe he actually is the second coming of Christ.


  • #13
    Timberrrrrrrr
    Registered Users Posts: 25,395 ✭✭✭✭Timberrrrrrrr


    I am Spartacus

    I mean Jeebus

    I am jeebus


  • #14
    schizo1014
    Registered Users Posts: 307 ✭✭schizo1014


    "He's not the Messiah, he's a very naughty boy!"


  • #15
    corner of hells
    Registered Users Posts: 8,354 ✭✭✭corner of hells


    Is his father an unemployed carpenter and is it possible he tied his ass to a tree and walked into town ?


  • #16
    me_right_one
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 2,043 ✭✭✭me_right_one


    When Jesus DOES come the second time, it'll be a supernatural event, he'll float down from the sky type of thing. He wont be just walking around like a normal fella the way he was 2016 years ago.


  • #17
    Timberrrrrrrr
    Registered Users Posts: 25,395 ✭✭✭✭Timberrrrrrrr


    me_right_one wrote: »
    When Jesus DOES come the second time, it'll be a supernatural event, he'll float down from the sky type of thing. He wont be just walking around like a normal fella the way he was 2016 years ago.

    Don't you mean IF ?


  • #18
    me_right_one
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 2,043 ✭✭✭me_right_one


    Timberrrrrrrr wrote: »
    Don't you mean IF ?

    No I mean WHEN. YOU dont have to believe, but I do.


  • #19
    Timberrrrrrrr
    Registered Users Posts: 25,395 ✭✭✭✭Timberrrrrrrr


    me_right_one wrote: »
    No I mean WHEN. YOU dont have to believe, but I do.

    I wouldn't hold my breath if I were you


  • #20
    Didas
    Registered Users Posts: 191 ✭✭Didas


    me_right_one wrote: »
    When Jesus DOES come the second time, it'll be a supernatural event, he'll float down from the sky type of thing. He wont be just walking around like a normal fella the way he was 2016 years ago.

    I heard the Flying Spaghetti Monster will come with him this time


  • #21
    Lady Spangles
    Registered Users Posts: 434 ✭✭Lady Spangles


    Wasn't Jesus meant to float back down from the sky in the year 2000? I suppose he's just fashionably late.


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  • #22
    MEGA BRO WOLF 5000
    Registered Users Posts: 17,375 ✭✭✭✭MEGA BRO WOLF 5000


    me_right_one wrote: »
    When Jesus DOES come the second time, it'll be a supernatural event, he'll float down from the sky type of thing. He wont be just walking around like a normal fella the way he was 2016 years ago.

    I wouldn't hold my breath.
    Do you also believe in fairies, unicorns and Santa Claus?


  • #23
    D3V!L
    Registered Users Posts: 2,923 ✭✭✭D3V!L


    Lady Spangles wrote: »
    Wasn't Jesus meant to float back down from the sky in the year 2000? I suppose he's just fashionably late.

    An omnipotent being doesn't have concept of human time and space. I'm sure if Jesus comes to us again it'll be when the time is right and not according to a calendar entry.


  • #24
    ScumLord
    Registered Users Posts: 28,789 ✭✭✭✭ScumLord


    D3V!L wrote: »
    An omnipotent being doesn't have concept of human time and space. I'm sure if Jesus comes to us again it'll be when the time is right and not according to a calendar entry.
    He should have a concept of human time and space considering he supposedly made both time and space, and humans. He also spent 30 years as a human, and considering he's planning out everything into the future he'd want to have a good grasp of it.


  • #25
    me_right_one
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 2,043 ✭✭✭me_right_one


    Timberrrrrrrr wrote: »
    I wouldn't hold my breath if I were you
    Hugh Mungus wrote: »
    I wouldn't hold my breath.
    Do you also believe in fairies, unicorns and Santa Claus?

    I'm not. But I KNOW I'm going to die someday, and I'm pretty sure there will be some sort of assessment of my life by Jesus. My actions will then determine whether or not I get into Heaven.

    Do not mock. Every one of you will die aswell.


  • #26
    corner of hells
    Registered Users Posts: 8,354 ✭✭✭corner of hells


    ScumLord wrote: »
    D3V!L wrote: »
    An omnipotent being doesn't have concept of human time and space. I'm sure if Jesus comes to us again it'll be when the time is right and not according to a calendar entry.
    He should have a concept of human time and space considering he supposedly made both time and space, and humans. He also spent 30 years as a human, and considering he's planning out everything into the future he'd want to have a good grasp of it.

    Ahem , was he not 33 when he popped his clogs ?


  • #27
    Cortina_MK_IV
    Registered Users Posts: 2,350 ✭✭✭Cortina_MK_IV


    corner of hells wrote: »
    Ahem , was he not 33 when he popped his clogs ?
    Were they not sandals?


  • #28
    Omackeral
    Registered Users Posts: 32,956 ✭✭✭✭Omackeral


    me_right_one wrote: »
    I'm not. But I KNOW I'm going to die someday, and I'm pretty sure there will be some sort of assessment of my life by Jesus. My actions will then determine whether or not I get into Heaven.

    Do not mock. Every one of you will die aswell.

    What makes you so sure? What do you base that on? What about poor auld tribesmen in the Amazon that have never heard of Jesus? Fairly lucky of you to be born into the right religion wasn't it?!


  • #29
    loobylou
    Registered Users Posts: 1,418 ✭✭✭loobylou


    He's already here and living in Australia.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TVw0eFmnQtM


  • #30
    me_right_one
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 2,043 ✭✭✭me_right_one


    Omackeral wrote: »
    What makes you so sure?

    I'm not. But I am consciously choosing to believe.
    Omackeral wrote: »
    What do you base that on?

    The Bible. Read it, THEN comment. Makes me laugh when people spout sh1te like experts when they havent been at Mass in years and never even read the Gospels.
    Omackeral wrote: »
    What about poor auld tribesmen in the Amazon that have never heard of Jesus? Fairly lucky of you to be born into the right religion wasn't it?!

    Its in the Bible- basically they're exempt, but they will still be judged on whether or not they were arseholes to other people.


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  • #31
    9or10
    Closed Accounts Posts: 664 ✭✭✭9or10


    ScumLord wrote: »
    If they can perform miracles under scientific conditions.

    If they can instantly cure a cancer patient in a hospital for example, where an exam has just been done to prove the cancer isn't in remission and the patient hasn't done a load of cancer treatment. They do their miracle and the person is cured.

    That would go a long way.

    And maybe cure the odd amputee here and there, and maybe go on to explain why an all powerful god who loves us would create a world with children's bone cancer.

    And why an all powerful god who wants us to worship him, would communicate through a 2000 year old book written in in ancient greek.

    - for starters :D


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