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The try harder if ye want a second joke thread thread.

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Comments

  • Options
    #962
    Laalaaa
    Registered Users Posts: 47 ✭Laalaaa


    So Osama Bin Laden was found in Abbotabad, Pakistan?...

    Talk abbotabad place to hide...


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    #963
    hondasam
    Closed Accounts Posts: 34,419 ✭✭✭✭hondasam


    Little Johnny's father asked him, "Do you know about the birds and the bees?"

    "I don't want to know!" little Johnny said, bursting into tears.

    Confused, the father asked little Johnny what was wrong.

    "Oh dad," Little Johnny sobbed, "At age six I got the 'there's no Santa' speech. At age seven I got the 'there's no Easter bunny' speech. Then at age 8 you hit me with the 'there's no tooth fairy' speech! If you're going to tell me now that grown-ups don't really ****, I've got nothing left to live for!"


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    #964
    Chris P. Bacon
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,808 ✭✭✭Chris P. Bacon


    Not really a joke but,everyday i look in the mirror and say "i cant wait for tomorrow"....because i get better looking everyday :D


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    #965
    Rick Deckard
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,181 ✭✭✭Rick Deckard


    BBC NEWS: Teenager in China sells kidney for iPad.

    In other news, Steve Jobs returns to work at Apple after long term illness.


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    #966
    offaly1
    Registered Users Posts: 993 ✭✭✭offaly1


    Laalaaa wrote: »
    So Osama Bin Laden was found in Abbotabad, Pakistan?...

    Talk abbotabad place to hide...

    That made me giggle :D


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    #967
    Dolph Starbeam
    Registered Users Posts: 4,536 ✭✭✭Dolph Starbeam


    Michael Owen has a new fragrance out he's called it "my cologne"


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    #968
    dusty207
    Registered Users Posts: 456 ✭✭dusty207


    What do you call a woman with only one leg?







    Eileen


    What do you call a woman with no legs?








    Noleen


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    #969
    pappyodaniel
    Registered Users Posts: 5,717 ✭✭✭pappyodaniel


    What's red and invisible?
    No tomatoes.


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    #970
    Rick Deckard
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,181 ✭✭✭Rick Deckard


    peatcass wrote: »
    I was waiting at the bus stop when a fat woman waddled up.
    "whens it due, love?" I asked.
    "You cheeky bastard!" she spat.

    "The bus, chubby," I said, "who'd want to ride you?"
    peatcass wrote: »
    In a shop; "Can I have a Kikat chunky?"
    *hands me a Chunky Kitkat*

    I wanted a normal one, you fat kunt!

    Saw two girls at the bar last night, so I approached the one and said,
    "Can I borrow your lighter mate?"
    She said, "I don't smoke."
    "Neither do I," I replied, "I want to dance with your fit friend, you tubby fcuk".


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    #971
    giles lynchwood
    Registered Users Posts: 935 ✭✭✭giles lynchwood


    An Irishman and an Englishman sitting at a bar as usual trying to out do each other,so the englishman say´s" Football mate the most popular game in the world and we invented it".
    To which the irishman replies "Hurling the fastest grass sport played and we invented it"
    "British Beef "shouts the englishman",best in the world".
    "Guinness"replies the irishman,world famous.
    At this stage the englishman is getting annoyed and thinks to himself i´ll shut this mick up once and for all and announce´s to all "Sex we invented Sex"
    To which the irishman replies"and we interdouced to WOMEN":D


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    #972
    Reloc8
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,857 ✭✭✭Reloc8


    What's green and sits in the corner ?

    A bold frog.


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    #973
    TiGeR KiNgS
    Registered Users Posts: 1,435 ✭✭✭TiGeR KiNgS


    dusty207 wrote: »
    What do you call a woman with only one leg?







    Eileen


    What do you call a woman with no legs?








    Noleen

    gtfo and dont come back


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    #974
    giles lynchwood
    Registered Users Posts: 935 ✭✭✭giles lynchwood


    If a black bird has black babies,and a white bird has white babies,what bird has no babies.
    A Swallow.:pac:


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    #975
    pockets3d
    Registered Users Posts: 283 ✭✭pockets3d


    I know a good joke about roofs
    but it'll probably go over your heads.


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    #976
    policarp
    Registered Users Posts: 3,658 ✭✭✭policarp


    pockets3d wrote: »
    I know a good joke about roofs
    but it'll probably go over your heads.

    You should take a bit of a slating for that...


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    #977
    Fart
    Registered Users Posts: 1,825 ✭✭✭Fart


    snyper wrote: »
    A family are driving behind a bin lorry when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen.

    Embarrassed, and to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry; that was an insect."

    To which, her son replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that."

    Aha, best joke I've heard in years. Literally crying with laughter.


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    #978
    paddy kerins
    Site Banned Posts: 1,856 ✭✭✭paddy kerins


    Nicolas Cages career


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    #979
    Hootanany
    Registered Users Posts: 5,477 ✭✭✭Hootanany


    giles lynchwood wrote: »
    An Irishman and an Englishman sitting at a bar as usual trying to out do each other,so the englishman say´s" Football mate the most popular game in the world and we invented it".
    To which the irishman replies "Hurling the fastest grass sport played and we invented it"
    "British Beef "shouts the englishman",best in the world".
    "Guinness"replies the irishman,world famous.
    At this stage the englishman is getting annoyed and thinks to himself i´ll shut this mick up once and for all and announce´s to all "Sex we invented Sex"
    To which the irishman replies"and we interdouced to WOMEN":D

    :confused:


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    #980
    dusty207
    Registered Users Posts: 456 ✭✭dusty207


    TiGeR KiNgS wrote: »
    gtfo and dont come back
    Why?


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    #981
    Scram
    Registered Users Posts: 683 ✭✭✭Scram


    Hootanany wrote: »
    :confused:

    sounded like the joke ws going somewhere, i dont get it either.


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    #982
    pappyodaniel
    Registered Users Posts: 5,717 ✭✭✭pappyodaniel


    Scram wrote: »
    sounded like the joke ws going somewhere, i dont get it either.

    There is a good punchline at the end but the joke is very muddled up with bad spelling.


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    #983
    Spread
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,876 ✭✭✭Spread


    pappyodaniel wrote: »
    There is a good punchline at the end but the joke is very muddled up with bad spelling.
    Dotti oops Ditto


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    #984
    kfallon
    Registered Users Posts: 25,775 ✭✭✭✭kfallon


    Two Monkeys in a bath

    one goes "ooo oo ah ah o ah oo ooo ah"

    the other says "well if thats fuckin' hot put a drop of cold in!"


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    #985
    kfallon
    Registered Users Posts: 25,775 ✭✭✭✭kfallon


    Boy sees sign in shop window:

    Doughnuts €1

    Sandwiches €2

    **** €5

    Young lad goes into the shop all excited and asks the Busty Blonde shopkeeper "Are you the lady that gives the ****?"

    "Yes" she replies

    "Could you wash your hands please and I'll have a ham sandwich!!"


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    #986
    kfallon
    Registered Users Posts: 25,775 ✭✭✭✭kfallon


    I recently broke up with my girlfriend and I was devastated.

    My friend said, "Don't worry mate, there's plenty more fish in the sea."

    I replied, "Yeah, but its not just the smell I miss."


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    #987
    Frank Black
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,296 ✭✭✭Frank Black


    dusty207 wrote: »
    Why?


    Because 1978 called and it wants its joke back – now take a hike buddy.


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    #988
    Fbjm
    Registered Users Posts: 1,086 ✭✭✭Fbjm


    No idea if this has been posted yet, but here's one.

    An old guy meets someone in a club and brings her back to his place, but the problem is his parts aren't as functional as they used to be. So he tells her to go into the bedroom, and he'll be in in a few minutes. He heads for the toilet and takes out his secret bottle of liquid Viagra. Now the girl is a real looker and he wants to make it a long night, so he downs half the bottle.

    Now I don't think I mentioned this before, but this poor man's eyesight is also beginning to go, and he collapses on the bathroom floor after downing half a bottle of Tippex. The girl hears the commotion, comes out and sees him on the floor. In a state of panic, she calls for an ambulance.

    So the man ends up being ok; in fact, he wakes up in the hospital the very next morning - with a MASSIVE correction.


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    #989
    Ledger
    Registered Users Posts: 1,459 ✭✭✭Ledger


    Fbjm wrote: »
    No idea if this has been posted yet, but here's one.

    An old guy meets someone in a club and brings her back to his place, but the problem is his parts aren't as functional as they used to be. So he tells her to go into the bedroom, and he'll be in in a few minutes. He heads for the toilet and takes out his secret bottle of liquid Viagra. Now the girl is a real looker and he wants to make it a long night, so he downs half the bottle.

    Now I don't think I mentioned this before, but this poor man's eyesight is also beginning to go, and he collapses on the bathroom floor after downing half a bottle of Tippex. The girl hears the commotion, comes out and sees him on the floor. In a state of panic, she calls for an ambulance.

    So the man ends up being ok; in fact, he wakes up in the hospital the very next morning - with a MASSIVE correction.



    shut the door on your way thanks.


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    #990
    Fozzydog3
    Registered Users Posts: 528 ✭✭✭Fozzydog3


    Chris P. Bacon wrote: »
    Not really a joke but,everyday i look in the mirror and say "i cant wait for tomorrow"....because i get better looking everyday :D

    FYP


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    #991
    sean1141
    Registered Users Posts: 4,088 ✭✭✭sean1141


    i thought this was best jokes thread not a FYP thread


This discussion has been closed.
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