your a idiot

elexes · 05-06-2002 12:04pm #1

so far in work ive yet to find a way to tell the customers that you are stupid and be nice about it . what ways do ye do it ?

should this be in the work board i wonder

Gordon · 05-06-2002 12:09pm

It's really a bad idea to do that...

....having said that - I find the best way to tell members of the general public that they are stupid is by telling them as slowly and clearly as possible. Speak like you're teaching a 5 year old how to tie their shoe laces.

...but really you shouldn't be doing anything detrimental to your companies business...

Gaz · 05-06-2002 12:19pm

whats your job ?

If its phone support, dont give your name at the start of the call, then you can give them all sorts of abuse and hang up

But if its face to face , Gordons speak to them like there 5 works best

Khynareth · 05-06-2002 12:23pm

I talk to you as if you were a kid works pretty well.
Re-explain 10 times the same thing to them
Smile, keep smiling all the time, look at them and smile, they hate it so much.

Dr. Loon · 05-06-2002 12:29pm

Originally posted by Darth Homer
whats your job ?

If its phone support, dont give your name at the start of the call, then you can give them all sorts of abuse and hang up

Not nowadays, most calls are monitored, and also "releases" are monitored and run as reports at the end of the week and end of the month most usually, so you'd be sacked.

BEAT · 05-06-2002 3:41pm

I must agree that the talking to them like them are 5 years old with a smile works like a charm. Slowly and with raised eyebrows...lol, you get a chuckle after they've left.

BuffyBot · 05-06-2002 3:47pm

"Well sir/madam, the situation is extremely complex for inexperienced people. I think that if I break this information down into less complex, more comprehendable pieces it will raise your chances of sucess exponentially"

strat · 05-06-2002 3:49pm

in my line of work, i hear this almost every day - phone tech support for an isp

<me> Whats on your screen ?
<peon> Nothing, im not on the internet , i only have one fone line !
<me> :rolleyes: ok is you computer on ?
<peon> yes
<me> are you infront of your pc ?
<peon> yes
<me Whats on your screen ?
<peon> teh screensaver/desktop/icons etc

Saruman · 05-06-2002 4:10pm

Refer them to windows for Dummies, Internet for Dummies etc.. but thats NOT a reflection of you its simply a good range of books telling you how to use your pooooter!

Also Darth Homers way is also good... "Your a muppet" and hang up...

BuffyBot · 05-06-2002 4:43pm

Hanging up/calling people dummies - not a good idea in any company where calls are recorded or monitored

Clinical Waste · 05-06-2002 5:02pm

Its funny but I usually find its the Phone Support people that are the Idiots.

"Have you checked its plugged in Sir?"

"I'll have to get somewhere to call you back, sir"

And lets not even start on shop assistants.......

Corega · 05-06-2002 5:21pm

Tell them this " I am sorry sir / madam but my paycheck is not big enough to be explaining the intircacies of muppetry and or stupidity to members of the general public."

The thing is if they really are idiots they'll leave the establishment you work in and will ponder on your statement for hours possibly days before they click on to what you've said about them

n.b. Use big words, it worked on me, I was in Spar and I asked for a 20 pack of Marlboro andthis clever twit behind the counter said "I am sorry sir, at the present moment in time we are unable to procure the article you wish to purchase from the manufacturer that we employ." I'm like, "yeah but can I get my smokes now."

OLDYELLAR · 05-06-2002 6:38pm

be just sarcastic enough to satisfy yourself , but not over sarcastic , because when they think about what you said later on , they will realise that you were basically taking the absolute pi*s out of them and they will be even more annoyed over not noticing at the time and the best part is that they cant come back and complain because they will look like utter nutters , ah yes the sarcasm wins over and degrades people once again!

Bard · 05-06-2002 6:53pm

screw that - subtlety never really works, give them a virtual "whack over the head with a mallet" and send them to this URL.

ToxicPaddy · 06-06-2002 10:26am

Originally posted by Bard
screw that - subtlety never really works, give them a virtual "whack over the head with a mallet" and send them to this URL.

Excellent...

][cEMAN** · 06-06-2002 5:42pm

Originally posted by StrataGIST
in my line of work, i hear this almost every day - phone tech support for an isp

<me> Whats on your screen ?
<peon> Nothing, im not on the internet , i only have one fone line !
<me> :rolleyes: ok is you computer on ?
<peon> yes
<me> are you infront of your pc ?
<peon> yes
<me Whats on your screen ?
<peon> teh screensaver/desktop/icons etc

Where do you work and does it sound anything like Water?

swiss · 06-06-2002 11:53pm

Originally posted by StrataGIST:

<me> Whats on your screen ?
<peon> Nothing, im not on the internet , i only have one fone line !
<me> :rolleyes: ok is you computer on ?
<peon> yes
<me> are you infront of your pc ?
<peon> yes
<me> Whats on your screen ?
<peon> teh screensaver/desktop/icons etc

Jebus I had a call like that just the other night, except the guy was even worse

[me] Ok Sir, are you in front of your computer

[trainee village idiot] No, I'm not, you see because I only have only one phone line, you can call me back on my mobile (blah blah)

[me] That's OK, what I would like to attempt doesn't require you to go onto the internet

[tvi] OK

[me] So can you go in front of your computer and switch it on plz?

[tvi] No, because if I switch it on I'll lose you. I've only got one phone line, and if.... (blah blah)

[me] No Sir, you won't go online, even if the software launches unless you specifically tell the computer you want to go online. Do you understand?

[tvi] OK

[me] So can you switch your computer on plz? (I hear some shuffling, assume idiot is going to pc)

[me - a min or two later] OK is your PC on.

[tvi] No, like I said I only have one phone line...

Repeat for another few mins, where I explain the concept of files being stored locally on the mems hard drive, which he can access independently of being connected to the internet. I don't think I convinced him in the end, but just wore him down due to sheer insistence.

At this point I'm thankful I've cut my hair short. I think it would come out in pieces otherwise.

Saruman · 07-06-2002 9:36am

Originally posted by Clinical Waste
Its funny but I usually find its the Phone Support people that are the Idiots.

"Have you checked its plugged in Sir?"

"I'll have to get somewhere to call you back, sir"

And lets not even start on shop assistants.......

Actually there is a reason the stupid questions like "Have you checked its plugged in Sir?"are asked... because there are times when its not! Or complete muppet situations where there is no power to pc, no lights etc... muppet is asked to check the voltage selector has not been changed on the PSU and techie is told "I cant see it, its too dark" So muppet is told to turn on the lights and then the classic reply "I cant there is a power cut" call over with "Your a muppet" quickly follows!!

BuffyBot · 07-06-2002 10:06am

Originally posted by Saruman

Actually there is a reason the stupid questions like "Have you checked its plugged in Sir?"are asked... because there are times when its not!

Exactly, you would be surprised how many seemingly blindingly obvious questions solve problems like this.

I once had the misfortune of listening to a call a new staff member was handling from a customer in one of my old jobs. The customer couldn't install the software provided. She went through the obvious questions and found the muppet hadn't even taken the software out of the disc holder, and tried to shove the whole thing in the CD-ROM drive :rolleyes:

Hence, why support people ask these questions

Saruman · 07-06-2002 10:40am

two classics i have heard of.. "my foot pedal does not work right" Muppet is talking about their mouse...

Oh and i heard an American called into Gateway once after spilling coffee all over he coffee cup holder.. you can imagine what she is reffering to.. its cdrom drive b!tch............

Practical · 07-06-2002 12:48pm

My sister was telling me a story about one phone call in work , a old lady [ bogger / Cork] rang up and was complaining that the pc would not work :

[bahs] Hello.. how can i help you
[Lady] I just bought a pc from you yesterday and it wont start up
[bahs] Did you try the power button ?
[Lady] yes i tried that
[bahs] Did you check that all the plugs are connected
[Lady] yes I did
[bahs] Its most likely a wire at the back of the pc , one wire may have come loose
[Lady] Oh ....I cant see down there
[bahs] Why ...
[Lady] Its too dark
[bahs] Do you have a light in the room
[Lady] Yes I do
[bahs] Then try turning that on
[Lady] Oh i cant , the power has been cut off for the last 3 days from a storm but... what has that got to do with the computer?

seamus · 07-06-2002 1:14pm

Originally posted by Clinical Waste
"I'll have to get somewhere to call you back, sir"

That's the biggest one in our place.

<Me> Can I take your phone number there?
<Caller (Thick country accent)> No, I haven't got one.
<Me> Well, there's nothing I can do for you without a phone no.
<Caller> Can you not just put me through, I haven't got a phone
<Me> What are you calling me on? :rolleyes:
<Caller> Oh yeah! It's a mobile, is that OK?

Why the feck wouldn't a mobile no. be OK? :rolleyes:

Clinical Waste · 07-06-2002 1:40pm

Originally posted by Practical
My sister was telling me a story about one phone call in work , a old lady [ bogger / Cork] rang up and was complaining that the pc would not work :

[bahs] Hello.. how can i help you
[Lady] I just bought a pc from you yesterday and it wont start up
[bahs] Did you try the power button ?
[Lady] yes i tried that
[bahs] Did you check that all the plugs are connected
[Lady] yes I did
[bahs] Its most likely a wire at the back of the pc , one wire may have come loose
[Lady] Oh ....I cant see down there
[bahs] Why ...
[Lady] Its too dark
[bahs] Do you have a light in the room
[Lady] Yes I do but the power has been cut off for the last 3 days
[bahs] Then try turning that on
[Lady] Oh i cant , the power has been cut off for the last 3 days from a storm but... what has that got to do with the computer?

lol
It was probably along the lines of:
The telly won't work cause of the power outtage so I may as well use the time to try out the PC thingy.

fisty · 07-06-2002 5:24pm

at the start of the call explain you have tourettes and not to take any notice of any shouting.
then you can call them all the names you want mid sentence, keep it down though so your team leader doesn't overhear.
only do it when your teamleader is away from his/her desk so they can't be monitoring.
did it once.
rang back and asked to thanks the guy with tourettes for solving his problem.
not a line of business i would stay in if impatient, i lasted less than a year and left.

phobos · 08-06-2002 3:03am

The telly won't work cause of the power outtage so I may as well use the time to try out the PC thingy.

You wouldn't believe the amount of times I've been in front of my PC, the power goes (due to weather, or whatever), and I have to think for a minute, what exactly is there to do in this world without electricity.

On many occasions I have walked away from my computer to seek comfort in front of the TV, but guess what I found??
[-Bloody weather-]

;-phobos-)

Cake Fiend · 08-06-2002 5:06am

I love my Game Boy...

elexes · 08-06-2002 10:35am

mobile power forever .. and the all handy power generator .and snake on ur phone

your a idiot

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