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Child's best friend going to a different school

  • 26-01-2019 9:27pm
    #1
    Registered Users Posts: 71 ✭✭


    Hi

    Just looking for some advice.

    My child is in creche/pre-school & has developed a very close friendship with another child there. Even all the creche workers keep telling me how special & close their friendship is.

    Problem is, we had planned to move away from the area, about 30 min drive away. Which means my child will be going to a different school & she will only know maybe 1 other.

    I'm feeling so terribly guilty over this. It's got so bad, I'm nearly considering putting off the move, so that she can go to same school. Am I mad? I'm also thinking, maybe if they did go to same school, they might even find other friends & drift apart? Just looking for advice because I have Terrible guilt over it & don't know what to do for the best. Thank you


Comments

  • Administrators Posts: 13,530 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    She's preschool age. If she went to the playground tomorrow she could make a 'best friend'! She'll definitely make friends with the children in her class wherever she goes. If you really would like to nurture the friendship with her friend then arrange for them to meet up occasionally.


  • Registered Users Posts: 198 ✭✭Kathnora


    She's preschool age. If she went to the playground tomorrow she could make a 'best friend'! She'll definitely make friends with the children in her class wherever she goes. If you really would like to nurture the friendship with her friend then arrange for them to meet up occasionally.

    I agree! Friendships at that age can be a nine day wonder. A few years ago a colleague of mine wanted to move to a bigger and better house ....daughter made a big fuss as she would be moving away from her best friend so Mam and Dad stayed put and built an extension instead. Guess what????....after a few months the said best friend's family moved house to a different area!! So, lesson is ...go ahead with your plans as I'm sure you have already got good reasons for doing so!


  • Registered Users Posts: 71 ✭✭missyver


    Kathnora wrote: »
    I agree! Friendships at that age can be a nine day wonder. A few years ago a colleague of mine wanted to move to a bigger and better house ....daughter made a big fuss as she would be moving away from her best friend so Mam and Dad stayed put and built an extension instead. Guess what????....after a few months the said best friend's family moved house to a different area!! So, lesson is ...go ahead with your plans as I'm sure you have already got good reasons for doing so!

    Thank you both for your advice - really appreciate it. The only thing is my daughter seems to find it hard to build close relationships. She's the type that gets really attached to someone when she does get attached. Thats why I think they are so close. But as you say, I know I can't really organise my life around a friendship like that. I would love for them to still meet up. I don't really know the other mum that well but am trying to build up that communication, if I can.


  • Administrators Posts: 13,530 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    missyver wrote: »
    The only thing is my daughter seems to find it hard to build close relationships.

    How old is she? If you think about it logically, crèche/preschool is the only place she would have opportunity to build any friendship, and she has done it. If she was 11 or 12 and found it difficult to make friends you might have a point. I know you are worrying about her, but as the previous poster said, there's no guarantee the other little girl will be sticking around either.


  • Moderators, Education Moderators, Regional South East Moderators Posts: 12,466 Mod ✭✭✭✭byhookorbycrook


    Please don't worry, she may well be better off. Sometimes infants cling to the pre-school friend and don't make others when they start in Sept. She will make more friends this way and won't be subject to the vagaries of one single "friend."


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  • Registered Users Posts: 1,832 ✭✭✭heldel00


    Real friendships are not formed until well into first class.
    My own child is going to creche beside my work but will be going to school beside home. He'll be grand.


  • Registered Users Posts: 71 ✭✭missyver


    Thanks for all your replies. Sorry I'm so slow to respond, just getting over a flu :(

    Thanks for your feedback, it is helping but I'm still quite anxious over it & I'm probably just being really ridulous.

    You see the little girl more than likely won't be moving away as they are in process of building a house. The little girl wasn't at creche & the lady working there said my child was lost today without her Friend. Just makes me bit sad as she seems to rely on her & won't really mix with others. So I just can't imagine what will happen when she goes to a new school knowing no one :(

    I'm probably just being really ridulous


  • Administrators Posts: 13,530 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    You are being ridiculous... But it's allowed. We all were on our first! You cannot make life decisions based on a 3-4 year old's friendship. For now she's stuck in a habit of this girl being her only friend. And as you have seen, if she's not there, your daughter is lost.

    So what happens in primary school if the friend is not in? Or if the friend makes a new friend? Your daughter would probably be much better off in a new school where she WILL make new friends, away from the routine of this girl being her only friend. She will be fine.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,931 ✭✭✭huskerdu


    you are over thinking this, but I know you want what's best for her and you are worried. Its understandable.

    You cant plan your life around a 4 year old's friend. She will, and needs to, make new friends in primary school, regardless of which school she goes to.

    Even if they are in the same class, they are likely to sitting in different places in the class.
    As the previous poster said, the other girl will make new friends.

    Going to school is a big deal and some kids take a while to settle in. Be there for her and give here plenty of love and support.

    Also, be careful not to project your anxiety about school to her. She will pick on it very quickly. If you indicate to her that moving house and going to a different school with different people will be difficult, she is more likely to be anxious herself.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,178 ✭✭✭carltonleon


    missyver wrote: »
    The little girl wasn't at creche & the lady working there said my child was lost today without her Friend. Just makes me bit sad as she seems to rely on her & won't really mix with others. So I just can't imagine what will happen when she goes to a new school knowing no one

    You said it yourself there, your child was lost without her friend so if they went to the same school this may well continue but what happens if your they fall out with each other or your child's friend makes new friends or they in the school and your child moves down the pecking order so to speak, she will be massively upset. it would be this reliance on her friend that would make it more difficult to make friends

    In primary school in junior infants it is all about helping the kids make friends and be comfortable, that is why in most schools they move kids to different tables every 3/4 weeks so they do not become reliant on just one friend and have to interact with others.
    And I am talking from experience. My daughter was in the same class as her best friend but this made it more difficult for her to make friends as she followed her best friend about


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