Most embarrassing thing you've said?

fussyonion · 14-12-2016 6:50pm #1

What is the most embarrassing, foot-in-the-mouth, I-want-the-ground-to-swallow-me-up thing you've ever said?

Earlier I was at my parents house; they were cooking and I said "Dad I'm horny!" instead of "Dad I'm hungry".

I don't know who was more embarrassed, him or me, but I don't know if I can ever set foot in that house again.

Mister Vain · 14-12-2016 6:51pm

"I wouldn't half lash her out of it" says I to the boss, not realising it was his daughter.

endacl · 14-12-2016 6:53pm

fussyonion wrote: »

What is the most embarrassing, foot-in-the-mouth, I-want-the-ground-to-swallow-me-up thing you've ever said?

Earlier I was at my parents house; they were cooking and I said "Dad I'm horny!" instead of "Dad I'm hungry".

I don't know who was more embarrassed, him or me, but I don't know if I can ever set foot in that house again.

You should post that to your Facebook page. The replies should generate a month's worth of material for the funny Facebook thread!

fineso.mom · 14-12-2016 7:02pm

Not me but my brother...one really cold and ICY Christmas he came to my house where all the little cousins were gathered for a party and said " lads its so cold, there's a huge testicle hanging off the gutter! " everyone looked at him aghast (well the adults did). Then he went one better and said " Jesus what did I say? I meant testicle..Jesus! Icicle I meant icicle! "

PoorAuldDivil · 14-12-2016 7:09pm

Was visiting my ex's home for Christmas, in the living room. My partner (or so I thought) walks in and I let out a playful "Looking forward to tonight babe" (It made sense in context). Looked up to see my exes sister's ashen face, and she walks out of the room before I could say a thing. I had a blush like a baboon's arse.

14-12-2016 7:13pm

Was sitting in a takeaway waiting for someone in the queue a few years back. Middle aged man comes to the door with his son who I guessed was about maybe six years of age. The father stops at the door and gives some money to the child, sending him up to order the food (dunno, teaching him to interact with the rest of the world I suppose).

Anyway, the boy gets to the counter and reels off what the dad's just told him to repeat. This place sells almost entirely chicken, except they seem to be out of what he's been told to ask for. The girl at the counter is leaning over explaining this, but the kid's only five or six and hasn't a notion of what she's on about. He's looking back at the father with a confused expression, so the girl serving, who's completely flat chested, roars across the shop to the dad "I don't have any breasts!"

Needless to say the words had barely left her mouth before she realised what she just said. The dad nearly wet himself, the rest of the shop nearly choked, and the poor young one looked like she wanted the ground to open up and swallow her.

buckwheat · 14-12-2016 7:15pm

Can easily happen. Just the other day I meant to say to the wife "pass the salt please" but what I actually said was "you ruined my life you utter utter c**t"

Jaysus did I feel silly.

Miss Demeanour · 14-12-2016 7:16pm

Was having a chat to a girl on the checkout of Tesco when she complained of having a long shift ahead. So I said rather helpfully I thought "sure at least you're sitting down for the night" or something to that effect.
Thought I saw a slight withering look and it was then I noticed she was in a wheelchair

Olishi4 · 14-12-2016 7:26pm

Oh i dont want to be reminded!

I changed my phone a while ago so i had no numbers stored in it. I was expecting a call from my OH and just picked the phone up and saw a number which I assumed was my OH's work num. Answered the phone and said "alright sexy" messing but it wasn't OH, it was my brother

lazybones32 · 14-12-2016 8:10pm

Was in a nightclub with my then gf's friends (first night meeting them and didn't really want to). Started chatting to one of them and asked her where she was from. "Tipperary" she answered. "You're very tanned for someone from Tipperary" I replied with. She was Indian or her parents were. She stared at me for about 3 seconds and never looked at me again - ever. I have no idea where that came from.

Peregrine · 14-12-2016 8:39pm

"Is Dairy Milk vegan?"

DanMurphy · 14-12-2016 9:09pm

Many moons ago I was driving my new boss to Dublin. He was a middle aged affable fellow and we were having a pleasant trip until we got to Mullingar, where two well dressed ladies were standing on the footpath, waiting for a break in traffic.

Anxious to impress, I stopped to let them cross the road. As they did so, they waved politely, and it was then I placed both feet firmly in my mouth.
'Jeez, says I, I wouldn't mind a cuddle from either of them on a frosty night'...or something like that)

'Pull over beside them' he said.
When I did, he rolled down his window and spoke to them.
'I won't be home for dinner, he said to the older lady, I've to go to Dublin for a conference and it'll probably be after ten before I get home.'
Turned out they were his wife and daughter on a shopping trip from Athlone!
He never spoke another word for the rest of the trip.

Arevaci · 14-12-2016 9:23pm

Back when I was in college accommodation I was getting the lift on the ground floor to go up to my room. The lift was quite packed and I didn't want to squeeze in so I instinctively said "It's fine, I'm going down"

I wish the ground could have swallowed me up both because of embarrassment and to validate my lower floor.

[Deleted User] · 14-12-2016 9:28pm

I had a big crush on someone who worked where I had a student job. I'd be googly-eyed and tongue-tied whenever he'd chat to me, and I practiced writing Mrs *Crushname*, pictured our babies, the works.

One day he asked if someone would go upstairs and get four coffees for all the people in the office.

In my mind, I was going to say "Will do!" What came out was "I love you".

Morto.

pickarooney · 14-12-2016 9:34pm

Candie wrote: »

I had a big crush on someone who worked where I had a student job. I'd be googly-eyed and tongue-tied whenever he'd chat to me, and I practiced writing Mrs *Crushname*, pictured our babies, the works.

One day he asked if someone would go upstairs and get four coffees for all the people in the office.

In my mind, I was going to say "Will do!" What came out was "I love you".

Morto.

Hopefully you spun it quickly into "all of you want coffee?" and kept up the Bulgarian accent for the rest of your time in the company.

[Deleted User] · 14-12-2016 9:37pm

pickarooney wrote: »

Hopefully you spun it quickly into "all of you want coffee?" and kept up the Bulgarian accent for the rest of your time in the company.

I'm nowhere near bright enough to come up with a cover on the spot. I'm the kind of girl who'll think of the perfect way to have handled it when she's in the shower, four days later.

I just blushed, and he smiled at me they way one smiles at their labrador when it does something cute, but incredibly stupid.

Ande1975 · 15-12-2016 10:39am

Terrell Wrong Slipper wrote: »

Was sitting in a takeaway waiting for someone in the queue a few years back. Middle aged man comes to the door with his son who I guessed was about maybe six years of age. The father stops at the door and gives some money to the child, sending him up to order the food (dunno, teaching him to interact with the rest of the world I suppose).

Anyway, the boy gets to the counter and reels off what the dad's just told him to repeat. This place sells almost entirely chicken, except they seem to be out of what he's been told to ask for. The girl at the counter is leaning over explaining this, but the kid's only five or six and hasn't a notion of what she's on about. He's looking back at the father with a confused expression, so the girl serving, who's completely flat chested, roars across the shop to the dad "I don't have any breasts!"

Needless to say the words had barely left her mouth before she realised what she just said. The dad nearly wet himself, the rest of the shop nearly choked, and the poor young one looked like she wanted the ground to open up and swallow her.

Oh puhlease....:cool: that is SO made up!

Sugarlumps · 15-12-2016 10:49am

I was extremely hungover one Monday. Found myself in a packed elevator, with some top brass, somebody mentioned I was looking a wee bit rough.

I said I just wanna go home and suckle on my mother's breasts. Silence was deafening.

MeatTwoVeg · 15-12-2016 10:57am

When I was in a jewelry refrigeration factory I went up to a girl to ask if I could freeze her rubies.

Imagine my embarrassment when instead I asked to squeeze her boobies.

15-12-2016 11:15am

I had just turned 18, few months outta school, when my mother died.
Our school Chaplin was new, fresh out of priest school, young and seemed a bit desperate for the kids in school to like him. He would come into our classes sometimes for the chats and would hop from one topic to another, very random.

Anyway, the night before my mothers removal everyone was calling to our house. House was packed so myself my friends my brother and his friends all piled into the living room away from the adults. I was drinking and was hammered on cider.

So the priest from school calls out and comes into the room to sympathise with myself and my brother. There was about 20 of us in the room. All 18 or under.
So he's chatting away, as usual, hopping from one topic to another. So I slurred "Fr X, you're fierce random" except, random didn't come out of my mouth, what actually came out was "fr x, you're fierce randy". And what was worse I didn't even realise what I said was wrong until after. I still cringe 10 years later when I think of that

Corvo · 15-12-2016 5:09pm

Ugh, so so many.

A while back myself and few mates met up after work at 5pm and went for a few pints. A few turned into a lot and a group of girls next to us got talking. All of us being single (I know, piss heads one and all) we had a bit of craic with them and they asked us to go nightclub with them.

So Im dancing away in my shirt and tie (and pants, obv) with a beautiful blonde from the group. We go back to the bar and she asks what I work as, and I tell her. I ask her the same question and she says "Oh I'm head of bloods in the hospital" and she had no sooner finished when I said "Will you test me for AIDS?!"

I don't know why I said it to this day. Needless to say, she went home with my mate and I went home with a taco frie.

Murt10 · 15-12-2016 5:42pm

A long time ago. Asking a woman with a huge bump when was her baby due.

I'm not pregnant said she indignantly.

Turned beetroot red and just wished to die there and then.

Never forget it, mind you she probably won't either

corner of hells · 15-12-2016 6:21pm

I work in social care and a while I was checking in with a resident who is wheelchair bound with very little mobility.

I was talking to him when I noticed a bike in a communal area he shared with other residents and my brain made me ask him was it his bike.

Rezident · 15-12-2016 6:58pm

I was travelling around New Zealand after the big earthquake had hit Christchurch. When I got to Christchurch, the whole city centre was cordoned off and I was staying in a cell in a hostel that was a converted prison. I was talking to a kiwi girl in one of the few bars that was still open in the area and what I meant to say was that it was so bad that the earthquake hat hit and everything was devastated but apparently it came out like: it was such a shame that everything was closed and had inconvenienced my trip! :eek: She was, understandably, not impressed. I was all alone in my cell that night.

RayM · 15-12-2016 7:25pm

I'm very shy and awkward, so my embarrassing thoughts usually go through several layers of overthinking before being expressed, thus preventing them from becoming 'embarrassing things I've said'.

aujopimur · 15-12-2016 7:31pm

I worked in a house where an older lady was minding a toddler, I said something like "Granny got a childminding job", well it turned out she was the childs mother who had discovered she was pregnant at 50.

hairyprincess · 15-12-2016 8:08pm

I had forgotten about this until I started to read this thread...I used to work in a supermarket years ago. One day a man came in with a woman who I knew to be his girlfriend. However my stupid brain made me say, 'hi Peter, is this your mother?' I knew damn well it wasn't, I vaguely knew his mother but the words just came tumbling out and I could do nothing to stop them.
I can't remember what he said but you can be damn sure it was the quickest transaction I've ever done! I'm still mortified ten years later!

Lau2976 · 15-12-2016 8:09pm

Called anime hentai when I was in college to a lecturer.

Robsweezie · 15-12-2016 8:49pm

I jokingly said to a male friend ''show me your tits'' whilst two younger female neighbours were walking just ahead of us. Que the mother of one of the girls overhearing and threatening to tell my mother.

still not the ''breast'' story in the thread though, heres looking at you Terrell Wrong Slipper

One_Of_Shanks · 15-12-2016 9:56pm

Was out with a gang of friends/couples and my best mate had brought along this girl he had recently started dating.
She was a complete knob.
Really aggressive and would insult the other people at the table randomly and needlessly.
Horrible person.
But with a few drinks on me I figured I'd be the hero and strike up conversation with her and towards the end of the night we were chatting for 10 mins and I became even more convinced that she was just a cow. But I figured oh well, looks good that I tried etc
So we all decided to move on to a late bar but I had some trouble in the cloakroom (lost ticket) so the others were waiting outside for a bit for me.
Eventually i got sorted and went out to the rest of the group.
The only person missing was my mate's date so I asked where she was and he laughed and said "ah she dumped me, dunno where she legged it to" or something to that affect.
So I replied (quite loudly, ears still buzzing from inside) "Ah screw her, she was a hateful cow anyway, none of the rest liked her either".
Turns out he was only joking and there she was standing behind him getting a light for a smoke.
She just stared at me. The rest of the group burst out laughing and my mate just raised his eye-brows and gave me a not-too-impressed look.
Taxi van pulled up and we all got in to go to the other club. Silence all the way there.
I buggered off home after 20 mins there.

Back in first year college, I was going out with this girl for a short while and her folks were having a new years eve party/gathering and she invited me along.
Technically I did't SAY anything wrong in this one but anyway, it was my first time to ever meet a GFs folks and I was nervous as hell so I downed a good few pints before going and then stopped off for a couple of whiskies (first time drinking whiskey) on my way.
I got there, pretty hammered, and she immediately introduced me to her parents.
Just as I was shaking her father's hand I puked, on top of his shoes and mine.
I can still remember the "Oh dear, are you OK?" that he uttered and I turned and stumbled for the front door.
Was single shortly after that.

Again, back in college... Had my tutor's number in my phone coz he was helping me with my thesis. Feeling romantic one night I sent a text to my girlfriend just saying "I love you"
Unfortunately my tutor's name was the one directly under my GF's on my phone.
Copped it as it was sending and desperately tried to turn off the phone but it was too late.
He didn't reply.
He also didn't bring it up when I met him again a few days later. But maybe it was partly why I only got a 2.2

biffoman · 15-12-2016 10:42pm

I was working for a firm that did deliveries. A bit of a backward crowd. Bad directions,complete wakners to work for. Forever stressing me out with stupid calls of,,,where are ya,,,,will you be long,,,,wha are ya doing now. anyway, I was driving in the middle of ballythe middle of nowhere looking for a boreen of some sort when I got a call from the people I was going to. "where the feck are ye".i wish I knew, I said.Y A WHA, don't worry about it's said. Hurry ta feck up will ya,your fecking holding me up ye bollo~/~.his other half is shouting. "tell the little cnut to get a move on". Here lad listen to me its a blue house ,bunch of fir trees on the left hand side of the driveway, DO YA HEAR ME,DO YA.im fuming at this point, and I kind of know where I'm going. I think I hung up the phone and start calling him a stupid batsard,who does he think he is.JESUS...get that out of my system when I here from the handset, "I hear ya,I hear ya,who are you calling a batsard.i.,,eh,.i hang up, Christ he could hear me.needless to say when I got to the house I was met with a Farley angry auld lad charging down the hallway to have it out with me, waving some sort of stick about. I claimed it was nothing to do with him and I nearly crashed because of snow on the road,ahh batsard.i nearly crashed. I thi9nk I got away with it,,,just.

Most embarrassing thing you've said?

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