The try harder if ye want to keep a second joke thread thread

What’s wrong, Bubba? asked the priest.

I need you to pray for my hearing, said Bubba.

The priest put his hands on Bubba’s ears and prayed. When he was done, he asked, So how’s your hearing now?

I don’t know, said Bubba. It isn’t until next Tuesday.


When my husband, James Rowles, was in the seminary, he was invited to preach at a small rural church. However, the man who was to introduce him to the congregation had trouble pronouncing his name. So James offered this verbal clue: Remember rolls, like hot buttered rolls.
It worked. When it came time for the introduction, the man announced, We are pleased to have with us the Reverend James Biscuits.



Eyve's Online Dateing Profile

Eve

Sex: Female

Age: About 15 minutes since I was invented, but I don’t look a minute over ten minutes old

Location: Over by some ferns

Height: A tall vine

Weight: A bunch of sticks

Body Type: Only female type there is

Favorite music: Birds

Favorite movies: Birds

Favorite food: Birds

Hobbies: Being tempted, birds

Profession: Woman

Personality: Very easily tempted

Turn-ons: Adam, birds

Income level: A handful of beautiful sticks

Looking for: The only other person in existence

Before beginning the service, our priest read aloud a note he’d been handed moments earlier. It says here that I should announce that there will be no B.S. tomorrow morning, he said. He tucked the piece of paper into a pocket and added, I’m hoping they mean ‘Bible Study.



A burglar breaks into a house. He starts shining his light around looking for valuables. Some nice things catch his eye, and as he reaches for them, he hears, Jesus is watching you. Startled, the burglar looks for the speaker. Seeing no one, he keeps putting things in his bag, again, he hears, Jesus is watching you.This time, he sees a parrot.

Who are you? the burglar asks.

Moses, the bird replied.

Who the heck would name a bird Moses?" the man laughed.

I dunno, Moses answered, I guess the same kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus.

A guy walks in to the bathroom to take leak after drinking a couple of pitchers of beer on St. Patrick's Day. When short after a real short guy wearing a leprechauns costume walks in to use the urinal next to him. For some reason the guy happens to glans over and sees this little guy has a huge cock. Out of curiosity the guy ask the leprechaun man how can I get my cock to grow that big. The leprechaun turns and says in a Irish voice, not to worry laddy I'm a leprechaun, I will grant you one wish If ya let me ram it in yur ass laddy. The guy replies, fu*k off I'm not gay. Never the less the leprechaun says your loss and starts to walk away. The guy being drunk turns around and says hold on, are you really a Leprechaun? The leprechaun reply's well you see me top hat don't ya and you see me green suit don't ya, and it's not even St. pattys day, what more proof do you need laddy. The guy stands there and thinks to himself he does have a point. So the guy after pondering for a while agrees, Ok man on one condition you can't tell anybody about this. Leprechaun replies not to worry laddy, besides who would believe me anyway. So here is this leprechaun going to town on this poor fella, when all of sudden he stops and ask the guy, By the way laddy , how old are you? The guy replies I'm 25yrs old , why do you ask?The short man replied now without the Irish accent, I'm just wondering why does a grown 25yr old man still believe in leprechauns?

At what time do most people go to the dentist? At tooth-hurty (2:30).

What is a dentist's office? A filling station.

What did the dentist say to the computer? This won't hurt a byte.

Why did the cheerleader go to the dentist? She needed a root canal.

Why did the king go to the dentist? To get a new crown.

Why did the deer need braces? He had buck teeth. Patient: Doctor, I have yellow teeth, what do I do? Dentist: Wear a brown tie.

An orthodontist gets to the root of the problem.

A good dentist is a little picky, a great dentist never gets on your nerves.

A man boards a plane and is seated next to an Air Marshall and his sniffer dog.The plane takes off and the Marshall says, Sniffer dog search.The dog walks along the aisle, and stops next to a woman. He then returns to his seat and puts a paw on the Marshall’s arm.

Good boy says the Marshall.

What happened? asks the man.

That woman is in possession of marijuana. We’ll arrest her when we land.

Once again, Sniffer searches the aisles. He stops beside a man, then returns to his seat, and places two paws on the Marshall’s arm.

That man is carrying cocaine, the Marshall explains.

The dog walks up the aisle again, then races back, jumps into his seat, and shi*ts all over it.

What’s going on? demands the man.

The Marshall nervously replies, He just found a bomb.