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Men's toilet etiquette: what is wrong with so many men?

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Comments

  • #212
    JohnnyFlash
    Registered Users Posts: 7,055 ✭✭✭JohnnyFlash


    Ush1 wrote: »
    Just back from the jax there in work.

    A fella in one of the traps obviously had a bit of an airlock going on in his pipework. Cue the sounds of him shifting around on the seat and then it was a noise like a whales mating call echoing around the bowl. Ended with a raspy crescendo which I'm sure sprayed brown fizz indiscriminately.


    Think a lot of that could be down to dietary and lifestyle choices that people start to follow in January for a while. Being forced to eat vegetarian food because the wife read in the paper that meat was destroying the world. Promising to give up the fags, the drink, and sneaking into the chipper for a bag of chips and a battered sausage. Having smoothies and overnight oats for breakfast instead of 8 sausages, 6 slices of batch loaf, and 4 benson and hedges.

    The digestive system goes into shock and simply cannot cope with the sudden change. Lads are either extremely bound up and not able to shîte at all (very common around here I’d imagine considering how uptight and narky some honchos can be) or they are passing out litres of liquidy midden all day.


  • #213
    Ush1
    Registered Users Posts: 11,461 ✭✭✭✭Ush1


    JohnnyFlash wrote: »
    Think a lot of that could be down to dietary and lifestyle choices that people start to follow in January for a while. Being forced to eat vegetarian food because the wife read in the paper that meat was destroying the world. Promising to give up the fags, the drink, and sneaking into the chipper for a bag of chips and a battered sausage. Having smoothies and overnight oats for breakfast instead of 8 sausages, 6 slices of batch loaf, and 4 benson and hedges.

    The digestive system goes into shock and simply cannot cope with the sudden change. Lads are either extremely bound up and not able to shîte at all (very common around here I’d imagine considering how uptight and narky some honchos can be) or they are passing out litres of liquidy midden all day.

    Very true Johnny. They lack the meat and two veg to demand their meat and two veg.


  • #214
    Brendan Bendar
    Registered Users Posts: 19,047 ✭✭✭✭Brendan Bendar


    Very well thought out synopsis of the problem, lads,well done.

    Diet is the key for sure.Personally I cut down big time on the red meat and spuds and switched to a low fat oily fish and veggie diet .

    I was shítting rusty water for about a week after it..in fact out on the golf course I got a strong push on the rivet...had to make for the bushes and barely got the strides and the muzzle aimed before the place exploded in a fawn shower of loose midden,showered a plantation of small shrubs with ‘mince meat’.

    The real irony was two days later the area was marked off as ‘GUR’ ground under repair.

    Luckily I seem to have gotten away with it.


  • #215
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,071 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    sligojoek wrote: »
    One of her arms is about an inch longer since.
    :pac::pac::pac::D You reminded me of my da suggesting to the Ma when I was kid to try alternating arms as I was going lopsided.

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



  • #216
    The Enbalmer
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,001 ✭✭✭The Enbalmer


    JohnnyFlash wrote: »
    Lads are either extremely bound up and not able to shîte at all (very common around here I’d imagine considering how uptight and narky some honchos can be) or they are passing out litres of liquidy midden all day.

    Strangely the two aren't mutually exclusive.

    A good friend of mine who moonlights as a physician told me that oftentimes the excreting of liquid drittle can be a symptom of having an "eggbound" blockage somewhere in the lower end of the digestive system.

    For example,a gentleman can hit the drink heavily for a number of weeks and neglect to eat as healthily as might be desired.

    After a while there's no food in gut to push the hardened balls of "turkish delight" out into the pan where it belongs.

    The liquid scutter is forced around the stubborn lump and expelled via a small fissure with accompanying gaseous bells and whistles.

    A diet of fried spam,pickled eggs and boiled whelks is recommended by the medical fraternity to ensure "bottom health" is restored.


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  • #217
    Ush1
    Registered Users Posts: 11,461 ✭✭✭✭Ush1


    The Enbalmer wrote: »
    Strangely the two aren't mutually exclusive.

    A good friend of mine who moonlights as a physician told me that oftentimes the excreting of liquid drittle can be a symptom of having an "eggbound" blockage somewhere in the lower end of the digestive system.

    For example,a gentleman can hit the drink heavily for a number of weeks and neglect to eat as healthily as might be desired.

    After a while there's no food in gut to push the hardened balls of "turkish delight" out into the pan where it belongs.

    The liquid scutter is forced around the stubborn lump and expelled via a small fissure with accompanying gaseous bells and whistles.

    A diet of fried spam,pickled eggs and boiled whelks is recommended by the medical fraternity to ensure "bottom health" is restored.

    You've "struck oil", so to speak.


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