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One-Liner Jokes

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Comments

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    #3062
    wingedjoker
    Registered Users Posts: 14 ✭wingedjoker


    An apple a day keeps the doctor fat


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    #3063
    Oblomov
    Registered Users Posts: 9,672 ✭✭✭Oblomov


    The Labour party: Tom Watson is deputy leader and Jeremy Corbyn is Leader.


    So it's official - the Labour party is now run by Tom & Jerry.


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    #3064
    hufpc8w3adnk65
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,158 ✭✭✭✭hufpc8w3adnk65


    I'm going moving too jeopardy





    I heard there's 800 jobs there


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    #3065
    cadesin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 53 ✭✭cadesin


    I decided to make my password "incorrect" because if I type it in wrong, my computer will always remind me, "Your password is incorrect."


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    #3066
    Dtp1979
    Registered Users Posts: 12,726 ✭✭✭✭Dtp1979


    cadesin wrote: »
    I decided to make my password "incorrect" because if I type it in wrong, my computer will always remind me, "Your password is incorrect."

    That's not a joke, it's a great idea


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    #3067
    Comer1
    Registered Users Posts: 1,024 ✭✭✭Comer1


    Dtp1979 wrote: »
    That's not a joke, it's a great idea

    Well it was a good idea, until he posted it on an Internet forum.


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    #3068
    wingedjoker
    Registered Users Posts: 14 ✭wingedjoker


    Do you know how the cave men invented fire? They rubbed their dick way too fast.


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    #3069
    Comer1
    Registered Users Posts: 1,024 ✭✭✭Comer1


    wingedjoker wrote: »
    Do you know how the cave men invented fire? They rubbed their dick way too fast.

    Not funny because it makes no sense. Cavemen's dicks weren't made of wood. Also, fire wasn't "invented," it was discovered.

    Why not try again, but next time use the word "discovered" and maybe instead of a caveman, you could use Pinocchio.


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    #3070
    wingedjoker
    Registered Users Posts: 14 ✭wingedjoker


    Comer1 wrote: »
    Not funny because it makes no sense. Cavemen's dicks weren't made of wood. Also, fire wasn't "invented," it was discovered.

    Why not try again, but next time use the word "discovered" and maybe instead of a caveman, you could use Pinocchio.

    Thanks for the feedback. You're right that discovered was the right word. But I still like the premise of a caveman. Plus, it's just exaggeration. Doesn't have to make perfect sense ;)


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    #3071
    vandriver
    Registered Users Posts: 3,458 ✭✭✭vandriver


    wingedjoker wrote: »
    Thanks for the feedback. You're right that discovered was the right word. But I still like the premise of a caveman. Plus, it's just exaggeration. Doesn't have to make perfect sense ;)
    Or any sense at all.
    Why did all the cavemen share a dick?


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    #3072
    Second Toughest in_the Freshers
    Site Banned Posts: 1,735 ✭✭✭Second Toughest in_the Freshers


    Do you smoke after sex?
    I don't know, I never looked!


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    #3073
    AngryHippie
    Registered Users Posts: 2,625 ✭✭✭AngryHippie


    vandriver wrote: »
    Why did all the cavemen share a dick?

    To get to the other side ?


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    #3074
    wingedjoker
    Registered Users Posts: 14 ✭wingedjoker


    vandriver wrote: »
    Why did all the cavemen share a dick?

    Because it was massive.


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    #3075
    earlytobed
    Registered Users Posts: 451 ✭✭earlytobed


    Those Korean meatballs really are the dogs bollocks:)


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    #3076
    wingedjoker
    Registered Users Posts: 14 ✭wingedjoker


    What food shouldn't you leave in your car if you don't want it to be broken into? A goldfish.


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    #3077
    CameraBag
    Registered Users Posts: 45 ✭CameraBag


    Where does the general keep his armies? Up his sleevies!


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    #3078
    Second Toughest in_the Freshers
    Site Banned Posts: 1,735 ✭✭✭Second Toughest in_the Freshers


    two goldfish in a tank, one says to the other "how do you drive this thing?"


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    #3079
    RichieO
    Registered Users Posts: 320 ✭✭RichieO


    CameraBag wrote: »
    Where does the general keep his armies? Up his sleevies!

    FFS, My grandpa heard that in WW0 ...


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    #3080
    Bahanaman
    Registered Users Posts: 1,170 ✭✭✭Bahanaman


    Saw this thing flying through the air the other day...couldn't make out what it was but it was getting bigger and bigger.....and then it hit me!!


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    #3081
    Second Toughest in_the Freshers
    Site Banned Posts: 1,735 ✭✭✭Second Toughest in_the Freshers


    I stayed up all night wondering where the sun had gone, and then it dawned on me.


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    #3082
    RiderOnTheStorm
    Registered Users Posts: 2,087 ✭✭✭RiderOnTheStorm


    Venison's deer ....


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    #3083
    Worztron
    Registered Users Posts: 8,666 ✭✭✭Worztron


    What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine? A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

    Mitch Hedberg: "Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something."



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    #3084
    Worztron
    Registered Users Posts: 8,666 ✭✭✭Worztron


    The seven dwarfs were in the bath feeling happy. So Happy got out.

    Mitch Hedberg: "Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something."



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    #3085
    old_aussie
    Registered Users Posts: 3,410 ✭✭✭old_aussie


    What's the difference between boards and a $2 hooker?

    The hooker makes $2 every 5 mins when she goes down.


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    #3086
    boredusername1
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 34 ✭boredusername1


    two women sat quietly


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    #3087
    boredusername1
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 34 ✭boredusername1


    two peanuts walking down the street, one was a salted


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    #3088
    donegal_man
    Registered Users Posts: 5,703 ✭✭✭donegal_man


    I'm great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

    A lot of the conflict that happened in the Wild West could’ve been avoided if they'd just made their towns big enough for everyone.


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    #3089
    Second Toughest in_the Freshers
    Site Banned Posts: 1,735 ✭✭✭Second Toughest in_the Freshers


    A dog limps into an Old West tavern, says: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw"


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    #3090
    Xenophile
    Registered Users Posts: 4,068 ✭✭✭Xenophile


    An Irish man was found wandering around every country in the EU asking !

    Is there Eire exit around here ?

    The Forum on Spirituality has been closed for years. Please bring it back, there are lots of Spiritual people in Ireland and elsewhere.



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    #3091
    fobster
    Registered Users Posts: 947 ✭✭✭fobster


    What organisation will you find obese racists joining?

    The K-K-Kake


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