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Threatened miscarriage

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  • 06-06-2019 12:15am
    #1
    Feelinlow
    Registered Users Posts: 1 ✭


    Last week at 11 weeks pregnant I had a bad bleed, went to a&e on my own and was eventually told that baby was ok,
    That evening when I got home my husband went to pub cause he was stressed and left me at home with kids, upset and alone.

    Today went for a scan told I’m at risk of another bleed and miscarriage. Was told to take things easy and to rest. Really upset again this eve and yet again my husband went to pub leaving me alone with the kids. I’m so upset had no one to talk to and when he arrived home I tell him in pissed off with him for spending all e being in the pub, to which I’m verbally abused, told I’m selfish and he had enough of my **** today.
    Im now on the sofa for the night while he is happily in bed I’m crying as usual thus last week.
    When I talk to him tomorrow he’ll say I was overreacting again and being selfish. It’s all about him and his escape from everything. I’m so alone. Am I being unreasonable to expect him to not go out every eve and leave me alone with three young kids?


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    #2
    Dtp1979
    Registered Users Posts: 12,726 ✭✭✭✭Dtp1979


    Sounds like a useless prjck. A good kick up the arse would sort him out. That’s all I have to say.


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    #3
    Ursus Horribilis
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,168 ✭✭✭Ursus Horribilis


    I'm sorry you're going through this at the moment. Do you have any other family members/close friends you can turn to for support?

    Going by what you've told us, this is a problem that runs much deeper than what you're currently going through. This isn't a one-off, is it? Your husband verbally abusing you, going to the pub, not supporting you and generally treating you as if you're the one who's in the wrong.


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    #4
    whitesheep
    Closed Accounts Posts: 42 ✭whitesheep


    Your poor thing. I hope the rest of the pregnancy goes ok for you.

    I think your husband has a drink problem, I've no idea how much he drinks. But it's enough to be causing problems in your relationship so it's a problem.

    The trouble is until he sees at as a problem he won't do anything about it. There's a reason he's being so defensive to you about it.

    I would try and get your support elsewhere until this is resolved, because by the sound of it he's coming up short a lot and you need support.

    It can be hard for me to deal with these things as they aren't physically going through it too.

    Best of luck with the rest of the pregnancy


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    #5
    Chocolate fiend
    Registered Users Posts: 465 ✭✭Chocolate fiend


    You are pregnant, at risk of losing the baby and sleeping on the sofa. He is an ass. Do you really want to stay with him?


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    #6
    ILoveYourVibes
    Registered Users Posts: 15,176 ✭✭✭✭ILoveYourVibes


    You aren't selfish op. I am really sorry.


    You are the opposite of selfish. You are trying to rest as much as you can so you can try and give the pregnancy the best chance you can. Its a hell of a sacrifice on your body and emotions.


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    #7
    Addle
    Registered Users Posts: 4,812 ✭✭✭Addle


    I can’t imagine how worried you are OP.

    Did you talk to him before he went to the pub or just after?


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    #8
    Hannibal_Smith
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 6,926 Mod ✭✭✭✭Hannibal_Smith


    So sorry to read this OP. Its a sad enough time without having to deal with crap from the one person who is supposed to support you on this and the person who is supposed to be in this with you.

    Is he usually like this, or is this a really difficult thing for him to handle and going to the pub is his way? Or is he in the pub every night and this is nothing new?


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    #9
    jimmycrackcorm
    Registered Users Posts: 14,329 ✭✭✭✭jimmycrackcorm


    There's a bit of an overreaction to your post, whether it's people telling you to leave him on the basis of a single incident or that he is an alcoholic for going to a pub.

    What I take from your post is that you are justifiably upset about the lack of support of your OH better he wasn't there when you came home and when he arrived back you verbally attacked him and so got a defensive reaction in response.

    Instead, you need to sit down calmly with him and explain what the doctor said, explain the high risks of a miscarriage and that you need more rest and help from him to support that. Ask him how he would feel if you miscarry of you don't take the doctors advice. Let him suggest how he can help you.


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    #10
    FitzElla
    Registered Users Posts: 126 ✭✭FitzElla


    jimmycrackcorm wrote: »
    Instead, you need to sit down calmly with him and explain what the doctor said, explain the high risks of a miscarriage and that you need more rest and help from him to support that. Ask him how he would feel if you miscarry of you don't take the doctors advice. Let him suggest how he can help you.

    What exactly is there to explain? The OP has had to bring herself to A&E on her own with a suspected miscarriage. It is a horrible experience and the fear of losing a pregnancy is a nightmare to go through. No husband should need to be told their wife needs some support in this situation instead of heading off to the pub.

    I'm so sorry OP for what you are going through. You are not being unreasonable in the slightest and from your post there are deep issues in your marriage you need help with. I would suggest looking at some professional support if you can.


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    #11
    wiggle16
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 3,022 Mod ✭✭✭✭wiggle16


    OP I'm sorry, but whether this is a one off or not, he sounds like a f*cking ársehole, to put it plainly. That's atrocious carry on. It would be bad enough even if you weren't pregnant. It would be bad enough if you'd had an uneventful pregnancy (if there is any such thing). But you've had a massive scare and been told you're not out of the woods yet and need to take it easy. You're under enormous strain. And he's still carrying on like it's all about him. A partner who can't be relied upon for support when you've had the kind of news you've had may not be a partner worth having, to be honest.

    You're not selfish. Not at all. You and the pregnancy should be his priority right now. Not the pub. Not his "stress".

    You need to take some of the pressure off yourself somehow. Have you anyone who could help out with the kids? Your parents or any siblings?

    I hope you feel better soon and that everything goes well for the remainder of the pregnancy.


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    #12
    Neyite
    Administrators, Politics Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,947 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Neyite


    You aren't going to get support from him and you need support from someone. Could anyone stay with you at the moment? Your mum? Sister? a friend?



    He's being a dick. Whether that's a new thing or a longer term issue is something only you can say. And right now it's not the time make a decision on that- you don't need the added stress of a separation right now. In time you can revisit it and think about it, but for now, just see if you can get through this with someone who IS in your corner and wanting to look after you instead of him.


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