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Hen Do - Groom's input?

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Comments

  • #32
    anewme
    Registered Users Posts: 11,853 ✭✭✭✭anewme


    Is this forum not to ask for advice on Weddings and topics around Weddings.

    There are plenty of other forums populated with the "bitches" "women bashing" mantra that it is a shame to see it creeping into every forum.

    Leaving a few bob behind the bar for a round for the Hens is hardly extravagant, yet people here are making out like the OP is like a millionaire throwing money around.

    Maybe you took it up wrong that you had to arrange some activity OP, because leaving a few bob behind the bar for a round is not really an activity but rather a gesture that has gone on for years. Some may call it good manners or etiquette.

    I'm not married but I have often been away and in the times that I have missed Birthdays, Weddings Parties etc, I have often rang the bar and booked a round of drink. I find people appreciate it and take the gesture in the way it's meant.

    Some people read too much into things. Not everything is a persecution complex by the "Bitches" out to get you.


  • #33
    two wheels good
    Registered Users Posts: 1,996 ✭✭✭two wheels good


    anewme wrote: »
    Is this forum not to ask for advice on Weddings and topics around Weddings.

    There are plenty of other forums populated with the "bitches" "women bashing" mantra that it is a shame to see it creeping into every forum.

    Leaving a few bob behind the bar for a round for the Hens is hardly extravagant, yet people here are making out like the OP is like a millionaire throwing money around.

    Maybe you took it up wrong that you had to arrange some activity OP, because leaving a few bob behind the bar for a round is not really an activity but rather a gesture that has gone on for years. Some may call it good manners or etiquette.

    I'm not married but I have often been away and in the times that I have missed Birthdays, Weddings Parties etc, I have often rang the bar and booked a round of drink. I find people appreciate it and take the gesture in the way it's meant.

    Some people read too much into things. Not everything is a persecution complex by the "Bitches" out to get you.

    I didn't detect any "woman-bashing" in the thread and you're the first to mention bitches. So you may be one reading too much into things.

    Firing money about to satisfy some recently adopted convention is worth questioning I'd say. Particularly when it seems to involve more alcohol consumption.


  • #34
    anewme
    Registered Users Posts: 11,853 ✭✭✭✭anewme


    two wheels good wrote: »
    I didn't detect any "woman-bashing" in the thread and you're the first to mention bitches. So you may be one reading too much into things.

    Firing money about to satisfy some recently adopted convention is worth questioning I'd say. Particularly when it seems to involve more alcohol consumption.

    Read the post above mine for clarity on the wording used. It references "Bitches" and implies all women want is to judge others and to suck on a stupid willie straw (but at the Grooms expense).

    Also, leaving a few quid behind the bar for a party/event is not some "recently adopted convention".

    It's been going on years as others have pointed out.

    There is no indication from the OP that they are going on an alcohol fuelled bender and that leaving a couple of bottles of fizzy Prosecco is going to be a serious issue. People are adults and can control their own alcohol consumption at an event. The Groom paying for a couple of bottles of bubbly should not lead to a serious risk due to alcohol.


  • #35
    Iodine1
    Registered Users Posts: 376 ✭✭Iodine1


    It is more absolute nonsense, associated with weddings. So hens, heading off to some far place and now need more drink supplied? They're not even married and they're drawing off the poor sod for this that and the other, just because someone else had it, and now dress it up as tradition. I'm here trying to think of something else I could sell at a wedding fare? What about cup cakes with bride and groom initials in the icing? Must be worth €9 each? What! it's been done already? Must be a tradition so.


  • #36
    Sir Guy who smiles
    Registered Users Posts: 201 ✭✭Sir Guy who smiles


    banie01 wrote: »
    And now is as good as time as any to learn a life lesson in not always getting what one wants.
    Expectation management if you will.

    Just before the wedding, which she is spending every waking moment planning and thinking about? An excellent time to teach his fiancée how to deal with small upsets and disappointments in a calm manner.

    I couldn't see that backfire on him in any possible way.


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  • #37
    eviltwin
    Registered Users Posts: 17,495 ✭✭✭✭eviltwin


    Sir Guy who smiles wrote: »
    Just before the wedding, which she is spending every waking moment planning and thinking about? An excellent time to teach his fiancée how to deal with small upsets and disappointments in a calm manner.

    I couldn't see that backfire on him in any possible way.

    TBH if you're only finding out at the hen or stag stage that your intended is someone with these sorts of aspirations then there's little hope


  • #38
    Wildly Boaring
    Registered Users Posts: 3,629 ✭✭✭Wildly Boaring


    It is not a "Tradition"

    This week is the first I've heard of it.

    Wife reckons she's never heard of it.
    She's early 30s and been to God knows how many hens.

    Not too many pints bought by the bride-to-be on stags either.

    Typical wedding industry nonsense - inventing "traditions" since deBeers in 1939


  • #39
    missmatty
    Registered Users Posts: 1,126 ✭✭✭missmatty


    I've not heard of it either and been to lots of hens the last ten years, including my own. The Mr & Mrs quiz, yes.


  • #40
    JustMe,K
    Registered Users Posts: 610 ✭✭✭JustMe,K


    I think it depends on the couple, I have been to a few hens in the last couple of years and the groom had provided some form of drinks. For one, we all met in the brides house and were getting a bus from there and the groom had arranged a few bottles of prosecco, another the groom had paid the wifes portion of the night out, and another the groom had bought mini Jaeger bottles for everyone that was going to put in a goody bag. Yes, goody bags seem to be a thing.


  • #41
    irish_goat
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators Posts: 5,760 Mod ✭✭✭✭irish_goat


    The fiancé wouldn't be the narcissistic type or care for putting it all over FB/instagram. I think she just likes the idea of me making some sort of effort for her day.

    As for the alcohol aspect, they'd be drinking wine at dinner regardless of whether or not I buy it.


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  • #42
    qwerty13
    Registered Users Posts: 1,272 ✭✭✭qwerty13


    irish_goat wrote: »
    The fiancé wouldn't be the narcissistic type or care for putting it all over FB/instagram. I think she just likes the idea of me making some sort of effort for her day.

    As for the alcohol aspect, they'd be drinking wine at dinner regardless of whether or not I buy it.

    Tbh, I think you’re wrong about that. If all she cared about was an ‘effort’, then she wouldn’t have told you to make a public display. And zero question, you were very much being ‘told’ to make a public display.


  • #43
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭[Deleted User]


    This is why I hate hen parties


  • #44
    Hal3000
    Closed Accounts Posts: 818 ✭✭✭Hal3000


    banie01 wrote: »
    And now is as good as time as any to learn a life lesson in not always getting what one wants.
    Expectation management if you will.

    Solid advice here. One can’t always get what they want - Jagger
    .


  • #45
    CelticRambler
    Registered Users Posts: 6,693 ✭✭✭CelticRambler


    irish_goat wrote: »
    The fiancé wouldn't be the narcissistic type or care for putting it all over FB/instagram. I think she just likes the idea of me making some sort of effort for her day.

    I'm an old fogey in these matters, but the "tradition" of a hen night is that it's her last chance to do whatever she likes while pretending you don't exist. Kinda hard to justify making some sort of effort under those circumstances ...

    (P.S. are you not going to be making some sort of effort by turning up for the wedding ... ? :) )


  • #46
    Hoboo
    Registered Users Posts: 3,515 ✭✭✭Hoboo


    CelticRambler wrote: »
    I'm an old fogey in these matters, but the "tradition" of a hen night is that it's her last chance to do whatever she likes while pretending you don't exist. Kinda hard to justify making some sort of effort under those circumstances ...

    (P.S. are you not going to be making some sort of effort by turning up for the wedding ... ? :) )

    Tradition of a hen night for knackers maybe. What happens on bleedin tour wha!


  • #47
    skallywag
    Registered Users Posts: 2,981 ✭✭✭skallywag


    irish_goat wrote: »
    ...I think she just likes the idea of me making some sort of effort for her day...

    Nothing at all wrong with doing ones best for the big day, but that is the wedding in my book at nothing to do with the groom having to participate in the hen.

    My two cents would be that some of her buddies have had the same at their hens and she is worried about the tuttutery aspect should you not act in the same way.


  • #48
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭[Deleted User]


    El_Duderino 09 wrote: »
    I can’t help notice the language used around money. To “fire” money at someone kinda sums up the attitude to money in Ireland and the wedding industry is delighted with people “firing” money around the place without even thinking about it.

    Maybe I’m different in that I don’t have money to fire, fling or throw. I only have money to spend depending on budget. This is probably a bit off topic.

    I totally agree with you, I find it crass


  • #49
    Faith
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 30,654 Mod ✭✭✭✭Faith


    qwerty13 wrote: »
    Tbh, I think you’re wrong about that. If all she cared about was an ‘effort’, then she wouldn’t have told you to make a public display. And zero question, you were very much being ‘told’ to make a public display.

    I suspect the OP knows his fiancée a touch better than internet strangers do.

    Mod note: All, if you can’t resist attacking a person you don’t know at all (i.e. the bride in question, who is likely a completely lovely person) then don’t bother posting. If I see ANY further references to women as “bitches”, I will immediately get the ban hammer out. This is your only warning on that, thanks.


  • #50
    cazzer22
    Registered Users Posts: 501 ✭✭✭cazzer22


    I think things have gotten increasingly more crazy where weddings are concerned. OP, i'm sure she would appreciate a personal card in her bag that she can read when she's on the hen. If you'd like to buy a round of drinks, by all means, but there's no pressure. You do you.
    I didn't even realise this was the new thing tbh, but Instagram and other social media outlets, are fuelling all this pressure. Simple, elegant and fun occasions are the best. No fuss.


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