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What to do about immature partner?

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Comments

  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 343 ✭✭Sorcha16


    ash23 wrote: »
    And you are a chauvinist. "No I dont think its acceptable for anyone, never mind a woman, to get paraletic drunk every occasion they drink."

    You went out in your 20s. You went on the beer with your mates and didn't come home til 8am? But you object to her doing the same? Why? Because she's 30? Because she's a woman? A mother?

    Also, you sound like you nearly blame her for the rape. ..the rape was not HER fault. It was his. She could have been stone cold sober and met a charming man and allowed him to walk her to a taxi and been raped.

    Wow, you need to calm down and dial back on the horrible accusations your ruthlessly flinging at someone who's looking for help.

    I bet if the OP's girlfriend was here posting that he was stumbling about wasted and chatting up women every time he went out, you'd be telling her to kick him to the curb post haste.

    I believe everyone is entitled to unwind and enjoy themselves but there's something more than a bit tragic about seeing a 30 year old mother falling around like a teenager. In fact, it's cringeworthy and I can guarantee that none of us would like our own partners to carry on like that


  • Administrators Posts: 13,530 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    Sorcha16, welcome to RI. If you haven't read The Charter yet, please do so now. Replies should offer advice and be directed at the OP. Sometimes, of course, posters will disagree with each other - but it should always be done in the context of offering advice to the OP.

    Not following the rules of the Forum can result in a loss of posting privileges to the Forum.

    If you have an issue with Mod instruction please reply only using the PM function, and do not reply on thread. It is considered off-topic posting and in breach of the Forum Charter.

    Thanks,
    Big Bag of Chips


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 6,048 ✭✭✭Da Shins Kelly


    First of all, what exactly is "pathetic" or "immature" about a grown woman who likes to go out and have a good time and get drunk on occasion? She's her own person. If she wants to do that, and you admit that she doesn't do it every night or even every week, then what's the big deal? My 72 year old aunt still enjoys more than a little bit of wine on occasion and she's neither pathetic nor immature - in fact, she raised 9 children single-handedly. So, what exactly is the issue here? The fact that she's in her 30s? The fact that she's a mother? The fact that she's a woman? Or is the real issue just that you're insecure and don't trust her? If that's the real crux of the matter, then that's something you need to address within yourself and talk to her about. You never know what it is that she may be feeling too.


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 343 ✭✭Sorcha16


    OP, I am really sorry that another poster has accused you of blaming your girlfriend for her rape. Please ignore this hysterical and unfounded accusation and the apparent acceptance of saying such a thing within this forum, under the guise of offering 'advice'

    Talk to your girlfriend about her inclination to get baked every time she drinks and explain how it makes you unhappy. In turn, listen to her response and try to reach a compromise with her that pleases you both


  • Administrators Posts: 13,530 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    Sorcha16, warned for ignoring Mod action and Breach of Forum Charter.

    It's an emotive topic folks, but keep it civil.

    Regards,
    Big Bag of Chips


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,673 ✭✭✭Stavro Mueller


    Realistically, the only way you can sort this is to sit down and have a very full frank discussion about this. If needs be, with the aid of a counselor. There seems to be a bit of baggage in this relationship but the one that's to the forefront here certainly needs tackling. Her drinking. You look like you've been dancing around this issue without ever actually properly tackling it. You're focusing your energies on this overnight trip and how it's immature, she's immature etc. which is somewhat wide of the mark.

    The real issue here is that she doesn't seem capable of going out socializing without getting utterly smashed. That to me is ringing loud loud alarm bells. At any age, a person's inability to handle their drink and to call a halt is something of concern and you should be. It has nothing to do with her maturity at all. Has she ever tried to cut down on her drinking? Ever spoken about it?

    Secondly, on the flirting...I think it's unacceptable behaviour if it bothers you. Flirting's only OK if the person's other half doesn't see the harm in it and sees it as a bit of harmless fun that's going nowhere. I don't think you are in that boat. Have you ever properly told her how you feel about it? I reckon that the longer this goes on without being dealt with properly, the more it will eat at you.


  • Registered Users Posts: 2 sadiesway


    I'm on your side op. I'm in my early thirties and happily married. My husband has no major interest in alcohol tho he's no saint and does get drunk occasionally. He's a nice drunk in that he's funny and probably more affectionate. I on the other hand went thought a period where whenever there was a big nite out I'd get totally wasted and drink way above my tolerance level. It brought out a nasty streak in me and on more than one occasion I stuck into my husband verbally and really upset him. I wouldn't even remember it the next day or have cringeworthy flashbacks. He's a pretty easy going guy but the last time he told me he'd had it with me and that drink just didn't suit me. I was so embarrassed and also felt at my age I should know my limits. Because I love him I listened and now moderate my alcohol intake. He's happier and isn't worried about what state I'm going to get myself in on a night out. It's about mutual respect really.


  • Registered Users Posts: 157 ✭✭FrogMarch


    Wow. A pretty unfair backlash against the OP here.

    Flirting excessively with other men in front of your partner is completely unacceptable. No wonder there are so many resultant trust issues.

    Yes, perhaps there's previous baggage in the relationship and maybe she even feels unloved or neglected at this moment in time - although that's just me speculating. However a right-minded person wouldn't react to this by flirting excessively with members of the opposite sex.

    OP - you need to ask yourself if this is something you can continue to live with.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 17,485 ✭✭✭✭Ickle Magoo


    As OP has shown they want to disengage with this thread by closing their a/c, I'm locking the thread.

    All the very best OP.


This discussion has been closed.
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