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Plenty of Fish

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Comments

  • Registered Users Posts: 35,339 ✭✭✭✭BorneTobyWilde


    Anyone can have somebody, that's easy, if that's what you're happy with.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,550 ✭✭✭ShineOn7


    Bring back the 2005-2008 era of Boards when we were all riding each other :pac:

    It was better than any app going today and the person you met was usually sound and up for fun on night one

    There was that one mental girl I met off here though. She was kinda a AH bike and I'd just come out of a long term relationship

    Today's apps are ruined by imbalance in numbers and generally a more spoiled society. I once read there's 8 times as many men as women on POF for example

    That said, I had success with POF before and I might go back on it once the current situation improves


  • Registered Users Posts: 8,781 ✭✭✭pgj2015


    ShineOn7 wrote: »
    Bring back the 2005-2008 era of Boards when we were all riding each other :pac:

    It was better than any app going today and the person you met was usually sound and up for fun on night one

    There was that one mental girl I met off here though. She was kinda a AH bike and I'd just come out of a long term relationship

    Today's apps are ruined by imbalance in numbers and generally a more spoiled society. I once read there's 8 times as many men as women on POF for example

    That said, I had success with POF before and I might go back on it once the current situation improves





    I always got the impression with online dating that its a waste of time for men. Because there are so many more men than women on it, men are forced to lower their standards and then when they do, the women (who you wouldn't chat up on a night out) might not even respond to a message. better off meeting someone in the real world. also there are women who are on pof the last 10 years, timewasters, why would you be on a site like that for so long?


  • Registered Users Posts: 15,918 ✭✭✭✭Loafing Oaf


    ShineOn7 wrote: »

    There was that one mental girl I met off here though. She was kinda a AH bike and I'd just come out of a long term relationship

    Today's apps are ruined by imbalance in numbers and generally a more spoiled society. I once read there's 8 times as many men as women on POF for example

    My impression is that the male members are looking to use any of these dating sites as another Ashley Madison, and the women are picking up on this and leaving in droves (if they ever joined in the first place).


  • Registered Users Posts: 7,604 ✭✭✭YellowLead


    To be honest if you are a male and you make an effort with your profile you have a better chance.

    The amount of male profiles with no information and one photo or group photos....

    Smile on your pictures - say something funny and something sincere. If you are looking for a relationship say it! Add as much info as you are comfortable with - not your workplace but the field you work in. What your interest are. But the smile is the most important!

    There might be more men on the apps (I’ve no idea) but if there are all you have to do is not have a crap no effort profile and your chances are increased.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 13,763 ✭✭✭✭Potential-Monke


    YellowLead wrote: »
    To be honest if you are a male and you make an effort with your profile you have a better chance.

    The amount of male profiles with no information and one photo or group photos....

    Smile on your pictures - say something funny and something sincere. If you are looking for a relationship say it! Add as much info as you are comfortable with - not your workplace but the field you work in. What your interest are. But the smile is the most important!

    There might be more men on the apps (I’ve no idea) but if there are all you have to do is not have a crap no effort profile and your chances are increased.

    Problem with that is I know of a few lads who have profiles exactly like that but still manage to sweep up. I personally think as a male with genuine interest in finding a partner, it's a very long and hard journey. Women have the pick of the crop, literally.


  • Registered Users Posts: 7,604 ✭✭✭YellowLead


    I think there are issues for both genders. The amount of men with profiles who have looking for a relationship etc and then suddenly it’s like so what colour underwear do you have on....

    So I don’t think it’s easier for women. If men who just wanted a ride were straight up about it then maybe it would be easier for women and we would have to waste less time.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,550 ✭✭✭ShineOn7


    YellowLead wrote: »
    To be honest if you are a male and you make an effort with your profile you have a better chance.

    The amount of male profiles with no information and one photo or group photos....

    Smile on your pictures - say something funny and something sincere. If you are looking for a relationship say it! Add as much info as you are comfortable with - not your workplace but the field you work in. What your interest are. But the smile is the most important!

    There might be more men on the apps (I’ve no idea) but if there are all you have to do is not have a crap no effort profile and your chances are increased.


    That's sage, Feather-esque advice right there


  • Registered Users Posts: 8,781 ✭✭✭pgj2015


    Problem with that is I know of a few lads who have profiles exactly like that but still manage to sweep up. I personally think as a male with genuine interest in finding a partner, it's a very long and hard journey. Women have the pick of the crop, literally.



    Have you any female friends who fancy themselves as a matchmaker? I have a couple and they are always trying to get me to go on dates with other single friends and colleagues of theirs.


  • Registered Users Posts: 13,763 ✭✭✭✭Potential-Monke


    Nah. I had a few years back who tried, but they were trying to set me up with single friends of theirs rather than someone who would be compatible. I'm just not the typical male that seems to attract females. Granted, in the last few years I'm even further from what is socially expected of a man, but I've also reserved myself to bachelorhood, and with the pandemic making me that bit more cautious, I've even less interest right now. I also have a genuine fear over something that I shouldn't have, but it really is stopping me trying - morning after guilt. I know a few lads who were victim of this, and I don't think I could take the pressure of what it could lead to. I would want a signed contract detailing what I can and can't do or touch!

    Irrational fear, but still a fear that is strong enough to be the "Yeah, but..." to every thought I have of looking. But I'm ok with that for now, especially now, when I wouldn't meet someone new anyway. And like someone said above, I don't want to be the person who keeps you company via message during the lockdown only to get the cold shoulder as soon as the country opens up again. I've had enough negatives in my life that I'll do without them if I can.

    TL;DR: I don't want the hassle.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 489 ✭✭grassylawn


    YellowLead wrote: »
    To be honest if you are a male and you make an effort with your profile you have a better chance.

    The amount of male profiles with no information and one photo or group photos....

    Smile on your pictures - say something funny and something sincere. If you are looking for a relationship say it! Add as much info as you are comfortable with - not your workplace but the field you work in. What your interest are. But the smile is the most important!

    There might be more men on the apps (I’ve no idea) but if there are all you have to do is not have a crap no effort profile and your chances are increased.
    Nah women don't go for smiling guys. They like guys who are glowery or look ashamed.


  • Registered Users Posts: 508 ✭✭✭The DayDream


    YellowLead wrote: »
    Bumble definitely has more genuine people than tinder....but as a woman I don’t really like using it because I hate having to make the first move because I miss out on the information that comes with how a guy approaches that first move. But that’s just a personal preference - plenty female friends don’t mind that side to bumble.

    Why do you think you deserve that 'information' but men don't? Not having a go at you personally but this is just an example of why online dating apps are never worth paying for if you're a man. I see so many women on these apps that don't want to make any effort at all, baffled as to why rich Ryan Gosling lookalikes aren't queuing up for them.

    For eons men were tasked with making the first move. Women just had to look attractive and wait to be approached. Recently this became not good enough for some (due to dicks and their pics mostly) and so an app was made to suit them, to stop them getting messages from loads of guys they didnt have interest in, etc. And now that isn't even good enough either...

    You're saying basically you want an app where you can press a button that tells a man, 'You have passed the visual inspection, congratulations. You now have permission to try and impress and entertain me through a message. I look forward to grading your effort.'

    The real reason you don't like making the first move is because it's hard, you risk being rejected, and you probably struggle to come up with anything original or funny. Sure why face that challenge, leave that hard work to the men! Shouldn't a heavily filtered pic and headline that says '???' or '...' be more than enough?

    If they do put something in their profile half the time it's 'Mother of 2 kids who are my world, if you have a problem with that jog on'. Thanks I will actually not jog I will sprint. The list of cons to dating a single mom as a child free man far outweighs the pros.

    Or else something like, 'No creeps. I'm done being cheated on. Are there any decent guys left?'

    There are, but they're probably not going to be interested in making the time and effort to convince some woman who's obvs still seething with bitterness about some prick of an ex bf, that they are in fact a decent guy.

    I don't get why these women put that crap in their profiles. It's like before you even meet them they are defensive and angry with YOU for bad decisions THEY made. I didn't choose to reproduce with the wrong person or date a cheater. But yet it is I who must prove my worthiness to them?

    Dont bother with POF anyway especially anywhere outside of a city it's like paying for the full Sky package and all you get is TG4.


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,858 ✭✭✭Church on Tuesday


    Why do you think you deserve that 'information' but men don't? Not having a go at you personally but this is just an example of why online dating apps are never worth paying for if you're a man. I see so many women on these apps that don't want to make any effort at all, baffled as to why rich Ryan Gosling lookalikes aren't queuing up for them.

    For eons men were tasked with making the first move. Women just had to look attractive and wait to be approached. Recently this became not good enough for some (due to dicks and their pics mostly) and so an app was made to suit them, to stop them getting messages from loads of guys they didnt have interest in, etc. And now that isn't even good enough either...

    You're saying basically you want an app where you can press a button that tells a man, 'You have passed the visual inspection, congratulations. You now have permission to try and impress and entertain me through a message. I look forward to grading your effort.'

    The real reason you don't like making the first move is because it's hard, you risk being rejected, and you probably struggle to come up with anything original or funny. Sure why face that challenge, leave that hard work to the men! Shouldn't a heavily filtered pic and headline that says '???' or '...' should be more than enough?

    If they do put something in their profile half the time it's 'Mother of 2 kids who are my world, if you have a problem with that jog on'. Thanks I will actually not jog I will sprint. The list of cons to dating a single mom as a child free man far outweighs the pros.

    Or else something like, 'No creeps. I'm done being cheated on. Are there any decent guys left?'

    There are, but they're probably not going to be interested in making the time and effort to convince some woman who's obvs still seething with bitterness about some prick of an ex bf, that they are in fact a decent guy.

    I don't get why these women put that crap in their profiles. It's like before you even meet them they are defensive and angry with YOU for bad decisions THEY made. I didn't choose to reproduce with the wrong person or date a cheater. But yet it is I who must prove my worthiness to them?

    Dont bother with POF anyway especially anywhere outside of a city it's like paying for the full Sky package and all you get is TG4.


    I agree with some of what you say but when I see low effort nonsense like that I just immediately swipe left anyways.

    Again, I wouldn't take any of the nonsense you get on dating apps personally.


  • Registered Users Posts: 13,567 ✭✭✭✭Thelonious Monk


    Men need to realise that if you aren't handsome, then online dating won't work for you. You can spend hours crafting your bio, and fill your profile with cool pictures but the hot guy with three bedroom selfies will beat you. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

    Do the ugly guys not just hook up with women who are equally as unattractive? I thought that's how the world worked.


  • Registered Users Posts: 13,252 ✭✭✭✭kowloon


    Tried it out just as then whole Covid thing was kicking off, got one date in Dublin with masks in a socially distant pub. She seemed like a really nice person but nothing happened. A few other online message exchanges through the site and on Whatsapp but nothing came of them and I closed down the account with plans to go back to it after the pandemic. Bumble is far worse IMO.


  • Registered Users Posts: 15,918 ✭✭✭✭Loafing Oaf


    pgj2015 wrote: »
    I always got the impression with online dating that its a waste of time for men.

    I would have thought if they could somehow filter out those just looking for 'fun' this could be totally turned around. In the real world there are always far more women than men looking for 'something serious', so in any forum (whether online or not) where those of both sexes could be brought togetherin significant numbers, the guys could pretty much have their pick...


  • Registered Users Posts: 7,604 ✭✭✭YellowLead


    grassylawn wrote: »
    Nah women don't go for smiling guys. They like guys who are glowery or look ashamed.

    Definitely not true for myself or any of my friends. Perhaps there is a cohort that does but I don’t know them! Maybe it’s old age (36) that has me searching for positive people :)


  • Registered Users Posts: 8,781 ✭✭✭pgj2015


    Nah. I had a few years back who tried, but they were trying to set me up with single friends of theirs rather than someone who would be compatible. I'm just not the typical male that seems to attract females. Granted, in the last few years I'm even further from what is socially expected of a man, but I've also reserved myself to bachelorhood, and with the pandemic making me that bit more cautious, I've even less interest right now. I also have a genuine fear over something that I shouldn't have, but it really is stopping me trying - morning after guilt. I know a few lads who were victim of this, and I don't think I could take the pressure of what it could lead to. I would want a signed contract detailing what I can and can't do or touch!

    Irrational fear, but still a fear that is strong enough to be the "Yeah, but..." to every thought I have of looking. But I'm ok with that for now, especially now, when I wouldn't meet someone new anyway. And like someone said above, I don't want to be the person who keeps you company via message during the lockdown only to get the cold shoulder as soon as the country opens up again. I've had enough negatives in my life that I'll do without them if I can.

    TL;DR: I don't want the hassle.




    Now that I think of it, I think they were just matching us because we were single. not because we might have something in common. terrible idea. some women hate to see anyone single and think everyone must be paired up and married.


  • Registered Users Posts: 7,604 ✭✭✭YellowLead


    The real reason you don't like making the first move is because it's hard, you risk being rejected, and you probably struggle to come up with anything original or funny. Sure why face that challenge, leave that hard work to the men!.

    Well I can so I do. And to be honest - men swipe away on every woman they see hoping one will swipe right so half who swipe on me aren’t arsed about me at all, so when they make the effort to send a message at least I know they are half interested. I never swipe unless I want to chat.

    And I wouldn’t care about rejection, it’s only a dating app! I do make the first move sometimes actually - I did with the guy I’m dating currently - I just don’t like the way bumble forces me too.


  • Registered Users Posts: 7,604 ✭✭✭YellowLead


    Do the ugly guys not just hook up with women who are equally as unattractive? I thought that's how the world worked.

    Every man thinks he deserves a barbie doll :)


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  • Registered Users Posts: 508 ✭✭✭The DayDream


    Men need to realise that if you aren't handsome, then online dating won't work for you. You can spend hours crafting your bio, and fill your profile with cool pictures but the hot guy with three bedroom selfies will beat you. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

    On POF (which is the specific site the thread is about) it doesn't matter really. Women dont respond even when you match (which means they swiped on you, so thought you were at least tolerable to look at at some stage.) I can pull on nights out, (when they existed) had some very attractive gfs. Getting on a bit now im not in my 20s any more, but Ive been hit on at work (where I'm not allowed to do anything about it!), had women find me on FB and add me after I served them. No I'm not Brad Pitt but I'm not an uggo. I haven't had any luck on POF and I wish I had never bothered paying for it. Not incel whining just trying to save other fellas money and time. There's threads on other social media sites about how useless it is.

    I've seen the men's profiles and the ones my age are mostly NOT hot guys, a lot of them can't even take a decent photo to put up, are bald but won't shave their head (which is basically the only way to make that work), or have horrific fashion sense and/or are also fat. So I don't know who these women are thinking is gonna come along that is worth responding to? Bradley Cooper is not gonna swipe on you Brenda and become baby daddy #2 or 3.

    The ultra rare responses only lead to conversation that fizzles quickly with lots of no effort short replies or turns quickly to them playing detective to determine your income and social status. And of course until you prove otherwise you're just looking to use them for sex. Which they aren't into! (Well, not since getting knocked up.)

    I'm not salty about online dating in general. It is what it is. The thread is about POF and Im just saying I think it's the worst one and the paid version is dear enough. Im just warning any men not to pay for as it's a total waste of money, even if you are a sexy beast like meself.


  • Registered Users Posts: 13,567 ✭✭✭✭Thelonious Monk


    why on earth would you pay for it, it's free anyway?


  • Registered Users Posts: 508 ✭✭✭The DayDream


    YellowLead wrote: »
    Every man thinks he deserves a barbie doll :)

    You literally just said that they will swipe away on basically anything with a pulse, which is it?

    If you're talking about unrealistic expectations for online dating, I'm sorry but it is no feckin contest. The women have that sewn up. Half the profiles have SFA about them (their interests list is usually gym/coffee/travelling that's it) all they want to write about are their requirements for this fantasy bloke, who, if he actually existed, wouldn't need online dating.

    They often don't list anything about what they are like (they don't think they need to, because they think the makeup and filters and push up bras are enough to rope us in.) They just list what they want a man to be in terms of height, income, athletic prowess, hair, tattoos, beards, vehicles, your willingness to play 2nd fiddle to their child from a previous relationship, you name it, they expect it. You must be funny but also mature, driven yet kind and don't forget to live love laugh.

    So many profiles say they are looking for a 'real man'... which from what I can gather is someone who looks like Jason Mamoa, will be happy to support them, take them shopping, and raise THEIR kids. Funny enough the single dads I know that have dated these women say they never expect the man's kids to take priority over THEM.

    I certainly don't want a barbie doll. I like natural looking women who are fun to be around. What you get on dating sites is women with pics that totally misrepresent what they look like IRL having the audacity to sound off about how disappointed they are in the men they see like it's the boot camp scene in Full Metal Jacket and they're the Marine Corp Sargeant.


  • Registered Users Posts: 508 ✭✭✭The DayDream


    why on earth would you pay for it, it's free anyway?

    Dunno when the last time you were on it was, they limited a lot of the features since it was bought out, you wont see who swiped you until/if you match (they intentionally hide them) you can only send a few messages, you can only see part of their profiles, you don't show up in searches as much.

    These sites are not charities, the women can get plenty of interest without paying i guess but i see lots of them are upgraded so they must have thought they needed to pay for the features also, same as I did. basically POF isn't good at all free, but it also isn't good paid. The free version of Tinder is way better than the paid version of POF.

    I thought POF would be more women looking for relationships than Tinder which was more for hook ups. But it's just rubbish IME.


  • Registered Users Posts: 7,604 ✭✭✭YellowLead


    You literally just said that they will swipe away on basically anything with a pulse, which is it?.

    I only said the barbie doll thing for a joke in response to the poster who said ugly men date ugly women isn’t that how the world works or something like that. I know some lads who have super high standards when it comes to women’s looks that they don’t hold themselves too (bald, fat) , I didn’t mean every guy literally.

    In relation to the guys swiping away at tonnes of women I meant the ones with good profiles who can have their pick and they might be swiping on me plus women they prefer more than me, but only swipe on me just in case.


  • Registered Users Posts: 13,763 ✭✭✭✭Potential-Monke


    Do the ugly guys not just hook up with women who are equally as unattractive? I thought that's how the world worked.

    No, the not ugly but not very good looking lads whose standards were too high at the beginning then snap up these ladies too. Well, that's how it worked on nights out anyway... Ugly guy needs to get with ugly girl early in the night or the 3am "pickings" will be taken by the aforementioned guys who just want a ride at that stage.
    pgj2015 wrote: »
    Now that I think of it, I think they were just matching us because we were single. not because we might have something in common. terrible idea. some women hate to see anyone single and think everyone must be paired up and married.

    Exactly, "matching" based on the one individual known factor: single. And those who think all need to be paired up and married just need more people they can then base their relationships on. Knew a few of them, they hate seeing single happy people.
    YellowLead wrote: »
    In relation to the guys swiping away at tonnes of women I meant the ones with good profiles who can have their pick and they might be swiping on me plus women they prefer more than me, but only swipe on me just in case.

    A lad I used to work with who, imo was not the best looking and looked a bit too thin, but he still managed to have various ladies quite often (confirmed by others (usually flatmates) as not just boasting) showed me how he works. He brought up Tinder, turned the phone towards me and just started swiping right. He said that when he has a break or finishes work, he'll go through the matches and then make his picks in order of preference. Whoever replies first wins, unless someone higher up on the list subsequently replies, in which case he'll weigh his options and usually organise dates with both.

    Meanwhile I've swiped right on ones I genuinely have an interest in, and I'm lost in a sea of lads like this who would rate higher on the girls side, so I don't even get a look in. That's what I reckon.

    Although recently I've been thinking. You know that old saying; men marry women hoping they won't change, and women marry men hoping they will? Well, that got me thinking. They see me, maybe read my bio, see that I'm just perfect and there is nothing to change, so they move on... Yeah, I'll go with that!


  • Registered Users Posts: 8,112 ✭✭✭Quantum Erasure


    YellowLead wrote: »
    Every man thinks he deserves a barbie doll :)

    Every woman deserves a Ken


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 47 dragx


    Men need to realise that if you aren't handsome, then online dating won't work for you. You can spend hours crafting your bio, and fill your profile with cool pictures but the hot guy with three bedroom selfies will beat you. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

    I'm in bits and I've done fine on Tinder the few times I've tried it tbh. I've punched well above my weight several times, too. Of course the fella with the abs is gonna do better than me on matches, the same way certain women are gonna do better than others. That isn't exclusive to online dating.

    I throw up a few pictures with my friends, nothing posed to look like I've some amazing jet setting life and a short bio. Once you actually get a few matches you're half way there, and if you don't immediately ask for "fun" or some other dumb, cringey ****e you're grand.

    Knowing your audience also helps. I know the girl in front of the flower wall decked out in Gucci isn't gonna bother with the baldy fella with a load of tattoos. That could absolutely happen if we were to meet randomly in a pub or work, but Tinder doesn't work that way.


  • Registered Users Posts: 5,967 ✭✭✭Pyr0


    He brought up Tinder, turned the phone towards me and just started swiping right. He said that when he has a break or finishes work, he'll go through the matches and then make his picks in order of preference. Whoever replies first wins, unless someone higher up on the list subsequently replies, in which case he'll weigh his options and usually organise dates with both.

    Meanwhile I've swiped right on ones I genuinely have an interest in, and I'm lost in a sea of lads like this who would rate higher on the girls side, so I don't even get a look in. That's what I reckon. !

    I took this approach for a period of time, swiped right on everyone in bursts. I matched with a handful of women but clicked with very few. I ended up in a long term relationship with one of the girls I did click with.

    It's a numbers game imo, if you're only swiping right on 1 in 20 girls then your chances of getting a match are very slim. The chances of you clicking with one of the girls you do match with is smaller. Tinder is all about looks, very few people actually read through profiles. My advice is match first, figure the rest out after.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 7,604 ✭✭✭YellowLead


    Pyr0 wrote: »
    I took this approach for a period of time, swiped right on everyone in bursts. I matched with a handful of women but clicked with very few. I ended up in a long term relationship with one of the girls I did click with.

    It's a numbers game imo, if you're only swiping right on 1 in 20 girls then your chances of getting a match are very slim. The chances of you clicking with one of the girls you do match with is smaller. Tinder is all about looks, very few people actually read through profiles. My advice is match first, figure the rest out after.

    Now this is exactly while I like getting a message as indication of interest and not a mere swipe.


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