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Friend and Text Flooding

  • 10-12-2018 3:07pm
    #1
    never_mind
    Registered Users Posts: 915 ✭✭✭


    A minor issue, some might say....

    A colleague/friend of mine has gotten into the habit of texting me multiple page-length messages detailing work scenarios and situations that have little to do with me. She would be junior to me but doesn't report into me. We were friends before working together and I don't mind listening to her but we don't socialise outside of work so I don't get it.

    For example, we have a meeting next Monday. Today I am having a similar meeting to what we will have next Monday and she is texting me the intricacies of the meeting though it is NOT necessary. I know how the meetings are run as I have done them before and so has she... Thing is I don't think much is happening in her life and therefore work is kind of her life which is sad but very frustrating for me.

    Today I kind of snapped and said can you please give me a minute to respond to these before you text me again. Thing is she is seeing that they are seen so I don't want to leave her hanging.

    Any idea what I can do to help without hurting her? She is a lovely girl but this is getting very tiresome.


Comments

  • #2
    silverharp
    Registered Users Posts: 17,840 ✭✭✭✭silverharp


    just tell her to stop, that texting isn't an appropriate way of communicating work ideas and that it gives you headache trying to read them all which it probably would. Tell her to use email if its something you need to respond to

    A belief in gender identity involves a level of faith as there is nothing tangible to prove its existence which, as something divorced from the physical body, is similar to the idea of a soul. - Colette Colfer



  • #3
    never_mind
    Registered Users Posts: 915 ✭✭✭never_mind


    silverharp wrote: »
    just tell her to stop, that texting isn't an appropriate way of communicating work ideas and that it gives you headache trying to read them all which it probably would. Tell her to use email if its something you need to respond to

    Thanks for that. The problem is that she doesn't report into me so the emails are more in a social context rather than a work one. She might be talking about things I know about but it wouldn't be directed at me, if you get me... it is completely and utterly just as if she wants to vent to me. One night she text me around 8 times about her emergency tax.... she wasn't telling me this so I would action on it, she is telling me this purely because she wants to.


  • #4
    antix80
    Registered Users Posts: 2,419 ✭✭✭antix80


    She might thinks you find the messages as interesting as she does, or maybe she views it as something you have in common and can chat about.
    If the messages are of a personal nature, and she's texting your personal phone from her personal phone, just don't encourage her. Keep your responses short and uninterested like "sounds like you have your hands full. I'm just watching netflix at the minute, what are you up to" or "ah meetings. Any plans for the weekend"..


  • #5
    antix80
    Registered Users Posts: 2,419 ✭✭✭antix80


    never_mind wrote: »
    One night she text me around 8 times about her emergency tax.... she wasn't telling me this so I would action on it, she is telling me this purely because she wants to.

    I'd say she's fun at parties. Can't help but feel you're encouraging her texts. If she didn't get a reaction, why would she continue texting?
    Another nifty feature on most phones is "mute". Use it on bores who text incessantly with no point to their messages.


  • #6
    never_mind
    Registered Users Posts: 915 ✭✭✭never_mind


    antix80 wrote: »
    I'd say she's fun at parties. Can't help but feel you're encouraging her texts. If she didn't get a reaction, why would she continue texting?
    Another nifty feature on most phones is "mute". Use it on bores who text incessantly with no point to their messages.

    Thing is I don't it.. I respond with one word texts and leave it at that. Maybe that is too encouraging in itself?


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  • #7
    Ursus Horribilis
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,168 ✭✭✭Ursus Horribilis


    How quickly do you reply to them?


  • #8
    never_mind
    Registered Users Posts: 915 ✭✭✭never_mind


    Ursus Horribilis wrote: »
    How quickly do you reply to them?

    Sometimes in a few mins, other times I literally ignore them and then a few days later I get another 8 messages and then am tagged in several FB memes. It is becoming ridiculous.


  • #9
    Gregor Samsa
    Registered Users Posts: 8,905 ✭✭✭Gregor Samsa


    never_mind wrote: »
    Thing is I don't it.. I respond with one word texts and leave it at that. Maybe that is too encouraging in itself?

    Any response is encouraging her. Conversations are supposed to be two way things, and some people see any sort of response (or even the mere fact that you're still standing in front of them) as encouragement to keep talking - even if the other party is giving signals that they're not interested.

    You're under no obligation to respond to her. You can turn off read receipts if that's worrying you, but it might actually be better if she knows that you're not responding. She'll learn what's an appropriate level of communication quick enough. Keep talking to her in work, but ignore all the personal texts, emails and FB messages. Set the boundaries that you're comfortable with, and let her conform to them. Currently, she's setting the (lack of) boundaries, and you're conforming to that.


  • #10
    Mozzeltoff
    Registered Users Posts: 8,614 ✭✭✭Mozzeltoff


    Op I have a friend that used to do this to me. He'd ring me just to bitch about his problems or how something he was involved in wasn't going right. He rang me three times in the one day, to bitch about insignificant problems. The odd time he would ask how things were with me he wasn't really interested and would only loop it back around to what his problems were. I learned then that I was the bigger eejit for answering him.

    If I didn't answer the phone he would blow up my snapchat, tagging me in stuff on FB and constantly sending me memes and **** through messenger.

    I ended up telling to basically **** off and cop on. (I wasn't as rude as that about it but I was a little harsh.) It's not fair that she's dumping all this nonsense on you. It's emotionally draining. Do what I did and tell them to back off, put up your boundaries and let them know where the land lies in regards of communication with you.


  • #11
    GreeBo
    Registered Users Posts: 27,027 ✭✭✭✭GreeBo


    Seems like the simple thing to do is to not reply at all unless she is asking you something or you actually want to.


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  • #12
    BBFAN
    Registered Users Posts: 2,228 ✭✭✭BBFAN


    I never add work colleagues on FB so that solves that problem. I try not to give people my mobile either although some people insist on it.

    I think the lines have become blurred too much recently. Like both the owners of my business have my mobile number and sometimes text me. My feeling on it is if it's not a work mobile they should not be texting me outside work hours but I don't know how to approach this.

    I certainly never give my mobile to anyone else though unless I have become close friends with them.

    Sounds like you've given your mobile number to someone who's not a close friend OP. Why did you give them your mobile number?


  • #13
    Purple Mountain
    Registered Users Posts: 12,996 ✭✭✭✭Purple Mountain


    Just ignore the texts altogether.
    If she asks in work why you did just be stand offish and say you don't have time to be answering messages or that when you're away from work you just want to unwind and forget the say.
    She should get the hint.

    To thine own self be true



  • #14
    rainbowtrout
    Registered Users Posts: 15,381 ✭✭✭✭rainbowtrout


    never_mind wrote: »
    Thing is she is seeing that they are seen so I don't want to leave her hanging.

    Why? You are not obliged to reply to any text just because you've read it.

    As other posters have said, just ignore all the texts until she gets the message. Or you could be blunt with her and just say that 'I don't want to discuss work matters outside of work hours, if you have a work issue please email during work hours'. Keep sending that message until she stops texting.


  • #15
    SATSUMA
    Registered Users Posts: 706 ✭✭✭SATSUMA


    Just ignore her. If she confronts you tell her the truth.

    (Sounds like she fancies you)


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