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Mixed signals from a woman

2

Comments

  • #32
    Tomw86
    Registered Users Posts: 931 ✭✭✭Tomw86


    I'd say a bad day at the office....maybe the mother of all hangovers?!

    Approach next week and see has she cheered up a bit!


  • #33
    H3llR4iser
    Registered Users Posts: 4,027 ✭✭✭H3llR4iser


    99% she's just playing "flirty barista" to sell more stuff and get more commissions/tips. It's amazing how many guys believe they're "the special one" in this situation.


    fryup wrote: »
    ^^^^^^^^

    No, she was friendly with other customers bar me


    Small chances are that she figured out you're reading more than you should in her behaviour, and she's toning it down with you specifically...


  • #34
    fryup
    Registered Users Posts: 18,069 ✭✭✭✭fryup


    H3llR4iser wrote: »
    99% she's just playing "flirty barista" to sell more stuff and get more commissions/tips. It's amazing how many guys believe they're "the special one" in this situation.

    shush :o


  • #35
    spockety
    Moderators, Education Moderators Posts: 5,436 Mod ✭✭✭✭spockety


    I'm wondering if one of your mutual acquaintances have also given her a heads up as to your nefarious intentions...


  • #36
    pq0n1ct4ve8zf5
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,070 ✭✭✭✭pq0n1ct4ve8zf5


    Are you sure she's been flirting and not just being friendly and chatty like you have to be in those jobs? I've noticed it before with very pretty women that people can tend to interpret any behaviour that's not actively rude as flirting or at least ambiguous. And seriously, I've had "right old laughs" with customers who I couldn't wait to see the back of and responded to comments I found inappropriate with the old "oh you cheeky old rogue, what are you like" kind of thing rather than the swift "**** off" they'd get if I wasn't at work and they weren't a customer.

    You haven't done anything wrong, but given that she was specifically cold to you I'd say it's most likely you've misread the situation. No need to address it any further imo, chalk it down.


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  • #37
    carrollsno1
    Registered Users Posts: 2,186 ✭✭✭carrollsno1


    Ask her out mate, there was one south american barmaid out here who never really made much conversation with any of us much but for some reason always made an effort to make conversation with myself always got a smile and wave whenever i was coming or going too despite the fact the only reason we got talking was that ive such a thick bogger acccent even the irish here find it hard to understand me. However she asked an old mate of mine one night was he marrried? Now hes about 30 years older than me and the barmaid but we dont look too far apart in terms of age maybey 10 years (outdoor worker vs indoor worker) he said was too old for her etc and put it to me that night to ask her out in the next fortnight however i kept making excuses and never did after the two weeks had passed and she turned fairly cold as in wouldnt even say hello at the bar now i dobt know whether she was told i was to ask her out or not but anyway the moral of the story is go for it mate worst she can say is no, and no you don't have to avoid that particular market either thereafter

    Better living everyone



  • #38
    Lux23
    Registered Users Posts: 7,134 ✭✭✭Lux23


    I used to be quite friendly with a lad who worked in the local Spar, but I have a partner, and I was only ever interested in being nice to the guy. One day I went in to pick up a package, and he said 'oh now I know your address.' I found this creepy, so I don't even make eye contact with him now. Perhaps you said something she didn't like, and she has decided to be rude, so you get the message that she has no interest in you.


  • #39
    Tell me how
    Registered Users Posts: 21,517 ✭✭✭✭Tell me how


    You know when women say that men are only thinking about one thing and if they even as much smile at them the man thinks they are definitely in to them? And men respond and say that it is not like that and to get over yourself.

    Reading some of the responses in this thread makes me think those women might be correct more often than I previously thought.

    All debate on an online forum about this is pointless (is it not?? :confused:) If you are interested OP, ask her to go for a coffee next Sunday. If she accepts, do that and then ask for her number. That's it.


  • #40
    ginandtonicsky
    Closed Accounts Posts: 710 ✭✭✭ginandtonicsky


    Yeah what Electro-bitch said. A high number of men will willingly believe that a woman is into them if she so much as smiles or makes friendly banter with them, particularly if they find her in any way attractive. It's astonishing and kind of impressive - fair play with the self-esteem like :pac:

    I used to meet a guy in the corridor at work fairly regularly, quite often I'd end up ahead of him and would hold the door and smile/nod at him, as I would with anyone. Met him at a work drinks thing on another occasion and his mate said "oh you're the one who flirts with Johnny in the corridor every morning!"

    Be cautious of seeing perfectly mundane and expected social niceties as something more than they actually are just because you happy to fancy someone.


  • #41
    ittakestwo
    Registered Users Posts: 1,641 ✭✭✭ittakestwo


    H3llR4iser wrote: »
    99% she's just playing "flirty barista" to sell more stuff and get more commissions/tips. It's amazing how many guys believe they're "the special one" in this situation.






    Small chances are that she figured out you're reading more than you should in her behaviour, and she's toning it down with you specifically...

    I would read it that way too. First one or two times you went to her stall she was friendly as she would be with all customers..... she is trying to sell.

    But you go to her stall every week that sells specialist items and she has coped you have taken more of an intrest in her than what she is selling so she had to give you a signal she is not interested.


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  • #42
    RobMc59
    Registered Users Posts: 4,831 ✭✭✭RobMc59


    You should ask her out-if you don't you'll keep going over it in your head for years....


  • #43
    ongarboy
    Registered Users Posts: 5,201 ✭✭✭ongarboy


    It's funny how so many men are wired. If a woman they fancy is friendly with them, then it must be that they are being flirty (because that is what the man wants/wishes). If a woman they don't fancy is friendly with them, then that's all they are...friendly.

    Are you a fellow stall holder? How else do you know how she consistently is with other customers? If not, are you just loitering around (slightly creepy) and not buying anything (a nuisance) which might grate even the most friendly stall seller after a while.


  • #44
    johnnyskeleton
    Moderators, Entertainment Moderators, Politics Moderators Posts: 14,463 Mod ✭✭✭✭johnnyskeleton


    This video might be useful to you:



  • #45
    professore
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,857 ✭✭✭professore


    ginandtonicsky wrote: »
    Yeah what Electro-bitch said. A high number of men will willingly believe that a woman is into them if she so much as smiles or makes friendly banter with them, particularly if they find her in any way attractive. It's astonishing and kind of impressive - fair play with the self-esteem like :pac.

    Conversely lots of women have hundreds of guys hitting on them and still have low self esteem about their looks ....

    The guys do the chasing, if we were like women and said no woman ever fancied us the human race would die out in one generation.
    I used to meet a guy in the corridor at work fairly regularly, quite often I'd end up ahead of him and would hold the door and smile/nod at him, as I would with anyone. Met him at a work drinks thing on another occasion and his mate said "oh you're the one who flirts with Johnny in the corridor every morning!"

    That's possibly because most women blanked him or were actively nasty to him and he mistook friendliness for flirting as he never experienced it. A lot of guys go through life like this, especially the shyer or lacking in the looks department ones. ANY female attention is such a novelty. The other reaction is that they think the woman is trying to trick them in some way.


  • #46
    poeticjustice
    Registered Users Posts: 159 ✭✭poeticjustice


    Op, how long had you been flirting with her before she got cold with you? Maybe she got tired of waiting for you to make a move!

    This is an optimistic outlook :)


  • #47
    Church on Tuesday
    Registered Users Posts: 3,858 ✭✭✭Church on Tuesday


    fryup wrote: »
    we do have mutual acquaintances (2 females) but can't think of any reason why they would badmouth me...unless they're two-faced



    cause if i ask her out and she's says no...i'll never be able to show my face at that market again, i'd find it mortifying

    i want to be certain she likes me

    A lot of women tend to be two faced...

    Leave her for a couple of weeks and see then, I guarantee she will wonder where you disappeared to.


  • #48
    ArchXStanton
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,912 ✭✭✭ArchXStanton


    professore wrote: »
    Conversely lots of women have hundreds of guys hitting on them and still have low self esteem about their looks ....

    The guys do the chasing, if we were like women and said no woman ever fancied us the human race would die out in one generation.



    That's possibly because most women blanked him or were actively nasty to him and he mistook friendliness for flirting as he never experienced it. A lot of guys go through life like this, especially the shyer or lacking in the looks department ones. ANY female attention is such a novelty. The other reaction is that they think the woman is trying to trick them in some way.

    Indeed the societal expectation is for men to make the first move/ask them out, but this opens you up to a lot of messers, being strung along for attention etc. What a lot of women won't admit is that their egos wouldn't take the hit of a rejection and still expect in this day and age of equality for men to make the first move.

    To the op, having had recent experience of the whole hot/cold strung along/asking them out thing, I'd say proceed with caution and keep your eyes wide open, if your moves aren't being reciprocated move on quickly.


  • #49
    Airyfairy12
    Registered Users Posts: 3,389 ✭✭✭Airyfairy12


    Sounds like she wasnt flirting, she was just being friendly and you read too much into it. She obviously picked up on this so pulled back enough to let you know she's not interested. Theres no mixed signals here, you misread her niceness and jumped to conclusions. Respect the fact she was never into you and stop flirting.


  • #50
    worded
    Registered Users Posts: 4,532 ✭✭✭worded


    H3llR4iser wrote: »
    99% she's just playing "flirty barista" to sell more stuff and get more commissions/tips. It's amazing how many guys believe they're "the special one" in this situation.

    Small chances are that she figured out you're reading more than you should in her behaviour, and she's toning it down with you specifically...

    My girlfriend works as a barista and it can be a busy demanding job ...

    Well she doesn’t know she my girlfriend yet


  • #51
    Jeju
    Registered Users Posts: 615 ✭✭✭Jeju


    With a good looking female friend goto the market and as you pass her stall have a fulfilled and content smug face. Wait a week and goto the market and go to her stall. In conversation mention that you have just broken up with the love of your life, she cheated on you is best, and you will never be the same again etc etc. She will see you as an old romantic type who needs comforting and it's a win win situation from here


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  • #52
    worded
    Registered Users Posts: 4,532 ✭✭✭worded


    Jeju wrote: »
    With a good looking female friend goto the market and as you pass her stall have a fulfilled and content smug face. Wait a week and goto the market and go to her stall. In conversation mention that you have just broken up with the love of your life, she cheated on you is best, and you will never be the same again etc etc. She will see you as an old romantic type who needs comforting and it's a win win situation from here

    That’s all a bit shallow and contrived, Sounds perfect


  • #53
    worded
    Registered Users Posts: 4,532 ✭✭✭worded


    Could you get one of those custom made personalized coffee mugs made with a pic of you on one side and your phone number on the other side ? Casually leave it behind you next visit .....

    You can get her a matching pillow case set if the relationship picks up, but I’d start with the personalized mugs as you don’t want to freak her out ...


  • #54
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭[Deleted User]


    Airyfairy12 wrote: »
    Sounds like she wasnt flirting, she was just being friendly and you read too much into it. She obviously picked up on this so pulled back enough to let you know she's not interested. Theres no mixed signals here, you misread her niceness and jumped to conclusions. Respect the fact she was never into you and stop flirting.

    I did this before. Though that I had "misread" signs because she got very cold/abrupt after I had asked her out.

    I thought "Fine, I've fecked up here so time to move on".

    Of course years later we meet, with mutual friends, and after a few drinks she asks "why did we never get together, I was really into you"

    You just can not win sometimes


  • #55
    Church on Tuesday
    Registered Users Posts: 3,858 ✭✭✭Church on Tuesday


    Deleted User wrote: »
    I did this before. Though that I had "misread" signs because she got very cold/abrupt after I had asked her out.

    I thought "Fine, I've fecked up here so time to move on".

    Of course years later we meet, with mutual friends, and after a few drinks she asks "why did we never get together, I was really into you"

    You just can not win sometimes

    The opposite sex

    Forever a mystery.


  • #56
    ittakestwo
    Registered Users Posts: 1,641 ✭✭✭ittakestwo


    Deleted User wrote: »
    I did this before. Though that I had "misread" signs because she got very cold/abrupt after I had asked her out.

    I thought "Fine, I've fecked up here so time to move on".

    Of course years later we meet, with mutual friends, and after a few drinks she asks "why did we never get together, I was really into you"

    You just can not win sometimes

    They could have said that to you years later because they knew you both moved on and now there was no chance of you getting together but still did not want you to think that they rejected you.... if they were "really into you" and you asked them out of course they would have said yes.

    People can be very ingenuine because they are affraid of hurting feelings. Watch the end of the TV programme First Dates. The amount pretend they had a great time and say they want to meet the other person again but don't shows this.


  • #57
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭[Deleted User]


    I did not bring this up. She asked me out of the blue expecting a serious answer.
    I told her that she had shot me down when I broached the subject, and left it at that.


  • #58
    Jurgen Klopp
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,807 ✭✭✭Jurgen Klopp


    [Deleted User] wrote: »
    I did not bring this up. She asked me out of the blue expecting a serious answer.
    I told her that she had shot me down when I broached the subject, and left it at that.

    Be glad then it never happened, cause you should chalk her down as a head melter.


  • #59
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭[Deleted User]


    Jurgen Klopp wrote: »
    Be glad then it never happened, cause you should chalk her down as a head melter.




    I meant it when I said I left it at that. Just walked away


  • #60
    Jurgen Klopp
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,807 ✭✭✭Jurgen Klopp


    [Deleted User] wrote: »
    I meant it when I said I left it at that. Just walked away

    Oh I know, not making a smart comment at you. Just mean don't have any regrets cause I've a feeling you'd have had them if you actually had got with her :p


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  • #61
    daithi7
    Registered Users Posts: 1,292 ✭✭✭daithi7


    cameramonkey wrote: »
    Or don't approach, who wants to go out with a moody bitch?

    Hormones....?


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