Places to meet girls in Ireland?

Grandslammer · 19-06-2019 10:00pm #1

Hello everyone,

I'm a guy but I'm posting this here as perhaps the ladies could provide better insight.

I'm 30 years old and have been single for the past 4 years. I've a good career in software and am in the early stages of co-founding a very high potential software business. Money is very tight with me at the moment however.

I live in a rural area. I drink socially, however the opportunities I get to go out are few and far between, mostly due to having to drive home. The decent going out town to me is Carlow, which is 40 minutes drive away. I've gone out a few times sober and whenever people ask me why I'm not drinking (I just say that I'm driving) they look at me like I have 10 heads!

I've been told by many people that I'm a good looking guy. I'm on all the dating apps but I'm getting absolutely nowhere with them (frankly, I could write a thesis about online dating!)

I need to find a relationship soon for so many reasons (long story, not going to go into it here!)

I have absolutely nothing in common with any of the people in my locality. Country music, religion, GAA are not interests of mine. I'm like electronic and house music, technology, and philosophy. I'm an atheist. I feel like the black sheep.

I spend most of my time online. I'm a bit of an introvert and have severe social anxiety (another long story). However, I can come out of my shell if given the right environment. Problem is, I can't find that environment. All of my friends live at least 3 hours drive away or abroad. I have no interest in meeting new male friends as I've been there, done that too many times. What I'm seeking is real companionship with a female.

I have met with some girls from dating apps within the last few years. Some of them were into me but I wasn't into them, others were into me but I wasn't into them (just to note - the girls I didn't like back all had fantastic personalities and the reason I wasn't into them was always for the same reason - physical appearance.) The girls that I liked physically were either boring to talk to or were just simply pure bitches. Kind of strange seeing that 99% of girls on dating apps (fake profiles aside) are absolutely gorgeous.

The only place I seem to come across women my age are either on a night out (which I've explained is unfeasible for me at the moment), or in shopping centres. But I don't want to creep around shopping centres hoping to get talking to a girl. Girls always seem to go around in groups together anyway so it's not as if I'll just bump into a single girl randomly.

Everybody I know seems to be able to find relationships. I've seen girls (some of which I went on dates with myself) recently start relationships guys who are either ugly, unemployed, or not sound. I don't know why I cannot find anyone. It makes so sense.

My question is - where on earth can I find single women locally? I keep checking Facebook, Meetup, etc for events but there is literally nothing of interest to go to in my locality. All the events seem to involve GAA, country music, or religion. I have nobody to attend possible events with, so I will be going alone.

I appreciate any insight. Thank you in advance.

Anna2834 · 20-06-2019 2:30pm

Are you maybe a bit too focused on the "physical appearance" aspect? I obviously know it is an important part but sometimes we tend to forget that there is more behind the physical appearance of a person. I am not saying that you should look at someone who doesn't take care of themselves, far from that.

I remember being mad about this guy a long time ago and the reason why he broke up with me (or so he said) was that I was fat (size 12, 5 feet 8). I can honestly say he said the word FAT (had the laugh of my life when I seen his new wife) but that's beside the point.

pwurple · 20-06-2019 2:44pm

Grandslammer wrote: »

I've seen girls (some of which I went on dates with myself) recently start relationships guys who are either ugly, unemployed, or not sound. I don't know why I cannot find anyone. It makes so sense.

Yeah, I can't imagine what's going on. :rolleyes:

Are you serious?

You're coming across like a judgmental pompous snob, no interest in making friends locally, who wants a woman like he wants a designer breed of dog or a brand of car.

Oh yeah, and you're broke.

Work on your personality would be my advice.

[Deleted User] · 20-06-2019 2:58pm

Sounds like you're the problem dude.

Grandslammer · 20-06-2019 5:03pm

Anna2834 wrote: »

Are you maybe a bit too focused on the "physical appearance" aspect? I obviously know it is an important part but sometimes we tend to forget that there is more behind the physical appearance of a person. I am not saying that you should look at someone who doesn't take care of themselves, far from that.

I remember being mad about this guy a long time ago and the reason why he broke up with me (or so he said) was that I was fat (size 12, 5 feet 8). I can honestly say he said the word FAT (had the laugh of my life when I seen his new wife) but that's beside the point.

If we were use the 1-10 scale for looks (which I don't like doing but it's the easiest way to explain here), I would happily settle for a 5 out of 10 girl. In fact the most bautiful girl I ever saw in my life was, in most people's books, a 5. The girls I mentioned who were into me were 2s. A lovely smile is the thing that gets me most. Personality is absolutely important however every girl I have met that's average or above seems to have none.

[Deleted User] · 20-06-2019 5:21pm

Grandslammer wrote: »

However, I can come out of my shell if given the right environment. Problem is, I can't find that environment.

A lot of women feel the same. It's hard to go out and be open to meeting guys when a lot of the time, after a date they'll go around and say you were either ugly or just a pure bitch.

Some of them were into me but I wasn't into them, others were into me but I wasn't into them (just to note - the girls I didn't like back all had fantastic personalities and the reason I wasn't into them was always for the same reason - physical appearance.) The girls that I liked physically were either boring to talk to or were just simply pure bitches.

Absolutely nothing wrong with just saying you weren't into her, or it didn't work out.

I genuinely think you need to reassess how you're thinking about your dating life, your ability to control it, and how you're talking about women in general. As you said, we all travel in groups so word could get around that you talk about us that way.

I know it might sound a bit much, but would it also maybe be worth moving? If your friends live far away, you find it difficult to get out to socialise because everything's too far away, and now you're intent on meeting women, maybe a move would improve your quality of life.

Grandslammer · 20-06-2019 5:23pm

pwurple wrote: »

Yeah, I can't imagine what's going on. :rolleyes:

Are you serious?

You're coming across like a judgmental pompous snob, no interest in making friends locally, who wants a woman like he wants a designer breed of dog or a brand of car.

Oh yeah, and you're broke.

Work on your personality would be my advice.

The reason I have little interest in making new friends is because I have been there/done that way too many times already. I have lived in several places around Ireland and abroad while studying and working. Each time I have made new groups of friends and still keep in touch with many of them.

What I'm now seeking is genuine companionship.

I have seen many girls get into relationships with guys who are broke and seem to have no interest in rectifying it. While I am broke right now, I am working hard to rectify it, and I make that clear to any girl I do meet. I am open and honest with them. So being broke yet well educated and working on a project that has the potential to make a lot of money should not be a turn off for a lot of girls - given what I said at the beginning of this paragraph.

I am conscious of my personality and have been working on it for the last few years, however I always keep coming back to the same conclusion - that I have nothing to fix in that regard besides being more confident in myself and more talkative in social situations.

I have become quite interested in society, news and current affairs, and politics in recent years and I have come to the conclusion that many people on both sides of the political spectrum getting on well in life despite holding crazy beliefs (and publicising those beliefs) on social media. I consider myself to be a centrist and do not support any political party in Ireland as they are all either crazy or corrupt for one reason or another. I like to base things on reason, science, and logic. My point is that I don't believe my personality needs work besides the points I made in the previous paragraph.

Grandslammer · 20-06-2019 5:51pm

true-or-false wrote: »

A lot of women feel the same. It's hard to go out and be open to meeting guys when a lot of the time, after a date they'll go around and say you were either ugly or just a pure bitch.

Absolutely nothing wrong with just saying you weren't into her, or it didn't work out.

I genuinely think you need to reassess how you're thinking about your dating life, your ability to control it, and how you're talking about women in general. As you said, we all travel in groups so word could get around that you talk about us that way.

I know it might sound a bit much, but would it also maybe be worth moving? If your friends live far away, you find it difficult to get out to socialise because everything's too far away, and now you're intent on meeting women, maybe a move would improve your quality of life.

Thanks for your reply. To address your first point, I have never said to a girl that I thought she was ugly or a bitch. I would just be polite and say that I just didn't see us going any further or whatever. My post on here was my first time saying that anywhere about them, and that was just being blunt about the matter and telling the hard truth from my point of view. Of course most women aren't any of those things - but many of the ones I have had experience with did act that way. I would never want to upset a girl by talking about her behind her back, but on here it's different as I am not going to mention any names.

Yes, I need to move out as soon as possible (it's top of my todo list). But it will be at least another year until I can do so. That brings with it a whole host of other challenges such as the fact that I refuse to live with housemates ever again due to having had very bad experiences with them in the past (I just had a bad luck of the draw). The last housemate I had was a major contributing factor in me developing mental health issues and having to leave my last job and move back home to recover. It turned out that they had mental health issues of their own, which were diagnosed after we had stopped living together. However even if I was to have the best housemates in the world I still wouldn't want to live with them because I am sick of living with third parties in general. However I cannot afford a place of my own due to rent prices and bills, so that's a catch-22. I suppose that's a secondary reason why I want a relationship so much as it would make it affordable to actually move out and live with someone and have a proper life together.

I have been told by many people that I'm a very sound, decent, genuine guy and I do think I am. I'm certainly not perfect - far from it. I've just had a long series of unfortunate events happen since my last relationship, and have had to deal with a lot of things all on my own, succeeding where I can. I just need a companion to be there by my side and I by theirs. When I have being seeing a few girls in recent years and things were going well I felt a genuine lift within myself and feel much more confident and just alive. I know that's the one hurdle I need to get over.

Daisy78 · 23-06-2019 11:00am

You seem to have high expectations about women, relationships and life in general. You say you don’t want to share with other people but plenty of other people do, not because they want to but because they have to. Lord knows I hated it for the most part but had to do it for most of my thirties. You have to make sacrafices in certain areas of your life if you want to progress in other areas, i.e living in a bigger place which allows you more opportunities to meet people. If you have moved back to a rural area then you might have to accept that your options are going to be limited for a while if you are not going to use dating apps. And what’s this business of needing to find a relationship soon, you make it sound it’s an emergency?!! Even if you did meet someone tomorrow then are not likely to be willing to move in with you anytime soon so put that idea out of your head. Also just one thing on the whole confidence thing, you see this bandied about as meaningful advice for men looking to meet women and get into relationships; there is a very fine line between confidence, i.e being comfortable in your own skin and over confidence bordering on arrogance. Believe it or not some of just want a nice guy, hard enough to find these days!

Grandslammer · 23-06-2019 11:29am

Daisy78 wrote: »

You seem to have high expectations about women, relationships and life in general. You say you don’t want to share with other people but plenty of other people do, not because they want to but because they have to. Lord knows I hated it for the most part but had to do it for most of my thirties. You have to make sacrafices in certain areas of your life if you want to progress in other areas, i.e living in a bigger place which allows you more opportunities to meet people. If you have moved back to a rural area then you might have to accept that your options are going to be limited for a while if you are not going to use dating apps. And what’s this business of needing to find a relationship soon, you make it sound it’s an emergency?!! Even if you did meet someone tomorrow then are not likely to be willing to move in with you anytime soon so put that idea out of your head. Also just one thing on the whole confidence thing, you see this bandied about as meaningful advice for men looking to meet women and get into relationships; there is a very fine line between confidence, i.e being comfortable in your own skin and over confidence bordering on arrogance. Believe it or not some of just want a nice guy, hard enough to find these days!

Thanks for your reply. I do not have high expectations about anything - my issue is that I cannot seem to even get the ball rolling on any of the issues I have mentioned, despite having worked my socks off for 5 years since my last relationship. I see many other people putting in much less effort than myself and getting places.

Both my ex girlfriends got into new relationships LITERALLY THE DAY AFTER WE BROKE UP. Both of them loved me and often dropped the hint for me to pop the question to them. They were so upset and so desperate to find a new relationship after we broke up that they immediately seeked and found a new one. One of them is now engaged to the guy she met online the day after she broke up (and she rubbed it in big time to me), and I don't know about my other ex but I suspect she is. The moment I found out about my second ex going out with someone else was the start of my mental health issues, and I know that the only fix is to find a new relationship. It was the first thing that crossed my mind when I found out (mostly to get back at her for doing that), however over time it has developed into something a lot more - finding love and companionship.

I have lived in seperate houses with different housemates 10 times (outside of my homeplace), both in Ireland and abroad. Leaving my last job and moving back home to my parent's house was one of the hardest decisions I ever made. I knew I had to do it to get out of the situation I was in at the time. I expected to only be in my parent's house for a month or 2. Here I am 3 years later with still another year to go at least. And much and all as I need to get out of here, I still refuse to live with housemates due to the mental issues it caused me in the past. One of my experiences was esspecially difficult in that I lived with two other middle aged men who hated each other, and I had to play peacekeeper and physically break them up. My last ex was a major contributing factor to supporting me through that. She lived close by.

Of course I don't expect a new girlfriend to move in with me straight away. It would be something we might do after a couple of years or so of going out. That only adds to my need to find a new relationship asap.

I am a nice guy. Nice yet assertive. Well travelled. I have met people from all walks of life, some of which are my best friends despite being from very different walks of life themselves. I give everyone a chance. Some of the girls I have met on dating apps I knew I wasn't really into them before meeting up, but I gave it a shot nonetheless. If I try to talk to a girl when I'm out and about I get the look of death back. Probably because I'm on my own or whatever. I feel like I'm in a real catch-22 situation between everything.

whiskeyman · 24-06-2019 4:54pm

Grandslammer wrote: »

.
The moment I found out about my second ex going out with someone else was the start of my mental health issues, and I know that the only fix is to find a new relationship

No no no no NO!!

Sort yourself out first!!

Sonics2k · 24-06-2019 8:59pm

Ugh, I wasn't going to post on this, but I'm seeing the starts of Nice Guy Syndrome ™. Frankly I'm astonished I haven't seen the word Chad in here.

Now, I'm commenting here as a 34 year old man, but you're in a spot I was in years and years ago, namely after spending too much time single and idealising my 'perfect partner'. I'm in a happy relationship now, but certainly got my fair sure of partners over the years and still actively get hit on. I am in no means in great shape, I got a total dad bod.

Grandslammer wrote: »

If we were use the 1-10 scale for looks (which I don't like doing but it's the easiest way to explain here), I would happily settle for a 5 out of 10 girl. In fact the most bautiful girl I ever saw in my life was, in most people's books, a 5. The girls I mentioned who were into me were 2s. A lovely smile is the thing that gets me most. Personality is absolutely important however every girl I have met that's average or above seems to have none.

Don't do this. Seriously, ****ing stop it. Don't place a person to a number range. I'm more than sure you wouldn't like if someone came along and reduced your physical attraction to a number. You don't "settle" for someone based on their appearance.

Grandslammer wrote: »

Both my ex girlfriends got into new relationships LITERALLY THE DAY AFTER WE BROKE UP. Both of them loved me and often dropped the hint for me to pop the question to them. They were so upset and so desperate to find a new relationship after we broke up that they immediately seeked and found a new one. One of them is now engaged to the guy she met online the day after she broke up (and she rubbed it in big time to me), and I don't know about my other ex but I suspect she is.

They were unhappy well before they broke up with you. You need to accept this.

Grandslammer wrote: »

I am a nice guy.

You're online a lot, I'm sure you know Reddit and /r/Niceguys. I hate to say this, but this entire thread has the odor of a Nice Guy.

Don't go out seeking a relationship, and if some girl comes along and she wants to try it out and you get along well as people, have common interests and goals then go for it. By all means, attraction is important in any relationship, but it shouldn't be the entirety of the relationship.

Step 1. Sort yourself out. Take a deep breath, work on yourself
Step 2. Don't force a relationship. It won't work
Step 3. Remember the people you're talking to or going on dates on are exactly that, people. They have flaws just like you.

Grandslammer · 24-06-2019 10:03pm

Sonics2k wrote: »

Ugh, I wasn't going to post on this, but I'm seeing the starts of Nice Guy Syndrome ™. Frankly I'm astonished I haven't seen the word Chad in here.

Now, I'm commenting here as a 34 year old man, but you're in a spot I was in years and years ago, namely after spending too much time single and idealising my 'perfect partner'. I'm in a happy relationship now, but certainly got my fair sure of partners over the years and still actively get hit on. I am in no means in great shape, I got a total dad bod.

Don't do this. Seriously, ****ing stop it. Don't place a person to a number range. I'm more than sure you wouldn't like if someone came along and reduced your physical attraction to a number. You don't "settle" for someone based on their appearance.

They were unhappy well before they broke up with you. You need to accept this.

You're online a lot, I'm sure you know Reddit and /r/Niceguys. I hate to say this, but this entire thread has the odor of a Nice Guy.

Don't go out seeking a relationship, and if some girl comes along and she wants to try it out and you get along well as people, have common interests and goals then go for it. By all means, attraction is important in any relationship, but it shouldn't be the entirety of the relationship.

Step 1. Sort yourself out. Take a deep breath, work on yourself
Step 2. Don't force a relationship. It won't work
Step 3. Remember the people you're talking to or going on dates on are exactly that, people. They have flaws just like you.

Hey thanks for your reply. Just to reiterate - I don't actively rate people on their appearance. I used that analogy to get my point across on here. Every female which I've met online or otherwise that has been "above the bar" in terms of physical appearance has had a terrible personality. Yet every girl I have met who I'm not into physically has had an absolutely fantastic personality. I would consider myself to be physically attracted to 99% of girls on dating apps, and the majority of girls in real life too. Yet it seems the 1% are the only ones with personality. I think it is because women nowadays expect guys to be perfect, because they use so much social media, and also that they have the perception that they can get any guy they want. Competition is fierce out there. I could actually write a thesis with tonnes of examples about this if I wanted to. It's actually mind-boggling.

Secondly, I broke up with both of my ex girlfriends. The first one was extremely upset about it and immediately sought and found another relationship as she couldn't bare to be alone. It just goes to show that women can seemingly find guys to date with little to no effort. She is now engaged to that guy.
My second breakup was more mutual, however I was the one that said it first. We were both unhappy with the relationship in the last few months of it. She went off with a guy that she was friends with and, as far as I know, they are still together.
What puzzles me is the fact that two ex-girlfriends can immediately find new relationships, having being in love with me.

I have spent the last 5 years sorting out my own issues, and succeeding despite being in a terrible mental state. This includes joining a large company and being one of their most productive employees while I was there, starting and completing a degree with a distinction grade, I'm currently doing another course in a similar area that I did my degree in (to further my studies) and achieving top marks so far, and I'm in the process of co-founding a business which has huge international potential. I spend everyday working on myself and I'm moving slowly to improving my situation. The only thing I am missing is companionship.

I will not force a relationship. However, it seems that I cannot get started with getting to know someone I like without failure. All the girls with great personalities really liked me, and I liked them for their personalities. Yet, in my experience, the majority of women out there who I would be physically attracted to have had poor personalities. Of course I know that this is not actually the case, and that most women on the planet have great personalities. I think it is because that men are seen as being disposable nowadays, and that all a girl has to do is spend 2 seconds on Tinder to get a new match if she wants to.

Anyway thanks for your reply. I could ramble on more but this post has gotten long enough. I'm just telling my experience from how I see it.

Anna2834 · 25-06-2019 9:31am

Can you please tell me what a "poor personality" is like? Or means to you?

woodchuck · 25-06-2019 12:39pm

I need to find a relationship soon for so many reasons (long story, not going to go into it here!)

Actually, I think the reasons you're looking for a relationship are quite important.

The moment I found out about my second ex going out with someone else was the start of my mental health issues, and I know that the only fix is to find a new relationship

Reason 1: Do you think you need to find a new relationshiop to fix your mental health issues?

No relationship will fix your mental health issues. That's something you need to sort out yourself first before you get into a relationship.

However I cannot afford a place of my own due to rent prices and bills, so that's a catch-22. I suppose that's a secondary reason why I want a relationship so much as it would make it affordable to actually move out and live with someone and have a proper life together.

Of course I don't expect a new girlfriend to move in with me straight away. It would be something we might do after a couple of years or so of going out. That only adds to my need to find a new relationship asap.

Reason 2: Do you think you need a new relationship so that you can afford to move out of home?

This is a terrible, terrible reason to get into a relationship. It sounds like you're looking for a housemate rather than a relationship.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5 · 25-06-2019 1:25pm

Ok. Let's look at this logically.

You have a list of attributes and a level of effort which to your mind should result in a relationship. Yet you're seeing people around you without these attributes, and not making the effort, who are successful in finding relationships while you are not. Does that suggest anything to you?

You don't like online dating (fair enough), you don't have anything in common with the people where you're living. You don't want to houseshare (fair enough), you can't afford to live alone. Something there is going to have to change. A relationship with an attractive woman with a good personality isn't going to fall into your lap in your present circumstances and with your present standards.

From reading your posts there are three things coming across that I find unappealing and I wonder how much they're coming across in dates.

First is a bit of entitlement and resentment. "It's so easy for women. Why are guys who aren't as good as me getting women". Been a long time since I was single but when I was, no matter how nice to me he was being, if that was framed in terms of "You're great, you're not like other girls, they're morons/bitches" I was gone. I'm sure it's not your intention to come across that way, I'd say you're fairly unaware of it, and so I'd say it might be apparent on dates without you realising.

Secondly, I'm definitely getting a self centred vibe: I'm just fine, I just need the right circumstances but I'm not going to actively change mine, it's not fair. It's also summed up in this rather apt Freudian typo

Some of them were into me but I wasn't into them, others were into me but I wasn't into them

I'm interested, could you tell us about a time where the unreciprocated feelings were yours? What was that woman like? What was her explanation for not liking you, if any?

Finally, your attitude to finding a relationship kind of stinks, it's like you're looking for a car. It's all about what you'll get out of it and if your standards are met. Nobody wants to be going out with somebody because that somebody thought "yes, this one will do" or because they came along at a time when someone was getting sick of living with their parents but didn't want to houseshare. People want to go out with people who are mad about them.

Also, how much do you talk about yourself on dates? Out of the information that you've told us about yourself here, how much of that would likely come up on or before a first date?

Honestly my advice to you is to forget about dating for the moment, focus on your new business and in getting moved out and to somewhere less rural.

Grandslammer · 25-06-2019 5:22pm

Anna2834 wrote: »

Can you please tell me what a "poor personality" is like? Or means to you?

I've seen and met all kinds of personalities at this stage. From my experience with women, I would class "poor personality" as being one of/a combination of the following:
- Being on dating apps purely looking for attention and self-approval, with no intention of actually wanting to meet up with anyone or find a relationship.

- Apparently having nothing interesting to say or talk about (short answers to messages, unwilling to progress a conversation forward or add anything of substance to it). This has also been the case during phone calls and meetups I've had with women with this personality trait.

- When girls put on their dating profile that they like tea, the gym, Netflix, coffee - the amount of times you see profiles with a one sentence bio mentioning either one of these or a combination of them is through the roof! There is definately a correlation between this and the physical appearance of a girl. Women who are maybe lacking in the looks department make much more of an effort here.

- Expecting the guy to do all the hard work conversation-wise.

I would like to re-iterate that IMO the vast majority of women on dating apps are physically attractive.

Again, this is only my personal experience, and would love to be proven wrong. I have accumulated a large sample size at this stage.

SaltSweatSugar · 26-06-2019 3:00am

Grandslammer wrote: »

I think it is because women nowadays expect guys to be perfect, because they use so much social media, and also that they have the perception that they can get any guy they want. Competition is fierce out there. I could actually write a thesis with tonnes of examples about this if I wanted to. It's actually mind-boggling.

It just goes to show that women can seemingly find guys to date with little to no effort.

I think it is because that men are seen as being disposable nowadays, and that all a girl has to do is spend 2 seconds on Tinder to get a new match if she wants to

I’ve highlighted some parts of your post that concern me. You seem to generalise women unfairly. Women don’t expect guys to be perfect, nor do they see them as disposable. That is your opinion. I wonder is this coming across to the women you’re interested in and are they reacting negatively to it? To be honest if I was messaging a guy on an online dating site and I got a whiff of that attitude, I’d be gone.

Grandslammer · 26-06-2019 10:32pm

SaltSweatSugar wrote: »

I’ve highlighted some parts of your post that concern me. You seem to generalise women unfairly. Women don’t expect guys to be perfect, nor do they see them as disposable. That is your opinion. I wonder is this coming across to the women you’re interested in and are they reacting negatively to it? To be honest if I was messaging a guy on an online dating site and I got a whiff of that attitude, I’d be gone.

I'm just describing my experience - of course I know it's not actually the case, however this has been reinforced with me countless times at this stage. I don't claim to be right - I'm describing my experience.

I give most girls a chance unless I spot something on their profile that puts me off. I have tried all different types tactics with my profiles - similar outcome with them all in terms of getting matches. From the absurd, funny, witty, smart, and also just being plain, honest and straightforward. All give similar rates of matches.

Graces7 · 27-06-2019 5:13pm

It all sounds so....clinical.

Blaizes · 29-06-2019 1:30am

Op my advice is come off the dating apps. Focus on your business, start a new hobby ( time permitting) just develop yourself. Maybe you will meet someone you click with when you are least expecting it. As an aside I feel sorry for you and other people on the dating scene now because the apps seem to be causing people a lot of stress and frustration which can’t be good for anyone’s self esteem.

Airyfairy12 · 01-07-2019 3:33am

Your attitude is terrible,I would run a mile if I met someone with your attitude.
You have a very black and white view of women, theyre either ugly, boring or bitches, youre generalizing and your reasons for wanting a relationship are all wrong.
Attraction is important but its also important to like the person and equally important that they like you back, what are you bringing to the table? Youre looking for the perfect woman but are you the perfect man? Have you the right to judge women so harshly?
I also understand the practical reasons for wanting a relationship, it is definitely easier for couples when it comes to buying a house and renting but its no reason get into a relationship with someone, its like you want a relationship to fix your life.
You might want to work on yourself a little bit before you try and get into a relationship with anyone because with your current attitude any relationship you get into is likely to be a toxic mess.

Grandslammer · 01-07-2019 9:00pm

Airyfairy12 wrote: »

Your attitude is terrible,I would run a mile if I met someone with your attitude.
You have a very black and white view of women, theyre either ugly, boring or bitches, youre generalizing and your reasons for wanting a relationship are all wrong.
Attraction is important but its also important to like the person and equally important that they like you back, what are you bringing to the table? Youre looking for the perfect woman but are you the perfect man? Have you the right to judge women so harshly?
I also understand the practical reasons for wanting a relationship, it is definitely easier for couples when it comes to buying a house and renting but its no reason get into a relationship with someone, its like you want a relationship to fix your life.
You might want to work on yourself a little bit before you try and get into a relationship with anyone because with your current attitude any relationship you get into is likely to be a toxic mess.

I disagree. As I have previously stated, I do not have a black and white view of women. All I said was that from my experience with dating, every sound girl who I met was unfortunately not one I was physically attracted to. Of course I know that that's not the actual case - it's just my experience from a sample size of around 20.
I am not looking a perfect woman and of course I'm not perfect myself either. I am not judging anyone. I'm just stating my experience, and I hope to be proven wrong someday.

Reati · 01-07-2019 9:06pm

Graces7 wrote: »

It all sounds so....clinical.

Some software engineers are more logical than the computers they program. Makes them fierce clinical as you say. It's all binary to them!

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5 · 02-07-2019 11:39am

Grandslammer wrote: »

I disagree. As I have previously stated, I do not have a black and white view of women. All I said was that from my experience with dating, every sound girl who I met was unfortunately not one I was physically attracted to. Of course I know that that's not the actual case - it's just my experience from a sample size of around 20.
I am not looking a perfect woman and of course I'm not perfect myself either. I am not judging anyone. I'm just stating my experience, and I hope to be proven wrong someday.

You've a sample size of about 20 here fairly unanimously telling you that your attitude to women is unappealing, maybe take it on board rather than arguing the point.

Emme · 03-07-2019 9:42am

OP I don't think you are being unreasonable. Not everyone has to be into country music, GAA, religion and drinking. Unfortunately it is hard to find anything else to do in some parts of the country. The only thing I can suggest in the country is tennis/badminton/squash clubs, sports groups, that sort of thing. I am not sure if that would interest you given the content of your previous posts.

Why do you have to meet somebody straight away? To be honest put meeting somebody on hold and focus on moving to a city when you have set up your company. Do you live near Kilkenny or Waterford? Dublin might be best for your needs but it is expensive.

You are 30 years old, hard working and potentially successful. It is only just beginning for you. If you need further inspiration look at Elon Musk.

fits · 03-07-2019 10:12am

I live in same area. The people you are looking for are not on dating apps I think. Get involved in the interesting local stuff. Volunteer at the arts festivals etc. I’m sure kilkenny arts festival are looking for volunteers right now for example. Generally just get out more and try anything that might interest you. There’s a hell of a lot more than GAA around if you look for it.

Graces7 · 04-07-2019 9:46am

Reati wrote: »

Some software engineers are more logical than the computers they program. Makes them fierce clinical as you say. It's all binary to them!

Thank you! I really am too old for all this... nearly 80, but I care . The thought of doing as folk to with dating apps makes my blood run cold

Triceratops Ballet · 04-07-2019 10:17am

Grandslammer wrote: »

I disagree. As I have previously stated, I do not have a black and white view of women. All I said was that from my experience with dating, every sound girl who I met was unfortunately not one I was physically attracted to. Of course I know that that's not the actual case - it's just my experience from a sample size of around 20.
I am not looking a perfect woman and of course I'm not perfect myself either. I am not judging anyone. I'm just stating my experience, and I hope to be proven wrong someday.

In this sample size of 20 though, there is one common denominator. What's that saying "if you look around and you think everyone around you is an a$$hole, chances are you're the a$$hole" I'm not calling you an a$$hole op, but you've this sample size of 20, all these people can't be vapid, vacant, they clearly just don't respond well to you.

From reading what you've written here I'd say it's nigh on impossible that your vibe is not coming across to these women, and I know from dates I've been on that when I get a vibe like that off a bloke, I'm gone, if not physically then mentally at least just waiting for an appropriate amount of time before I end the date without seeming too much of a b1tch (The fact that I even worry about that is it's own problem).

You said something about men being expected to do the heavy lifting in conversation and that stuck a chord with me as that's one of my major tells if I've gotten a bad vibe off someone, I find it very hard to generate a conversation, I'm just not good at manufacturing a polite niceness, if you're finding that is a repeated scenario that could be why. I will add that I've also been on dates where the conversation flows like we've known each other our whole lives or where we end up debating social/political issues, so how I carry on a conversation is very much dependant on the vibe I get from someone.

Here's the thing, if you feel like in the current dating scene men are disposable, there's 100% guarantee that there are plenty of women who feel the opposite is true, it's just a sad fact of the modern dating scene, there is a certain amount of disposability to everyone, that's something you just have to make your peace with and move on from if you want to play that game. What's actually at play is choice, men have more choices, women have more choices, and people in general, and perhaps women in particular are less willing to put up with crap, or sit through unbearable conversations, or tolerate bad dates just to be polite and not seem like a b1tch. It's more acceptable now to be single later in life and to not subscribe to the married with 2.4 kids way of life so some people are less willing to "settle" of "be nice" just for the sake of it. It's rough if you're on the receiving end but that's the world we inhabit.

ongarboy · 04-07-2019 3:30pm

Grandslammer wrote: »

I have seen many girls get into relationships with guys who are broke and seem to have no interest in rectifying it. While I am broke right now, I am working hard to rectify it, and I make that clear to any girl I do meet. I am open and honest with them. So being broke yet well educated and working on a project that has the potential to make a lot of money should not be a turn off for a lot of girls - given what I said at the beginning of this paragraph.

Why are you putting so much emphasis on your financial worth? Are you making that "clear" as you say in first dates? I would think it a very odd ice breaker conversation to introduce financial means or salaries etc and would consider it a turn off as it would imply you value money and material things above other more human attributes. Most women these days have their own jobs and can outperform men financially if they wish to so don't overestimate your future bread winner abilities as being a way to getting women.

You come across decent and genuine but as someone who is a bit bitter and self pitying. You may say you don't say things outright that would highlight those negative traits but I imagine it may come across in the vibes you give off through associated opinions or viewpoints you may have when meeting a date.

You also come across quite methodical and scientific (or clinical as someone said) and expect results to be applied accordingly. If I do x and y, I'll get z etc. Real life, human interactions and relationships (platonic and/or romantic) don't work that way.

I don't think dating apps are for you. Try and volunteer in some organisation in the area you've located to or joint a local club or society (they may not be as many as sports or country music but they are still there). And go because you have an interest in what that club/society offers and not to hunt women. Taking that pressure off yourself may be the first step in you organically establishing a relationship with women and making other/new friends.

Places to meet girls in Ireland?

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