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Life feels Meaningless

  • 19-06-2019 2:09am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    The past few months I have been going through the motions like a zombie, increasingly wondering if there is any point to anything anymore.

    I work in the public sector but I am at a low level currently. However I feel like I don't have years to grind out to move up the payscale.

    I f'd up college so many times it's an embarrassment, so when the opportunity to get into the public sector came along I thought, maybe in a few years I won't be a total failure if I can manage to make a go of this.

    I'll never afford a house if I don't get promotions and even if I do, those promotions will have to be in the middle of nowhere for me to be able to afford one. I'm not saying buying a house is the be all and end all, but what do I do otherwise? Rent with strangers and be at the whims of the strangers and the landlords? I've lived with people and I hated it so much. Or continue to live at home as I start to approach and move into my 30's?

    I could change careers but where does that leave me? Re-entering education and starting from scratch in 3/4 years again sounds worse than anything. I don't enjoy my job though - and am just sticking it out because it has me on some sort of lineal career path with progression opportunities and security.

    I live at home at the moment and could be saving but instead I find that I spend most of my disposable income on trips and holidays, because honestly, without the few days when I am away I would have absolutely nothing to live for. And if I did save, maybe if I saved for a hundred years on the pittance I am on I'd be able to afford something.

    I have 2 friend groups and both I feel are unhealthy - one lot just plays video games the whole time and barely go outside, the other are borderline alcoholics and have introduced cocaine into the mix now as a regular thing on a night out. They mostly don't even know each other. I am not a massive drinker and I despise drugs so I have less in common with that group every day. And the other group, while more grounded, grind away achievements on video games which mean absolutely nothing.

    And then, everyone is so social media obsessed, literally everybody my age has an obsession with sharing every part of their lives and being constantly validated - I feel so alienated by that and that behaviour. Nothing is a bigger turn off for me in a person than constant use of social media - Snapchat/Instagram whatever. I struggle to relate to a lot of people who spend lots of time on those apps and with heads buried in their phones.

    I have no girlfriend currently, because honestly, I wouldn't be capable of looking after anyone when I'm not even motivated to look after myself. My parents put pressure on me to get one as if that will solve my problems (I guess the last few months they have seen me turn into more and more of a recluse). Even then, where do you even meet people now.

    I used to go to the gym but the last few months I have stopped looking after myself completely. Again, I barely see the point. Get myself back into shape so I can become part of the daily grind, marry and have children, bicker and argue, lose my mind at work with barely a penny left to spend at the end of the week because it has all gone on childcare and a mortgage? And then you die. Great.

    Like how do people motivate themselves to do anything? Nobody will care in a couple of years. If you die people move on because they have to, they have their own stuff going on. I wouldn't put my family through you know what because I can imagine how it'll be in the aftermath. Yet that causes me to be resentful because it's me who is feeling this way and not them - enduring this because every so often somebody would think of me and feel a bit sad. Well I'm sad all the time.

    I don't even know what I'm looking for by posting this. Just a rant I guess. I know I'm at fault for not making a better go at a career, for letting myself go to sh*t, for failing at everything I put a hand to. Men literally went away from their families and fought in wars for years, and here's me feeling at the end of my tether working an office job. It's embarrassing. Just feeling more and more like life is a big waste of time. I don't even know anymore.


Comments

  • #2
    Graces7
    Registered Users Posts: 32,634 ✭✭✭✭Graces7


    Try doing something for others? eg volunteer?

    You may find new friends who are not going to drag you down.

    And stop with the guilt ...


  • #3
    one world order
    Registered Users Posts: 592 ✭✭✭one world order


    Join a evangelical church. It will provide you with your purpose in life and give you a supportive community.


  • #4
    linpoo
    Registered Users Posts: 234 ✭✭linpoo


    To me you sound like someone who may have depression so please go see your doctor who can help.

    The public sector is a great place to work, not sure which department you are in but in mine there are great opportunities opening up for promotion and if you want a change you can apply through mobility to work in a different department.

    You are still in your 20's so I wouldnt worry about the pressure of buying a house. Save as much as you can at the moment and you will be delighted with it in a few years when the opportunity comes to buy your own home.

    You are stuck in a rut so you need to decide what it is you want in life and make an action plan step by step of how you can get closer to achieving what it is you want.

    You are still really young and have plenty of time to do well in life. When you get to your 30's you will look back and wonder why you panicked in your 20's.

    Also see if there are any evening courses you are interested in, you can get a diploma by doing a course 2 evenings a week. One of the best things i ever did and a great way of opening your life up to a possible other direction and meeting like minded people.

    When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.

    But 1st please go see your doctor. Once you are feeling a bit more positive you will see opportunities.


  • #5
    pwurple
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,449 ✭✭✭✭pwurple


    I guess what your parents are saying, is that on a double salary, and with the support of someone, affording things in life becomes a heck of a lot easier. You don't sound too bad a catch to be honest, if it's a girl you're looking for! Solid job, no massive commitments to expensive golf-based hobbies. You've the head fairly well screwed on about what has meaning, and what doesn't. 20 years ago, you'd be the sort of fella I would have been into anyway.



    Your main gripe seems to be the amount you are paid at the moment, the long track to get into a higher band. And current boredom.


    So, I wonder is there a way to earn some extra money with a little side business, which would also provide some mental stimulation / interest for you?
    Have a think about that. The internet has a few suggestions about Side hustles, mostly US based, but you mind find something that interests you.


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