One Night Stand Debacle

She's told you in many ways that she's not interested. Instead of accepting it you have been passive aggressive and obsessive. No one owes you their time or their body, just because you had great sex.

However I do think you've shown more awareness than previous posts you had. Keep working on yourself.

OP ,i would keep nailing that and keep teh pipes clean.Keep it FWB.

While tapping that you could be on the look out for someone else who may want you.

You had sex. You had a good time. But she doesn’t want it to become anything else.

It’s not a debacle, she didn’t string you along, she was clear with you about what she did - and did not - want.

You seem to think that it would ‘all be ok if only she realised’. Or that she’s somehow wronged you. Those are both very unattractive traits. Especially the latter. She’s done nothing wrong. You had sex, you hung out a bit, and she decided she didn’t want any more. Accept that. Like really ACCEPT THAT.

This is really straightforward, but also really human so I don't judge you OP.

You hadn't had sex in three years. Then this girl came along and you had a great night. So now, you've got all these hormones running around your head like this woman is the saviour of your sex life and, without her, it'll be another three years and all the loneliness and bad feelings will return. That's making you desperate and clingy when you really have no right to be. You don't know this person that well TO be infatuated with them. So what you're infatuated with is really just a projection you're putting onto this woman of who she is and a potential future together that's happening completely in your head but isn't real.

Try take a step back and view this situation as a passenger. What I'm saying makes a ton of sense if you're honest with yourself, right?

So, instead of viewing things that way, view it this way: things are looking up. There's obviously a reason this girl you like wanted to have sex with you and all of the nice afters you had when you woke up the next day. She's probably being truthful when she says she's not in the headspace for a relationship, so that's not even a reflection or rejection of you. Soooo you're obviously doing something, maybe without even realising it, that's making you more attractive to women than you had been in the previous three years. Which means there's absolutely no reason to think that this can't happen again with someone else and hopefully they'll be interested in a relationship!

Here's the only slight flip side: you've GOT to go to counselling and deal with this obsessive side of your personality. PI has been screaming at you about it for years, it's time to acknowledge (from a position of strength as a person who's just got the ride) that it's there and that letting it fester DOES run the risk of it derailing any potential future relationships or happiness you have. What WON'T happen in counselling, especially if you get the right counsellor, is that someone will say "Everything is all your fault!" So don't fear it. What WILL happen is that you'll get someone compassionate, who's on your side, who'll hear you out and help you figure out for yourself where this came from and how to develop different ways of dealing with things in order to enable you to build a happy future for yourself when the right person come along.

Trust us on this and I guarantee that, in time, you'll be walking around like a king with the world dancing to your beat.

Clean Up Your Act wrote:

Op, if you really like her, then fight for her. Don't let her go!

This is nonsense advice. The girl has told him clearly she's not interested. He needs to respect that and also listen to the absolute piles of advice he's been givenover the years about dealing with his fixation issues.

its not a debacle. it was a one off good time.
as others have said you are overthinking this.
speak to someobe about why you do this. it might help with relationships in future.
take care