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Relationship breakdown

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  • 25-06-2019 10:06am
    #1
    firsthouse
    Registered Users Posts: 20 ✭


    Hi,

    I was wondering if anybody can give any advice on mens rights to joint custody and to a home bought with partner as joint tenants with 2 young children aged 6 and 3.

    I have found my partner has been having a long online cyber sex affair/relations on multiple platforms and exchanged sexual content on Snapchat, Whats App, etc. Along with the sexual content shared she also exchanged a map screenshot of the road i live on to somebody through the site and i feel this has put my kids in danger.
    Which also makes me question if she has physically cheating on me.
    I found these images in her old phone as i had good belief that she had been cheating in that way for a long time but could never prove.
    There was exchanged conversations on y99 website and further communication on apps such as Telegram and Kik.

    Her family removed her and the children from the house when it all blew up.
    He later asked me to take some things and give her and the kids some space in the house which i agreed in hope of resolving the relationship as we were going to counselling.

    Now she has advised she has ended the relationship and the lock on my house door has been changed.

    I am looking for advice on my rights to live in the home and bring up our children in a cohabiting manner or if unable to sell the house and raise them on joint custody.

    As you can understand i want the best for my kids and I love every hair on their head. She wants me to pay the mortgage on the home while i can't live in it and i was hoping somebody can inform me of my rights.
    Her credit rating is bad but earns more money than me and will maybe struggle to be able to get her own place if the house is sold.
    The house was bought 7 years ago at the end of the economic crash and would sell possibly with good equity of >50K each

    I am seeking legal advice asap through a solicitor.
    Can i ask for any helpful advice on the above and I already realise the relationship is over as she has stated and she has no intention of trying to work through our problems so i just want the best for my children and not to be financially crippled or held to ransom.

    Thanks in advance


Comments

  • Options
    #2
    woodchuck
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 15,409 Mod ✭✭✭✭woodchuck


    OP I'm sorry this has happened to you.
    I am seeking legal advice asap through a solicitor.

    This is all you can do really. A solicitor will be able to give you proper legal advice based on your specific situation.


  • Options
    #3
    Former Former
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,728 ✭✭✭Former Former


    If you bought the house jointly then she has no right to keep you out. However, breaking the door in will not look good in future court hearings. And this is definitely going to end in court.

    Are you the legal guardian of the children? If not, then you have no automatic right to custody, even if you are their father. That's the first thing you need to resolve.

    The fact that she was cheating on you doesn't mean anything from a legal perspective I'm afraid.


  • Options
    #4
    antix80
    Registered Users Posts: 2,419 ✭✭✭antix80


    Op. She tricked you by getting you to move out. You don't live there any more, and if you try to sneak back in she'll call the gardai. It's her house now and she has no intention of selling it and splitting the profits with you. Visitation rights to the kids will have to be agreed with her, along with any child support payment she might need. Great if you can agree these with her but they might be decided by the courts.

    Get yourself to a solicitor and don't make any more mistakes. That includes communicating with her until you have something resolved. Set yourself up with a *nice* 2-bed apartment or a house (so kids can visit) and a car before she gets her hands on your assets. As she has a good income, she might have a decent pension pot and you may be entitled to half.. things like that are a bargaining chip when agreeing visitation rights and child support.

    Good luck


  • Options
    #5
    Neyite
    Administrators, Politics Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,947 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Neyite


    antix80 wrote: »
    Op. She tricked you by getting you to move out. You don't live there any more, and if you try to sneak back in she'll call the gardai. It's her house now and she has no intention of selling it and splitting the profits with you. Visitation rights to the kids will have to be agreed with her, along with any child support payment she might need. Great if you can agree these with her but they might be decided by the courts.


    That's not correct. You can't just change the locks on a house and declare it soley yours. That's not how it works. They are joint mortgage holders so it's a matter for solicitors.


    OP, I think this demonstrates why you need correct legal advice and not rely on anonymous internet statements. See a solicitor as soon as you can, and as much as you probably want to get back into the house, forcing you way in may just end up being distressing for the children and maynot look great for you in any court proceedings.


  • Options
    #6
    antix80
    Registered Users Posts: 2,419 ✭✭✭antix80


    Neyite wrote: »
    That's not correct. You can't just change the locks on a house and declare it soley yours. That's not how it works. They are joint mortgage holders so it's a matter for solicitors.

    Oh, really? Thanks, I actually thought you could gain ownership of a place by changing the locks. I had my eye on a nice 5 bed detached house and already wasted €20 on a cylinder lock :rolleyes:

    There's a lot of truth in the phrase "possession is 9/10 of the law." The op's partner knew this when she (a) moved back in and (b) tricked(?) the op into moving out.

    My advice for the op was not to make any more mistakes-such as trying to physically regain access to the family home. It's clearly a legal matter at this stage & it has been for some time even if the op sadly didn't realise.

    edit: op. chin up, i was speaking in hyperbole. I think you're a bit too trusting. I've no doubt your ex is looking out for herself but hopefully you can settle things amicably. She does seem to be a few steps ahead of you so be careful.


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