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10-04-2019, 06:33   #61
Brendan Bendar
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Originally Posted by Aglomerado View Post

The hum in some government office bogs would make a grown man cry.
I learnt quickly to use a different jacks on a different floor if I saw certain people leaving as I was entering. One such person had the surname King which I extrapolated out to King of the Stinging Minging Ring....
The say that the 1030 evacuation in Government offices is somewhat akin to the great migration of wildebeest across the Serengeti.

As the full breakfast begins to sink toward nethers, there is a discernible drift toward the various bogs where the banging of doors, the tinkle of released belts,the satisfied sighs of flesh hitting seats before the roar of a full gut being splattered hard onto the pewter.

One poor lad who missed the 1030 ‘dump’ had to wait for a ‘slot’ around 1055.

Had the laptop with him and a hefty load, well ‘overcooked’in the ‘oven’.

Left the laptop half open at ‘procedures and privileges page’ on the seat but such was his haste to blow forgot it was there and fired ‘from the stoop position’ covering the device in a shower of hot loose midden.

Could well be an urban myth but I’ve heard that ‘story’ doing the rounds.

I heard that the laptop was unusable after the incident and was written off as ‘accidental contamination’

Cannot verify that.
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10-04-2019, 09:30   #62
Ush1
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Originally Posted by Brendan Bendar View Post
The say that the 1030 evacuation in Government offices is somewhat akin to the great migration of wildebeest across the Serengeti.

As the full breakfast begins to sink toward nethers, there is a discernible drift toward the various bogs where the banging of doors, the tinkle of released belts,the satisfied sighs of flesh hitting seats before the roar of a full gut being splattered hard onto the pewter.

One poor lad who missed the 1030 ‘dump’ had to wait for a ‘slot’ around 1055.

Had the laptop with him and a hefty load, well ‘overcooked’in the ‘oven’.

Left the laptop half open at ‘procedures and privileges page’ on the seat but such was his haste to blow forgot it was there and fired ‘from the stoop position’ covering the device in a shower of hot loose midden.

Could well be an urban myth but I’ve heard that ‘story’ doing the rounds.

I heard that the laptop was unusable after the incident and was written off as ‘accidental contamination’

Cannot verify that.
Similar story when I was working in the new Central Bank.

You'd be blessed to find a free trap by 10.35, and even if you did it would be coated with spatters, arse pubes and a warm hum from the last fellas oversized hole.
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10-04-2019, 09:32   #63
Brendan Bendar
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Similar story when I was working in the new Central Bank.

You'd be blessed to find a free trap by 10.35, and even if you did it would be coated with spatters, arse pubes and a warm hum from the last fellas oversized hole.
Yes, and sometimes there’s a log left which would lead one to believe that the lad had a hole like the sleeve of an overcoat

Or had some kind of ‘drawstring ‘ contraption on his hoop.

Last edited by Brendan Bendar; 10-04-2019 at 09:36.
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10-04-2019, 09:35   #64
EmmetSpiceland
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There’s only one thing worse than a cold seat, and that’s a warm one.

Well, maybe a warm one with a sweat patch at the back with a few short and curlies dotted about for good measure.
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10-04-2019, 09:36   #65
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Originally Posted by Brendan Bendar View Post
The say that the 1030 evacuation in Government offices is somewhat akin to the great migration of wildebeest across the Serengeti.

As the full breakfast begins to sink toward nethers, there is a discernible drift toward the various bogs where the banging of doors, the tinkle of released belts,the satisfied sighs of flesh hitting seats before the roar of a full gut being splattered hard onto the pewter.

One poor lad who missed the 1030 ‘dump’ had to wait for a ‘slot’ around 1055.

Had the laptop with him and a hefty load, well ‘overcooked’in the ‘oven’.

Left the laptop half open at ‘procedures and privileges page’ on the seat but such was his haste to blow forgot it was there and fired ‘from the stoop position’ covering the device in a shower of hot loose midden.

Could well be an urban myth but I’ve heard that ‘story’ doing the rounds.

I heard that the laptop was unusable after the incident and was written off as ‘accidental contamination’

Cannot verify that.

I'm ****ing crying in work here .... my 3 fav posters
pintman
johnnyflash
and now Brendan Bendar


keep it coming lads!
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10-04-2019, 09:39   #66
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Originally Posted by Brendan Bendar View Post
The say that the 1030 evacuation in Government offices is somewhat akin to the great migration of wildebeest across the Serengeti.

As the full breakfast begins to sink toward nethers, there is a discernible drift toward the various bogs where the banging of doors, the tinkle of released belts,the satisfied sighs of flesh hitting seats before the roar of a full gut being splattered hard onto the pewter.

One poor lad who missed the 1030 ‘dump’ had to wait for a ‘slot’ around 1055.

Had the laptop with him and a hefty load, well ‘overcooked’in the ‘oven’.

Left the laptop half open at ‘procedures and privileges page’ on the seat but such was his haste to blow forgot it was there and fired ‘from the stoop position’ covering the device in a shower of hot loose midden.

Could well be an urban myth but I’ve heard that ‘story’ doing the rounds.

I heard that the laptop was unusable after the incident and was written off as ‘accidental contamination’

Cannot verify that.
It happened, Brendan - Department of Education I believe.

Secretary General was in a meeting with the Minister at the time, but was called out due to a ‘Code Red’.

The guy who had the accident was moved to another department by the end of the day - all very hush hush. Heard he now works in the Dept of Agriculture - something to do with measuring emissions and effluent runoff. So obviously at least one civil servant has a sense of humour.

Don’t know what happened the laptop, but EY charged the department almost quarter of a million to come up with an independent report on what happened and how it could be avoided in the future.
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10-04-2019, 09:39   #67
Brendan Bendar
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There’s only one thing worse than a cold seat, and that’s a warm one.

Well, maybe a warm one with a sweat patch at the back with a few short and curlies dotted about for good measure.
Aaah the auld toilet fuse wire Emmett, I’d do a quick 180 if I saw those conditions.
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10-04-2019, 09:42   #68
Ush1
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It happened, Brendan - Department of Education I believe.

Secretary General was in a meeting with the Minister at the time, but was called out due to a ‘Code Red’.

The guy who had the accident was moved to another department by the end of the day - all very hush hush. Heard he now works in the Dept of Agriculture - something to do with measuring emissions and effluent runoff. So obviously at least one civil servant has a sense of humour.

Don’t know what happened the laptop, but EY charged the department almost quarter of a million to come up with an independent report on what happened and how it could be avoided in the future.
I heard PwC was also involved in the tendering for the report but in the end they didn't have the faecal expertise.
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10-04-2019, 09:47   #69
 
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We've only two traps in the jacks in work. It's a very, very quiet toilet. If someone else comes in and i'm mid evacuation, it causes my spinchter to shut up shop tighter than a gnats fanny.

Very inconvenient as there's unfinished business so to speak, which usually leads to a second visit on company time.

Thinking of getting my rusty bullethole some counselling to make it less socially awkward and be able to speak up in public.
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10-04-2019, 09:53   #70
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We've only two traps in the jacks in work. It's a very, very quiet toilet. If someone else comes in and i'm mid evacuation, it causes my spinchter to shut up shop tighter than a gnats fanny.

Very inconvenient as there's unfinished business so to speak, which usually leads to a second visit on company time.

Thinking of getting my rusty bullethole some counselling to make it less socially awkward and be able to speak up in public.
Sounds like you’ve a neurotic arsehole.
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10-04-2019, 09:56   #71
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So why have two cubicles in the first place?
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10-04-2019, 09:56   #72
 
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Sounds like you’ve a neurotic arsehole.
Just a bit bashful, not used to having to perform to an audience.

Most unsettling.
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10-04-2019, 09:57   #73
Aglomerado
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It happened, Brendan - Department of Education I believe.

Secretary General was in a meeting with the Minister at the time, but was called out due to a ‘Code Red’.
.
Code brown, surely?
Some offices I've worked in should have had the harp symbol outside changed to a biohazard one.
It was a rare day when I could go to the toilet at work and not encounter a fetid log stewing in a bowl of oxtail soup, a miasma of clerical officers' lower colon or the sound of a flock of ducks emanating from behind a thin door.
Sometimes all three.
And in the midst of this, someone brushing their teeth at the sinks with the brush they had left permanently on a shelf in there....
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10-04-2019, 09:57   #74
EmmetSpiceland
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Sounds like you’ve a neurotic arsehole.
A shy bowel. Devastating affliction, I’ve heard. Whatever about getting state fright at a urinal you should always feel safe in the confines of a cubicle.
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10-04-2019, 09:58   #75
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I have to admire the OP's passionate description of the bowl movements. The bile was dripping off the screen. Love it.
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